“Idrisu, where you get this money. This one go reach 5k”

“Na Brother GB dash me”

“Brother GB wey come find sista for house?”

“Yes! Na bargain...Hear the story.”

“You know this lockdown. I come see Sista dey clean house. Take out new bedsheet. I decode say Bros wan show. As Papa dey village.

Na so Bros show up. E be like say he run from Otedola Estate to our house for under bridge Ikeja. When he enter, I greet am with one eye. The Bros tight he no dey see me when he come.

Sista give am food. They both chop. Sista come dey give me eye. That eye make I find place go. Me, I go fellowship yesterday. I know say na evil dem wan do. I just carry face.

Bros say make I go buy maltina. I tell am Mama Vero no open shop. E say make I go buy Suya.. I reply say Mohammed no come. E say make I go buy food.. Iya Titi no open. E come dey scowl.

Me, I dey laugh inside. Today no match for stadium. I come look the guy shoe.. the shoe carry dust.. since I know where he run from... I pity am.

“Bros GB, but ShopRite dey open. If you give me drop money, I fit enter taxi go buy meat pie and ice cream, I fit take up to one hour”

The Bros look me. I carry face. School go soon resume. This one na opportunity.

Bros ask me, how much I go need. I reply 5k. Sista look me with evil eye. Wetin concern me. Bros bring out 2k, say make I hold. Ask if I get account, I talk say no..

The thing don hook am. Na so he transfer to Sista. She give me balance.”

“Make we go chop”.

5k and CORVID 19.... Na yarn oh... before it become Wahala.

As phone ring... I see say na Jummy. Iya Iyabo dey room. I stand up gently. Make I go answer phone for outside.... as I say hello.. Iya Iyabo greet me... I dey discuss nonsense with Jummy. Jummy cut phone.

I hug Iya Iyabo.. good morning my dear.

Phone ring again.. I tell Iya Iyabo say I dey go piss... she say ok.

As I answer , I hear knock on bathroom door. Oko mi, please pass toothpaste .

I cut call. I commot for bathroom. Phone ring again.. this time I waka go backyard. I jam Iya Iyabo dere. She dey wash clothes. I cut off call

I come waka go our Honda.. open bonnet, place call... as sweetie pick call... I look side.. Iya Iyabo dey there with water. She say make I use to water for engine.

At that time.. I just kuku give am the phone. The woman na witch. I walk away..

“Baba Iyabo come collect your phone now?l”

I look am: tear commot from my eye, phone wey dey silent mode... she still hear am?

COVID19 19

“Baba Iyabo, why you dey walk like person we motor jam like this? Wetin do your body?”

“Na so dem dey ask person. Na Femi Adesina cause the problem”

“He come beat you for house?”

“Ah to Baba Eleja. No be him talk say all can adopt to any style dey like? Say Presido get him own style. So when sleep catch me, I come feel Iya Iyabo on bed... I come bring out another style... the way she take push me for bed, I just land on floor. I be think say I dey with Kike. That one like all kain style... pawon, coconut, dogoyaro”

“See my body Baba Eleja. See as that yeye witch wan kill me.. if no be lockdown... na Safiya for give me massage. I don learn my lesson. “Style is not idiosyncratic” it is need”

“Baba Iyabo take am easy my friend. You go teach me that style, make I try am with Seki... she fit gbadun am”

CORVID 19 tales.

Driving. Stopped. Police officers enter car. Me am amused. Put on a fake accent and lock doors. “How can I help you officer”

One officer: “wrong parking”. Me start to cough. Reply “that’s fine. Let’s go to your office”

Call madam with best imitation, “sorry I must have missed the way to the test centre, can you guide me again?” “Where do I turn off?”

Officer in passengers side; “Oga what are you testing for?”

“Just got back yesterday from the US of A. Need to protect my peeps at home”

Officer trying to open door in motion. “You for talk say you sick now. We dey pardon people wey no well”

Me revving up speed, “am fine. Just cough and body temperature. Nothing really. We are gonna be fine! Directions to your office?”

Officer loudly “this is kidnapping. You are kidnapping an officer of the law. Oga park car!”

I comply. They both jump out. I ask “do you want my papers for reference”

Oga if you no drive away I go shoot you!


Me smiling and whistling!

Stay home. Just a yarn.