GOFRONT:
Some women be Enduring their marriage instead of Enjoying their marriage......

This is what you get when you marry a man that is ready instead of marrying a man that truely love you.......

Well, It's a Mans world.

And who told u best friend can't become worst enemy



Lover boy that refuses to walk her down the isle.


NB. Go and check the worst couple, they always started as most loved gf/bf .


Either u dated guy that ready or loved.....in marriage the two party need "endurance and perseverance. " the two words that make marriage engine keep going.

Kaien:
This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids. It has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids.

Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.

Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

may god help us in Nigeria marital life.

Mindlog:
Some of the reasons are low self-esteem, low self-worth and the thought that they can't earn to take care of self and the children. Socialization has also played a role in some women believing that there is heroism in enduring abusive marriage, many grew up seeing their own mothers hanging on to abusive marriages and most times still got to "outlive" their abusive fathers. "So if my mother survived my father, I can also survive my abusive husband". These women become depersonalized in order to "cope" with the Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

Any woman who hangs on to an abusive marriage with the excuse that she is still there because of her children is living in self-denial as she is using the children as a cover up for her fear of leaving "the comfort zone".

A dysfunctional family is a fertile ground to raise children who would have a higher chance of growing up into damaged adults and the sad circle continues.

A broken home is not only where one of the parent is no longer in the daily life of the spouse and the child(ren) between them but also where both parents are under the same roof but toxic is the atmosphere in the home.

Exactly

fergie001:

Exactly, the same thing.....I think its our mentality.

I don't judge whether its right or wrong, the prayer is just not to get into that kind of situation.

That again is not correct, no matter the reason bottom line is the victim stays so it doesn't change anything.The ones you want to praise based on race can even stay just because of Coke or booze ,I guess that is the superior mentality you want to buy into, right?

Kaien:
This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids. It has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids.

Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.

Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

Wetin concern me?
i grew up in such a household tho!
Fatal attraction does exist...

Yeah, it is Karma catching up with them. It is hard to find a Nigerian lady about 25 years who had not duped guys for up to N1m . Instead of them to look for good characters , they concentrate on Mr Bigs, Shopprite , I want to make my hair, I want to pay school fees, and other monies that are not even important forgetting that their date is not their papa They find it easy to send account number to guys for one problem or the the other even when they know they wont marry the person in question.. Eventually , when they finally decide to settle down, God of justice will answer the plea of all the ex-es they have duped and appoint a good husband who will be given them the beaten .

Kaien:
This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids. It has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids.

Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.

Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

it is the womanizers that do that always....

Some do it for the kids, some just want to keep the status of married at all costs, some want to keep deceiving themselves that the man will change, some can't divorce because of religious reasons so they endure.

[s]

Rickyzagy:
In as much as the man is wrong for beating his wife in front of the kids. The woman still stand on what she vowed for at the alter.

BTW will you marry her if she divorce the husband?

[/s]
Will u bring her to life if she dies

And why do u think marriage is the ultimate goal in life. If she doesn't marry again, wud dat be the end of the world for her.

The fact dat u're not even considering her health makes ur comment disgusting

Dyt:


He doesn't know, we talked about it, I wanted to help him but dude just says he loves me too much, doesnt wanna lose me blabla and that wasn't enough for me

He becomes a monster at the sight of me laughing with others
He starts hitting me and crying why I am doing this to him
Mehn, I had to run

He pleaded, tried so hard to get me back but I said Na, I am too beautiful to die cos of your anger isdue

He's still trying to get me back, he still thinks I will never find a man that loves me as much as he does

Sadly for him, I think my bf loves me better now even when he's a crackhead

Dyt:


He doesn't know, we talked about it, I wanted to help him but dude just says he loves me too much, doesnt wanna lose me blabla and that wasn't enough for me

He becomes a monster at the sight of me laughing with others
He starts hitting me and crying why I am doing this to him
Mehn, I had to run

He pleaded, tried so hard to get me back but I said Na, I am too beautiful to die cos of your anger isdue

He's still trying to get me back, he still thinks I will never find a man that loves me as much as he does

Sadly for him, I think my bf loves me better now even when he's a crackhead

Dyt:


He doesn't know, we talked about it, I wanted to help him but dude just says he loves me too much, doesnt wanna lose me blabla and that wasn't enough for me

He becomes a monster at the sight of me laughing with others
He starts hitting me and crying why I am doing this to him
Mehn, I had to run

He pleaded, tried so hard to get me back but I said Na, I am too beautiful to die cos of your anger isdue

He's still trying to get me back, he still thinks I will never find a man that loves me as much as he does

Sadly for him, I think my bf loves me better now even when he's a crackhead

crack head? hmmmm
well,,, you need to taste sane guy like me.....faultless

For continuity n some blokos is worth holding on to

bukatyne:


Permission to ask a question:

What did you love about him despite his toxicity?

Stockholm syndrome.

It is because most of the marriages are tweaking and bombom inspired unions... So what do u expect!

kolade560:
[size=8pt][/size]
crack head? hmmmm
well,,, you need to taste sane guy like me.....faultless

Sell yourself

enemyofprogress:
Op what did you did when you sawed the woman bean beated by her husband? Instead of you to help her and stand up for her, you came here tolding us rubbish. As far as i am concerned you are a carword jo.


Vickyrotex that woman beater go fit you and ajepako

Ẹgbọn ẹ jhur, ẹ take ẹ easy abeg

This seems to be the case many at times.
Leave her alone, she would leave when she's either dead or near death.

I was barely 2 months in my apartment and my landlord who lived in the same compound had beaten his wife more than 3times. It happens every Sunday morning probably because its the man's day off. His brothers and their wives who lived in the same compound would never bother to say a word, little did i know it was a norm.

One of the days he beat her so badly. I met her on the road limping and full of blood. He had broken her face and leg cos he used a plank that had a nail on it to beat her. She was holding her first daughter who was about 4 years by hand leaving her 5 months old at home. I tried taking her to the pharmacy but she insisted she was going to the police station.

I had no choice but to take her there myself as no one in the compound even followed her. My friends who I later told about this said I took a big risk. On our way, she was crying and shouting at the top of her voice and people were making a video of us. She even swore to leave the man that day. But guess what?

She went back to the man. Though, that was after a month or so in her father's house. Her family had begged her to return and asked the husband to pay N20,000 for damages. I knew this because he came to me to plead I help him with money. Well, I gave him part and counselled him to stop beating his wife to this he agreed. Soon after, she returned with her kids one Sunday morning.

Exactly, the next Sunday morning, the beating started again. This time around the drama was outside and everyone around the neighborhood came to watch. He climbed onto his wife and gave her serious blows that day. You would think he was fighting his fellow man. To cut long story short, the woman collapsed that day and was rushed to the hospital.

This time, she never came back to the house. She ran for her life leaving both breastfeeding baby and 4yr old.

So, OP leave her. She would learn.

PS: the law and the family is part of our problem. When we went to the police station to file a report against the man, more than 5 police officers kept asking her question one after the other like " u dey give am the thing at all", " hope say u no dey stingy with the thing" , " like how many times in a week una dey do" and so on. Mind you, this was not what had caused the issue but N200.The man gave his wife N200, she bought bread N100 and pampers retail N100. He beat her up because she bought pampers instead of foodstuffs. At the end of all the questions, the police came to the house and had a chat with the man. No arrest. No charge. No nothing

Also, her family kept encouraging her to keep her marriage even after they saw all she was going through.

In this life, you just need to know you cannot please everyone and make some tough decisions for yourself

albertatrina:
They don't want to lose the security, children, prestige by walking away from the marriage.


The signs are always there during courtship but....

I love that, ladies usually see the signs, but how the brain of a woman is wired that makes them act irrational is what I have been unable to fathom

Simply because marriage is too hard to get in Nigeria
And the women are too desperate to marry

I colobi my case

Dyt:
Some say for the Mrs tag
Some for the money
Some say for their children
Some say all men are same
Some don't have a reason

I used to judge these people alot till I was involved with a toxic partner, I walked away several times but dude kept coming back until the day I stood my ground it was enough

Yes, I still loved him when I walked away, it wasn't so easy but I had to for my mental health..

Now, not everyone have that courage to, considering the kind of society we came from

Yes you are right.. ..., some for fear of what will people say etc
unfortunately many women have died, many are are having terminal sickness, some are passing through pains and frustrations...but then life is what you choose.....

Candoit:
This seems to be the case many at times.
Leave her alone, she would leave when she's either dead or near death.

I was barely 2 months in my apartment and my landlord who lived in the same compound had beaten his wife more than 3times. It happens every Sunday morning probably because its the man's day off. His brothers and their wives who lived in the same compound would never bother to say a word, little did i know it was a norm.

One of the days he beat her so badly. I met her on the road limping and full of blood. He had broken her face and leg cos he used a plank that had a nail on it to beat her. She was holding her first daughter who was about 4 years by hand leaving her 5 months old at home. I tried taking her to the pharmacy but she insisted she was going to the police station.

I had no choice but to take her there myself as no one in the compound even followed her. My friends who I later told about this said I took a big risk. On our way, she was crying and shouting at the top of her voice and people were making a video of us. She even swore to leave the man that day. But guess what?

She went back to the man. Though, that was after a month or so in her father's house. Her family had begged her to return and asked the husband to pay N20,000 for damages. I knew this because he came to me to plead I help him with money. Well, I gave him part and counselled him to stop beating his wife to this he agreed. Soon after, she returned with her kids one Sunday morning.

Exactly, the next Sunday morning, the beating started again. This time around the drama was outside and everyone around the neighborhood came to watch. He climbed onto his wife and gave her serious blows that day. You would think he was fighting his fellow man. To cut long story short, the woman collapsed that day and was rushed to the hospital.

This time, she never came back to the house. She ran for her life leaving both breastfeeding baby and 4yr old.

So, OP leave her. She would learn.

PS: the law and the family is part of our problem. When we went to the police station to file a report against the man, more than 5 police officers kept asking her question one after the other like " u dey give am the thing at all", " hope say u no dey stingy with the thing" , " like how many times in a week una dey do" and so on. Mind you, this was not what had caused the issue but N200.The man gave his wife N200, she bought bread N100 and pampers retail N100. He beat her up because she bought pampers instead of foodstuffs. At the end of all the questions, the police came to the house and had a chat with the man. No arrest. No charge. No nothing

Also, her family kept encouraging her to keep her marriage even after they saw all she was going through.

In this life, you just need to know you cannot please everyone and make some tough decisions for yourself

This is scary to read, damn!


Money is the major issue Nigerian marriages face.


Guys don't marry if you are not financially settled and ready, and make sure your wife is doing something to earn some money of her own, if not, don't marry, stay single and enjoy your life.

bukatyne:


The question is same as:

Why do married women endure cheating husbands?

My take:

An average Nigerian woman (I like to use Nigeria as my reference ) does not see cheating and domestic abuse as 'bad' or 'intolerable.' Oh yes they will rant about it, say they can't take it, organize NGOs for it etc yet look at their choices:

It is the same way an average guy would say he can't marry a broke girl or an artificial one or a non-virgin till you see their choices. These things are not 'intolerable or so bad' to them.

Or how we complain our leaders are bad and vote same people year in, year out.

If you want to know what a society doesn't tolerate, check the vices you can't find or are very hidden e.g. homosexuality is a vice not tolerated in our society or 'publicly proclaiming you don't believe in a god/supreme being.'

As a result, homosexuals would do everything to deflect from themselves. You would just hear rumours of an exclusive club or members; you can't bet anything worthy you know anyone except you are a member yourself.

I know only one atheist in real life. Just one and he still tells me 'my daughter, God bless you.'

The vices you see exhibited in plain sight, forget it.

No mind (some of) them (Atheists)...

I know one Atheist too that calls "God!" in exclamation...

I've even once heard him say "Good God!"...

Abeg, what's the definition of Atheism again

MXD5050:
CHEATING AND LIES ARE NOT THE REASON WHY MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS END BUT LACK OF LOVE, SEX AND MONEY

Marriage is supposed to be a union that should last until death do the both partners apart. And relationship should reach its set goals which often time happens to be marriage. But why do these unions break? There are three main reasons why these agreement within two adults doesn't reach its desired goal.

*Lack of love: This most times is the reason why marriages and relationships end. Because so many people do not understand what love really is. They feel it's just a feeling for an opposite sex not knowing love has nothing to do with feelings. Love is a choice and a drive that drives us to understand and respect someone for a life time. When people attach love to feelings or emotion they tend to use words like this in future " I don't feel anything for him or her again" love must be a career you must build it, it must have some set goals as one of its qualities. You cannot love someone and cheat on that person except you confuse feelings for love that is why people would say they love their wife or partner yet they cheat on them. Some have even gone as far as saying love is not a yardstick not to cheat, you can still love your partner and cheat. Well, such persons confuse love for feelings.

*Lack of good sex: When this is jettison in marriage, it tends to promote infidelity and can cause a misunderstanding. Sex is very important in marriage. Constant ignoring of sexual activities in marriage has led so many marriages to break up. Sex helps to relieve stress, it creates bond, it procreates and it is the zenith of fun among married couples. So many couples has suffered as a result of poor sexual activities. So many women has failed to apply some techniques to get orgasm because they have seen sex therapy as secondary in marriage building. So many can hardly explore their wives sexually. When sexual climax is not being achieved in marriage, a sex therapist should be involved immediately. Over looking it is synonymous to over looking your union.

*Lack of money: They say "money can't buy love" yes that is true but money can keep love. Have you heard that poor people are vulnerable? Husbands have been taken away from their wives and wives have been taken away from their husbands mainly because of lack of love, sex and money. The heart of a woman desires good things and a proud man is he that have provided for his wife. One must not steal to have money to keep a relationship or marriage but must learn the philosophy of how to make money. Balanced view of money in marriage or relationship is vital. Seeing a professional counselor to help you get a balance view of money would help strengthen your union. Poor financial mismanagement has ended so many marriages in court seeking for the termination of their marriage contract and have pushed other partner to seek for financial solution in someone else. Do not be quick to blame them because money in itself cannot buy love but can keep love.

Issues with finding love, having a healthy sex life and understanding the philosophy of money can be normal and proffering a solution to it is that which does not demand medical attention except when it has gotten out of behavioral approach but requires the person to be patient and complete a counseling process not from a pastor, lawyer or a medical doctor but a qualified counseling psychologist.
Consult a professional counselor via WhatsApp on 0806 472 9707, Instagram on @mrbigt2020 with a fee of two thousand naira or six dollars. It's a choice, you either talk to a counselor now or end up talking to a medical doctor when it becomes a 50/50 chance medically or a lawyer when you can no longer fix the issue or when it becomes life threatening. Or talk to a pastor when you have been brain washed to believes that your case is spiritual and you need deliverance.

These are queit some good reasons, but they should come after family upbringing, character in sincerity, stable emotions in seeing off had seasons, and the type of friends we keep. Women, to me, are largely the oppressors; but because many of them are wonderful in manipulating emotions for sympathy, they turn every crisis against the men. We all have siblings, aunts, parents and other relations. In most instances, many were brought up by men who are not their biological fathers, patiently (if we make a compulsory law for dna testing, yawa go gas), some saw their father toil for their education only to be manipulated into seeing them as passers by in their lives, too many had their father's oppressed to death after their training but they keep their mothers secrets, many were taught by mothers to tap their father's money, many (male or female) who dared challenge oppressive mothers were often schemed out of their family's inheritances etc. The problems of our leaders in Obiano, Jonathan, Akeredolu, Nwobodo and even vice chancellors of universities speak volumes.
Women are difficult to please; perhaps why a married man is respected by all and sundry. My worry is that they seem not to know that they are certainly burdensome to their children, in-laws, siblings, workmates etc. They just want to be free, but when left free often they mess things up. They don't like reprimands but they will shout, order, correct and abuse you at their whims and caprices, thinking that all about live is between their ties; yet expect you to love and smile at all times. It used to be that ladies are not heard, but even now that men have learnt not to be heard, many are just keeping homes for their presumed children. Where we are going I find difficult to guess; but I know that the majority scenario, where men keep mistresses for years, without official marriages for the fear of being ripped off, in the west, may become the end result as we continue to distort and turn love and freedom upside down. Any man or woman who succeeds in creating a good home is in heaven and would have created heavenly bliss for their children, though.

Kaien:
This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids. It has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids.

Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.

Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

You mean like Sanders and the rest that killed thier husbands. Todays nigerian women are not enduring anything. Infact the men are the ones now enduring shits from these hoes.


Always talking shit.

Kaien:
This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids. It has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids.

Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.

Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

Both men and women endure abuses in marriages?

And the reasons can be many, and specific rather than general.

For example, I was not married but I endured abuses from my girlfriend for 4 years while I was in school. She was excessively jealous, rude, mannerless, narcissistic and sometimes violent. Her violence was not so much that she sometimes hit me, it was that sort of violence that involved breaking up things.

So, why did I not leave?

I did not leave because the me that entered into that relationship had been remodeled to a weakling. Constant nagging and abuses had lowered my self-esteem to the extent that I began to doubt if I could live without my abuser. Of course, that was what the abuser wants. To make you helpless so that they can put themselves over you.

That is why they make sure they drive your friends away, condemn your taste, your choices in life. They will criticize your sense of fashion, your type of friends, until you begin to depend on them to select for you the people whom you should befriend and whom you should not befriend, they make sure you wear only what they like. Anytime you try to object and they sense that they are losing their control over your lives, they would throw tantrums, and if you are a gentleman like I was, you will quickly do what they want. In other words, you have no freedom to decide your own life, to chart your own path. Hearing a "no" from you reminds them of their insecurities.

An abuser will also put you down until your self esteem is zero. They can tell you that you are not beautiful enough or handsome enough for them. They can tell you that thousands of women or men are out there begging them to leave you but because they love you, they have rejected the advances. They can even exaggerate the number of their daily toasters to make you cherish them more because they have made you scared of losing them.

Another thing the abuser does is to guilt trip you. Because the abuser has a low self-esteem, he cannot bring himself to accept his mistakes. He is always looking for someone to put all the blames on.

I gave a woman counseling many years ago. Her husband was cheating on her, and he was doing it to her face. But that was not what baffled me. What baffled me was the way the woman was struggling to take the blames for her husband's lack of class.

She was saying that, "It is my fault. I don't dress sexy for my husband, maybe I have to give him more doggy-style than I give him...bla bla bla."

That is what the abuser wants. As long as you take the blames for the abuser's mistakes, you will never think of leaving them. You will always blame yourself for their own mistakes.

My girlfriend was guilty of everything above. I was forced into doing her assignments for her because she would say, "why are we in a relationship if we can't help each other" then she would remind me of how she helped me when I was in a financial mess. Before you know it, I would be doing her assignments even if I have loads of other important things to do. Another of her line was "my friends always wonder what I saw in you".

That line stopped working when we graduated. With a first class degree in my pocket, the beast still wanted to rubbish my achievement by messing with my head.

It took the grace of God for me to leave. Before that time, I had attempted to leave many times, but somehow, she would find the words to make me sit down back. One of my own major problems was finance anyway. She was the one who had the more cash.

When a Nigerian father/mother beat their daughter like crazy while she was growing up,such primitive acts become a norm.

The woman in question might also be beating her kids like crazy.

The problem is all from the family.

If you come from a family where you parents constantly abuse you,it be very easy for outsiders to do worse.

Great parents
Raise great kids.
C.Rice.

Culture, religion and lack of self esteem.
Add poverty too

Hmmm.I hate to hear stories about spousal abuse especially when there are kids in the picture.
I for one am twice as likely to pardon a cheating spouse than a physically abusive one (don't get me wrong, he'll still sweat if he cheats).This is why even when my husband taps me in a way that's supposed to be sexy and it feels too harsh,I 'tap' my own back with these words 'let me do my own back niw so that the day you start to beat me, I'll not be confused to think that it's the 'normal ass tap'.

I don't involve family members into my nuclear business but the only clause to that is if for some reason physical abuse occurs.I'll never excuse it, I'll summon all the notable members of the family for them to talk to him.If it ever recurrs, I'm gone like the wind and with my kids too.
That's not a sight I want etched in my kids' minds.

Tell your neighbor she deserves better and if she doesn't leave, she's inadvertently setting up her kids to be placed at the mercy of one of her husband's mistresses should she die or become mentally unstable.
Harsh truth but truth anyway...My heart goes out to her.

Marriage is not a compulsory ingredient for a successful life.