Hello friends..I greet all of una.

please I need more insight on this from our matured and experience couple's in the house.

I am planning on divorcing my wife and we have a baby together (she will be a year and 3months this month) and she's threatening to have custody of the baby and I want to go pick her up and take her to my mum but I am a little bit confused so please I need more insight on this....

NB: after our marriage things got worst for me and I had to move her to her parent house after she declined going to our own house reason because she feels more at home in her parent house (that's what she said) but once in a while she visits our own house. we finally finished our own building with furnishing and i insisted she move to my parents after complaining Everytime about money and things not so well at her own parents( she's the last child of 7children 4 girls 3boys and she is the only one married and they all still stay at home, with there parent, the girls) but she always find one excuse or the order not to go stay at my parents..my mum is a very kind woman and she always want to help in her own way but I still don't know why she can't leave her parent house..well this is not the reason am divorcing her anyway bexause this is just a tip of the iceberg..she believes she is a feminist and can not be told what to do anytime we have an argument...well don't want to bore you all with everything have been going through...
just more insight about the heading above please..kids please stay away matured minds only..thanks

Your marriage has not broken down irretrievably, the court won't even grant you a decree nisi on a platter of gold .

Both parents own a child forever . But if you mean who takes custody of a child , my little information below may help.


" In proceedings with respect to the custody guardianship, welfare, advancement or education of children of a marriage, the court shall regard the interests of those children as the paramount consideration; and subject thereto, the court may make such order in respect of those matters as it thinks proper" - Matrimonial Causes Act. Chapter M7. LFN, 2004. Section 71(1).

The court will consider the best interest of a child while granting custody. For instance , it will not grant custody of a little girl child to an offshore oil worker no matter how rich he is if he spends 3 weeks away from home each month . The court won't grant custody to a convict or proven drug abuser.
That's the case for legitimate children born during a subsisting statutory marriage.
However, in common law, mother's are responsible for illegitimate children. That means baby Mamas legally take custody of illegitimate children (children born out of wedlock).
Under Nigerian customary law the father takes custody of all children as there is nothing like an illegitimate child under the Nigerian customary law .

IvarDboneless:
Hello friends..I greet all of una.

please I need more insight on this from our matured and experience couple's in the house.

I am planning on divorcing my wife and we have a baby together (she will be a year and 3months this month) and she's threatening to have custody of the baby and I want to go pick her up and take her to my mum but I am a little bit confused so please I need more insight on this....

NB: after our marriage things got worst for me and I had to move her to her parent house after she declined going to our own house reason because she feels more at home in her parent house (that's what she said) but once in a while she visits our own house. we finally finished our own building with furnishing and i insisted she move to my parents after complaining Everytime about money and things not so well at her own parents( she's the last child of 7children 4 girls 3boys and she is the only one married and they all still stay at home, with there parent, the girls) but she always find one excuse or the order not to go stay at my parents..my mum is a very kind woman and she always want to help in her own way but I still don't know why she can't leave her parent house..well this is not the reason am divorcing her anyway bexause this is just a tip of the iceberg..she believes she is a feminist and can not be told what to do anytime we have an argument...well don't want to bore you all with everything have been going through...
just more insight about the heading above please..kids please stay away matured minds only..thanks

Pls can the marriage not be saved?

Lots of factors come into play when in child custody. Age and Gender are the most important. At that age, the mother would take custody while you pay for upkeep. You might be paying like 25K a month for a child of that age. Pampers and other stuffs would be considered.

You married the last born. She's still trying to cope with her new status. With time, everything would change. I understand you are mad, frustrated and annoyed. Those are things many married men deal with and habour in their homes. Put certain machineries into place that would make her stay in your new place till she adapts. It's a gradual process.

With time, nothing with tell her to come back home. You would just be surprised. All you need now is patience and lots of patience. Trust me, the expected turn around is just near.

Try as much as possible to tell your wife to bring your daughter everyday or every other day. Let her know she needs your warmth as well. When she comes, show love to the baby that your wife will continue to reminisce anytime especially when she's alone. Back your daughter, change her pampers, play with her and just make her laugh.

All these show of love will certainly make her change her mind in no distant time.

Pele, it's part of sacrifice in marriage. It's a gradual process.

The decision will hugely go in your wife's favour. One of the reason being; the child's tender age.

So you'll have to establish that your wife is unfit (either mentally or financially) of taking care of the child. I think you can ‘tell’ the result already.

It's simple.

People should read Mariyama V Sadiku Ejo. In the law on marriage....google is your friend.

For better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

Try and work it out with your wife, pray, seek counselling together. A broken home affects the child more than you think especially when mom and dad have new partners and new kids.

blackpanthar:

Pls can the marriage not be saved?

I don't know her nonchalant attitude keeps giving me reasons to

meetme01:
Lots of factors come into play when in child custody. Age and Gender are the most important. At that age, the mother would take custody while you pay for upkeep. You might be paying like 25K a month for a child of that age. Pampers and other stuffs would be considered.

You married the last born. She's still trying to cope with her new status. With time, everything would change. I understand you are mad, frustrated and annoyed. Those are things many married men deal with and habour in their homes. Put certain machineries into place that would make her stay in your new place till she adapts. It's a gradual process.

With time, nothing with tell her to come back home. You would just be surprised. All you need now is patience and lots of patience. Trust me, the expected turn around is just near.

Try as much as possible to tell your wife to bring your daughter everyday or every other day. Let her know she needs your warmth as well. When she comes, show love to the baby that your wife will continue to reminisce anytime especially when she's alone. Back your daughter, change her pampers, play with her and just make her laugh.

All these show of love will certainly make her change her mind in no distant time.

Pele, it's part of sacrifice in marriage. It's a gradual process.

thank you...and God bless

Ningen:
The decision will hugely go in your wife's favour.
One of the reason being; the child's tender age.

So you'll have to establish that your wife is unfit (either mentally or financially) of talking care of the child. I think you can ‘tell’ the result already.

do you mean going the court way...

MelaninSkinGirl:
For better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

Try and work it out with your wife, pray, seek counselling together. A broken home affects the child more than you think especially when mom and dad have new partners and new kids.

I wish I could but it's really going out of control because my words are becoming useless to her these days and no man will wanna live under that kind of roof

IvarDboneless:

do you mean going the court way...

Yes.

Bro you made life together with your wife, a beautiful child, put your differences aside and try to nuture it together. Don't give up just yet.

Put in effort even if it's onesided from you.
Make her fall in love with you.

When you get her back, don't try to 'control' her because she'd put up resistance. It's not about feminism. It's human nature to react like that.

Classworked:
Your marriage has not broken down irretrievably, the court won't even grant you a decree nisi on a platter of gold .

Both parents own a child forever . But if you mean who takes custody of child , my little information below may help.


" In proceedings with respect to the custody guardianship, welfare, advancement or education of children of a marriage, the court shall regard the interests of those children as the paramount consideration; and subject thereto, the court may make such order in respect of those matters as it thinks proper" - Matrimonial Causes Act. Chapter M7. LFN, 2004. Section 71(1).

The court will consider the best interest of a child while granting custody. For instance , it will not grant custody of a little girl child to an offshore oil worker no matter how rich he is if spends 3 weeks away from home each month . The court won't grant custody to a convict or proven drug abuser.
That's the case for legitimate children born during a subsisting statutory marriage.
However, in common law, mother's are responsible for illegitimate children. That means baby Mamas legally take custody of illegitimate children (children born out of wedlock).
Under Nigerian customary law the father takes custody of all children as there is nothing like an illegitimate child under the Nigerian customary law .

that means the odd favours me then..because I did every necessary traditional rite and married her in the church.

Ningen:


Yes.

Bro you a made life together with your wife, a beautiful child, put your differences aside and try to nuture it together. Don't give up just yet.

Put in effort even if it's one side from you.
Make her fall in love with you.

When you get her back, don't try to 'control' her because she'd put up resistance. It's not about feminism. It's human nature to react like that.

thanks bro

blackpanthar:


Pls can the marriage not be saved?

The fact remains that the lady in question is not yet ready for marriage. Still under parental influence, and her parents are not helping matters either. She needs to break free from parental influence first.

Dear OP, parting ways is not the best option for now, its not an easy path. It might disorganize you, leaving you with no chance of recovery.

Are you a Christian? If yes, DM let's talk.

Thank you

The baby belongs to the mother and father, and since she still an infant custody goes to the mother.

The fact that your plan is to take the baby to your mother when the mother of the child is alive, physically and mentally capable puts a big dent in your custody claim.

elveco:


The fact remains that the lady in question is not yet ready for marriage. Still under parental influence, and her parents are not helping matters either. She needs to break free from parental influence first.

Dear OP, parting ways is not the best option for now, its not an easy path. It might disorganize you, leaving you with no chance if recovery.

Are you a Christian? If yes, DM let's talk.

Thank you

your observations are 100%
yes am a Christian
how do I DM

IvarDboneless:
Hello friends..I greet all of una.

please I need more insight on this from our matured and experience couple's in the house.

I am planning on divorcing my wife and we have a baby together (she will be a year and 3months this month) and she's threatening to have custody of the baby and I want to go pick her up and take her to my mum but I am a little bit confused so please I need more insight on this....

NB: after our marriage things got worst for me and I had to move her to her parent house after she declined going to our own house reason because she feels more at home in her parent house (that's what she said) but once in a while she visits our own house. we finally finished our own building with furnishing and i insisted she move to my parents after complaining Everytime about money and things not so well at her own parents( she's the last child of 7children 4 girls 3boys and she is the only one married and they all still stay at home, with there parent, the girls) but she always find one excuse or the order not to go stay at my parents..my mum is a very kind woman and she always want to help in her own way but I still don't know why she can't leave her parent house..well this is not the reason am divorcing her anyway bexause this is just a tip of the iceberg..she believes she is a feminist and can not be told what to do anytime we have an argument...well don't want to bore you all with everything have been going through...
just more insight about the heading above please..kids please stay away matured minds only..thanks

Which ever way it goes, the child most definitely be given to her

Just schedule how you will be visiting the child

IvarDboneless:
Hello friends..I greet all of una.

please I need more insight on this from our matured and experience couple's in the house.

I am planning on divorcing my wife and we have a baby together (she will be a year and 3months this month) and she's threatening to have custody of the baby and I want to go pick her up and take her to my mum but I am a little bit confused so please I need more insight on this....

NB: after our marriage things got worst for me and I had to move her to her parent house after she declined going to our own house reason because she feels more at home in her parent house (that's what she said) but once in a while she visits our own house. we finally finished our own building with furnishing and i insisted she move to my parents after complaining Everytime about money and things not so well at her own parents( she's the last child of 7children 4 girls 3boys and she is the only one married and they all still stay at home, with there parent, the girls) but she always find one excuse or the order not to go stay at my parents..my mum is a very kind woman and she always want to help in her own way but I still don't know why she can't leave her parent house..well this is not the reason am divorcing her anyway bexause this is just a tip of the iceberg..she believes she is a feminist and can not be told what to do anytime we have an argument...well don't want to bore you all with everything have been going through...
just more insight about the heading above please..kids please stay away matured minds only..thanks

Is your mom the child’s mom? Don’t let your children grow up resenting you because you robbed them of having a relationship with their own mother. No one owns the children in a divorce. Your children are human beings and not furniture.

Op you sound controlling. You need therapy. The fact that you think you should be able to tell your wife what to do is disturbing. If you advise your woman in love and guidance she will listen as opposed to you telling her what to do as a robot.

Why does she have to understand you? why can’t you also try understand her? Life has 2 sides, you need to compromise and meet halfway..

A father owns a child . Eni leru loleru. Though , this is in line with Yoruba culture. But I believe court always award the custody of a child to mother because of proper care. This does not invalidate the father's claim on his child

Let me tell you the truth. She has not committed any prescribed offence for divorce both in Customary and Marriage under the act. You will not get divorce order. QED!

Find something that you will use to discredit the mother as incapable of taking care of the child. If you must lie, please do and makes sure you can prove the lie. You could come up with things like she drinks and brings men into the house, which is not good for a child development or she has temperamental problem. Guy just find something. Thank you

Marriage and it wahala.
Exactly the problem with some of my female friends they only care about the title as married woman, they don't know there's more to marriage than title.
Most girls now want marriage with the benefit attached to it and not willing to let go of their bad habit.
I believe this feminism of a thing generated from the first woman "Lilith" if God is in support of feminist he won't replace Lilith with eve.
Guys too are not helping matters, the handwriting is always on the wall, before marriage all this stupid act are always obvious but you choose to ignore but now it will lead to the end of your marriage.

elveco:


The fact remains that the lady in question is not yet ready for marriage. Still under parental influence, and her parents are not helping matters either. She needs to break free from parental influence first.

Dear OP, parting ways is not the best option for now, its not an easy path. It might disorganize you, leaving you with no chance if recovery.

Are you a Christian? If yes, DM let's talk.

Thank you

This is a deep issue, please also talk to the lady.... She does not have good counselors. I wish missimelda01 could talk sense to her

IvarDboneless:
Hello friends..I greet all of una.

please I need more insight on this from our matured and experience couple's in the house.

I am planning on divorcing my wife and we have a baby together (she will be a year and 3months this month) and she's threatening to have custody of the baby and I want to go pick her up and take her to my mum but I am a little bit confused so please I need more insight on this....

NB: after our marriage things got worst for me and I had to move her to her parent house after she declined going to our own house reason because she feels more at home in her parent house (that's what she said) but once in a while she visits our own house. we finally finished our own building with furnishing and i insisted she move to my parents after complaining Everytime about money and things not so well at her own parents( she's the last child of 7children 4 girls 3boys and she is the only one married and they all still stay at home, with there parent, the girls) but she always find one excuse or the order not to go stay at my parents..my mum is a very kind woman and she always want to help in her own way but I still don't know why she can't leave her parent house..well this is not the reason am divorcing her anyway bexause this is just a tip of the iceberg..she believes she is a feminist and can not be told what to do anytime we have an argument...well don't want to bore you all with everything have been going through...
just more insight about the heading above please..kids please stay away matured minds only..thanks

Buhari n Lai Mohammed will take custody of ur child..

Las Las they will be sent to the north to do almajiri

blackpanthar:


This is a deep issue, please also talk to the lady.... She does not have good counselors. I wish missimelda01 could talk sense to her

U cud have mention better people, not imelda

Abeg let better people like sixfeetbelle come n talk jare. Better people like missraine69, imalma

Those are better people

DenreleDave:


U cud have mention better people, not imelda

Abeg let better people like sixfeetbelle come n talk jare. Better people like missraine69, imalma

Those are better people

To chop ban never taya you

I never blow yet I get haters.. you will be fine

missimelda01:


To chop ban never taya you

I never blow yet I get haters.. you will be fine

Eeehhhh.. How. U no say I dey chop ban wells?


Abeg I Don tire for ban.. Abeg I Don tire.. No report me again abeg


Meanwhile u can blow if I don't activate you... shey u get my point

blackpanthar:


This is a deep issue, please also talk to the lady.... She does not have good counselors. I wish missimelda01 could talk sense to her

Did Op force her into marriage? I don't know why a petty issue like this is bringing the thought of divorce. It's obvious that they are both tired of the marriage, the woman especially. The first person to comment has answered the Op's question.

DenreleDave:


U cud have mention better people, not imelda

Abeg let better people like sixfeetbelle come n talk jare. Better people like missraine69, imalma

Those are better people

Missimelda01 is a better person, she has been my friend for a while. She knows more about stuff like this, pls if you feel she is not better, you dont have to dislike my choice of her.

This is nairaland, I feel everyone should be free to air their point here. Lets all follow peace please

blackpanthar:


Missimelda01 is a better person, she has been my friend for a while. She knows more about stuff like this, pls if you feel she is not better, you dont have to dislike my choice of her.

This is nairaland, I feel everyone should be free to air their point here. Lets all follow peace please

Keep masturbating on ur assumed better person

DenreleDave:


Keep masturbating on ur assumed better person

Wow so you are this low, its well. God bless you. Bye