Right from childhood my mother has always been very toxic, negative and unsupportive towards me and my elder sister. We were the only two kids she ever had with my father and their marriage packed up because he wasn't happy with the fact that she didn't bear him a son. I get the impression that she secretly resents us for being girls and that's why she treats us terribly.

I got married 7 years ago and had a daughter shortly after.. when I did the scan and we found that it's a girl, my mother drove all the way to my house and laid hands on my tummy declaring and demanding that the gender must be transformed to a boy in Jesus name. I was so upset and humiliated as she did this in the presence of my husband. Of course her prayers didn't work and I gave birth to a girl - and I've recieved little to no support from her in the raising of my daughter.

Now fast-forward to this pregnancy, from day one when I told my mother I had concieved again, she showed no enthusiasm and simply said "it better be a boy this time"..

I felt so sad and dejected, and so worried of the amount of criticism i would get from my mother.. coupled with the fear of my husband being unhappy if it turns out to be another girl.. so when it was time, I went to do the gender scan alone.. lo and behold, the doctor told me it's another girl.. my world shattered and I spent the rest of the day just driving around town crying... whilst my mother kept blowing up my phone throughout the day to find out the gender but I ignored her calls. When I got home my husband asked me the gender and I lied and said it wasn't clear. He suggested we do another scan but I kept avoiding it.

Till date I'm the only one who knows the gender and I'm due in two weeks. My mother still keeps calling pressuring me that I must deliver a boy this time.

I'm so depressed and haven't been motivated to do any baby shopping.. I just feel like I'd be felt sorry for by my friends and will be ridiculed by my mother if this child does turn out to be another girl.

Cut her off.
Shes a very toxic woman as you know.
Stand your ground and block her number from your life.
She can never love her granddaughters and you dont need that in your life.

You dnt need this bad energy around you at all!!
Stop worrying nd concentrate more on your health nd baby girl!

Your mother is an ignorant woman, sorry to say.

If only she knew it's the sperm that determines the gender of a child, she would have laid her hands on your husband's crotch and prayed.

Or maybe not.

Anyway, her opinion shouldn't matter.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Be HAPPY.

The next time you see your husband, tell him.
Hopefully, he'll give you the support you need.

As for your mother, stop inviting her into your home. It's your life and your marriage. Not hers.

.

Ask your mother if Jesus is aware that a girl is inferior to a boy?

This phase of your life should be filled with joyous anticipation. Your mother's behavior has nothing to do with you but with her own misery. Her misery is not your responsibility. It would be best to cut her off but it is a hard thing to do and takes time, determination and resilience so here is what to do for now. Reduce the interaction and meetings with your mother to the minimum. When she is not around, focus on your children and your husband, your sister and all other lovely people. There are many of them in this world. When your mother is around, on phone or physical proximity, keep it friendly but short. Stay calm. Breathe deeply every now and here. Remind yourself how blessed you are to have beautiful daughters. Accept that your mother denies herself the feelings of pride and deep fulfillment that comes with being a mother and grandmother of daughters and granddaughters. Remind yourself that the less she feels proud and happy and fulfilled to have you, your sister, your daughters, the more you can. The stronger she rejects you and them, the stronger you will love them. They deserve it and so do you.

There is joy in having male kids not that female kids can't be great but what parents always want especially father is someone to keep his name

Right from childhood my mother has always been very toxic, negative and unsupportive towards me and my elder sister. We were the only two kids she ever had with my father and their marriage packed up because he wasn't happy with the fact that she didn't bear him a son. I get the impression that she secretly resents us for being girls and that's why she treats us terribly.

Hopefully history doesn’t repeat itself.

Madam I am disappointed in you.....How can you allow your mother to be the determinant to your happiness.... You should be thankful to God that you can get pregnant easily without any delay....You don't know what women looking for children face....A girl child is not a curse....No gender is more important than the other....

Coder2Client:
There is joy in having male kids not that female kids can't be great but what parents always want especially father is someone to keep his name

You are very correct,

-DANGOTE
-BILL CLINTON
-BARACK OBAMA
-MARK ZUCKERBERG
-FEMI OTEDOLA (he has a special son)
-T.B JOSHUA
-KOBE BRYANT (RIP to him)

Take a good look at those names. Is their problem in life a SON that will keep their names? CAN YOU EVER FORGET THEIR NAMES? ? ?

There is the kind of money you will have, your daughter’s alfa male husband will hyphenate your name. There is the kind of accomplishment/mark you’ll leave on earth, you won’t need any son to keep your name, the universe will keep it for you.

Also beware of female sons o, so many abound these days.

Coder2Client:
There is joy in having male kids not that female kids can't be great but what parents always want especially father is someone to keep his name

Let’s be real how long does a family name really last? How many of them last more than four generations? Most people I know their current surname started with their grandfather. There’s a current trend now of men giving their children their first name as surname or hyphenating with their first name.

We need to be content with what we cannot control. When we die and leave this world nothing else matters, the only name that survives multiple generations for many years are names with legacy, names your progenies are proud to continue.

It’s unfortunate your mother is allowing her own bad experience affect her relationship with you, she transferred the hurt to her children.

If you can find a way to live your life as best as you can without allowing your mother’s toxicity seep in your life please do so.

Also, it seems your experience has made you fear what your husband’s reaction will be, if he hasn’t given you any reason to, then tell him, not all men turn evil if they don’t have sons. Some know they have a role to play in determining the sex. I think you should tell him and let him get used to the idea before you give birth.

Ouch!

pocohantas:


You are very correct,

-DANGOTE
-BILL CLINTON
-BARACK OBAMA
-MARK ZUCKERBERG
-FEMI OTEDOLA (he has a special son)
-T.B JOSHUA
-KOBE BRYANT (RIP to him)

Take a good look at those names. Is their problem in life a SON that will keep their names? CAN YOU EVER FORGET THEIR NAMES? ? ?

There is the kind of money you will have, your daughter’s alfa male husband will hyphenate your name. There is the kind of accomplishment/mark you’ll leave on earth, you won’t need any son to keep your name, the universe will keep it for you.

Also beware of female sons o, so many abound these days.

pocohantas:


Hopefully history doesn’t repeat itself.

Sad. Most Nigerian men and their fvcked up mentality sha!

I won’t blame them tho...they’re making those decisions because of traditions.
African traditions needs complete overhaul.

It should be a happy time for you, irrespective of the sex of your baby.

Babies wether male or female are a blessing, but if you personally would love to have a male child, why not do the ''needfull'' to get it? Do the needful if you want a male child and get what you want.

LilMissFavvy:
Babies wether male or female are a blessing, but if you personally would love to have a male child, why not do the ''needfull'' to get it? Do the needful if you want a male child and get what you want.

Explain the "needful" in details

Why are you so bothered about what your mum feels about your daughter? If she chooses not to be happy for/ with you, cut her off. Don't get depressed over someone else's thoughts about your life.

You don't know it yet but you're slowly turning to your mother and you have to make a conscious decision not to be like her for the sake of your children. If trying not to imitate her character to your own children will mean cutting her off, please do.

Biko you ought to be more enlightened than your mother...children are gift from God and the determinant of their sex is your husband.

But na wa for your mother o...why will she put the male child quest in you and your husband's heads? Pls distance yourselves from her

Fear is such a terrible thing and its making your mother act so irrationally. She doesn't want what happened to her to happen to you, its not like marriages with sons don't breakup. Just ignore her please.

Carrying a pregnancy itself is extremely stressful already then adding all these wahala to it, I just can't relate abeg.

eyinjuege:
Cut her off.
Shes a very toxic woman as you know.
Stand your ground and block her number from your life.
She can never love her granddaughters and you dont need that in your life.

Cut off her own mother? Block her mother's number? Really?

You didn't stop to think that maybe her mother is simply worried about her marriage and doesn't want it to crash just like hers did for the exact same reasons?
She is just going about it the wrong way and not expressing herself appropriately.

But you concluding that she will never love her granddaughters because you think she is toxic, is simply projection. You have issues and you're shallow.

You can visit Our Bloda's baby factory in Awka, Onitsha or Owerri for business if all efforts to have male child fail biologically.

NoToPile:
Fear is such a terrible thing and its making your mother act so irrationally. She doesn't want what happened to her to happen to you, its not like marriages with sons don't breakup. Just ignore her please.

Carrying a pregnancy itself is extremely stressful already then adding all these wahala to it, I just can't relate abeg.

Oh thank goodness, someone with a head screwed on properly.

Plead:


Sad. Most Nigerian men and their fvcked up mentality sha!

I won’t blame them tho...they’re making those decisions because of traditions.
African traditions needs complete overhaul.

This has nothing to do with "African traditions"..

It is a Global phenomenon that most families prefer male children to female.

For example, look at what happened in China during their one child policy - many girl children were aborted and killed until the parents finally produced a male child (who they believe to be more honourable and valuable). As a result, modern day China is filled with men (that grew up the only child of their parents) now suffering from a scarcity of women to marry.

Classic internalized misogyny. You need to tell her off.
Be firm and let her know you don’t want to be harassed any further about what gender the baby is. Hopefully she will get the message and lay off on bothering you about it.

Many of the moms from the generation of our moms are the chief torch bearers of misogynistic ideologies and practices. That’s all they know and that’s how they were raised. They don’t mean harm even though it causes harm.

You need to consciously be different for the sake of your daughters. Let your mom know she’s a participant and upholder in and of a social practice that belittles her own gender. She does not value your daughters because to her boys are more valuable. Why? Because she believes having a son will seal the marriage? Why? Because marriage to them moms is what defines a woman. All this does is promote stuff that hurts women.

I wish you safe delivery and healthy baby girl.

pocohantas:


You are very correct,

-DANGOTE
-BILL CLINTON
-BARACK OBAMA
-MARK ZUCKERBERG
-FEMI OTEDOLA (he has a special son)
-T.B JOSHUA
-KOBE BRYANT (RIP to him)

Take a good look at those names. Is their problem in life a SON that will keep their names? CAN YOU EVER FORGET THEIR NAMES? ? ?

There is the kind of money you will have, your daughter’s alfa male husband will hyphenate your name. There is the kind of accomplishment/mark you’ll leave on earth, you won’t need any son to keep your name, the universe will keep it for you.

Also beware of female sons o, so many abound these days.

Apparently OP husband has no reason to think like men on forbes list, a name without continuity is as lifeless as "Remembrance" denotes. when these men are long gone "who will represent "gates" "bryant" "obama 50yrs time lemme guest daugthers with another man last names, obama becums other names, sebi you fill jamb form.
LOL ! see mumu, i expect to see names of women that had there father's name behind their husband's name, dangote, jonathan, atiku, buhari daughters are married .. google there last name as mrs, hyphenate my burnt ass.
A life without representation is as inanimate as the word " remembrance" every man needs a heir to keep his line. name is - line + , one will alway bring life without d other put a tester on it
Should we also be aware of feminist, the real ones dress to work like men tho! many are hideous lesbians

NoToPile:
Fear is such a terrible thing and its making your mother act so irrationally. She doesn't want what happened to her to happen to you, its not like marriages with sons don't breakup. Just ignore her please.

Carrying a pregnancy itself is extremely stressful already then adding all these wahala to it, I just can't relate abeg.

Thank you for seeing it as it is.

anslem04:

Apparently OP husband has no reason to think like men on forbes list, a name without continuity is as lifeless as "Remembrance" denotes. when these men are long gone "who will represent "gates" "bryant" "obama 50yrs time lemme guest daugthers with another man last names, obama becums other names, sebi you fill jamb form.

While some men are working hard to make a name for themselves, names that will cut across generations- some others are waiting for their kids to do the continuity.

Michael Jackson is late. He has been dead for YEARS, his name still lives on. I don’t “know“ his kids, I am sure a clueless troll like you doesn’t know them either.

LOL ! see mumu, i expect to see names of women that had there father's name behind their husband's name, dangote, jonathan, atiku, buhari daughters are married .. google there last name as mrs, hyphenate my burnt ass.
A life without representation is as inanimate as the word " remembrance" every man needs a heir to keep his line. name is - line + , one will alway bring life without d other put a tester on it Should we also be aware of feminist, the real ones dress to work like men tho! many are hideous lesbians

Dangote’s daughter, is more known as a Dangote, than her husband’s name.

Buhari’s daughter even after marrying an Indimi, still couldn’t drop the BUHARI. Two powerful names joined together.

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala is a woman whose name would CONTINUE globally, way more than your father’s - who has a SON like you.

Linda Ikeji singlehandedly put that name “Ikeji“ on the map.

Davido’s father had money, a lot of people never knew that man, till Davido made FAME. Added it to the family name and they global now.

Every man doesn’t need a “heir“ to keep his line. Every man needs to be remembered for his legacy. Every man who has a child, needs to train them to be purposeful- male or female. Spend your youthful years doing something more resourceful than trolling ME and your whole village will attach to your name.

The men I mentioned did that, that is why their children, both male and female, are enjoying the dividends of their name.

It's unfortunate you were raised by your mother so you grew up in a state of poor self esteem that events in your life now are getting you worried.
Why would you be bothered so much with the sex of the baby you're having?You should be happy with the blessing coming and get prepared.Do your shopping and all.

You mum has her issues but they are her business not yours.You have to begin to stand up to her and give her her space.You need to make your own world and be happy.
I do hope you don't have a lily livered husband with a wrong mentality too.This one that he is beginning to show signs too.

Be strong(build yourself strong) and don't let things beyond your control overwhelm you.

@OP please consider the below examples:

The great Muhammad Ali had a whole bunch of girls and one son who didn't amount to much (sorry to say). Laila Ali is the only child of his that kept up her father's legacy - she's a girl child!

Kobe Byrant - known for greatness all over the world. had 4 girls and not a single son. Did that tarnish his name or image in anyway?

Barack Obama - two girls only. Need I say more?

Tony Elumelu - again, a whole bunch of girls. Did that dampen his success?

Femi Otedola - clearly more proud of his female children than the one disabled son he has.

Honourable mentions: Chris Rock, Jamie Foxx, Dave Bautista .

bukatyne:


Thank you for seeing it as it is.

Seeing it as its is holds no water, except you intentionally fail to understand these is africa, somethings will never change, as a matter of fact culture is an uncontrollable factor, whether you accept or not, it will alway affect our lives as long as our endeavors depend or involve 2nd & 3rd parties. Lets stop acting as if we've out grown this problem, if the hubby is not concern, his sibling or immediately family are overzealously concern, if they're not , there neighbors are joblessly concern, cognizance of this as environmental factor should tell, it will alway influence or affect our lives except we don't find ourselves in these environment. OP is not luck