the role of some parents this days in the family is alarming ,my neighbour(husband & wife) whose nature of work and business have taken over their life style, have given up so many responsibilities to the maid,they hardly sit at home to play, discuss,eat,even share views with the kids, sometimes they don't even see them(the kids) eyebrow to eyebrow for weeks,months etc. ,but they see and schedule time for leisure with their friends perhaps from the office to enjoy ,they only play the role of parents in paying fees, clothing,feeding,financing etc.thereby neglecting the other side of parental duties as friends. today the kids are looking for who to play with & talk to, because my kids have gone back to school.landers please send ure views.

No long thing.The children wud survive,someone somewhere wud play that role .Life plays cause and effect perfectly,hope they can deal with the effects and results without crying "we were working our a55 off to give u the best education,good life,bla bla" in future when the kids get it wrong.
It wont kill their ambitions or career if one of them compromise and sacrifice to spend more time at the homefront.

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CC, define friendship.


You know friendship can be a feeling of affection for another

So why can't parents be friends to their kids?

@ Topic

Well, long back parents had to be only respected and more importantly feared. You would think twice about sharing an innocent joke with your father, talkless of being friendly !
But in today's world where any information is available at the tip of your fingers, one needs to be very cautious about what your child learns and how they perceive it. Things we learned as teenagers are nursery rhymes these days One has to be friendly with their children so that there is a mutual trust between the two of you. You as a parent should be confident enough to say "I know how far my son/daughter can go and I know they can never cross their limits". They as children should have a trust in u,should always say 'I CAN always depend on my dad/mom/parents , come what may'.

You know, they way you confide in you best friends? The same rapport should be there with your kids. That dosen't mean a father should drink with his son or a mom should share her marital issues with the daughter, I would say if not both, atleast one of the parent has to make it a point to be there for your children, emotionally lest you want them to stray away. I think it would be easier for us to correct them if there is this rapport. Be a role model and be there for them, if each parent did this the world would be a much better place.

@Poster

What's the essence of this thread? Are you trying to condemn the parents of those children as being bad negligent parents? For crying out loud, they are doing whatever it is they are doing to provide a secure life for their children. Which is better? One or both of the parents to sacrifice their careers and become jobless to enable them spend ALL THEIR TIME with the children OR work hard to ensure that the kids go to good schools and get the best life has to offer?

Every good thing in life comes at a price. Success and pleasure don't go hand in hand. You must give one up for the other. How many well-to-do successful people do you see idling away their time having fun? I won't be surprised if this post was written by a woman but if it's a man. . .i am utterly disappointed.

Most parents try to do what they think is best for their kids. Very often we misplace priorities and make mistakes.
I think the best parents are those who know they are not perfect and strive to make changes.
That is why I find it difficult to condemn parents.
Maybe these parents are hardly around but there are parents who spend much time at home but are actually doing little with the kids.
Naijafrend is absolutely right. Parents and children should be friends. I could not have expressed it better.
The problem is that familiarity breeds contempt and kids that are close to their parents also tend to answer back etc. I guess that is the price for the closeness and one has to have a healthy balance.
I do not believe in kids being totally submissive but I expect them to be analytical and know -it first has to be right in Gods eyes and then what Mom or dad say.
No point breaking a kid and expecting that kid to be a leader tomorrow. I also expect my kids to tell me where I have wronged and I thank God I have the sense to apologise when I go wrong. That is what makes out friendship, trust and understanding and mutual respect and regard.
the mistake most parents make is that they believe their kids are their property and they have a right to do with them as they please.
I feel so sorry for these parents, they are missing out on some beautiful moments n the lives of their kids.

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Yes Chaircover overdoing this friendship thing can be a disaster and parents have to know how to maintain their role. Children also need authority and kids get insecure and scared when they feel they have to take decisions by themselves and that parents are not in control.
Some parents are scared of disciplining their kids especially in countries where the police stands at your door at the slightest hint of abuse.
I remember my daughter at age 16 got into this speak-back/ cheeky phase. I cautioned her several times not wanting to get physical on her at that age. then one day the camels back broke. I ran after her and started taking of my top and bra. I told her that since we are now mates we have to strip naked and see each others unclothedness. Afterall we were now both women. I will never forget that horrified look on her face.
Thank God for her, that my husband came out and held me back.
MY methods can sometimes be radical but the work.

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Chaircover that was W_I_C_K_E_D 
I have learnt a new one. Pity world cup is not a regular thing.

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Solo makinde,what business of yours is it how someone else runs his or her home? Abi another thing dey inside? Have for once come to complain to u in anyway? abeg ye to jo bo le.

CC there comes a time in a child's life when he/she wants to confide in mummy/daddy, when he/she needs advise especially on things of the heart. That is when friendship comes into play in the relationship btw parent and child.

chaircover:

I gave in after a while when I could no longer bear the long and sad faces anymore. . .but the point had been made

good one mum ,that is the role of a real mummy in the family for the kids.

Yes and no. It depends.
As far as going to strip clubs together, going on dates together and encouraging reckless behavior then no. But to do fun things like hang out at the mall, perhaps play videogames together, joke, share advice etc. i dont see the problem.

As long as rules are enforced and the child/ren are taken care of its all good.

That is the relationship i have always had with my ppl growing up and that is what i want for my future children. I think i would be a no nonsense mother but also one who will have a lot of fun with my children.

My kids will be straight, well trained and secure!

Everyone's beliefs on this differ. I am going to be my childrens closest friend, because I believe in maintaining a suitable relationship and means of communication with your children. Some don't believe that and instead go for the isolated aggressive parenting route, different strokes for different folk.

Tough question.

But the age difference alone would make it difficult nah.


You cant be a friend at the expense of being a parent.