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Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. - Family - Nairaland

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Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 6:16pm On May 30, 2020
Are you a Nigerian? do you have friends and family in diaspora or home who are doing well for themselves but will ignore your request to send money all the time? before you call them stingy or wicked, here are some of the reasons why rich friends do not give out money;

1. They don't have enough: Enough is subjective, someone can earn as much as $100,000/annum but feel he's not earning enough, some people have these dreams of being wealthy and that salary isn't sufficient to get them there. So you have a friend/relative who works in a big firm abroad, you think he's rich, he thinks he isn't earning enough. Even millionaires have needs too.

2. You are not the only one making financial demands: You think you are his best friend because you went to secondary school together and were seat mate or bunk mates in the hostel so automatically he should be predisposed to meeting your needs, well there are primary school best friends, university best friends, first love, NYSC best friends, Neighbours, uncles, aunties, brothers etc who think their request should be met too. It is impossible to meet all these needs.

3. Making financial demand is never a one time thing: I had this habit of giving money to people who ask for financial favors the first time. I thought since they never asked for such before, they must really be in need. I soon found out that after that first time they run to me whenever they need money again, sometimes they space out the request like two months, some every month etc. I then realize that the $100, $200 i send them is never going to be sufficient, they will always come back for more. So i joined the God will provide gang.

4. Yahoo boys : Not every fraudster hacks into companies accounts, or forge the accountants signature, or even find lonely older women/men to scam. Some yahoo boys have resorted to begging, they send you message of how their dad is dying in the hospital, how their sister got arrested for a crime she didn't commit and they need a lawyer bla bla, they call these lies format and once you send them money they pop champagne and call you client.

5. General realization : One day i was going through my bank statement and i noticed i gave out about $500 monthly to family and friends. The same me who will walk into H & M, see a shirt of $40 and think it's too costly. I either buy it grudgingly or wait till it's on sale to buy. I realized i wasn't taking care of myself enough. Most people will come to this realization at a point in their lives.

This thread isn't limited to just people abroad, it include people who work and earn who are home based too. How do you cope with demands?Diasporans what made you rethink your generousity?

Feel free to add yours.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by rentAcock(m): 6:35pm On May 30, 2020
Abroad people call me every weekend asking me to send money (not bragging). Many of them are frustrated over there. They work long hours including overtime but the government takes federal, state, city, social security, medicare, medicaid and disability taxes. On top of that, when they buy biscuit, they will still take sales tax. They pay exorbitant rent; those who "own" homes are locked in a loan repayment for 30yrs of which they still have to pay annual taxes for their house. Phone bill can cost over $60 per line, cable $120, internet $80 and they still pay tax on top of it. Burger and chips with soft drink can easily cost you $16 plus tax.

Sure some folks are making over $100,000 theoretically especially healthcare workers in expensive states like California and new York, but by the time they deduct all those taxes from their check, they are left with just $40,000. Then they still have to pay more taxes on every thing they buy. That's not life. It's like a rat wheel, oscillating but not making any progress. I have a cousin who was in the same situation in America, after 10yrs working as a social worker, he returned home and we started up a business. He still regrets all the years he spent slaving away in America. Today, he travels the world on vacation and visiting places he didn't even have time to visit when he was living abroad. It's not too late for Nigerians living abroad to return home; you can make it big here with less stress and you will extend your life span.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Klass99(f): 6:46pm On May 30, 2020
eazzzy1:


5. General realization : One day i was going through my bank statement and i noticed i gave out about $500 monthly to family and friends. The same me who will walk into H & M, see a shirt of $40 and think it's too costly. I either buy it grudgingly or wait till it's on sale to buy. I realized i wasn't taking care of myself enough. Most people will come to this realization at a point in their lives.

How do you cope with demands?Diasporans what made you rethink your generousity?

Feel free to add yours.

Point 5, made me lol. I do the same thing too, when I think something is too pricey, I refuse to buy it. Only to end up spending that sum of money or even more, on cash requests from family and friends.

I'm in Naija, but to answer your question, I don't have a problem with telling people I am broke or now is not a good time for me financially. I don't dilly dally with my answer either, so the person with a request, can quickly move on from me to other options.

I would like an early retirement from this rat race of a 9-5. So, now, I am very focused on investments and putting more money away towards my retirement. This has caused me, to cut down on the number of requests I honour.

I call it requests rather than demands, because you can only ask me for financial help, demanding it, will get you no where with me.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Klass99(f): 7:12pm On May 30, 2020
rentAcock:
Abroad people call me every weekend asking me to send money (not bragging). Many of them are frustrated over there. They work long hours including overtime but the government takes federal, state, city, social security, medicare, medicaid and disability taxes. On top of that, when they buy biscuit, they will still take sales tax. They pay exorbitant rent; those who "own" homes are locked in a loan repayment for 30yrs of which they still have to pay annual taxes for their house. Phone bill can cost over $60 per line, cable $120, internet $80 and they still pay tax on top of it. Burger and chips with soft drink can easily cost you $16 plus tax.
.

I can relate to this post. I had a school mate schooling and working in Russia. She often had to fall back on money contributed by her siblings in Naija to survive. She didn't stay back after school, she came home.

My own cousin returned from Australia, after his Masters. He said the system over there won't allow you live a very comfortable life. Everything is billed and taxed to a point where, you can hardly afford nice but expensive things for yourself.

He said most of the people he befriended had never been on a plane or travelled outside their states of residence, because by the time they are done paying bills, there's very little left for travel. Travelling for them, would mean a financial plan of 6 or 8 months ahead for that trip.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Amanee(f): 7:39pm On May 30, 2020
Very valid points op and you're quite right.

Bailing friends and family financially is deeply engrained in our system, it even has a name, 'black tax'. It's not something that started today and it won't end anytime soon. So just do what you can and resist the urge to become a saviour at your own detriment. Like a wise man once said "when someone ends up being indebted, it's not because of the family. In many instances they don't themselves understand the limit of their finances. Someone who knows their limit regardless of family pressure will not go over their limit".

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Amanee(f): 7:41pm On May 30, 2020
rentAcock:
Abroad people call me every weekend asking me to send money (not bragging). Many of them are frustrated over there. They work long hours including overtime but the government takes federal, state, city, social security, medicare, medicaid and disability taxes. On top of that, when they buy biscuit, they will still take sales tax. They pay exorbitant rent; those who "own" homes are locked in a loan repayment for 30yrs of which they still have to pay annual taxes for their house. Phone bill can cost over $60 per line, cable $120, internet $80 and they still pay tax on top of it. Burger and chips with soft drink can easily cost you $16 plus tax.

Sure some folks are making over $100,000 theoretically especially healthcare workers in expensive big cities like California and new York, but by the time the deduct all those taxes from their check, they are left with just $40,000. Then they still have to pay more taxes on every thing they buy. That's not life. It's like a rat wheel, oscillating but not making any progress. I have a cousin who was in the same situation in America, after 10yrs working as a social worker, he returned home and we started up a business. He still regrets all the years he spent slaving away in America. Today, he travels the world on vacation and visiting places he didn't even have time to visit when he was living abroad. It's not too late for Nigerians living abroad to return home; you can make it big here with less stress and you will extend your life span.



Nobody asked you all these, always resist the urge to shalaye

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 7:46pm On May 30, 2020
rentAcock:
Abroad people call me every weekend asking me to send money (not bragging). Many of them are frustrated over there. They work long hours including overtime but the government takes federal, state, city, social security, medicare, medicaid and disability taxes. On top of that, when they buy biscuit, they will still take sales tax. They pay exorbitant rent; those who "own" homes are locked in a loan repayment for 30yrs of which they still have to pay annual taxes for their house. Phone bill can cost over $60 per line, cable $120, internet $80 and they still pay tax on top of it. Burger and chips with soft drink can easily cost you $16 plus tax.

Sure some folks are making over $100,000 theoretically especially healthcare workers in expensive big cities like California and new York, but by the time the deduct all those taxes from their check, they are left with just $40,000. Then they still have to pay more taxes on every thing they buy. That's not life. It's like a rat wheel, oscillating but not making any progress. I have a cousin who was in the same situation in America, after 10yrs working as a social worker, he returned home and we started up a business. He still regrets all the years he spent slaving away in America. Today, he travels the world on vacation and visiting places he didn't even have time to visit when he was living abroad. It's not too late for Nigerians living abroad to return home; you can make it big here with less stress and you will extend your life span.

Lol. Nobody makes $100,000 and ends up with $40,000 after deductions. Anyway this is not a homebased vs diasporan thread. How do you cope with the people abroad making financial request?

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Sleyanya1(m): 7:46pm On May 30, 2020
sad

@ Point 4, anyone who pulls such stunt on you isn't worthy to be called your friend and most times you'd know when they're lying.


However, giving is something we should all make plans to do. You could set aside a budget for your folks back in Nigeria (that's if you can afford) and when you exhaust that you reschedule granting any other financial requests to the next month's budget.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by sweetmelanin(f): 7:51pm On May 30, 2020
rentAcock:
Abroad people call me every weekend asking me to send money (not bragging). Many of them are frustrated over there. They work long hours including overtime but the government takes federal, state, city, social security, medicare, medicaid and disability taxes. On top of that, when they buy biscuit, they will still take sales tax. They pay exorbitant rent; those who "own" homes are locked in a loan repayment for 30yrs of which they still have to pay annual taxes for their house. Phone bill can cost over $60 per line, cable $120, internet $80 and they still pay tax on top of it. Burger and chips with soft drink can easily cost you $16 plus tax.

Sure some folks are making over $100,000 theoretically especially healthcare workers in expensive big cities like California and new York, but by the time the deduct all those taxes from their check, they are left with just $40,000. Then they still have to pay more taxes on every thing they buy. That's not life. It's like a rat wheel, oscillating but not making any progress. I have a cousin who was in the same situation in America, after 10yrs working as a social worker, he returned home and we started up a business. He still regrets all the years he spent slaving away in America. Today, he travels the world on vacation and visiting places he didn't even have time to visit when he was living abroad. It's not too late for Nigerians living abroad to return home; you can make it big here with less stress and you will extend your life span.


I wish this was the case for most people in Nigeria but the reality is that majority are suffering!

That it is well with you doesn't mean you disregard the plight of millions of jobless, lowly paid Nigerians who sadly also have a entitlement mentality towards those abroad, making financial demands on top of someone else's sweat!


EDIT:
I love seeing all these comments assuming those abroad are "struggling".. if believing this is what it'll take to get leeches off our backs then so be it! Stop begging money from your relatives abroad please.. they are all "broke and suffering" cheesy

You Nigerians in Nigeria are far better than us so please send us money wink

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 7:51pm On May 30, 2020
Klass99:


Point 5, made me lol. I do the same thing too, when I think something is too pricey, I refuse to buy it. Only to end up spending that sum of money or even more, on cash requests from family or friends.

I'm in Naija, but to answer your question, I don't have a problem with telling people I am broke or now is not a good time for me financially. I don't dilly dally with my answer either, so the person with a request, can quickly move on from me to other options.

I would like an early retirement from this rat race of a 9-5. So, now, I am very focused on investments and putting more money away towards my retirement. This has caused me, to cut down on the number of requests I honour.

I call it requests rather than demands, because you can only ask me for financial help, demanding it will get you no where with me.


Very good for you, you have got your priorities right. I do have people who make demands and get angry when you don't meet up. These ones think you owe them and will say words like "let me enjoy you na, since you traveled you have only sent me money twice. bros no be so". I am learning to tell people i have commitments and i would not be able to be of assistance right now.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 7:56pm On May 30, 2020
Amanee:
Very valid points op and you're quite right.

Bailing friends and family financially is deeply engrained in our system, it even has a name, 'black tax'. It's not something that started today and it won't end anytime soon. So just do what you can and resist the urge to become a saviour at your own detriment. Like a wise man once said "when someone ends up being indebted, it's not because of the family. In many instances they don't themselves understand the limit of their finances. Someone who knows their limit regardless of family pressure will not go over their limit".

You are very correct Amanee, i realize that when i was working in naija, i could give out almost a quarter of my monthly pay without thinking about it, right now i cannot even give out 5% except it's a life or death situation, even though i earn more now. Your comment is spot on.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 7:59pm On May 30, 2020
sweetmelanin:



I wish this was the case for most people in Nigeria but the reality is that majority are suffering!

That it is well with you doesn't mean you disregard the plight of millions of jobless, lowly paid Nigerians who sadly also have a entitlement mentality towards those abroad, making financial demands on top of someone else's sweat!

People have a bias and react to things through the lens of these biases. I am sure once he opened my thread he thought it was another diasporan bashing Nigerians in Nigeria post and he couldn't resist the impulse to defend the NIN.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 8:03pm On May 30, 2020
Sleyanya1:
sad

@ Point 4, anyone who pulls such stunt on you isn't worthy to be called your friend and most times you'd know when they're lying.


However, giving is something we should all make plans to do. You could set aside a budget for your folks back in Nigeria (that's if you can afford) and when you exhaust that you reschedule granting any other financial requests to the next month's budget.

Desperation can bring out the worst in people. I agree with you, i try to set aside a percentage of my earnings for charity, but i discovered that people will always take advantage of it. Some people who make requests end up living better than you, they walk into restaurants and spend money you won't spend on one sitting. You soon start to feel like you are being taken advantage of.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Sleyanya1(m): 8:07pm On May 30, 2020
eazzzy1:


Desperation can bring out the worst in people. I agree with you, i try to set aside a percentage of my earnings for charity, but i discovered that people will always take advantage of it. Some people who make requests end up living better than you, they walk into restaurants and spend money you won't spend on one sitting. You soon start to feel like you are being taken advantage of.

Hahaha that's so true sometimes.
The best you can do is just follow your heart and give as you're led to.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by eazzzy1(m): 8:13pm On May 30, 2020
Klass99:


I can relate to this post. I had a school mate schooling and working in Russia. She often had to fall back on money contributed by her siblings in Naija to survive. She didn't stay back after school, she came home.

My own cousin returned from Australia, after his Masters. He said the system over there won't allow you live a very comfortable life. Everything is billed and taxed to a point where, you can hardly afford nice but expensive things for yourself.

He said most of the people he befriended had never been on a plane or travelled outside their states of residence, because by the time they are done paying bills, there's very little left for travel. Travelling for them, would mean a financial plan of 6 or 8 months ahead for that trip.

This is not always the case for immigrants, especially the ones of coming from Africa. There is a minimum wage system in most developed country, meaning no matter what you do, you can not earn below certain amount of money. These wages are put in place with consideration to cost of living, i.e housing, transport, feeding, taxation etc. Most minimum wages are livable wages, you can survive and live comfortably if you live according to your means.

Most Diasporans who come back home only do so because they do not see themselves doing these minimum wage paying jobs. e.g your cousin with a master degree wouldn't want to work as a security or sales associate at a store. Depending on ones course of study, grades, age, past work experience, not every diasporan will get the career of their choice. As long as you are able and willing to work and spend according to your means, you won't suffer.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by rentAcock(m): 9:08pm On May 30, 2020
Amanee:




Nobody asked you all these, always resist the urge to shalaye

I will block you now. Bye

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by zed7: 1:59am On May 31, 2020
Does it ever end? I can understand the request from people who are sick and can't afford medical bills. What irks me the most is those who after enjoying the pleasures of ejaculation start nagging you for money because they just had a baby or need money for school fees.
I always say I wouldn't give again but I still end up giving. I have always made it a point not to stress myself. I give what wouldn't dent my own resources. If you need 50k, I can give 10k, go source for the rest yourself.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by zeestone99(m): 8:09am On May 31, 2020
Klass99:


Point 5, made me lol. I do the same thing too, when I think something is too pricey, I refuse to buy it. Only to end up spending that sum of money or even more, on cash requests from family or friends.

I'm in Naija, but to answer your question, I don't have a problem with telling people I am broke or now is not a good time for me financially. I don't dilly dally with my answer either, so the person with a request, can quickly move on from me to other options.

I would like an early retirement from this rat race of a 9-5. So, now, I am very focused on investments and putting more money away towards my retirement. This has caused me, to cut down on the number of requests I honour.

I call it requests rather than demands, because you can only ask me for financial help, demanding it will get you no where with me.

I will try to go this route except when it comes to parents.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by sisisioge: 8:42am On May 31, 2020
eazzzy1:


People have a bias and react to things through the lens of these biases. I am sure once he opened my thread he thought it was another diasporan bashing Nigerians in Nigeria post and he couldn't resist the impulse to defend the NIN.

I dont know why you guys are taking his post personal. He was only buttressing to the extreme what you said in your original post...we shouldn't make demands on you because your incomes are heavily taxed and cost of living is high. Simple.

By the way, I have seen where one of my uncles here in Nigeria had to bail another uncle out in the UK by sending him money. We know its not easy, we know your rent is scandalous, we know that for those who aren't in lucrative sectors like the health sector, it could get really hard especially if you do not have a partner to share your bills with. We know all about working at least 2 jobs to make ends meet.

However, we also know that your par capital income is higher than ours, lifespan is longer, healthcare is either free or expensively better, junk food could be cheaper, your govt bail you when unemployed,..etc.

I honestly would never understand why friends and families make demands on people both home and abroad. Better to know where your responsibilities to the extended family or partners(spouses/spouses to be) lies and put them in your budget. Eg, monthly allowance to your parents, they shouldn't have to ask before you send it. As per friends asking because you're abroad them no well. EOD.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by missimelda01(f): 10:54am On May 31, 2020
Diaspora or Nigeria, people will only ask for money when they think you're doing better than them, it's up to you to set your priorities right and give only when you can. I'm not against people(friends and family) asking for money when their in dire need, people are going through a lot and we should all agree that life abroad is way better than life here in Nigeria, so if you're in a position to help others, do so... It wouldn't stop you from saving or having a retirement plan.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by softplace: 11:20am On May 31, 2020
Because the money is worked for and not growing on trees

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by bukatyne(f): 11:48am On May 31, 2020
missimelda01:
Diaspora or Nigeria, people will only ask for money when they think you're doing better than them, it's up to you to set your priorities right and give only when you can. I'm not against people(friends and family) asking for money when their in dire need, people are going through a lot and we should all agree that life abroad is way better than life here in Nigeria, so if you're in a position to help others, do so... It wouldn't stop you from saving or having a retirement plan.

Way better is relative.

The growing trend is that a number of people around me send their families abroad and sponsor them from Nigeria.

Also 'helping' people as you have put it has ruinned a lot of other people.

People should learn how to cut their cloth according to their material and reach out to others when there is an emergency.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by bukatyne(f): 12:07pm On May 31, 2020
sweetmelanin:
Every diasporian must watch the below video. You are not abroad to slave away your youthful years for entitled friends and family back home!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC2KmoyTlv0

I watched the whole 8mins.

It is also very very important for Nigerians in Nigeria.

I have seen the 'what were you doing all these while' over and over again.

The whole video is a 100% for me.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Nobody: 1:11pm On May 31, 2020
Insightful!
Amanee:
Very valid points op and you're quite right.

Bailing friends and family financially is deeply engrained in our system, it even has a name, 'black tax'. It's not something that started today and it won't end anytime soon. So just do what you can and resist the urge to become a saviour at your own detriment. Like a wise man once said "when someone ends up being indebted, it's not because of the family. In many instances they don't themselves understand the limit of their finances. Someone who knows their limit regardless of family pressure will not go over their limit".

1 Like

Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Arrogantbro(m): 1:18pm On May 31, 2020
I experienced this too. Sending money back home isn't that easy living in the Western countries. Heavy tax and bills to pay before or on every month end.
Friends who know you are abroad will tax you, family will tax you, and at the end of the day you are trying to work for more money for what ? Same routine by sending money back home.
If Dangote dey grant all the request from everyone who ask, I am not sure he will be on the financial level he is now. Be wise!!

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by wallexbaba(m): 1:23pm On May 31, 2020
Arrogantbro:
I experienced this too. Sending money back home isn't that easy living in the Western countries. Heavy tax and bills to pay before or on every month end.
Friends who know you are abroad will tax you, family will tax you, and at the end of the day you are trying to work for more money for what ? Same routine by sending money back home.
If Dangote dey grant all the request from everyone who ask, I am not sure he will be on the financial level he is now. Be wise!!
exactly....be generously wise.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by bjprodint(f): 1:56pm On May 31, 2020
i pray i make it in life so that i can always send my old dad money.i havent done so this year.

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by oyetpel(m): 2:35pm On May 31, 2020
Thank God my cousins are not iike these complainers.

They will refuse to send people money here (when they know the exchange rate is favourable to foreign currency), and then they mock people still stuck in Nigeria.

Despite the struggles my cuzs go through, they always have good things to say about abroad, and i hope i join them soon.


Continue complaining with the little change you send or not sending again, money you can make in one day.

Since you are not sending again, did they die?

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by Houseofglam7(f): 3:30pm On May 31, 2020
The poster above me.......should we tell him?

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Re: Why Your Diasporan Friends And Family Do Not Send You Money When You Ask. by ODJ123(m): 4:01pm On May 31, 2020
Nice one OP...


For legends

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