Am happily married with two girls. My husband is very simple and understanding. He is playful and loving father. I have been in peace with my husband all along.

Due to our financial stand, we anchored to stop at the two. Though, I got pregnant again for our third which was not planned.

The scan result revealed a girl child. And since then, my husband's mood has changed, not because is the third child but a girl. This is a man that always assist me in the home on daily bases with joy. But now things are no longer the same, he has changed drastically. He frequently gets angry with me and the children. My husband always says to me "why not a boy".

This has been a burden on me and am due for delivery soon.

Please advice me on how to cope with his new attitude.

Thanks.

sysengr:

if we will tell ourselves the truth, we all know its not easy to have three baby girls at home - especially for an African man.

it weakens a man's ego. It makes him feel inferior among his fellow men.

you should av done your best to keep it at two instead of giving him 3 girls.


just hope it doesn't push him to go look for a baby boy outside.

hope for the best sha! pray he gets over it.

Igbo man,no doubt

sysengr:
Am happily married with two girls. My husband is very simple and understanding. He is playful and loving father. I have been in peace with my husband all along.

Due to our financial stand, we anchored to stop at the two. Though, I got pregnant again for our third which was not planned.

The scan result revealed a girl child. And since then, my husband's mood has changed, not because is the third child but a girl. This is a man that always assist me in the home on daily bases with joy. But now things are no longer the same, he has changed drastically. He frequently gets angry with me and the children. My husband always says to me "why not a boy".

This has been a burden on me and am due for delivery soon.

Please advice me on how to cope with his new attitude.

Thanks.

I don't understand this post.

Your husband was fine with two girls.

An additional baby (girl) came and he is sad that he has changed at home.

Wasn't he content with two girls? What difference does the third make?

Or is his pain the fact that your finances would be stretched and he is not getting his male child?

Engage him on a tete a tete and make him see reason that it is God that gives children and all your children will be blessed and great whether male or female.

Point out late Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, Folorunsho Alakija, Ibunkun Awosika etc etc that have done great things and are still doing great things.

Children are like blank canvas, it is what you write/code you get.

Sorry for the pressure on you, sorry to him for the sacrifice he has to go through while not getting his baby boy.

Goodluck.

remind your husband that the sex of a child is decided by the man's sperm...so if it is indeed a girl again, then he is the reason for it (nothing to do with you)... furthermore, i do understand why having another girl would upset him, but pls be kind to remind him that A) if you dont want another kid then you guys should use some form of contraception and B) whether boy or girl, so long as children are healthy, they are a blessing!

seems, hubby would gladly accept a third child if it was a boy....

Dont blame him much,its normal..just dat,he is a membe of African Club Of Ahamefula(make my name no lost)...make him also believe sey na wetin him put dey come out..and female children do change the histories of their families.e.g,wife of the president,governors wives,senators and ministers wives..no be only male children dey always make am in life.

obiekunie2:



you should av done your best to keep it at two instead of giving him 3 girls.

Instead of giving him three girls?
Pray, tell, how is that the woman's fault?

bukatyne:


I don't understand this post.

Your husband was fine with two girls.

An additional baby (girl) came and he is sad that he has changed at home.

Wasn't he content with two girls? What difference does the third make?

Or is his pain the fact that your finances would be stretched and he is not getting his male child?

Engage him on a tete a tete and make him see reason that it is God that gives children and all your children will be blessed and great whether male or female.

Point out late Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, Folorunsho Alakija, Ibunkun Awosika etc etc that have done great things and are still doing great things.

Children are like blank canvas, it is what you write/code you get.

Sorry for the pressure on you, sorry to him for the sacrifice he has to go through while not getting his baby boy.

Goodluck.

You are on point but an Igbo man will not understand and see reasons why a girl child is equally as important as a male child.

He should be able that in few years time, he would be receiving a whole lot of yams, oil etc as bride price

Input and output...

obiekunie2:


if we will tell ourselves the truth, we all know its not easy to have three baby girls at home - especially for an African man.

it weakens a man's ego. It makes him feel inferior among his fellow men.

you should av done your best to keep it at two instead of giving him 3 girls.


just hope it doesn't push him to go look for a baby boy outside.

hope for the best sha! pray he gets over it.

Op stay away from talks like this. U don't need blames not this time, not ever.


As per your hubby's attitude;
Ignore him and pay him no mind, that's the best way. Please don't try to appease him over your inability to birth a son. Never ever accept it as your fault cos its not.Thats the mistake ladies make.

Find something doing, raise your sweet baby, and move all the way on.

If he likes let him get a baby boy outside, not your business. You'll at least be alive to raise your daughters.

That's how my neighbour killed herself trying to birth a 5th child(boy) because of her husband.
In the end, she and the baby died during labour and while she was still at the morgue, the man was busy at unilag with slayqueens.

Ladies it's time some of u borrow sense. I hate nonsense

obiekunie2:

If we will tell ourselves the truth, we all know its not easy to have three baby girls at home - especially for an African man.

It weakens a man's ego. It makes him feel inferior among his fellow men.

What do you mean by it's not easy?
Boy or girl, it is not the same parental sacrifice?

Talking about ego, I understand that. But I strongly disagree about the inferiority complex.

you should av done your best to keep it at two instead of giving him 3 girls.

She should have done her best by changing the genetic make-up of her husband's sperm??

just hope it doesn't push him to go look for a baby boy outside.

As if he's doing her a favour by staying faithful.

Pathetic.

hope for the best sha! pray he gets over it.

This should have been your only comment!

bukatyne:


I don't understand this post.

Your husband was fine with two girls.

An additional baby (girl) came and he is sad that he has changed at home.

Wasn't he content with two girls? What difference does the third make?

Or is his pain the fact that your finances would be stretched and he is not getting his male child?

Engage him on a tete a tete and make him see reason that it is God that gives children and all your children will be blessed and great whether male or female.

Point out late Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, Folorunsho Alakija, Ibunkun Awosika etc etc that have done great things and are still doing great things.

Children are like blank canvas, it is what you write/code you get.

Sorry for the pressure on you, sorry to him for the sacrifice he has to go through while not getting his baby boy.

Goodluck.

Thanks

MrBrownJay1:
remind your husband that the sex of a child is decided by the man's sperm...so if it is indeed a girl again, then he is the reason for it (nothing to do with you)... furthermore, i do understand why having another girl would upset him, but pls be kind to remind him that A) if you dont want another kid then you guys should use some form of contraception and B) whether boy or girl, so long as children are healthy, they are a blessing!

seems, hubby would gladly accept a third child if it was a boy....

Thanks.

Yes, he thought this child would be a boy. When I found out I was pregnant for the third, we were both angry and confused but he got over it hoping it will be a boy and last child.

donbachi:
Dont blame him much,its normal..just dat,he is a membe of African Club Of Ahamefula(make my name no lost)...make him also believe sey na wetin him put dey come out..and female children do change the histories of their families.e.g,wife of the president,governors wives,senators and ministers wives..no be only male children dey always make am in life.

Abi oo. Thanks

Rozz:
Igbo man,no doubt

Hmmm

sysengr:

Thanks.

Yes, he thought this child would be a boy. When I found out I was pregnant for the third, we were both angry and confused but he got over it hoping it will be a boy and last child.

you guys need to sit down and think this thing through MATURELY, because if you continue in such manner, you may end up with 10 daughters (while still hoping for a son)....

contraception is your only way forward.

Kamani8:



Op stay away from talks like this. U don't need blames not this time, not ever.


As per your hubby's attitude;
Ignore him.That's the best way. Please don't try to appease him over your inability to birth a boy. Never ever accept it as your fault. Thats the mistake ladies make.

Find something doing, raise your sweet baby, and move all the way on.

If he likes let him get a baby boy outside, not your business. You'll at least be alive to raise your daughters.

That's how my neighbour killed herself trying to birth a 5th child(boy) because of her husband.
In the end, she and the baby died during labour and while she was still at the morgue, the man was busy at unilag with slayqueens.

Ladies it's time some of u borrow sense. I hate nonsense

Hmmm. Thanks so much for this encouragement.

RIP to the woman and son, what a painful loss. I pray God provides help for the children she left behind.

With the way our girls are shameless now, one would understand the poor man's plight. What a shame

johnkey:
With the way our girls are shameless now, one would understand the poor man's plight. What a shame

And the men constantly killing, raping and stealing from the society are What? You lots will leave the greater problem entangling your gender to come say rubbish about females.
Rubbish.

sysengr:

Hmmm. Thanks so much for this encouragement.

RIP to the woman and son, what a painful loss. I pray God provides help for the children she left behind.

Na de children condition pain me pass. I shed tears the day i saw them. I barely recognized them. The once tampered ajes were playing barefooted on the street with other kids and looking so malnourished. They were even the ones that recognized and ran to me. U can't imagine my pain. The man kuku no care about baby girls. Long story my dear.

Please be wise

johnkey:
With the way our girls are shameless now, one would understand the poor man's plight. What a shame

Probably the girls around you. What's the shame in having female children? We Africans ehn.

He's desperate on having a male child..

johnkey:
With the way our girls are shameless now, one would understand the poor man's plight. What a shame

Are those girls not sisters to the boys, if your family raised shameless girls, don't think it is so for every family. How children turn out to become is hugely dependent on parenting and family dynamics. Boys who turn out to become armed robbers, thugs, kidnappers, assassins, ritualists, fraudsters etc , I guess in your little mind are better off than those "shameless girls".

bukatyne:


Or is his pain the fact that your finances would be stretched and he is not getting his male child?

Yes!

bukatyne:


Point out late Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, Folorunsho Alakija, Ibunkun Awosika etc etc that have done great things and are still doing great things.

U women don't get it!
Dora Akunyili status in the society doesn't make her a man. A male child is different from female. A man wanting a male child isn't necessarily after that male child becoming rich or big in the society tomorrow, but he just want a male child to fill that empty part of his life. U think men who are after male children don't know the likes of dora & ngozi? Forget what u people hear, every man feels that emptiness without a male child, every man wish for it! As a woman, u will never understand this. @op give him time, he will come over it.

Rozz:
You are on point but an Igbo man will not understand and see reasons why a girl child is equally as important as a male child.

It got nothing to do with Igbo!
A female child is as important as a male child, but they are different! There are certain things a father can do with a son, but not with a female child. Every man wish for a son, but u will never understand as a woman.

Bet he wouldn’t be crying if it was a third son.

People pretend like malignant misogyny isn’t a bane of everyday life in this society but it is. Whatever encourages the belittling of the feminine gender is part of the culprit and needs to be moved back into the past so we can progress like a civilized society that we are supposed to be.

Including but not limited to pressuring people to favor male children.

Personal Preference is not the same thing.

obiekunie2:


if we will tell ourselves the truth, we all know its not easy to have three baby girls at home - especially for an African man.

it weakens a man's ego. It makes him feel inferior among his fellow men.

you should av done your best to keep it at two instead of giving him 3 girls.


just hope it doesn't push him to go look for a baby boy outside.

hope for the best sha! pray he gets over it.

On top of everything she has to worry about his ego too? And how he looks with his friends?

As a mother of all girls I find this post very very offensive.

People tell me that I'm 'lucky' that my husband is not 'disturbing' me . . And talk like that truly leave me speechless. As in, I don't even know how to put my indignation into words.

@ Poster, I can't tell you how to feel about your child. I wish I understood what the fuss is all about, I really do. But all I can say is to NEVER let any one bring you down, husband or not. You only bring out what he put in you so if anyone should be angry it should be you.

I was also dissapointed whenever I found out I was having a girl again, but when I met my baby it all dissapered. The truth is that the love you have for your child is unconstitutional and not dependent on their gender. Most times, the negative feelings come from what we think people will say, and how the 'family name' may be lost without a boy child. So are you going yo let others dictate to you how to feel about your own child? Are you going to pressure yourseld over unreasonable expectations?

I suggest you call your husband to order and let him know how utterly foolish his actions are. Also, those children he is turning his back now may end up being his saviors tomorrow. Karmar can be funny like that.

xrayj:

U women don't get it!
Dora Akunyili status in the society doesn't make her a man. A male child is different from female. A man wanting a male child isn't necessarily after that male child becoming rich or big in the society tomorrow, but he just want a male child to fill that empty part of his life. U think men who are after male children don't know the likes of dora & ngozi? Forget what u people hear, every man feels that emptiness without a male child, every man wish for it! As a woman, u will never understand this. @op give him time, he will come over it.

I haven't said a male child isn't different from a female child even though they are equally important.

Yes, there are some things he wants to do with a male child that he can't or won't be same with a female child. Just how as a lady, I can't imagine having only male kids.

However, he has no male child and if they decide not to have kids again would not.

So why doesn't he focus on what he has?

In future, his SIL can provide that company for him.

xrayj:

U women don't get it!
Dora Akunyili status in the society doesn't make her a man. A male child is different from female. A man wanting a male child isn't necessarily after that male child becoming rich or big in the society tomorrow, but he just want a male child to fill that empty part of his life. U think men who are after male children don't know the likes of dora & ngozi? Forget what u people hear, every man feels that emptiness without a male child, every man wish for it! As a woman, u will never understand this. @op give him time, he will come over it.

Do you think women with girls don't also want boys? I mean if we all could choose I bet we will all go for both gender. But that's the thing, it's not usually up to us to decide. So why make someone feel guilty about something that is out of their control?

Of course men want sons more so they can parade them as their heirs and somehow satisfy some kind of patriarchal need. Women probably don't really care that much, because all they need is a child to nurture, not some heir.

The fact that women will always be seen as second class citizens next to men doesn't always make it easy. No matter how accomplished a woman is, it somehow doesn't matter so much because she is not a man. That's why, despite their deep racism, US will prefer a male President than a female one, even of he is black or crazy. But we have seen that women who make it to leadership positions often do better than their male counterparts, but that doesn't even matter too. The idea that a woman is in charge is often emasculating for you men, so you never want to see that happen.

So bottom line is that men want sons to feed their ego, nothing more. And honestly, if a man needs a son to make himself feel good, then he wasn't really much of a man to begin with.

I mean you say you are a man and therefore 'superior', yet all it takes for you to have an identity crisis is the gender of your infant child. So your entire superiority is reliant on your newborn Isn't that a litte sad?

UjuJoan2:


Do you think women with girls don't also want boys? I mean if we all could choose I bet we will all go for both gender. But that's the thing, it's not usually up to us to decide. So why make someone feel guilty about something that is out of their control?

Of course men want sons more so they can parade them as their heirs and somehow satisfy some kind of patriarchal need. Women probably don't really care that much, because all they need is a child to nurture, not some heir.

The fact that women will always be seen as second class citizens next to men doesn't always make it easy. No matter how accomplished a woman is, it somehow doesn't matter so much because she is not a man. That's why, despite their deep racism, US will prefer a male President than a female one, even of he is black or crazy. But we have seen that women who make it to leadership positions often do better than their male counterparts, but that doesn't even matter too. The idea that a woman is in charge is often emasculating for you men, so you never want to see that happen.

So bottom line is that men want sons to feed their ego, nothing more. And honestly, if a man needs a son to make himself feel good, then he wasn't really much of a man to begin with.

@ first bold We all understand it is in no one's power to decide the gender of a child, I can't remember faulting anyone.

@ second bold it is not true & u know it.
We have constantly seen how women are holding vital positions in the world today & are respected.
Just tell me one thing a man can do today & a woman is not allowed to do all over the world?

@ third bold it is also not true.
Are u indirectly saying people who don't have children want children to feed their ego? Firstly, a child is a child regardless of gender, Seeking a balance got nothing to do with ego.