sisisioge:
Here is how the issue gets treated here in naija...

If a married woman cheats and have a child from it...end of marriage. No debate.

If a married man cheats and have a child from it...well, the rational thing to do is to end the marriage but in reality, there could be a debate on what happens next.

It is well fa.

EngrEgghead:
It is because men and ego are 5 and 6, among several things.

Romangalactic:

Yes you're right, but what is the reason behind it? Dont you think finance has a lot to do with it

EDGEof2MORO:
The real question should be,

Why Should Men Accept Children Their Wives Had From Infidelity?

Plead:

Nobody should.

doitforyou:

Money money money.

Let’s get one thing straight first, regardless of what we read and post here on NL, log off, IRL Nigerian women DO contribute financially in their marriages.

Cold cash does NOT raise a child.

If you believe a man shouldn’t raise his wife’s love child then you shouldn’t be okay with a wife raising her husband’s. You money excuse, is just an excuse for double standards.

No man or woman should be blackmailed into raising a love child if they’re not emotional prepared to.

CAPSLOCKED:


WITH THREADS LIKE THIS, HE'S ABOUT TO MAKE THE COSTLY MISTAKE OF RAISING ANOTHER PERSON'S CHILD.
IT'S A DIFFERENT THING TO ADOPT AND RAISE A CHILD, OR MARRY A SINGLE MOM. BUT CONTINUING A MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHILD THAT HAS COME THROUGH INFIDELITY IS MADNESS.

CAPSLOCKED:


WITH THREADS LIKE THIS, HE'S ABOUT TO MAKE THE COSTLY MISTAKE OF RAISING ANOTHER PERSON'S CHILD.
IT'S A DIFFERENT THING TO ADOPT AND RAISE A CHILD, OR MARRY A SINGLE MOM. BUT CONTINUING A MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHILD THAT HAS COME THROUGH INFIDELITY IS MADNESS.

Romangalactic:

No one is arguing if women contribute financially in marriages or not. Like I said, I am very okay with raising a love child if the financial support on that child from the mother will be at least 90%.

Cold cash does not raise a child you say, but it is very important in raising a child whether you like it or not.
I can very well pay anyone working in childcare to raise my lovechild or even pay (child support) the biological mother of the child to do the raising but who will a wife pay to be financially responsible for her lovechild?

Plead:
Personally I can’t advise any male friend of mine to marry a single mom because she’ll want you to be financially responsible for for her kids(this is supposed to be the responsibility of the real father and herself not you).
If she can be financially responsible for the kids by herself then I have no problem with anybody that wants to marry her.....

Off topic sha

bukatyne:
Infidelity with children is different for men & women.

Husband:
A husband cheats and has a kid. He can decide to run a parallel family or bring the kid home if the marriage currently has no kids, no boys etc. The worst he will do is to bring the child home as 'his brother's child or uncle' s child' that is lie about the relationship. At No POINT is the wife deceived that the child is hers.

Wife:
She cheats and gets pregnant. Except the husband has established he is impotent or did not sleep with her during the window, he will automatically assume her child is his. So the husband invests all resources in a child that is not his right from when she is pregnant.

There is also wear and tear that comes from pregnancy and childbirth. So the husband probably ran out at 2am to get Ghana Jollof + Port Harcourt Boli for a child that is not his; he endured all the discomfort and abstained from sex for months for a child not his; the wife's body changed and he had to work with her through it for a child not his; he kept vigil when the baby was ill; he cheered when the baby took her first walk; when he grew his first tooth.

Paternity fraud is the difference between love children of cheating husbands/ wives.

Cc: Romangalactic

doitforyou:

Lol so how does it work?? You bring in a nanny to only care for your love child while your wife attends to other children, while living under one roof??

Romangalactic:

For a wife who chose to remain married to me, doesn't that mean she has accepted to raise the child?
There is no realistic scenario where a husband will bring a lovechild into his house when madam wants none of it. Someone will die.

My earlier point regarding paying for childcare is when the wife decides to leave. I can very well pay for childcare from anyone. Even my own mother or sister or family member can do it free of charge but who is the man that will do this for a woman and still be the one financially responsible for her lovechild?

pansophist:
This is a false equivalence. Deceiving a man to father a child who is not his is not the same as a woman giving motherly care to her step child The former is beyond despicable and should not be comparable to the latter. An equal comparison will be a baby daddy and baby father, because it is impossible for a man to deceive a woman that she is the mother of his child
Never happened.

There are men who marry single moms and became good fathers to her kid(s), it's about letting your partner know what they are getting into, not by deceit. So therefore, its left for a woman to determine if she will confer parental care to her step child, especially when the man is showing his fatherly responsibilities.

Romangalactic:

I am going to find out if I am the biological father after the child is born. That is the plan

doitforyou:

Personally, I agree and it should be madness for both the man and the woman.

However, some don’t mind, and that’s also a valid choice for them.

The OP is more about explaining the double standard of people being generally more accepting of a man’s love child than a woman’s (when it’s known it’s a love child).

Romangalactic:
In Nigeria, it is culturally the responsibility of a husband to be responsible for the financial needs of the children & wards under him. In families where wives are the providers there will definitely be no peace if the situation does not change for a long time.

I had an issue which I brought here sometime back regarding my fiancee and her pregnancy. Thank goodness my doctor allayed my fears regarding her fidelity by confirming that it's possible I am the father.
I know for sure that after she gives birth and I find out I am not the father, I will not accept responsibility for a child I did not father because I don't want to raise another man's child with my money. If I felt the need to do such a thing, I will adopt a child. That's my decision.

Now the matter here is, what if it's a man who got another woman pregnant and wants to bring the child into his family? It's my opinion that he has the right to do so because it is his money that will be used to take care of the child. The role of a mother can be performed by anyone if you pay them to do it and people need jobs, but you can't pay someone to financially provide for a child he did not father.

A wife who has a child from a man other than her husband should get child support from the biological father or just go to be with the man who impregnated her. The other option is to cater for the child's financial provision with at least 90% support if she wants her husband to consider accepting it.

I will like to read opinions from other people here

Plead
Ybaby
Mizwisdom
Pdudd
Risenphoenix
Capslocked
Pansophist
Bukatyne
Mstick
Lalasticlala

rockstarB:
Because that child is a disruption to the family tree. A married man that has a child with another woman still gets to maintain his DNA through that child, the child is part of the family tree. It is solely up to the wife to decide whether she wants to be a part of the childs life or not, the man can as well raise the kid with the babymama outside his family. He gets to spend his money on his own child and all that daddy duties.
When a married woman cheats and gets pregnant for another man(if she gets caught), that child is automatically a bastard to the family, a disruption to the family tree. His sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts are not his real relatives.
A married woman that has the courage to get pregnant for another man should use same energy to raise the child with the real family.
Except a man wants to genuinely protect the image of the family, such child should be raised in his real family.
Say no to OMO ALE. Only a woman can bring a bastard to the family. A bastard child never comes through a man.