I was going to post this in my diary but I changed my mind and decided to rave about it here instead. I am not going give any fancy review, neither will I read the criticism until I am done with the book.

Never mind that the prose is pedestrian and chaotic at first glance, this book is one of the finest piece of African storytelling I have I ever come across in all my years of reading.

So rave, I MUST. If your attention span is a tweet long, then this thread is NOT for you.

I haven't gotten to the middle though. Hehehehehe.....

The story is about a man who is addicted to palm wine and has his own special wine tapper who taps the wine to his exact specifications. However, when the tapper dies, the drinkard can not find any suitable replacement, so he embarks on a journey to the land of the dead to bring back his brewer. Along his way he encounters many spirits and strange and wonderful adventures.

So far so good, the parts that have resonated with me in this crazy man's quest for palmi is the saga of 'The Complete Gentleman' because of its metaphorical significance.

A head strong, beautiful woman (Nairaland males will call her a 'feminist' because she has refused to marry and cares only about making money and remaining independent) sees a remarkably handsome man in the market and is smitten. She decides to go like the biblical Ruth on him and follows him around like a puppy, even after the man has warned her to stop.

Do not follow Unknown Man’s beauty

But when they had travelled about twelve miles away from that market, they left the road on which they were traveling and started to travel inside an endless forest in which only all the terrible creatures were living.

Since time immemorial, many human beings have been moved by beauty to the detriment of character. A supposedly well grounded business woman abandons her common sense in the pursuit of a mirage, and by the time she realises that all that glitters is not gold, it is too late.

Return the parts of body to the owners; or hired parts of the complete gentleman’s body to be returned

As they were travelling along in this endless forest then the complete gentleman in the market that the lady was following, began to return the hired parts of his body to the owners and he was paying them the rentage money. When he reached where he hired the left foot, he pulled it out, he gave it to the owner and paid him, and they kept going; when they reached the place where he hired the right foot, he pulled it out and gave it to the owner and paid for the rentage. Now both feet had returned to the owners, so he began to crawl along on the ground, by that time, that lady wanted to go back to her town or her father, but the terrible and curious creature or the complete gentleman did not allow her to return or go back to her town or her father again and the complete gentleman said thus: – “I had told you not to follow me before we branched into this endless forest which belongs to only terrible and curious creatures, but when I became a half-bodied incomplete gentleman you wanted to go back, now that cannot be done, you have failed. Even you have never seen anything yet, just follow me.”

Ever wonder why it seems marriages are failing everyday? People are looking for love in all the wrong places. We create all kinds of ideals about what our partners should be like and even when we see red flags, we resolutely ignore them because we are arrested by certain physical attributes that we feel will make up for whatever shortcomings our significant others may have. And when the storm comes, poof, everything collapses like a pack of cards. Or perhaps that special attribute is not encased in the body you like, so when a Complete Gentleman or Gentlewoman comes along, against your better judgement you follow them. It will end in tears.

All that glitters is NOT gold. Many have been damaged, or even lost their lives chasing shadows. The lady is later tortured with a caterwauling cowrie tied around her neck, starved, struck dumb and made to sit on a stool made of a giant, living frog.

In this era of social media slaying, we allow the images we see influence the actions we take. On a personal note I had to reduce my visits to certain pages on social media platforms make dem no use oppression wound me.

The Complete Gentleman was so beautiful that even our palmwine crazy protagonist was jealous and shed tears of sorrow and self pity.

The Lady was not to be blamed for following the Skull as a Complete Gentleman

I could not blame the lady for following the Skull as a complete gentleman to his house at all. Because if I were a lady, no doubt I would follow him to wherever he would go, and still as I was a man I would jealous him more than that, because if this gentleman went to the battle field, surely, enemy would not kill him or capture him and if bombers saw him in a town which was to be bombed, they would not throw bombs on his presence, and if they did throw it, the bomb itself would not explode until this gentleman would leave that town, because of his beauty. At the same time that I saw this gentleman in the market on that day, what I was doing was only to follow him about in the market. After I looked at him for so many hours, then I ran to a corner of the market and I cried for a few minutes because I thought within myself why was I not created with beauty as this gentleman...

It's all fake. People nowadays live for the Gram, painting falsehood with realistic tones. You click on your gee's wall on Facebook and see him posing in this very posh vehicle, his background carpeted with silvery snow, nice houses and bare pine trees. You think he is living the life, meanwhile all na borrow pose. After posting the cool pics that has made you green with envy, your friend will exit the car and go back to his two by four cubicle where he is squatting with three other guys and surviving on food stamps. He is a Complete Gentleman.

The Instagram Slay Kings and Queens who seem to always be in one pretty hotel room, bar or beach side sipping different concoctions in wine glasses. How about the always smiling, happy family that makes you wonder why your husband or wife is not as glam or as fun as they used to be before you marred them? Why can't you guys just go on a vacation to Dubai like your friend (never mind hubby is collecting 100k salary per month)? A happy, fun filled family, until you read somewhere that the man threw his nagging wife (your happy, smiling friend) out of the window of a two-storey building. It's like when Tontoh Dikeh was shouting upandan IG 'my king my king', until we heard that the man has returned her bride price. FAKE LIFE.

Even Invictus Obi gave many young men on Nairaland heart palpitations. Featured in Forbes' List, multi millionaire with several companies to his name. All at the young age of 32 years. Like our protagonist, these young shed secret tears at how lousy their lives seemed to be with their 50k jobs and cramped one room cubicles. Does Invictus have three heads? See, the bitter truth is not everyone will be rich. Not everyone will ever step their legs outside this country no matter how loudly they proclaim their hatred for Nigeria. Not everyone will ever ride a clean sharp ride. Not everyone will ever ride Mercedes Benz. There will always be a divide between the haves and have nots. There will always be the lower class and if you belong to that lower class, it is not a crime against humanity. It is just what it is. As Sir Percy said to Citizen Chauvelin in The Scarlet Pimpernel after Chauvelin told him the French Revolution would elevate all the tailors to kings, "If everyone were kings, who would be your tailors?"

Fake life is killing this generation. What, if not fake life will cause a young girl to go for butt enlargement? I see so many young ladies on social media go around looking like those ants in 'A Bug's Life'. You know, very disproportionate buttocks beneath average sized torsos. They are Complete Gentlewomen.

Fake Life. Fake life!! Lies!!!! We are surrounded by Complete Gentlemen and Gentlewomen and we need to borrow ourselves brain and not allow ourselves be unnecessarily pressured to meet up with the Jones,' otherwise you will find yourself in a very thick, endlessq forest in the captivity of a strange and terrible creature returning all the body parts he used to lure you to your imminent doom.

Do we now talk about the problem of Problem Children? Our protagonist finally has a child (who came out through his mother's thumb, by the way. No vaginal birth here. LOL ) and guess what the baby does? He starts guzzling palm wine like a hardened drinker. A classic case of parental bad habits passing from one generation to the other, and this case it is amplified because not only does the newly born Junior drink palmwine, he also eats like a whale and is as strong as 100 men to boot. He controls the house and orders when and how things are done, even dictating to his parents how long they must sleep. At least Papa Junior was only addicted to palmwine which he got through legit means, but Junior here, he beats up everyone who stands in his way and even his parents are afraid of him because he is ransacking the whole town, eating people's food, drinking their wine and pummeling any modafugga that complains.

Oh gosh I cackled like a hen throughout this chapter. The Drinkards have a serious family problem.

At a level it is totally relatable because every family has a problem or difficult child who manifest their fuckery in various shades. How we handle them is what makes the difference between Family A and Family B. I also realised while reading that not all bad children are bad as a result of faulty parenting. Some kids are just born bad. No matter how well you train them, they will always end up in the wrong way because there is something fundamentally wrong with them. Junior here was bad right from his mother's 'womb'.

Crazy, crazy book.

I like the fact that you delve deep into books.

The wonder of literature atimes.......


I will download this for future light reading based on your rant.

Damn!

You've got chills running down my spine once again. When I first read this story in 100 level, I was so spooked by it. Easily the scariest fictional story I've ever had to read.

I heavily appreciate the way you have broken it down to reflect the realities of today though, even if I did have to skip a lot of snippets you've posted so far

It's a "must read" book for every social media users.
Especially those runing after the latest fashion guy, investor this investor that, lavish money and lot money.

Ishilove:
Crazy, crazy book.

You too much BROS.

armadeo:
I like the fact that you delve deep into books.

The wonder of literature atimes.......


I will download this for future light reading based on your rant.

Oh, I immerse myself, brother

You need to read it with an open mind. It's not structurally remarkable in the normal sense, but it is a fine piece of work.

safarigirl:
Damn!

You've got chills running down my spine once again. When I first read this story in 100 level, I was so spooked by it. Easily the scariest fictional story I've ever had to read.

I heavily appreciate the way you have broken it down to reflect the realities of today though, even if I did have to skip a lot of snippets you've posted so far

I don't find it scary; I find it very fascinating. The book is essentially fantasy and Yoruba folklore. I am reminded of Ben Okri's The Famished Road where everything was so surreal.

Ishilove:

I don't find it scary; I find it very fascinating. The book is essentially fantasy and Yoruba folklore. I am reminded of Ben Okri's The Famished Road where everything was so surreal.

Yeah, I know it is. We studied it in English literature and we were told, the entire book was directly translated from a Yoruba folklore, hence the odd way the English was constructed in the story.

safarigirl:


Yeah, I know it is. We studied it in English literature and we were told, the entire book was directly translated from a Yoruba folklore, hence the odd way the English was constructed in the story.

I haven't even gone online to read it's origins. I just guessed it must be folklore because it has that feel to it. I first read it when I was fresh out of secondary school and it was like gibberish. The themes flew right over my head, but now I decided to go back and reread again and was struck by how relevant the themes are in contemporary society.

Ishilove:

I haven't even gone online to read it's origins. I just guessed it must be folklore because it has that feel to it. I first read it when I was fresh out of secondary school and it was like gibberish. The themes flew right over my head, but now I decided to go back and reread again and was struck by how relevant the themes are in contemporary society.

I don't think I will ever gather liver to read that book again. I had nightmares for weeks after I finished it

Ishilove:

I haven't even gone online to read it's origins. I just guessed it must be folklore because it has that feel to it. I first read it when I was fresh out of secondary school and it was like gibberish. The themes flew right over my head, but now I decided to go back and reread again and was struck by how relevant the themes are in contemporary society.

Where did you get a copy? I've been looking for one for many moons, now. I really need to read that book all over again.

Kaycee7:
Where did you get a copy? I've been looking for one for many moons, now. I really need to read that book all over again.

Follow the instructions in this link

https://www.nairaland.com/1016929/diaries-section-chat-room/935#89535069

safarigirl:


I don't think I will ever gather liver to read that book again. I had nightmares for weeks after I finished it

Hahaha. Safari you no get mind

Ishilove:

Follow the instructions in this link

https://www.nairaland.com/1016929/diaries-section-chat-room/935#89535069

This is a gold mine. Thanks.

Kaycee7:
This is a gold mine. Thanks.

You're welcome

Ishilove:

Hahaha. Safari you no get mind

not for that book

Great book

When I was little I was so in love with this book eh. My mum had a collection of books from her university then. The book was about a man that went to visit his father in the land of the dead, and back home there was a huge quarell between earth and the heavens, which made heaven not to give earth rain. Resulting in a serious famine.

In the land of the dead you had to walk backwards. And when the protagonist injured himself the people there were angry. Sha lemme not spoil the book for you guys.

As young as I was I still read a book meant for university professors and understood it. If you haven't and you're a lover of cultural laced books kindly get it.

Really love this piece of literature...
I would love to read it again. It was scary back then though...

Lovely.

A fijó gba Awà; a fìjà gba Awà; bí a ò bá jó, bí a ò bá jà, bí a bá ti gba Awà, kò tán bí?

By dancing we take possession of Awà; through fighting we take possession of Awà; if we neither dance nor fight, but take possession of Awà anyway, is the result not the same?

(Why make a huge production of a matter that is easily taken care of?)

I know this story. It was so weird to read back in secondary school. If you are not swayed by the things you see on social media and remain content with yourself, that's a modern day super power.

It pays to stick to pages and accounts that grow your mind, not empty narcissistic ones.

Moral of the story: Hustle Hustle Hustle Hustle Hustle Hustle so you can turn your fake lifestyle into an everlasting reality.
.
Guys I am a very competent and experienced photographer, what's stopping you from booking me today? https://www.nairaland.com/5660603/professional-photographer-heres-mini-portfolio