Is it necessary I tell my dad I have a child when we haven't spoken for three years? I don't call him and he do not call me too while the rest of his children ran away from his house because of his behavior

Making peace with your dad should be your priority, you can tell him about the child afterwards.

I tink its imperative to let ur parent knows wen u bring forth an offspring to this world, even if u wont invite them over cus of watever excuse u might get. just let dem b aware of tins.



And if u tink they are diabolical and dey can harm ur children den u re jokin, cus if they can den they would have equally harmed u long ago.

But why r you not talking? What of your mom?

LadySarah:
But why r you not talking? What of your mom?

My mom is aware
They separated longtime ago,let me say I never knew them together!

OP, whatever the case, your father is your father. You can start by calling him once in a while. Then once there is bonding then you can tell him.

Start talking first. every other thing comes next.

Start talking first. every other thing comes next.

Okay. The deadbeat dads we need to show sympathy at old age.

The ones who already know come what may, the children will come home and ask for forgiveness for the sins they themselves committed.

What can I say? Op, forgive him.

nnamdibig:
Start talking first.
every other thing comes next.

He is not the friendly type, he treat outside better and his children that aside , he can sleep with anything under skirt, aged and under age to the point of harassing my close friend.....
He also accused me of seducing his friend some years ago even when I never knew what they call boyfriend.
Before I left his place he had actually sent me packing twice and the third time, because i asked him why he treat his children badly, that I'm always scared when he is around, that instead of that he should let me know if he don't want me to stay with him,that despite all his attitude I stayed even when the rest ran away. So, he sent me packing. I'm 26years old now, I have a child but he is not aware of it

Ngo24:


He is not the friendly type, he treat outside better and his children that aside , he can sleep with anything under skirt, aged and under age to the point of harassing my close friend.....
He also accused me of seducing his friend some years ago even when I never knew what they call boyfriend.
Before I left his place he had actually sent me packing twice and the third time, because i asked him why he treat his children badly, that I'm always scared when he is around, that instead of that he should let me know if he don't want me to stay with him,that despite all his attitude I stayed even when the rest ran away. So, he sent me packing. I'm 26years old now, I have a child but he is not aware of it

He is obviously not ready to be a Dad. So no need telling about your child.

Ngo24:


He is not the friendly type, he treat outside better and his children that aside , he can sleep with anything under skirt, aged and under age to the point of harassing my close friend.....
He also accused me of seducing his friend some years ago even when I never knew what they call boyfriend.
Before I left his place he had actually sent me packing twice and the third time, because i asked him why he treat his children badly, that I'm always scared when he is around, that instead of that he should let me know if he don't want me to stay with him,that despite all his attitude I stayed even when the rest ran away. So, he sent me packing. I'm 26years old now, I have a child but he is not aware of it

Your father doesn't sound like a nice person.
The guy no send you.
What use is telling him you have a child when he will not care.
Just forgive that man, get peace in your heart and move on. You'll need it.

Ngo24:

He is not the friendly type, he treat outside better and his children that aside , he can sleep with anything under skirt, aged and under age to the point of harassing my close friend.....
He also accused me of seducing his friend some years ago even when I never knew what they call boyfriend.
Before I left his place he had actually sent me packing twice and the third time, because i asked him why he treat his children badly, that I'm always scared when he is around, that instead of that he should let me know if he don't want me to stay with him,that despite all his attitude I stayed even when the rest ran away. So, he sent me packing. I'm 26years old now, I have a child but he is not aware of it

For someone who once accused you of seducing his friend, don't you think telling him you have a child out of wedlock will just give him another opportunity to berate you?

crackkhaus:

For someone who once accused you of seducing his friend, don't you think telling him you have a child out of wedlock will just give him another opportunity to berate you?

Yeah I know
I'm actually the one not ready for marriage, cos I don't want to get married because I got pregnant.
I'm through with school already and will be going for service soon.


When he accused me of seducing his friend, I was in secondary school then and I never had any boyfriend not to talk of having sex.
So, it was after I few years I finished from secondary school I started dating and that's the only person have been with so far.
Funny enough every guy that rented any flat in his former house when I was still living with him, he will call a meeting with them and tell them, I'm his child and they should keep an eye on me ,and take me as their sister and should always report me to him if they see me with any guy.



I was really slim then, so if anyone ask me why I was so slim,if my dad was present at that moment, he will start telling them I'm wayward and only God knowns what have done with myself for me to be slim. And this man sleep with anybody, even girls that just start developing breast and he thinks that what all his female children are doing. Now I have a child for one of those guys he asked to be monitoring me then, which he is the only person I have been with and still with

I don't just know, I'm just confuse, if I have to tell him that I have a child, he will see it as another way to justify his saying, and among all his kids I'm the only graduate

Ngo24:

Yeah I know
I'm actually the one not ready for marriage, cos I don't want to get married because I got pregnant.
I'm through with school already and will be going for service soon.

When he accused me of seducing his friend, I was in secondary school then and I never had any boyfriend not to talk of having sex.
So, it was after I few years I finished from secondary school I started dating and that's the only person have been with so far.
Funny enough every guy that rented any flat in his former house when I was still living with him, he will call a meeting with them and tell them, I'm his child and they should keep an eye on me ,and take me as their sister and should always report me to him if they see me with any guy.

I was really slim then, so if anyone ask me why I was so slim,if my dad was present at that moment, he will start telling them I'm wayward and only God knowns what have done with myself for me to be slim. And this man sleep with anybody, even girls that just start developing breast and he thinks that what all his female children are doing. Now I have a child for one of those guys he asked to be monitoring me then, which he is the only person I have been with and still with

I don't just know, I'm just confuse, if I have to tell him that I have a child, he will see it as another way to justify his saying, and among all his kids I'm the only graduate

Well it seems like despite everything, you still have a good sense of right and wrong.
What I mean is, if you're even considering telling your father that he has a grandchild given your history with him, then your heart is good.

I think you should tell him...not because he deserves it or because you owe it to him, but simply to pacify that part of yourself which seeks to do right.

However he chooses to respond to the information should not be of import to you...but be prepared for anything - positive or negative response.

nnamdibig:


He is obviously not ready to be a Dad. So no need telling about your child.

How old are u son? One day you'll get a wife and understand better, don't you ever judge one sided story like this one.

grafixdon:


How old are u son? One day you'll get a wife and understand better, don't you ever judge one sided story like this one.

Do you think I will be lying about what I said about him, for what reason will I do that? To make myself feel good or to entertain the readers.
No, if he is that good his first wife won't leave, even his second wife. He won't be staying alone, the rest of his children won't ran away from home not even his only son..... I don't know what you are thinking about this but I understand you somehow, cos if he will have to talk he will say things in his favor too that people may see me as the bad person.
That's my side of the story though... And everything I said is the exactly what happened to me

Ngo24:

Yeah I know
I'm actually the one not ready for marriage, cos I don't want to get married because I got pregnant.
I'm through with school already and will be going for service soon.


When he accused me of seducing his friend, I was in secondary school then and I never had any boyfriend not to talk of having sex.
So, it was after I few years I finished from secondary school I started dating and that's the only person have been with so far.
Funny enough every guy that rented any flat in his former house when I was still living with him, he will call a meeting with them and tell them, I'm his child and they should keep an eye on me ,and take me as their sister and should always report me to him if they see me with any guy.



I was really slim then, so if anyone ask me why I was so slim,if my dad was present at that moment, he will start telling them I'm wayward and only God knowns what have done with myself for me to be slim. And this man sleep with anybody, even girls that just start developing breast and he thinks that what all his female children are doing. Now I have a child for one of those guys he asked to be monitoring me then, which he is the only person I have been with and still with

I don't just know, I'm just confuse, if I have to tell him that I have a child, he will see it as another way to justify his saying, and among all his kids I'm the only graduate

Why are you not ready for marriage?

Your relationship does not seem like a casual one so there is no concern that you don't know each other.

If you consider your man good enough to sleep with and maintain a relationship all these years, please get married.

Tell him, if he now ask you why you're informing him, just tell him it's because of the respect you have for him.

The thing is telling him about the child is not the first thing.You both don't really have a relationship.You need to develop one first.
Telling him you have a child won't make any difference to him if he's the kind of person you said he is.He will just berate you even though he never played his role raising you well.

Like Bukatyne asked,why don't you want to marry?
Make sure you are not following your parents' path of single parenthood.

LadySarah:
Okay. The deadbeat dads we need to show sympathy at old age.

The ones who already know come what may, the children will come home and ask for forgiveness for the sins they themselves committed.

What can I say? Op, forgive him.

Honestly I can't be shocked anymore, and then, there are children who will stand their ground for the rest of their life, they do not care, but then, forgiveness is good.

Ngo24:


He is not the friendly type, he treat outside better and his children that aside , he can sleep with anything under skirt, aged and under age to the point of harassing my close friend.....
He also accused me of seducing his friend some years ago even when I never knew what they call boyfriend.
Before I left his place he had actually sent me packing twice and the third time, because i asked him why he treat his children badly, that I'm always scared when he is around, that instead of that he should let me know if he don't want me to stay with him,that despite all his attitude I stayed even when the rest ran away. So, he sent me packing. I'm 26years old now, I have a child but he is not aware of it

I will hold my peace, make amends, but be prepared, he will insult the hell out of you for having a child outside wedlock, that is if you are not married.

thorpido:
The thing is telling him about the child is not the first thing.You both don't really have a relationship.You need to develop one first.
Telling him you have a child won't make any difference to him if he's the kind of person you said he is.He will just berate you even though he never played his role raising you well.

Like Bukatyne asked,why don't you want to marry?
Make sure you are not following your parents' path of single parenthood.

What is wrong with single parenthood? Marriage is not for everyone, why can't you guys constantly saying this understand this simple fact?

Yes. Go ahead and tell him. No matter what, he's still your father

Biglittlelois:




What is wrong with single parenthood? Marriage is not for everyone, why can't you guys constantly saying this understand this simple fact?

There is something wrong with single parenthood.It's an anomaly rather than a norm.
I do understand that there are people who have to raise their children as single parents for one reason or the other e.g widowed,divorced etc.It still doesn't take away the fact that children are best raised in a loving family with the father and mother present to play their roles.

Biglittlelois:




What is wrong with single parenthood? Marriage is not for everyone, why can't you guys constantly saying this understand this simple fact?

do not plant this in the heart of the coming generation, most kids come here to read comments and pick from those comments

bukatyne:


Why are you not ready for marriage?

Your relationship does not seem like a casual one so there is no concern that you don't know each other.

If you consider your man good enough to sleep with and maintain a relationship all these years, please get married.

Respect her wish not to get married yet biko. A woman's life does not start and end with marriage.

thorpido:
There is something wrong with single parenthood.It's an anomaly rather than a norm.
I do understand that there are people who have to raise their children as single parents for one reason or the other e.g widowed,divorced etc.It still doesn't take away the fact that children are best raised in a loving family with the father and mother present to play their roles.

And children who grew up with a single parent and turned out fine, wat say ye to that? I insist that marriage is not for everyone, people can choose a kind of life they want to live.

FutureFocus:


do not plant this in the heart of the coming generation, most kids come here to read comments and pick from those comments

I will type whatever I feel like typing here you cannot stop me, let the kids chose the one that suits them, after all its a free world, not everyone wants to be shackled with living with a particular person for the rest of their life, the world has gone beyond the myopic thinking that ladies must marry bla bla bla, you Nigerians should better flow with the tide and stop being archaic, marriage is not for everyone.

Biglittlelois:



And children who grew up with a single parent and turned out fine, wat say ye to that? I insist that marriage is not for everyone, people can choose a kind of life they want to live.

For every child that was raised by a single parent and turned out fine,there are many more that didn't.
Most social misfits in the society were raised by single parents.

thorpido:
For every child that was raised by a single parent and turned out fine,there are many more that didn't.
Most social misfits in the society were raised by single parents.

Most? Misfits in the society today are mostly orphans who grew up in the streets, unless you can state out your claim with proof, cos we also have misfits that came out from comfortable homes with both parent present too.

Biglittlelois:




Most? Misfits in the society today are mostly orphans who grew up in the streets, unless you can state out your claim with proof, cos we also have misfits that came out from comfortable homes with both parent present too.

They aren't mostly orphans,they are children who have parents but were abandoned or left their parents.
My work gets me involved with motherless babies homes and rehab homes for children.These children have parents but they were/are not present.