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I Was A Husband: My Experience - Family (38) - Nairaland

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by pacespot(m): 7:35am On May 15, 2020
Candanyl:


You people should go and read to have a deep understanding of the concept of Feminism, if you do , you ll crave to v one.Feminism has nothing to do with being direspectful to your man .its just having equal opportunities as men socially , economicslly etc.Its the concept that births highly empowered women like Folorinso Alakija , Bunmi Awosika.Infact most of the true feminist i know are successful in their marriages .

No matter how innocuous a term seems, some people will use it to propagate their own selfish interests, that is what the concept of feminism is being for by some women, which is why it is important that those successful feminists you mentioned should lead by example and let the world know what they stand for.

8 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by SirMichael1: 7:37am On May 15, 2020
seunlayi:

You need to know that most of us in the doctrine I belong usually end up marrying a virgin which I did in 97.
'Jesus only is our Message'
So what has that got to do with your prequel post? Why would you say you can settle for a woman who has seen countless men when obviously you can't settle for one that has seen only one- reason why you got yourself a virgin. Stop giving advice you cannot take.
And if I may, do not bring up religious stuff when it is needless, besides, why do you think it's within the conversation to bring up your marital year? Oga I do not care.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by wirinet(m): 8:42am On May 15, 2020
Ybaby:


That your last line is a foolish threat.

They donot have to settle for low par men so they can be married - the ones that did are opening thread or maltreating the men

They can go online and meet men from other climes - the world is a global village but I will never subscribe to abhoring infidel

About Cosmas Maduka ..... I love that Nnewi small god.... what a man!! no formal education - no father to cater for him - he could not read or write but with faith he changed his story and today you can mention his son.

Do not deny faith and end up as an infidel or if you already have kids you are not providing let me know o so I can call you an infidel

It seems you are ignorant that Cosmas Maduka was an "infidel" before he married Charity. Cosmas married charity at the age of 19 years when he had nothing, and they build their fortune together. Their company CosCharis (COSmas and CHARIty) is a testament that his wife was critical to his success.

6 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Purplegem: 8:47am On May 15, 2020
In everything i read the only thing i am happy for is that you were able to get a good life for yourself, now that grace as smiled at you face your work, and children and if you still have some love in you, you should move on. Be happy bro.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by wirinet(m): 9:03am On May 15, 2020
nwaimoroseyaho:
There is nothing new here that I have not seen before. It happens in Every marriage where the wife is the bread winner. Your wife is not a bad woman, she was in a bad situation. When only one person is virtually running the family is tiresome, and depressing.
I have been in your wife's shoes feeding my family for 8years, I couldn't even afford undies and I was a banker.
In my own case [ I never cheated but I was depressed and people around me didn't help matters at all.
I eventually lost the job but God helped my husband. Today I don't struggle anymore, my husband foots the bill.
Plz if you can still mend things by seeing a pastor or counsellor, it will help bring back the old flame.

It false to suggest that it happens in Every marriage, it happens in lots of marriages, especially if the purpose of the marriage is material and financial. I have seen many marriages where the husband lost his job and the woman had to pick up the gauntlet to provide for the family until the man finds his feet.

And you don't think it's also tiring and depressing for the only the man to working day and night to provide for his family. Marriage is not "happy ever after". Any man or woman that is not ready to suffer the vagaries and uncertainties of marriage should not marry and stick to baby mama and baby daddy.

It good that you did not find financial solace somewhere else. I hope you also did not insult, disrespect and demean your husband at his most difficult period. If you did, he would have some grudge in his heart for the rest of his life, as he will feel you only married him for financial security.

It's difficult to mend fences after such betrayals. How do you ment fences with someone that does not love you, but only after material gains. What happens if things get difficult again?

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Chinny024(f): 9:04am On May 15, 2020
perryy:


Stop being evil. Why would you advised that he take back adulterous woman? An adulterous woman would remain same for life. The day he brings back that woman, that day he lose his job. An adulterous woman is evil and mist not be associated with. An adulterous woman is a glory killer , a destiny destroyer etc.

Hian oooo...
Oga,what she did was so so bad....
Remember, she might have been pushed to do such in other to meet up with the needs...
...I can't condemn her outrightly...
He even admitted that she wasn't like that before..

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by razible5384(m): 9:06am On May 15, 2020
Obingene:
I have heard the word "infidel" since yesterday more than I have heard since my lifetime.

It's strange because the only person I know that uses that word is d terrorist Shekau, could it be, that mad woman is married to Shekau? grin

She has been shouting Infidel since yesterday like a nursery rhyme, empty vessel!!
l will love to cease this ample opportunity to express my profound gratitude to you for putting that hoe where she belongs... U have been a worthy representative to the noble men in this forum an u are a true son of your father... May ur wealth of wisdom never run dry

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by djon78(m): 9:09am On May 15, 2020
PrimadonnaO:


It is better to err on the side of caution... once divorced, do not remarry.

You can tell that to Westerners that introduced this Christianity to us. Where majority have had 2 to 3 marriages. Including there clerics and Pastors.

No one is praying for divorce. But if unavoidably it happens like ops case.
One can comfortably remarry. Even Baba God understands.

Many evil people have used this no divorce issues to mess up the life of those they are married to because they can't divorce. Thereby tormenting the life of there fellow spouse.

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 9:12am On May 15, 2020
razible5384:
l will love to cease this ample opportunity to express my profound gratitude to you for putting that hoe where she belongs... U have been a worthy representative to the noble men in this forum an u are a true son of your father... May ur wealth of wisdom never run dry

The pleasure is mine Sir smiley

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Maduawuchukwu(m): 9:18am On May 15, 2020
Trayceey:
yes. Did she kill someone. What about husbands that commit adultery steady? Don't their wives stick to them?

Lol. His wife did not only commit adultery, she humiliated and abandoned him for another man. He should now go back. If your husband chased you out of your house and brought in another lover, will you go back to him if he asks you to when his lover eventually abandons him?

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Maduawuchukwu(m): 9:29am On May 15, 2020
Chinny024:


Hian oooo...
Oga,what she did was so so bad....
Remember, she might have been pushed to do such in other to meet up with the needs...
...I can't condemn her outrightly...
He even admitted that she wasn't like that before..

So he should take back the woman who showed that she could not stand with him in trying times now that he is doing well? If he goes broke again the woman should abandon him again? So a wife is only for the good times and not the bad times right?

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by KristaPretty(f): 9:42am On May 15, 2020
So sad.
This marriage thing is a horror movie cry

I pray you find happiness.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by PropertyBuying(f): 9:50am On May 15, 2020
Marriage is almost always a contentious issue in any society.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by jellybabee(f): 10:01am On May 15, 2020
Sankabson:
Ya’Allah protect and guide my married. Provide me everything needed to be a Man and also to take good care of my family/life. Bless her business and hustles too.


Almighty Allah, I don’t want to experience divorce or challenges beyond my/our understanding in our marriage.

Oh Lord, Let the flame of love between me and my wife keep blowing and glowing till the end of time.

Ya’Allah, Fix all marriages that are going through a difficult and hard times.

May God Almighty answer all our prayers. Ameen.
Ameen!!!
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by sylve11: 10:14am On May 15, 2020
southniyikaye:
reading your story was like me reading my own story.
Only three diff.
1) I am younher
2) fortune has not smile on me yet but am hoping and praying.
3)for eight years, I was the only one doing the whole sponsoring, she was jobless.
Now she is living in a fools, paradise, I created another account on fb and chatted her, a rich guy's profile.
I told her to break up with me and she did last night.
I was just laughing.
It's a very bad thing for the bread winner to go broke, I am a living testimony to rhag



Hmmmm sad cool

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by sylve11: 10:16am On May 15, 2020
Ybaby:


You want the truth?

Any woman will act like OP wife... the husband may just never find out but she will seek masculine energy somewhere else
Usually from her boss at work.


This is deep.. cool
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Holluwhakemmy(f): 10:22am On May 15, 2020
The men who succeed are the efficient few. They are few who have the ambition and will power to develop themselves.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by PrimadonnaO(f): 10:46am On May 15, 2020
djon78:


You can tell that to Westerners that introduced this Christianity to us. Where majority have had 2 to 3 marriages. Including there clerics and Pastors.

No one is praying for divorce. But if unavoidably it happens like ops case.
One can comfortably remarry. Even Baba God understands.

Many evil people have used this no divorce issues to mess up the life of those they are married to because they can't divorce. Thereby tormenting the life of there fellow spouse.


Well, may the Grace of God be sufficient for us all.

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 10:47am On May 15, 2020
tunmiluabi:


Defending yourself does not even help. The strength to write this note is my willingness to see beyond myself, there might be need for more insight. I know love is not one directional neither is it "multi-directional", it’s usually in the eye of the one looking at you. Love has no other name but LOVE. [b] I might not be perfect but imperfection can still be unlearned by truly appreciating the situation. [/b]There is absolutely no reason to hurt anyone. I would believe that I failed to see her expectations through her lens and she failed to notice my sincere affections towards her. I might not be happy with the way things turned out but the situation has not made me any angrier. But it’s normal to be unhappy and I know that when I don’t mind being unhappy – It won’t last and eventually all will be alright and I hold same for her. Although, with all honesty, I did not see this happening, but I would like to know what our “stupidity” and “failure” has caused us. This will help if we finally move on with our lives. Given the situation, I believe I tried my best, but was not good enough. I am inspired by opportunities life has offer. I will channel my rage, drain and pain for a renewed future without my current dilemma. I am sure it will end in PRAISE. Thank you... there might not be need to tell it all. Life is like WIND it either blows in your favour or against.. Its your choice to stay strong. For those who might not understand that its not a struggle between the MAN the WOMAN, the only existential threat couples face is LIFE itself. But if you haven't been bitten in the face by a bear before, you will not appreciate how bad it is to loose ones identity. But on a happy happier note, if my heart is broken a million times, I will still love again There are good women out there. Its just a matter of time. Telling your story to defend yourself is a waste of time... At the appointed time the truth will unleash itself but not through me.
God will help you. Only He can calm every stormy wind and speak peace to every raging storm. It is well with you.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by GlorifiedTunde(m): 11:01am On May 15, 2020
PrimadonnaO:


It is better to err on the side of caution... once divorced, do not remarry.

Even better than that is to try to keep the marriage intact by all means - as long as there's no physical abuse or violence.

It's easier for women to go on without sex, but for a complete man ... Nah!

This is just reality!

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by JYKZ: 11:15am On May 15, 2020
I believe u married someone's else wife, may be u even snatched her from another man bcs he wasn't buoyant enough. and now nemesis is catching up with u. carry ur cross bro.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by PrimadonnaO(f): 11:27am On May 15, 2020
GlorifiedTunde:


Even better than that is to try to keep the marriage intact by all means - as long as there's no physical abuse or violence.

It's easier for women to go on without sex, buy for a complete man ... Nah!

This is just reality!

I agree. Somehow, I feel the option of a divorce and possible remarriage makes people careless with their choice of a spouse. Because that’s where the problem starts from.

If people were more conscious about the fact that they are in for a FOREVER ride, they’ll choose their partners VERY CAREFULLY... and after that, put in utmost effort to see that the marriage works.

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Chinny024(f): 11:32am On May 15, 2020
Maduawuchukwu:


So he should take back the woman who showed that she could not stand with him in trying times now that he is doing well? If he goes broke again the woman should abandon him again? So a wife is only for the good times and not the bad times right?

Wasn't she with him all the while?.......Both of them endured the trying times together if you had read well.Not until temptations set in...

In my opinon,if given a second time,I believe she would change. Anyways,He has the right to make decision on who to spend the rest of his life with....She was at fault,and doesnt deserve mercy in human eyes..However,whosoever that hasn't sin in one way or the other should stone her to death...
Don't quote me concerning this issue anymore...
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 11:45am On May 15, 2020
yankeenowo:
This is so emotional story! But Succinctly, you wife was never at fault either as you have xplained your side of the story. Before this, she use to be a very loyal , humble and respected house wife.

The fact is, when life does not smile to a man in marriage , the man automatically becomes once a husband. The man will loose his confidence as a husband material. But to God be glory , you got a better life because you were hopeful and never a lazy man.

It would have been best to reunion with your wife and live a happy family with your kid but the adulterous part of her kept my wish dashed.

But despite, I will never see your wife as a bad person. Every lady can fall same temptations. ....men outside can be extreamly caring to a house wife in a condition when her husband is zero responsible. Most ladies will see love and care in it but behold it's just a joker to get in between their legs. You wife fell for a deceit of care and love and she opened her legs not because she does not loves you bro.


Maybe you are right, no doubt, I might have misread the situation. But do you think with 170K she would have been able to pay the rent of 950k/year and and still pay school fees for our child? I say no. We both had mutual contributions and projection. I fulfilled my part. I never failed.

I would like to say before I got married, I might not have been doing so well, but I funded the marriage with my 3years of savings. That same business might not have been doing well but it had its times. Sometimes I will bring home 10k, 20k/month, although it might take some time to bring so much but when its good 2 to 3months apart I can bring about 200k.. for 6month I may go with very little. still, I was hopeful it would be better.

During her earlier salary situation was not bad, probably because we were in a 1bed apartment and the pressure was less - Also, I was providing the much I could. As indicated in my earlier lines most of my income went into doing practically everything. She contributed immnesly as well.

It only got really worse when the position came. The new apartment even took a lot out of us. I agreed to the move because I felt saving for the rent might not be a difficult thing to do. Till I left the apartment we never owed.

Despite quarrels, I was still able help her with the transition to the new position. The transition was such that she had to be good at at staistics and business modeling for the new marketing Insight role. I trained her in SAS, advanced excel and Power BI before I left the house. Coupled with her natural brilliance she was able to secure it. What more could I have done. If I was lazy I would not have had time for that and would normally have told her to look else where. There were times when I would walk from iponri to fadeyi and back seeking clients going form shop to shop, office to office to secure client. That is not to say I did not use public transport. There were also time when I will call friends to help as well.

If you read my threads well, I had my share of good contributions and support. I might not have met up of to her expectation.

Some comment indicted I might have been weak. Maybe, but what I know is that, I am happy for the way handled the situation. It could have turned out terrible. I was hopeful things were going to change. That kept me going. You can't force a change on anyone. You can only do your part.

I believe these things happens, it has happened to many people, I will not be first and the last, why fight a lost battle. I fought for my marriage the best I could. I might not have been so religious about it, but I did the best I could. I have fought many battles, I won some, I lost some. In this particular one I lost woefully.

In one of the threads, someone indicated I might have cheated with another woman or even have left with another woman. I could have, I wish I did but I did not. I have the right mental strength to whistand the situation but maybe I lacks the right approach to deal with it. Its a pity our frustrations are different and problems are unique, just like the way we deal with them. I have no comment. I might not be a saint but I really do know what I want.

Please I would like to make this submission my last one. Permit me to rest my case. Thank you all.

9 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by wirinet(m): 11:45am On May 15, 2020
Holluwhakemmy:
The men who succeed are the efficient few. They are few who have the ambition and will power to develop themselves.

I am surprised by women with these mindset, it betrays faulty background, probably due to a disfunctional polygamous family.

How can someone say men who succeed are the efficient few. Are you insinuating that the millions of men working or doing various businesses are failures or inefficient majority? Have you seen a jobless, unsuccessful and inefficient man go through all the expenses and rituals of marriage? Obviously most men marry when they are fairly financially stable and hope for a brighter future. But shit happens. A man falls and rises several times during his life time. It's a tragedy to marry a woman who would step on a man when his down instead of helping him in rising up.

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Emperor140: 11:47am On May 15, 2020
LuQuLuQu:

You said you earlier worked with an international college and they folded up? Do schools fold up?

If u went through the four walls for schools like say PRI, sec and poly then ur parent had wasted money on u

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 11:50am On May 15, 2020
kennedyugo:

Hey, inasmuch as I admire your calmness in the situation you found yourself, you didn't do well by quiting. You should have fought for your marriage properly.
If you've seen the movie "War room", you will know what I am talking about. This is a marriage that God has trusted you with, and you are answerable to Him.

All I am saying is, you should have taken your case to the God that ordained marriage in the first place. All you need to do is repent and surrender to Him. Persist in prayers. Allow God to guide you. And you would see a Miraculous turn around.
He will starting by restoring your love for your wife. This love would drive you to intercede for her on a daily basis.

My brother, this is a battle, and it's not a physical one.
Advice.

You could still do something. Start now. Go to God in repentance. Start praying for your wife and your family. I bet you, in a short while, you would see a miracle.

God bless you
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by cruz419(m): 11:51am On May 15, 2020
thanks for sharing and being sincere ,,i pray God will help us make good decision when the time come cos these dayz am scared of marriage oo..
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 12:07pm On May 15, 2020
Ybaby:
Such a sad story. Glad you are doing well.

See women are not good at paying a man's bills. We are not wired that way.

She starts seeing such a man as a child.

Once a man stops seeing the woman as his bread winner - the way will open for him like it opened for OP.

Young men get money! there is a financial clock for men.

OP, happy for you.



Maybe you are right, no doubt, I might have misread the situation. But do you think with 170K she would have been able to pay the rent of 950k/year and and still pay school fees for our child? I say no. We both had mutual contributions and projection. I fulfilled my part. I never failed.

I would like to say before I got married, I might not have been doing so well, but I funded the marriage with my 3years of savings. That same business might not have been doing well but it had its times. Sometimes I will bring home 10k, 20k/month, although it might take some time to bring so much but when its good 2 to 3months apart I can bring about 200k.. for 6month I may go with very little. still, I was hopeful it would be better.

During her earlier salary situation was not bad, probably because we were in a 1bed apartment and the pressure was less - Also, I was providing the much I could. As indicated in my earlier lines most of my income went into doing practically everything. She contributed immnesly as well.

It only got really worse when the position came. The new apartment even took a lot out of us. I agreed to the move because I felt saving for the rent might not be a difficult thing to do. Till I left the apartment we never owed.

Despite quarrels, I was still able help her with the transition to the new position. The transition was such that she had to be good at at staistics and business modeling for the new marketing Insight role. I trained her in SAS, advanced excel and Power BI before I left the house. Coupled with her natural brilliance she was able to secure it. What more could I have done. If I was lazy I would not have had time for that and would normally have told her to look else where. There were times when I would walk from iponri to fadeyi and back seeking clients going form shop to shop, office to office to secure client. That is not to say I did not use public transport. There were also time when I will call friends to help as well.

If you read my threads well, I had my share of good contributions and support. I might not have met up of to her expectation.

Some comment indicted I might have been weak. Maybe, but what I know is that, I am happy for the way handled the situation. It could have turned out terrible. I was hopeful things were going to change. That kept me going. You can't force a change on anyone. You can only do your part.

I believe these things happens, it has happened to many people, I will not be first and the last, why fight a lost battle. I fought for my marriage the best I could. I might not have been so religious about it, but I did the best I could. I have fought many battles, I won some, I lost some. In this particular one I lost woefully.

In one of the threads, someone indicated I might have cheated with another woman or even have left with another woman. I could have, I wish I did but I did not. I have the right mental strength to whistand the situation but maybe I lacks the right approach to deal with it. Its a pity our frustrations are different and problems are unique, just like the way we deal with them. I have no comment. I might not be a saint but I really do know what I want.

Please I would like to make this submission my last one. Permit me to rest my case. Thank you all.

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by BelieverDE: 12:08pm On May 15, 2020
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by tunmiluabi: 12:13pm On May 15, 2020
Ybaby:


His life changed when he stopped eatting his wife's sweat.

Eating a wife sweat keeps a husband in a broke place.

Maybe you are right, no doubt, I might have misread the situation. But do you think with 170K she would have been able to pay the rent of 950k/year and and still pay school fees for our child? I say no. We both had mutual contributions and projection. I fulfilled my part. I never failed.

I would like to say before I got married, I might not have been doing so well, but I funded the marriage with my 3years of savings. That same business might not have been doing well but it had its times. Sometimes I will bring home 10k, 20k/month, although it might take some time to bring so much but when its good 2 to 3months apart I can bring about 200k.. for 6month I may go with very little. still, I was hopeful it would be better.

During her earlier salary situation was not bad, probably because we were in a 1bed apartment and the pressure was less - Also, I was providing the much I could. As indicated in my earlier lines most of my income went into doing practically everything. She contributed immnesly as well.

It only got really worse when the position came. The new apartment even took a lot out of us. I agreed to the move because I felt saving for the rent might not be a difficult thing to do. Till I left the apartment we never owed.

Despite quarrels, I was still able help her with the transition to the new position. The transition was such that she had to be good at at staistics and business modeling for the new marketing Insight role. I trained her in SAS, advanced excel and Power BI before I left the house. Coupled with her natural brilliance she was able to secure it. What more could I have done. If I was lazy I would not have had time for that and would normally have told her to look else where. There were times when I would walk from iponri to fadeyi and back seeking clients going form shop to shop, office to office to secure client. That is not to say I did not use public transport. There were also time when I will call friends to help as well.

If you read my threads well, I had my share of good contributions and support. I might not have met up of to her expectation.

Some comment indicted I might have been weak. Maybe, but what I know is that, I am happy for the way handled the situation. It could have turned out terrible. I was hopeful things were going to change. That kept me going. You can't force a change on anyone. You can only do your part.

I believe these things happens, it has happened to many people, I will not be first and the last, why fight a lost battle. I fought for my marriage the best I could. I might not have been so religious about it, but I did the best I could. I have fought many battles, I won some, I lost some. In this particular one I lost woefully.

In one of the threads, someone indicated I might have cheated with another woman or even have left with another woman. I could have, I wish I did but I did not. I have the right mental strength to whistand the situation but maybe I lacks the right approach to deal with it. Its a pity our frustrations are different and problems are unique, just like the way we deal with them. I have no comment. I might not be a saint but I really do know what I want.

Please I would like to make this submission my last one. Permit me to rest my case. Thank you all.

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by GlorifiedTunde(m): 12:15pm On May 15, 2020
PrimadonnaO:


I agree. Somehow, I feel the option of a divorce and possible remarriage makes people careless with their choice of a spouse. Because that’s where the problem starts from.

If people were more conscious about the fact that they are in for a FOREVER ride, they’ll choose their partners VERY CAREFULLY... and after that, put in utmost effort to see that the marriage works.

This is unfortunately true.

I have often told those who are planning to get married that "if your would-be husband or wife sees nothing wrong in divorce or separation, run!"

Such a person doesn't feel the need to "work hard" or "sacrifice" to have a good marriage.

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