So, the current trend in rape cases and accusations have reminded me of an incident that happened some years back.

Earlier, I was living in Lagos while my immediate elder sister was living with my other sister who lives and works in Benin.

Fast forward to 2012, I got admission into Uniben and my sister got married the same year. Her husband lives in Lagos so she left Benin to Lagos while I left Lagos to come and take up my admission in Benin.

During my matriculation, my sister came down to Benin to celebrate with me. There's this friend of hers (I don't know the type of relationship they had) that wanted to see her.

My sister was reluctant in meeting up with the guy but he insisted. They agreed to meet at Mr. Biggs, Ugbowo. My sister asked me to follow her to the restaurant.

When we got there, the guy's countenance changed immediately he saw that my sister came with me and the meeting didn't last for more than five minutes before we dispersed.

When we were done eating the rice and chicken we ordered, the guy wanted to pay but my sister refused and rather paid for everything we bought.

This is so the guy won't feel sad for wasting his time and money. Whatever his intention was, his only regret should be not achieving it and not in addition to spending his money or thinking my sister brought me to leech on him.

Now I am writing this to teach girls and women alike two important life lessons.

1. Never ever visit a guy in his house if you are not ready to have sex with him. This is not the same thing as saying that for every time you visit a guy, sex must occur.

80% of guys believe that once a girl agrees to visit them at home, she has agreed to whatever outcome such visit would bring.

70% of the times, even if the girl escapes penetrative sex, she will not escape touching, kissing and smooching.

Even the Bible admonishes that the best way to avoid sin is to avoid the occasion of sin.

Girl's attitude aren't helping in any of these. A girl would tag a guy weakling, jew guy, simp, etc., simply because he refused to make a move on her. I have been a victim.

Even meeting in so called open places could be dangerous if you don't trust the guy at all. One thing could lead to another and the next thing, you will find yourself in his house. Guys with a ride can relate how easy it is to convince a girl to follow you home after meeting in an open/public place. So, don't trust your instinct 100%. If you know there's nothing good that will come out of such meeting, don't embark on it.


2. Never accept a gift whether money, goods or free services from a guy if you don't have a way to pay back. Economists believe that anything that is free has no value. They believe in no free lunch, you can't get output without an input.

This is becoming a trend as most girls feel eating and cleaning mouth makes them smart. Sometimes, you might eat and while trying to clean mouth, the water will stuck on your teeth (proverb).

For every gift or favor someone does for you, they expect a repayment. A profit oriented entrepreneur expects some return on investment (ROI). In consumption, it is called UTILITY. A rational consumer expects to get the highest level of satisfaction (utility) on every money spent in purchasing a good.

The high rate of rape cases can be attributed to the decadence in morality in the present society. Ladies of the 80's and early 90's guide themselves very well. This is because majority of them were virgins and would do anything to avoid finding themselves in some situations.

But today, our ladies have thrown caution to the wind. They feel that the worst thing that will happen is sex. Well, sometimes, it might cause you more than just sex.

The case of the Uwa girl is a sad one but I wouldn't let my daughter leave alone to read in a church that doesn't have any activity. She could have gone with a friend or read at home if she couldn't find anyone to follow her.

I'm not absolving men of rape or an apologist to rapists, but our girls need to do better. Wearing skimpy dress is not the problem, nobody will rape you while you are walking in a busy street.

The same precautions you will take to safeguard your phone from criminals, is the same precautions you need to take to protect yourself.

If you don't want/like a guy, don't indulge him. Don't use your teeth to share a meat you don't eat to children (proverb).

I know many will have a different opinion, this is mine.

Over and out

Biglittlelois:

Check back buddy. You may need it

I don't understand this ; I mean how does this story correlate with raping ?

Nehyooh:
I don't understand this ; I mean how those this story correlate with raping ?

If you read through, you will know. Never visit a guy alone if you are not ready for the outcome which is most times what we all already know.

Girls know this, and when it happens, you will hear them saying all guys are the same. Must you touch a girl once she visits you.

You visited the first guy m, second and third, and they did the same thing. Yet, you went ahead to visit the fourth guy.

If your instinct is telling you otherwise, either don't go or go with someone.

I have a problem with the number 2,gifts in whatever form are freely given and as such not indebted to the giver especially if you made your stands known earlier.

Many are mad, but few are roaming

PuZZyNegro:


If you read through, you will know. Never visit a guy alone if you are not ready for the outcome which is most times what we all already know.

Girls know this, and when it happens, you will hear them saying all guys are the same. Must you touch a girl once she visits you.

You visited the first guy m, second and third, and they did the same thing. Yet, you went ahead to visit the fourth guy.

If your instinct is telling you otherwise, either don't go or go with someone.

Of course I read through; He invited her to a restaurant, so I think it a bit safe.

Rozz:
I have a problem with the number 2,gifts in whatever form are freely given and as such not indebted to the giver especially if you made your stands known earlier.

Sister, my people say, 'what you would not eat, you don't smell it.' They also said 'If you collect bribe or unwarranted gifts, you will not be able to say the truth.' This is not gender related only.

If you have a friend who always give you stuffs, it would be harder for you to condemn him or her.

If you are not interested in a guy, no 'let me just visit'. 'let me plan to eat his money and run', 'he invited me for a party' etc. Let your No mean No.

If you don't feel safe around a guy, avoid him.

Our instincts is also there for a reason.

Las, las, they will call you a coward, wear the badge with honour.

Like the OP said, this is not absolving anyone of rape. However, how you would guard your phones, valuables and house against thieves, let us also guard ourselves.

So in summary;

1. Women should not visit men alone because such visitation is tantamount to an obligated consensual sex with a clause option of rape?

2. Women shouldn't accept gifts from men. If they do, they should expect to be raped by men?

OP, clarify unless;
This is A confirmation that MEN are rapist.

bukatyne:


Sister, my people say, 'what you would not eat, you don't smell it.' They also said 'If you collect bribe or unwarranted gifts, you will not be able to say the truth.' This is not gender related only.

If you have a friend who always give you stuffs, it would be harder for you to condemn him or her.

If you are not interested in a guy, no 'let me just visit'. 'let me plan to eat his money and run', 'he invited me for a party' etc. Let your No mean No.

If you don't feel safe around a guy, avoid him.

Our instincts is also there for a reason.

Las, las, they will call you a coward, wear the badge with honour.

Like the OP said, this is not absolving anyone of rape. However, how you would guard your phones, valuables and house against thieves, let us also guard ourselves.

You are right but some rapist use that as a means to justify their actions,no entitlement should be attached to anything freely given.

PuZZyNegro:
The case of the Uwa girl is a sad one but I wouldn't let my daughter leave alone to read in a church that doesn't have any activity. She could have gone with a friend or read at home if she couldn't find anyone to follow her.

this I can't comprehend. Uwa going alone to a quiet church to read is like going to a public library to read, you don't expect her father give her convoy because she dey go read. What happened was a case of Doing the right thing at the right place in a wrong time.

This still boils down to the entitlement mentality of our brothers. Let 100 women come out and share their encounter with you, then you'd know that the OP isnt far from the truth.
You cannot visit a guy and escape smooching or forced kiss or whatever, that is if you're strong enough to resist sex.
Some ladies I've had a sort of manipulative sex; "let me just do small" "only the tip" "it wont pain you" just to escape a forceful sex with a man, especially if you're the one visiting at his place.
A lady got raped in her parents house in ibadan. She didnt visit a guy, she didnt wear skimpy dress, she wasnt at the wrong location.
Men really need to do better, we keep fighting for the female child all the time, girl child movement all over. We have forgotten that it takes the two; both a girl child and a boy child, one cannot function properly without the other.
How do you raise good standards for only a girl child and leave the boy out of it? It can never be a balanced equation.
This same bias is the reason why women are prepared for marriage right from little and men are left out. The result of that is the reality we see in marriages today.
A balanced society is what we need, let the boy child know that he isnt entitled to the body of a woman, you shouldn't touch a lady because she trusted you enough to visit you at your house, you shouldn't leak the nudes of a ex girlfriend to get back to her...
Let me stop here abeg.

Rozz:
You are right but some rapist use that as a means to justify their actions, no entitlement should be attached to anything freely given .

@bold:

Why do you think you are entitled to a random guy's gifts?

Because you are female?

Anyways, I was taught to reject gifts that had no definition especially from men.

I do not want to be indebted to anyone without definition.

ruggedtimi:
this I can't comprehend. Uwa going alone to a quiet church to read is like going to a public library to read, you don't expect her father give her convoy because she dey go read. What happened was a case of Doing the right thing at the right place in a wrong time.

Being at the right place at the wrong time. Empty church and public library are not the same.

Even in a university environment, it is unwise and risky for any girl to be reading in a full class alone.

rockstarB:
This still boils down to the entitlement mentality of our brothers. Let 100 women come out and share their encounter with you, then you'd know that the OP isnt far from the truth.
You cannot visit a guy and escape smooching or forced kiss or whatever, that is if you're strong enough to resist sex.
Some ladies I've had a sort of manipulative sex; "let me just do small" "only the tip" "it wont pain you" just to escape a forceful sex with a man, especially if you're the one visiting at his place.
A lady got raped in her parents house in ibadan. She didnt visit a guy, she didnt wear skimpy dress, she wasnt at the wrong location.
Men really need to do better, we keep fighting for the female child all the time, girl child movement all over. We have forgotten that it takes the two; both a girl child and a boy child, one cannot function properly without the other.
How do you raise good standards for only a girl child and leave the boy out of it? It can never be a balanced equation.
This same bias is the reason why women are prepared for marriage right from little and men are left out. The result of that is the reality we see in marriages today.
A balanced society is what we need, let the boy child know that he isnt entitled to the body of a woman, you shouldn't touch a lady because she trusted you enough to visit you at your house, you shouldn't leak the nudes of a ex girlfriend to get back to her...
Let me stop here abeg.

Teaching a guy that he's not entitled to a girl's body and teaching a girl that she is not entitled to a guy's money and favor.

Any girl that's not weary of accepting undeserved gifts is not well brought up and could fall victim of many of these incidents

Nehyooh:
Of course I read through; He invited her to a restaurant, so I think it a bit safe.

Bro, some ladies are weak with saying No. Check my original writeup, if it is somebody that the lady has had sexual relationship with, it is easier to convince her to go to the house or hotel for a good bye sex.

It's not every lady that has that firmness to look a guy in the face and say no. Some can easily be convinced with words after which they will regret it.

Prevention is better than fighting back.

PuZZyNegro:


Teaching a guy that he's not entitled to a girl's body and teaching a girl that she is not entitled to a guy's money and favor.

Any girl that's not weary of accepting undeserved gifts is not well brought up and could fall victim of many of these incidents

Hmm
This one is broad brother
You cannot compare what rape will do to a woman psychologically to what GIVING a woman your money will do to you as a man(if she eventually leaves you).
Rape is forcing yourself on a woman without her consent. If you get to meet victims of rape and ask them their experiences, they will tell you how damaging it can be on their mental health. It is nothing money can be compared with.

I want you to know that not only women feels entitled to a man's money and favor, there are several men out there that feels the same way about a woman's money and what she can offer in terms of favor.
My ex boyfriend is one of those men, I couldn't even buy stuff for myself with peace of mind when I was with him, guy always felt entitled. Women that are married to 'monetarily' entitled men will gist you more

Stop giving women money with the hope of sleeping with them one day, your money will somewhat make you feel entitled and before you know it you might become a rapist in the process of 'reaping what you have sowed'.
You sure know you cannot win this in the court of law, it is said that there is no justification for rape and that is the truth.
A woman saying no to gift and favor could even put her in trouble if the said man becomes triggered you'd hear something like "who is she to be refusing my money! then he'd show her what's up by raping her.
This is reality, women cannot be too careful enough I tell you.

Fathers and mothers, those that have children and those that hope to raise children in the future. As we can see this generation of men were raised very badly.

The idea that a man is comfortable and has excuse for behaving like an animal is very troubling. The idea that a man can’t control himself when he’s around women is FALSE. We know men that will NEVER take advantage of a vulnerable woman because he was raised right and he knows right from wrong. He knows taking something that hasn’t been given to him freely is morally wrong.

So the punishment for accepting a GIFT is rape?? Y’all just need an excuse to rape.

These generation of men are already lost, we need to start now with our sons, teach them they aren’t entitled to a woman’s body. Her body is NOT his to take. We shouldn’t shy away from sex education, if not, they will learn on the streets.

Finally to good men, if you see something say something.

Let us reason together and address the stinky source.

Lack of self control is the root of it all. Lack of self control births entitlement, and entitlement births revenge when certain agreements or demands or terms or expectations or desires or plots are not met, hence the rape, murder, etc..

Self control breeds harsh discipline, strict principles, step-on-toes dignity, self respect, consciousness, alertnessness, morality, modesty, decency, abstinence, contentment, endurance of hardship, etc.. which are weapons and defense against potential rapists. Above all, it connect us to our maker, but many have disconnected from Him, and are more prone and vulnerable to unforseen circumstances.

PuZZyNegro:


Teaching a guy that he's not entitled to a girl's body and teaching a girl that she is not entitled to a guy's money and favor.

Any girl that's not weary of accepting undeserved gifts is not well brought up and could fall victim of many of these incidents

Infact, you have said it all!

PuZZyNegro:


Teaching a guy that he's not entitled to a girl's body and teaching a girl that she is not entitled to a guy's money and favor.

Any girl that's not weary of accepting undeserved gifts is not well brought up and could fall victim of many of these incidents

Why will a sane person compare sex with money?

A gift is a gift, whether monetary or otherwise, if a person is not deserving of a gift, do not give, or collect that same gift back, a gift does not come with sex as payback, don't equate money with sex.

PuZZyNegro:


Bro, some ladies are weak with saying No. Check my original writeup, if it is somebody that the lady has had sexual relationship with, it is easier to convince her to go to the house or hotel for a good bye sex.

It's not every lady that has that firmness to look a guy in the face and say no. Some can easily be convinced with words after which they will regret it.

Prevention is better than fighting back.

You have a point bro, I reason with you.

Biglittlelois:



Why will a sane person compare sex with money?

A gift is a gift, whether monetary or otherwise, if a person is not deserving of a gift, do not give, or collect that same gift back, a gift does not come with sex as payback, don't equate money with sex.

Lol don’t mind them. They have the confidence to say this because they live in a banana republic. They should go to a sane country and tell the police there they have a right to rape a girl because she accepted his gift.

Yet we wonder why other countries are ahead when we struggle with even the basic thing that makes us human.

The only thing this thread manages to establish is that men are lower animals and have no self control? Really?
Is that okay?
Any right thinking guy should be upset with the premise and conclusions. But y’alls need to police women won’t let you see who you’re painting the male gender in an unfavorable light.

I agree with this your post but personally, I visit guys but I am always sure nothing will happen once I am not interested in the guy. The only time something can happen is when I am interested.

I cannot let a guy that I am not interested in to touch me, talk less of going beyond touch and I always keep my distance when I am in their house and most times these guys get the message and behave themselves. But if it is a guy I like, i give him all the green light to go ahead.

Normally, I feel it is the lady who determines whether sex will happen or not when she visits a guy. Well, that's the case for me. If sex happens, it is most likely because the lady wanted it. However, I cannot ignore the fact that some people still get raped.

Biglittlelois:



Why will a sane person compare sex with money?

A gift is a gift, whether monetary or otherwise, if a person is not deserving of a gift, do not give, or collect that same gift back, a gift does not come with sex as payback, don't equate money with sex.

In this case, it is not about comparison, it is about sending a clear message.

cococandy:
The only thing this thread manages to establish is that men are lower animals and have no self control? Really?
Any right thinking guy should be upset with the premise and conclusions. But y’alls need to police women won’t let you see who you’re painting the male gender in an unfavorable light.

They keep destroying the little semblance of humanity bestowed unto men with the crassness they constantly display, NO will forever be NO, is English that hard for them? I think so.

Mariangeles:


In this case, it is not about comparison, it is about sending a clear message.

Go back, read his comment and tell me the exact clear message he is failing woefully to pass across.

common sense

cococandy:
The only thing this thread manages to establish is that men are lower animals and have no self control? Really?
Is that okay?
Any right thinking guy should be upset with the premise and conclusions. But y’alls need to police women won’t let you see who you’re painting the male gender in an unfavorable light.

This is stupid
Does the fact that you lock your doors when you leave your house mean your neighbors are thieves?

Someone is advising girls on how to stay safe from rapists and criminals you’re bringing up cliche arguments to score cheap points.


@bolded

No right thinking guy would be upset at anything. That I’m not a rapist doesn’t mean I can vouch for another person. I give these same advice to women in my life and always urge them to be security conscious.


Smh.