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All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles - Literature (3) - Nairaland

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Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 11:59pm On May 15
eloyce:
But you seem to have had it pretty easy at your camp. All the complaints so far has only been about waking up early and drills...nothing about the nightmarish saed lectures that takes forever and forever. And you spend so much time at mami, I'm beginning to wonder if they never come to chase y'all out...you could even manage leisure walks...pretty easy camp experience you had waywardpikin undecided

Lol what did you think my camp experience was going to be like? Corpers jumping over a lake of fire filled with flesh eating crocodiles?? grin grin grin

I have to complain about waking up early and the drills shugar. Did you enjoy it during your time? Do you enjoy waking up very early?

I'll still talk about the SAED lectures and yes, I agree with you. They were nightmarish lol.

Yes I did spend a lot of time at Mami market. Old habits die hard, you know. I'm guessing that was one place you avoided a lot. wink

And it wasn't a leisure walk, it was an endurance trek. Shey you wan dey wine me ni? angry angry angry

I appreciate you, girlfriend. Bless! kiss

1 Like

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:10am On May 16
ImModern:


Your last update was nice. I think why nife wasn't replying you well was because she probably had sensed the red flag that u just wanna sleep with her

Even the message you sent to her was kind of rude and may have given you off as a pervert.. Just my opinion tho.

What's can I say, guilty as charged. grin

But here's the thing: sometimes when you say rude and pervy stuff to ladies, it's to gauge their reaction. If she responds positively you know she's into you. If she responds negatively, that's when you need to back off.

Also, when you are too eager to get with someone or be in the person's good books, you tend to make a lot of mistakes. You might act nervous, needy, clingy or do so many more things that can kill the attraction. If your love interest picks up on your lack of confidence, it's game over.

Lastly, at the time, I believed that someone had already beaten me to the punch and was serenading her with sweet nothings.

Either way, you're spot on about me being a perv. grin

Thanks for reading!

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:12am On May 16
kakadinho0880:
Waywardpikin, give us more updates..

No do us like this na

Sure thang. Next one dropping in a couple of hours. grin
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 2:21am On May 16
ghettochild4u:
Abeg wayward pikin more update ooo.. U just dey make me remember my camp in enugu state
Were you peradventure posted to Awgu camp in Enugu?? What year and batch too bro??
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 3:40am On May 16
eloyce:
But you seem to have had it pretty easy at your camp. All the complaints so far has only been about waking up early and drills...nothing about the nightmarish saed lectures that takes forever and forever. And you spend so much time at mami, I'm beginning to wonder if they never come to chase y'all out...you could even manage leisure walks...pretty easy camp experience you had waywardpikin undecided
My hatred for that SAED shit no be here o, I'd have gladly gave up a month allawee to escape it.

3 Likes

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 8:11am On May 16
waywardpikin:


Lol what did you think my camp experience was going to be like? Corpers jumping over a lake of fire filled with flesh eating crocodiles?? grin grin grin

I have to complain about waking up early and the drills shugar. Did you enjoy it during your time? Do you enjoy waking up very early?

I'll still talk about the SAED lectures and yes, I agree with you. They were nightmarish lol.

Yes I did spend a lot of time at Mami market. Old habits die hard, you know. I'm guessing that was one place you avoided a lot. wink

And it wasn't a leisure walk, it was an endurance trek. Shey you wan dey wine me ni? angry angry angry

I appreciate you, girlfriend. Bless! kiss
Lake of fire with flesh eating crocodiles? That would've been an experience I wouldn't even mind producing into a nollywood movie grin grin

Hell nah that I enjoyed waking up so early. But I had privileges tho, never ever participated in the drills, skipped some saed lectures and didn't get to stand during devotion. OBS privileges.

Lol but why would I avoid the best place to be at. I had all my meals there ooh. But I sha avoided the joints where guys like you would've been found tongue
We didn't have that virtual dance machine tho. Sadly. Would've loved to test the jiggylility of something.

I go fit whine you. I appreciate you more oga mi, more ink to your pen.

1 Like

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 10:20am On May 16
eloyce:

Lake of fire with flesh eating crocodiles? That would've been an experience I wouldn't even mind producing into a nollywood movie grin grin

Hell nah that I enjoyed waking up so early. But I had privileges tho, never ever participated in the drills, skipped some saed lectures and didn't get to stand during devotion. OBS privileges.

Lol but why would I avoid the best place to be at. I had all my meals there ooh. But I sha avoided the joints where guys like you would've been found tongue
We didn't have that virtual dance machine tho. Sadly. Would've loved to test the jiggylility of something.

I go fit whine you. I appreciate you more oga mi, more ink to your pen.

Ah... OBS. We'll get to that.

You would have loved to test the jiggylility of something okwaya? What exactly is that something, pray tell? grin

Dunno why, I just have this feeling that you suck at dancing. Correct? grin

Where did you serve?
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 11:17am On May 16
waywardpikin:


Ah... OBS. We'll get to that.

You would have loved to test the jiggylility of something okwaya? What exactly is that something, pray tell? grin

Dunno why, I just have this feeling that you suck at dancing. Correct? grin

Where did you serve?
That thing is something I'm not telling lipsrsealed

Suck is an understatement grin

Akwa ibom ayaya undecided

1 Like

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:00pm On May 16
The next morning I was at the parade ground for morning drills. My roving eyes spotted Nife talking to the same guy I saw her with yesterday night, my heart beating so fast in my chest like it was gonna explode. They were laughing, playing, and seemed to be into each other. He was in charge of the football team for our platoon while she was actively involved in preparations for the volleyball competition for females. What was I involved in? Chewing my MJ, getting high, and being a wallpaper background all day every day in camp. Don't blame me, I like to lounge. Like those high school Hollywood movies I used to watch back in the day, this guy seemed to be a jock, while she was the prom queen. Needless to say, yours truly was the loser in this equation. The immortal words of Kanye West in "Knock You Down" with Neyo and Keri Hilson rang in my head like:

"You was always the cheerleader of my dreams that seem to only dig the head of football teams. And I was the class clown, I always kept you laughing. We were never meant to be baby we just happened."

Only in my case, we never happened. Nife never even gave me a chance. I looked at the guy from head to toe as many thoughts raced through my mind. "But this guy isn't better than me," I thought to myself. Sure, he was tall, dark and handsome (relatively!), but no way in hell was this dude better than me. I wasn't so bad myself: good looking, light in complexion, funny, smart, kind, generous, considerate, reserved, etc. I had nothing against the guy though, we greeted each other on the few occasions our paths actually crossed, and all is fair in love and war. What I couldn't grasp, in my infinite narcissism, was why she would blow me off in such manner. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Did she take offense at the fact that I was talking about her succulent ass in our last chat? Did I come across to her as a pervert? Questions, questions and more questions.

The dude left Nife to join another line and my heart started beating in overdrive. This was my chance! I had to go meet her.

Or should I? I shouldn't. Okay, maybe I should.

With the speed of light, I found myself standing right behind Nife. I said hi while flashing my most dazzling smile. She looked at me and mumbled a reply, trying hard to be polite. I engaged her in idle banter like we used to do, but things between us were now significantly different; her responses were monosyllabic, she was struggling to conceal her impatience, and my jokes were suddenly not so funny anymore. When it became obvious that this was a losing battle, I apologized for talking about her ass in our last chat. Maybe that was what set her off, right? Right? She smiled sweetly and said it wasn't a problem - and nothing further. There was this huge wall between us and it was obvious I couldn't scale though, so I just slithered away before things got any more awkward than it already was.

The rest of the day I was tormented with images of the prom queen and the jock as I seemed to bump into them wherever I went. You see, Lagos camp is quite small compared to others so there are only so many places you could be. Of course, I pretended like I didn't see them. The only problem was that I could and I did see them - in High Definition! I wouldn't call it heartbreak but it was something close; when someone makes you feel like you're not good enough, or not worthy, or chooses someone else over you. That shit hurts. No matter how mature, seasoned, or experienced you are in handling the opposite sex or life's vagaries, things like this will sting even if it's just a little. Rejection will always leave us feeling a little sore, especially when you really like the person, and hoped that it could've been the start of something new and truly beautiful.

That night, I lay in bed with my phone in hand, a battle between my Ego and Common Sense ensuing in my mind:

"How can you let this go just like that? We need to try harder and get this girl!" Ego thundered.

"Isn't it obvious that she's not feeling us? Oga let's move this ministry forward. On to the next one!' Common Sense prevailed.

"What do you mean? So you mean you're going to allow this girl to reject us just like that? Look at us. We are fine, we have small cash, we have good diction, we have a nice physique, no woman should be able to resist us, let alone that girl. She's not even that fine," my Ego raged.

"That is pride talking. She could have any number of reasons for choosing the other guy over us, and it doesn't make us any lesser than we really are."

"Story! Why don't we just put in a little more effort and see what comes out? We can do it. Come on!" Ego countered.

I drew strength from my ego and decided to message her again, against my better judgment. Against common sense.

"Hi."

45 minutes later.

"Hi," her message read.

"How was your day?" I replied immediately, my foolish heart in a flutter.

39 minutes later.

"Fyn."

"Oh, that's great. Mine was kind of stressful though. I can't wait for camp to be over," my instant message read.

Another 20 minutes and no reply later, my heart was starting to accept what my brain already knew. But in a last-ditch effort, my fingers involuntarily typed something and pressed send - something really stupid.

"Nife, please can we be friends?"

I looked at my phone in horror. Can we be friends? What the fùck! Did I just type this?

She never replied to my message, and that was the moment when I decided to give myself brain (translation: apply common sense).



Coming up...


CHAPTER 4: THE BOOK OF LAMENTATIONS

7 Likes

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:01pm On May 16
eloyce:

That thing is something I'm not telling lipsrsealed

Suck is an understatement grin

Akwa ibom ayaya undecided

My love for all things Akwa Ibom though. Sometimes, I have this feeling that that's where my future wife is going to come from. Dem dey try.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by ImModern: 3:00pm On May 16
Lol. The babe wicked sha grin grin

But why do girls behave like this sef

1 Like

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 3:11pm On May 16
ImModern:
Lol. The babe wicked sha grin grin

But why do girls behave like this sef
No be the girl fault now, or are you suggesting that she date both of them simultaneously??
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by ImModern: 3:53pm On May 16
Dybala11:

No be the girl fault now, or are you suggesting that she date both of them simultaneously??


But he was the first to shoot shot na grin
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 11:51pm On May 16
ImModern:
Lol. The babe wicked sha grin grin

But why do girls behave like this sef

You don see am na cry cry cry cry cry cry
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 11:52pm On May 16
Dybala11:

No be the girl fault now, or are you suggesting that she date both of them simultaneously??

angry angry angry
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 11:53pm On May 16
ImModern:



But he was the first to shoot shot na grin

Thank you! cry cry cry

Now playing Lamar Obika's "If there's any Justice"

1 Like

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 11:54pm On May 16
Hey guys, in the spirit of keeping the sabbath day holy, there will be no updates on Sundays. Cheerios!

1 Like

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 11:54pm On May 16
ImModern:



But he was the first to shoot shot na grin
He never tried to woo her in the narratives written in the story na. You know, there's this Yoruba adage that Ogun( a Yoruba deity) supports the fastest.
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 11:55pm On May 16
waywardpikin:
Hey guys, in the spirit of keeping the sabbath day holy, there will be no updates on Sundays. Cheerios!
No do us like this na, Mr OP.
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by busybrains: 12:05am On May 17
Sabbath day in tHs covik 19 dispensation
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by busybrains: 12:06am On May 17
Anyway NYC one. Am keenly following. U write well
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Seventy7kings: 7:34am On May 17
Dybala11:

He never tried to woo her in the narratives written in the story na. You know, there's this Yoruba adage that Ogun( a Yoruba deity) supports the fastest.
eni yara logun gbe grin

btw @waywardpikin, I just stumbled on this topic this morning. Hope you're doing well. How is Ken na? 'moneysoldier'
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 3:40pm On May 17
Seventy7kings:
eni yara logun gbe grin

btw @waywardpikin, I just stumbled on this topic this morning. Hope you're doing well. How is Ken na? 'moneysoldier'
Abi o, you don get the drift boss man
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:11pm On May 17
Let this day be full of joy and celebration. I wish you an outstanding and fabulous birthday, eloyce.

All hail, the first second lady of this thread!

Blessings on blessings, so shall your cup overflow, now and forever.

Amen.

2 Likes

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:12pm On May 17
busybrains:
Sabbath day in tHs covik 19 dispensation


tongue
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:15pm On May 17
Seventy7kings:
eni yara logun gbe grin

btw @waywardpikin, I just stumbled on this topic this morning. Hope you're doing well. How is Ken na? 'moneysoldier'

My nigga what's good?!

Moneysoldier is great, he is more focused on that paper chase these days. However, you can keep up with him on his recently opened thread in the diary section.

Really glad to have you here mate!
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Seventy7kings: 4:45pm On May 17
waywardpikin:


My nigga what's good?!

Moneysoldier is great, he is more focused on that paper chase these days. However, you can keep up with him on his recently opened thread in the diary section.

Really glad to have you here mate!
alright boss.
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 9:38pm On May 17
waywardpikin:
Let this day be full of joy and celebration. I wish you an outstanding and fabulous birthday, eloyce.

All hail, the first second lady of this thread!

Blessings on blessings, so shall your cup overflow, now and forever.

Amen.
Lol. Are you confused about my place on this thread grin
Thank you so much dearest commander in chief of the wayward forces kiss

1 Like 1 Share

Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:01pm On May 18
CHAPTER 4: THE BOOK OF LAMENTATIONS

In the aftermath of my painful encounter with Nife, I became a philosopher, so I decided to take the time to observe social interactions in camp. I came to the conclusion that there are 5 broad categories of female Corps Members in camp.

1. The ones who come to camp with the bias that every guy that says hi to them is just trying to sleep with them. This is due to all the NYSC stories and sexcapades they've heard about before, so they are on their guard. And she probably really loves her boyfriend, fiancee or husband back home and doesn't want to cheat on him.

2. The ones who come to camp to let loose and get wild. Sure, they have read all sorts of NYSC stories and fantasized multiple scenarios in which they are engaged in steamy, passionate NYSC sex. She could be your crush, your girlfriend, your fiancee, or the married woman who takes off her ring in order not to scare away the guys and lies to everyone that she is single even though her roommates know the truth because they saw the ring on her finger on her first day in camp!

3. The ones who come to camp with a free mind, and then life happens; they genuinely fall in love with some lucky dude, they secure a wonderful or horrible Place of Primary Assignment, they get a lifechanging connection, they meet their future husband, etc. This lady is neutral - no preconceived notions or prejudices.

4. The pregnant women who refuse to leave the camp premises. Despite all the warnings and threats from the camp officials that they should go to their husbands' houses and rest due to the strenuous activities in camp, you will still find them chilling in the female hostel because they don't want to miss out on all the fun.

5. The ones who you only see on the first few days in camp and then they vanish, only to reappear on the last day to pick up their posting letter. It could be that she is sickly and used a doctor's report to facilitate a leave of absence, or she is pregnant, or she simply doesn't like stress and made things happen to avoid it. Dumebi fell into this category, as I found out when I bumped into the gang from the WhatsApp group that she couldn't cope with the stress in camp so she took an exeat and wouldn't be back until it was time to pick up her posting letter. I envied her but then again I didn't. Despite the stress, I was happy to be here, and I made a mental note to call her and laugh at her woes the way we normally do to each other.

So in my estimation, I felt that Nife had to be in the first category. She had heard about all that goes down in camp and was on her guard and then I show up playing the part of a lovestruck dude who couldn't stop making references to her sweet ass like a pervert. Or maybe she had a boyfriend or fiancee somewhere. Or maybe I looked like a player. Or maybe she just wasn't that into me. Or maybe there was no maybe. Maybe she just acted on a whim, and that was that. The mind of a woman, who can understand it??

We had just finished eating breakfast after the strenuous morning drill, now it was time for the hours-long lecture to commence. We were gisting happily in our room when the bugle started blowing, and we immediately started cursing the man blowing it as we stared down at him angrily from our floor. He blew the bugle with so much seriousness, that man, his face hard like cement. The lady on the PA system announced that it was time for lectures and the soldiers had started trooping into the hostels to chase us out. As usual, I was one of the last people to leave the room, mostly because I was contemplating skipping the entire thing. But how? That was the question. By the time I got outside all the white chairs under the two canopies on the parade ground had been occupied and I and a few stragglers were roaming around looking for where to perch. Failure to find where to sit meant we would be standing for 3-4 hours, which really wasn't an option. As I stood there, looking like a carrot left in the sun to roast, my phone rang - it was my darling Hajia.

"Hello dear."

"Hello Hajia," I said.

"Where are you?"

"I'm outside. I'm looking for a chair but it seems all of them are occupied. Where are you? Don't tell me you are still in the hostel. Hajiaaaaaa... you have started learning bad things, right?" I joked.

"I'm not," she laughed. "Actually I'm outside. I have been looking at you since. Come to the front, I kept a chair for you."

I went to the front row and found my beautiful Hajia seated somewhere in the middle. I was so glad as I made my way to her and sank my strong bumbum (translation: àss) into the white plastic chair next to hers. She was such a serious corper, always paying attention to whatever was being said, always taking notes, always keeping a seat for me, so dependable, the polar opposite of unserious me... the yin to my yang. We got talking and gisting and laughing, and later we were playing Wordswipe on her phone which I found to be very interesting and engaging. A good distraction while these people droned on and on talking about something called SAED (Skills Acquisition & Entrepreneurship Development) programs. Soon, she started getting upset that I was too into the game instead of chatting with her. She kept trying to snatch her phone from my grasp but I kept it out of her reach while laughing annoyingly. While all this was going on, I noticed this dude seating two chairs away, on the other side of Hajia looking at me. Each time our eyes met he would look away, then he'd start looking at me again when he thought I wouldn't notice. It's something I didn't really like. How can you be looking at me like I'm a monkey in a zoo? So now I was staring intently at him like I forgot something in his eyeballs. Let him be the one freaked out. Hajia noticed I seemed to be focused on something else other her and Wordswipe.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Who is that guy?" I said, nodding in the unknown dude's direction.

"Oh, that guy? He is no one. Forget him."

I looked at the guy again. "He doesn't look like no one. You know him?"

"He's one of my toasters that's always disturbing me."

"So why is he sitting over there and you over here?" I asked.

"I told him to leave me alone."

I stared at her with a puzzled expression and shrugged. My own concern was that nobody should come and break my head because of a woman. We focused on the SAED presentations and after the boring lectures, we were instructed to go round the various stands erected on the parade ground to see which SAED programs we would love to join. So I and Hajia went round from canopy to canopy inspecting what was on the grounds. There were various categories of skills to acquire such as bead making, catering, ICT, makeup, tailoring, music, shoemaking, phonetics, etc. As we were walking around, my eyes were codedly scanning the area and I could see a bevy of fine girls with sexy shapes flocking all around. I desperately wanted to talk to one of them and maybe land me a new fish but that wouldn't be possible with Hajia around. Just then, she wrapped her arm around mine happily, talking about something while I nodded my head absentmindedly - I wasn't even paying attention. I was just thinking of the quickest way to discharge her. Suddenly I remembered that she had been complaining to me about this cough that she had been having.

"Hmmm... maybe it's time you go to the hostel and rest Hajia."

"Me? Why?" She asked innocently.

"I'm just worried about you. You said you have a cough and I'm very sure you have not eaten today, with this your small mouth," I joked, hoping I could convince her to disappear.

"I will eat later. I'm not really hungry now."

"Are you sure? If you faint I will not be there to carry you. I will just call one of your boos to carry you to the clinic."

She stopped abruptly and stared at me accusingly, eyeball to eyeball.

"Are you chasing me away?"

Damn! How did she catch on so quickly?

"Chasing you away? No..." I retorted.

"You're tired of me, right? That's why you want me to go to the hostel and give you your space."

"Hajia why would you say a thing like that?" I said, feigning annoyance. "Fine, don't go to the hostel again. Stay here with me," I said as I gripped her hand tighter, and I could see the happiness envelop her face.

I didn't want to make her sad, so I had to hunt for a new fish later when she wasn't around.


***

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Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 1:54pm On May 18
eloyce:

Lol. Are you confused about my place on this thread grin
Thank you so much dearest commander in chief of the wayward forces kiss
Ahh ahh, are you one of the wayward shidren??
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 2:02pm On May 18
Thanks for the update Mr OP.
Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Destinylink(m): 5:39pm On May 18
OP... Na Man you Be!
Thanks for the update. smiley

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