The War: homecoming
Part 2
I got out of the plane
I looked around the crowd for you
But your face was not there
Large sets of noises, but yours was not there to welcome me home
Like a sniper, I focused my lens on every face but no matter how focused I was, your face was still not there
Where are you?
“We are the heroes of our country now
For months we fought.
We fought hard for our nation
Many of our brothers went to the soil, they are not to be forgotten
Lieutenant Jerry, who showed a great character in the war zone
Luanda Omache, who stood tall for our anthem
Today we celebrate their lives
Today we stand tall as the heroes of our own nation
Soldiers we are proud of you, you showed us that with you by our sides, our woman and children are safe…”
The speech was so long,
I was sitting there as a proud soldier but I was missing my love
Friends were sitting with their spouse
I kept on looking around hoping to see her come running to me
But nothing like that happened
My neck was even getting tired
In my mind
I played how I wanted things to be like
She would come running in her white dress
She will jump on me and I will lift her up in the sky
“Oh my injured arm, but I will manage”
“Soldier, are you talking alone?”
“No, I am not”
“Come on we are home now, there is nothing to worry about, and the war is over, look around no bullets are flying”
“I know man, I know, I just have a lot in my head”
“Don’t worry, your wife will take all that’s in your head away, by the way, where is she? I didn’t see her around”
“You know woman, they like surprises, maybe there is something big waiting for me at home”
“If I was you I was going to get out of here and go be with her, surprises don’t last long, go home and be with your wife”
“Thanks, man”
I got out of the table, I took one last glass of wine and head home
My palm was sweating
My heart was pounding
“I can do this, I can do this”
“Hey Soldier, you go home empty-handed? Come get some roses for your mate
“I don’t have money sir”
“You fought for me, at least let me do something for you, take as many as you want, I know how it feels to be away from home for so long”
I picked up some roses,
Roses that took me back to our wedding day
The day she made me a man in front of everyone
The day she made me feel like this world only belongs to her and me
My palm was sweating and my heart was racing like a train
My anxiety took me back to the days I first saw her
A bright beautiful young woman
Who was rude and didn’t want to hear anything from me
Day in and out, I followed her like her shadows
My eyes would just sweat when she ignores me
I loved her before I can even kiss her
I loved her before I can even tell her that I love her
I loved her, even more, the day I told her that I want to grow old with her
There was a large silent in my yard
Expectations were high like a boy who just smoked weed for the first time
I took a glim at the windows hoping to see a curtain moving
There was no movement
I walked to the door
I held a doorknob, the adrenaline of what I was expecting inside was highly devotional
“What the”
The door was open
I still have my smile on
I closed my eyes and I slowly pushed the door
In my mind
“Surprise! was so loud”
I closed my eyes with a smile
Empty, empty, empty
No one was in front of me
“My love where are you?”
Roses on the floor
“Oh I see now”
A panty on the floor
Roses lighting up a road to our bedroom
“This will be nice”
I walked between the trails of roses
“What a romantic wife I have”
Going upstairs, my feelings were getting high
I still have a smile on my face,
My lips were stuck between my teeth
My heart racing
And my palm sweating
I slowly opened the door
I heard her laughing
She laughed again
A smile on my face said stop what you are doing
It was all written on a book with a pencil
I opened the door and I erased all the smile I had on my face
A smile said bring me back again
And I dropped my jaws and my eyes flow out of my skull
I had my ring on
She had her ring on the headboard
I kept my promise but here she is looking into another man’s eyes
Her smile said I enjoyed it
The way she kissed him
Said I want you here by my side
He said: My love I think I should go now, the kids will come back soon
My voice said scream
My mouth said let’s do it
“Angela, what are you doing?”
“It was really nice to have you here over the weekend”
I angrily walked to them
My fist said, punch him
My nerves said let’s do it
And then my fist went through him
I hit him again
It went through him again
I looked at my hand
I was still me
I throw a punch again, it went through him
I called out
“Lola, Lola”
Her head went deep in his chest
“Are you ignoring me?”
“I think you should go and visit your late husband’s grave, I think your son should say a thing or two to his father”
“You are right, it’s been four years now, I think he also deserves to know that he has a son”
“What are they talking about? Can they see or hear me? What’s going on here?”
“Lola, we are home, oh not again…”
“Or they are back”
I went downstairs, “thank God, Catherine, Catherine, can you see me, can you hear me”
“Jacob, don’t worry I won’t tell mommy about what you did okay?”
I looked at the young gentleman and I saw a picture of my childhood
His eyes
His forehead
His nose
He is me
“Catherine, is this my child? please talk to me, Catherine”
No one can hear me
No one can see me
I don’t know why this doesn’t make sense
That night I slept on the couch
I still didn’t understand what was going on
They drove to the graveyard
Born 1973
Died 2019
Name: Lieutenant Jacob Tulu
Died serving his beloved country
May his soul rest in peace
Catherine: Jacob here lays your brave father, a man who fought for his country, I named you after him, say something to him,
Jacob Jr: hello daddy, when are you coming home?
Right behind him, I wish I was loud enough so that he can hear me saying “I am home”
But no one can see me
No one can hear me
I died
But I see my child running around
I died and I see my wife kissing another man
I died, God why am I still here?
The speech was so long, I have missed the part where they mentioned my name.

The War: Her Voice
Part 3
We can lay on the bed one last time
We can laugh again and forget all the problems of this world
I smile by just thinking about you
I can get weak by just resting my lips on yours
I can melt by just hearing your voice
I can sleep on your chest and all the moon is mine
And all pots forget how hot the fire is
The coals burn and the sun ignites
The wind rustles and the days get blown away
A cup of coffee was always on the table waiting for you to return
A pregnant woman was always on the window listening to war broadcast with tears matching out of her eyes hoping for you to return
Dear my love
It is me, your first love
Your high school sweetheart
Let me first apologize for not telling you that I am pregnant
No! Let me first apologize for not telling you that we are pregnant,
You would always say “it’s we, not I, even when you are pregnant it is we, not I” so yeah we are pregnant.
Please forgive me for not telling you that we are pregnant, I am sorry.
My love the baby is a boy and the greatest gift I think I ever gave my in-laws, was to name him after you
It brought them to tears
My eyes know the pain I cried out that day
He is four years now, everything about him remains me of you
The way he laughs,
How loud he is
Sometimes I feel like crying by just looking at him
Oh before I forget
He is also a bad dancer like you, but I will never tell me him because I hope one day he will be better than you,
My love, I have lived my life with nothing but pain
Nothing was the same ever since you left
I tried to put a smile on but everything was ironic
Your letters gave me a life I lost when you left.
Reading your letters brought you closer to me
I would close my eyes and see you in your uniform
God knows that I was praying for you to return home
I had hopes that one day you would return
I wanted you to be with me inside the maternity ward
I wanted you to be the first one to meet the photocopy of you
We argued a lot about who our child will look like, I have always told you
“You are the dominant one” I wish you can see him.
My love, are you coming?
“Knock, knock”
“Whose there?”
I was in the kitchen preparing food for ma and pa
“I said who's there”
“Daughter just open, my son is a soldier and if something happens he will shoot them,” said pa
I chuckled and I opened the door
Two soldiers with dejected faces standing on the door
I knew it was about you
They had uniform folded nicely in their hands
I didn’t cry when they shook their heads
I didn’t scream when they told me that you are no more
I smiled in a simple way
I touched my tummy and I told it that everything will be okay
I laughed in a nice way
I called ma and pa
Ma broke down and cried
Lovers pick each other up, pa picked Ma up and wiped her eyes
If I broke down who was going to pick me up?
If I cried who was going to wipe my tears?
They gave me your uniform and left
Everything was normal for me
News travels fast and everyone was there to pay their respect
I didn’t cry for you
I didn’t cry for you
Early in the morning
On the window like a flower pot
I waited for you
Your cup of coffee was on the table waiting for you to return
A pregnant woman waiting on the window like a curtain
“Daughter, what are you doing on the window?”
“I am waiting for my husband to return home”
“What? No don’t do this to yourself, he is no more, please come sit with us”
Father always told jokes, I laughed and I told him that you are coming
On that window, with my hands resting on my stomach
I waited
And waited
And waited
And waited
I ate from that window
I slept on that window
I was losing my mind
Until one morning I cried out so loud
Because I was waiting for you and you were not coming back
I was waiting for you and tomorrow we were taking your ashes to the grave
I loved a man, not a cup full of ashes
We were made from soil,
When I was holding that cup I wished to be God and make you again.
Now that you are gone and I am wishing that you were here in this ward to see your first child
Now that you are gone, I look at your son and I see a man I have loved with all that I have
I see a man I love and still hope that one you will come home
Judgement day, they are saying everything will be okay
I hope to see you again.
My love, I have done you wrong
I have slept with a man because I was trying to forget about you
Pa and ma told me to move on with my life
But every move I make
I still see your smile
I still hear your laughter
I find myself in broke relationships
I can’t keep a relationship because the man I ever loved showed me how to be loved
I tried to move on but my heart is still yours
I am writing to you today
Because another man broke my heart
But that is not why I write to you
My love, your son doesn’t sleep anymore
Every night he wakes up in a fury of a nightmare
He tells me about a man who calls him, son
My love, you are not forgotten
You are always at the back of our minds
Today we are going to ask for your spirit to rest in perfect peace
I want you to rest my love
I want you to stop worrying about us because we are okay
The war is over and we are safe
You are the pride of our nation
Dear God, please accept your child
For all that he sinned, we pray you to forgive him.
My love
I know one day we will meet again
Maybe we will dance again
Maybe we will laugh like hyenas again
When we meet, I can’t wait to hear all the war stories you have for me
We will be three this time
Me
You
And our son
We will be magic
I can’t wait for that day to come
Because maybe you can kiss my lips again and all the worries in my head will faint.