I had a very similar experience to yours because when I was ready to settle down, I kept meeting girls with issues. On the third one, I just decided to settle for the lesser evil among them cos I thought they all seemed to have one issues or the other. How wrong could I be? The answer to your question is not farfetched. You need to look inward yourself. There is something in you that makes you attract them. The reason can either be physical or spiritual. First, it is physical in the sense that you may have been having lower expectations from the kind of ladies you want to marry. It is most times, a derivative of your own self-esteem. Before making a marriage plan with someone, you should ask yourself these questions: Am I marrying for sex or for purpose? If you are marrying for purpose, you may need to set bigger expectations for yourself to determine the kind of woman that will help you achieve your purpose. Some cardinal questions need to be answered: aside from sex and procreation, what will the lady contribute to your goal and aspirations? Do the ladies have the support system to assists you in case things go south in the marriage? Are you comfortable being the sole provider in the marriage? Are you going to spend your time and resources trying to solve other people’s problems? Things happen in a marriage and bear it in mind that when you’re marrying a lady, you are marrying her and her relatives and most importantly she will play an important role in determining the kinds of children you’ll produce for the next generation. These girls you described up there are girls with both physical and hidden spiritual luggage and couple with your own physical and spiritual issues that may not be visible to you which would likely create too many loose ends. This may either make or mar and sometimes delay your purpose from being achieved. If you are lucky enough not to move from one problem to the other. I don’t think most of these girls marry for love or fully understand marriage responsibilities, they most likely want to get married for the security that marriage provides. They tend to seek a partner that will offer a helping hand. They will be willing to marry anyone that has the means to help. You seem to be in SITUATIONSHIP rather than RELATIONSHIP. I know this because I have been married to one myself for about two years now and it’s been a tumultuous two years. I exhausted all the resources I had on trying to solve some underlying spiritual problems that she had that we didn’t know about and when things get tough, she was already contemplating leaving despite all the sacrifices I have made for the marriage without her contributing anything. It seems time had frozen for me and everything has gone downhill since then. The mistake I made that I will advise you not to make is that I didn’t had much expectation for the kind of wife I want to marry. I just wanted "a good person". Whatever that means now. We men tend to marry too low. Women mostly have an ideal man they want to marry--they use their head and not their heart, while we men use our heart and not our head; we just decide to marry for either beauty or personality. Please my brother, marry for purpose and not for sex and procreation.
You may also find Dr. Olukoya’s message on choosing a life partner useful. Check on youtube
em527: someone came here to find solution and you tell him to shut up without any word advice or wisdom from you..o boy see ehn if anybody never tell you make I let you know now. you be big FOOL!
Seconded,,in fact he is as useless as the W in Sword
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
HisSexcellency: This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise. Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich. Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction. Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.
creolehunt: I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.
First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.
The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.
For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.
The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.
I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.
would describe yours ?
both parents should b alive, all siblings doing well perhaps?
No family out there is perfect
To make it easy for you , it's better you avoid sex with any lady you meet until u acertain her background, else you will keep on drawing such energies to you or it keeps on strengthening their energies towards you.
for instance a lady dates a Yahoo guy, next guy is something similar , on and on the circle continues and she concludes guys aren't really genuine in their business, same as dating married men , next guy is either about to marry or in a committed relationship, same happens to guys and their circle continues
What u should be concern about is the girls you are dating not the family she comes from because sometimes in life you get the best kind of people from a very terrible family why u get the worst type of people from very loving family.
Yakubu113: What u should be concern about is the girls you are dating not the family she comes from because sometimes in life you get the best kind of people from a very terrible family why u get the worst type of people from very loving family.
Some families are cursed, some are jinxed.
I would be stupid if I dont put that into consideration.
Ask of the Kennedy's, rich? Yes they are but early death runs freely in that family.
Try to avoid ladies with low self esteem...den d trend will change.
All these ladies u mentioned will surely av low self esteem cos of der background, n u won't av to do much to get der attention. Probably cos u ar a bit better dan d guyz they've bin meeting.
Try ladies u bliv r above ur standard n u will see ur self bin attracted to another trend
Like me, I set a standard dat I cannot date a girl dat z not working, or a gyal from a broken home, so am automatically attracted to a working class ladies
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
on point Bro....wisdom fall on you .. thanks and God bless you..
You're living in a vacuum Everyone on earth comes with a baggage, even the only Perfect Man that lived, Jesus ,was born in a manger because there was no place for Mary and her babe in the inn.
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
creolehunt: I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.
First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.
The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.
For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.
The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.
I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.
In your next relationship, the first question you will ask the girl is: Where is your dad, dead or alive?
24kmagic: I visited my sister recently and where she lives, there's this couple. The husband of that lady is the most useless husband alive. From sunrise to sun set, he'll be inside the room with this heat lying down like a log of wood. The wife will be the one to go out and hustle. This woman takes every rubbish this man throws at her and none of her siblings is aware. She praises him among her siblings and they respect him. But the man is an asshole. The only thing is that he's not violent. He's just useless. When I inquired about this lady to understand why she's enduring all these, I got to understand that she's from a troubled family. Her parents kept breeding children without plans for them. The father gave birth to ten children although two died. They didn't have the best of lives growing up. Their family house is nothing to right home about. In fact, the sisters are also hoping to get married in order to leave that house. This lady can't go back to face the troubles her sisters are trying to run away from. In fact, they are looking up to her. This is just one example out of many in this part of the country. There are so many of such troubled families across 9ja.
Marrying a girl from that family will be of great advantage to you I swear. The reason is because she'll do everything possible to remain married in order not to end up like her siblings. She'll endure every rubbish you throw at her because if she remembers that her father's house is not any better, she'll mellow. She'll want to be the only difference among the girls in the family.
OP, if the present one is a good girl, marry her. She'll make sure your children dont end up like her siblings.
There are some families you marry from and you can't tell the girl rubbish cos you know where you took her from. Whereas there are other families where you'll insult your father-in-law and your wife will still be the one to beg you just to stay in your house.
em527: according to you trouble family attract trouble family, so that's he's from a trouble family..lol mumu A1 na you be. I wonder if you understand what he posted there. if you don't pls don't post to display your dumbo sense
you have gone about insulting at least 4 persons. I wonder if you noticed?
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
You hit the nail on the head. The rate of diabolical practices in our nation, especially from the villa, is truly appalling, although low life expectancy among Nigerian males could also have led to the early demise of most father's. Poverty and hunger too has made many couples to choose to cohabit together as they cannot afford the cost of traditional and white weddings. My advise to most couples is to have a court registry marriage which is quite affordable and leave the rest for now. Also so many guys would like to get married, but without the right source of livelihood, they may get discouraged. Also robust employment programs to create jobs are very much lacking in our policy drive, so this might explain problem
Like attracts like. Water will always find its level. These are some of the natural laws of life. You attract unto yourself the kind of people, circumstances and influences that match the nature and state of your inner being.
Having said that, let me quickly add that if the person you are attracted to has a good nature and is constantly working to improve himself or herself in order to become a better person useful to the society, his/her past and family background become IRRELEVANT!
Your purpose are the set of goals, dreams and aspirations that you set out to achieve in your lifetime. This means the kind of life you want to lead, the kind of children you want to have, your relationship with God an nature the impact you want to have on your community or generation at large etc The goals apply to men as much as they apply to women. When you want to enter into a marriage, it might help to answer some of these questions...Does your partner have the right skills and values to support these goals? do these goals align with hers? and if it does not, can the space be negotiated in such a way that ones dreams and aspirations will not affect the other?
HisSexcellency: This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise. Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich. Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction. Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.
tonididdy: I have had this trend also until I met my current gf and she kinda different.
Same poor background but not extremely because her parents are hard working. Her mum is industrious and her father for an 'urhobo man' is extraordinarily hard working.
When she visits me she buys me snacks and doesn't disturb for money.
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
Chai you are a wise man. You have so much understanding of the Nigerian family life if I may say so
HisSexcellency: This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise. Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich. Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction. Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
Tripitaka: Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest? Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes? Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"? Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing? Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?
I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.
The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.
The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.
