When bad things happen how you respond makes a world of difference.

By Tim Dahi

Have you ever had one of those times when you think you have followed all the rules, took all the right steps, ticked all the right boxes but it just didn’t click? Or when everything that can go wrong does go wrong? I have. I have also come to realize that there are so many things beyond my control that planning for every eventuality is humanly impossible and sometimes even futile.

This does not mean that we leave everything to chance or fate, rather after doing all we can, the best way we can to ensure a good outcome in any situation, accept it that when bad things go wrong it is not necessarily a result of some lapse on our part. Sometimes bad things can just happen because they can.

We do, however, have some influence over what happens in our lives so sometimes we may have to take some of the blame. Things can go awry due to some of our own actions (or inaction). For instance, If you find yourself going from one bad relationship to another it could be that you allow your emotions to overwhelm your thinking. Perhaps you always let your emotional need for relationships to be so great that you disarm your own natural instinct to protect yourself just serve that need, and it will be up to you to break that cycle.

A Unique Perspective

One unique perspective my friend, Samir gave me that I find quite intriguing is that every bad or good thing happens to serve as a test of character. When a bad thing happens, it is a test you pass by patience and perseverance. This will in turn build your endurance to weather the next storm. And there will always be other storms.

On the other hand, when the good happens, it is a test that you pass by exhibiting humility, and a willingness to use your good fortune to better the lives of those that are less fortunate.

My friend, however, agrees that being humble does not mean that you cannot relish or celebrate your accomplishments or good.fortune. Samir believes all this because he believes all man will one day be held accountable for his deeds and misdeeds in good times and in times of adversity.

How You Can Respond When Bad Things Happen
"In the final analysis, the questions of why bad things happen to good people transmutes itself into some very different questions, no longer asking why something happened, but asking how we will respond, what we intend to do now that it happened." -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

1. You Can Think Positive
You can always choose how you react to adversity, and having a mental attitude that is geared towards finding favorable outcomes even in dire circumstances or the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles in one of such ways. By definition thinking positively entails focusing the mind affirmatively on the constructive aspects of a situation thereby eliminating negative or destructive attitudes or emotions.
Negative feelings are however not to be merely ignored. You will still need to deal with such feelings like hurt, anger, or disappointment, evaluate your situation in the clearest manner possible, then make the choice to move forward in the most effective and productive manner possible in the circumstances. Do this while being confident in your ability to find a solution.
What is more, a lot of health benefits come with positive thinking. Positive thinkers have increased life span, lower rates of depression, better overall psychological and cardiovascular health, and coping skills during hardships.

2. You Should Have A Healthy Dose Of Optimism:
"By being optimistic we can find opportunity in adversity and take actions that our pessimistic friends wouldn’t bother to take. In turn, we create new opportunities for ourselves.” -Margie Warrel- Stop Playing Safe

When I deal with by situations optimism helps but I pay very close attention to the dosage.

Optimists generally assume everything will work in the end. While this is usually an admirable trait, when taken to extremes it can prime us to constantly overlook or minimize the gravity of bad situations and our need to take action. A balance is therefore essential.

Again, studies show that optimism is linked to healthy behaviors and healthier ways of coping with life challenges and as a result, you live longer.

3. You can focus On The Good That Is Also Happening:
Sometimes just need to look a little more closely to see that it may not be all bad. Overlooking all the good things that are also happening to you while focusing only on the bad is what is known in psychology as filtering. Thinking through a mental filter causes you to focus only on the negative aspects of your life ignoring all the agreeable and fulfilling aspects. So the more you filter out the positive the more it looks like everything bad is always happening to you, that the world is conspiring against you. Stop. The world isn’t out to get you.
Rather than ignoring the positives thoughts of your situation, you should also focus on them. As you begin to do this eventually the positive will come to the fore. A good way to escape this negative outlook is to exercise matching every negative thought about a situation with a positive one.
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