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My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Clinghton: 5:21am On Sep 22, 2023
Stop pleasing her, let her be.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by BALLOSKI: 6:37am On Sep 22, 2023
Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.
She appreciates you, she doesn't want to be open about it so you don't get complacent. She needs a new gen though. How about you buying her one?
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by ITbomb(m): 8:27am On Sep 22, 2023
When you grow up you will understand. Don't fret over small matters.

Everyone knows that fuel is on the high side, your mum wisely shut down the gen section because of high cost of maintenance, not that it spoilt.

The lesson you should learn is, don't assume someone is satisfied until you understand what exactly he/she wants.
I'm trying to finish my building, I need about 4m, my boss bought a car for me, I will show him I'm happy but deep inside me, I would have preferred the money, then buy a modest car and use the change for the building
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Sheffieldconsul: 8:55am On Sep 22, 2023
You cannot change who your mom is or her attitude towards you. However, you can work on how you reacts to things she says that hurts you. She might not be informed enough to understand that those things she's saying or doing are hurtful and affects your mental health. It is worth it tho, to engage in a candid conversation with her. In that conversation, bring up an example of what she has said to you and how that has affected you. She might be defensive and claim tough love, don't argue with her but stand firm on your points. After the candid conversation, observe her and if she continues, you can now deploy a stoic strategy.
1. Focus on you and your reaction towards what she is saying. Reason: she is who she is and her actions are beyond your control. You can't change her and you can't control her. However, you can train yourself to grow a thick skin towards whatever she says. You can even choose to subconsciously block out all those negativity and filter what you share with her.
Lastly, if you don't want to hold any resentment towards her, you can choose too see it from a perspective of ignorance. That is, she doesn't know any better or it was how she was brought up and no body taught her any better.
Focus on building yourself up rather than wasting your energy to change her. She won't change, she will rather be defensive. Na your mama sha, you know her better than us.



quote author=Undilutedme post=89449645]Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks. [/quote]
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by mukthar2000(m): 9:02am On Sep 22, 2023
Op pray for her as u have told us that she was a lovely mother in all aspect,
Just keep moving and always show her love in all manner never allow her response kill ur morale, and Stop waiting for your mum to appreciate you. Just believed that when its time she most surly tell u what happen.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Mom007(f): 9:03am On Sep 22, 2023
Your mom is stressed son.
People forget that moms are not super human. They get tired, frustrated, lonely depressed just like you do and you already said her life companion is no more. Just begin to actively pray FOR her. That God heals her broken heart and strengthen her. Times are getting really tough. You spoke about gen and fuel, do u know the cost of fuel now? Life has gotten increasingly hard so you too have to step up. Look for a hustle, a way to start earning and supporting yourself and her legally. Don't do crime or join bad gangs. You both will survive this, amen.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Enskynelson(m): 9:08am On Sep 22, 2023
Undilutedme:
If you engage her in a dialogue, she'll pick offense. I've tried many times. And to add too, she complains virtually about everything. She'll hardly see what you do as good.

My dad is late.
She may be having so much in her head... Too much pressure having to carry all burdens of both a father and a mother. I can imagine how u feel. Keep your head high and see satisfaction in your wins too.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by rickleye: 12:51pm On Sep 22, 2023
Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.


Well I am sorry to say the following but
1. Are you sure she’s your mum ?
2. You may have been born to her at a very difficult time in her life so whatever you do doesn’t amount to a grain of salt .
3. It’s rare for a woman to not show appreciation

What can you do
1. Find out from DNA !
2. There’s nothing you can do except she heals from whatever underlying issue.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by FaceTanke: 7:24pm On Sep 22, 2023
Evestar200:
This person don dey almost graduate before him story enter front page. grin grin

HI Evelyn
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Evestar200(f): 9:00am On Sep 23, 2023
FaceTanke:


HI Evelyn
Tope, what is it?
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by uche393: 9:10am On Sep 23, 2023
you're are the one killing yourself, you are always trying to impress your mum and you get the "not good enough reaction".

when she does that again make sure you react in a way she will understand that she's killing your spirit and you're not happy with it. if sitting on the floor and cry will make her get the message clearly do it

if you don't do this earlier, it will affect you when you get married
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by FaceTanke: 9:57pm On Sep 23, 2023
Evestar200:
Tope, what is it?

🥰

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