Dokifume:
Desperation comes in both flavors. I date older men. Once they hit 35, that’s all they talk about. ��‍♀️

I smell lies in your comment

Great thread! I've read so many interesting stories here. I also had this experience. I was dating a girl who really wanted to get married, but I wasn't ready for it at the time because I was still a student. I think that first, you need to make a career, and then start a serious relationship. Who thinks like me? I also think that you shouldn't date a girl if you don't see her as your wife. If you have children with her, you will have to take responsibility for them. I also recommend you to read different blogs about marriage, for example, I like this one, you can click here to read interesting articles about marriage and relationships.

NicholasWatson:
Great thread! I've read so many interesting stories here. I also had this experience. I was dating a girl who really wanted to get married, but I wasn't ready for it at the time because I was still a student. I think that first, you need to make a career, and then start a serious relationship. Who thinks like me? I also think that you shouldn't date a girl if you don't see her as your wife. If you have children with her, you will have to take responsibility for them. I also recommend you to read different blogs about marriage, for example, I like this one, you can click here to read interesting articles about marriage and relationships.

omg, that's exactly I was looking for, thanks for the source provided!

Make i put mouth for this matter...
I have series of experiences oo...about 4 experiences which has made me to stop being nice to ladies, because they will start seeing me as their ideal man.

Last one was the most recent...which was my 3x, sweet looking and pretty but marriage conscious despite just being 25.

She asked several times for marriage ,but i kept telling her that i don't have the financial muscle to sanction a marriage...but she kept telling me that she is not after money, that she just want to settle down, and that having little or nothing doesn't matter. Cited a lot of examples from her married friends and colleagues at work. My brother na that mistake they kill many young guys, " don't get deceived by any lady telling you not to worry about not having enough finance for marriage"...it is just an invite to poverty.

I told her to chill, that i am working towards a big plan...but bae no still hear, before i knew it she started giving me attitude because of a strange guy that promised to marry her. Of which i later found out and left the relationship.

Omo even now sef, marriage no dey my mind, many women they see am as retirement plan...to just come sit down for house dey collect pension.
When i find a woman with the correct mentality about marriage,then i will start making plans for it.

Most of your comments on nairaland are always making sense

pocohantas:
And for ladies reading this, if you really desire marriage- BY ALL MEANS GO FOR IT.

I have seen men who said they are not interested in dating, they want courtship and marriage. 6mth-1yr. No one called it DESPERATION.

Men cannot be DESPERATE,
They only know what they want.

When it is a woman, it becomes DESPERATION.

If you want to marry in record time, leave guys in their 20s. Go straight to 33 and above. Trust me, their “DESPERATION“ would match yours.

I have friends, guys in their 30s with good jobs and one thing is common- THEY ALL WANT TO GET MARRIED.

One would even tell me “I am desperate. If I see a perfect one, I am marrying”. I will tell him I can’t see the desperation, he will tell me to shun.

Some girls are “lucky“ to meet men at this point, so they don’t have to be DESPERATE. You will see that same guy who dated his EX for 6yrs, get married to another lady in 3months.

Once again, if you desire marriage in record time, follow your heart and go for it.

These same guys will call you evening newspaper when you are 30.

There is nothing wrong with being VERY-pro marriage. Let no one blackmail you into running his model all because he is NOT ready. You don’t even want to meet a man who is VERY ready, when you are not ready as a woman. Their fire is more than women’s own.

Go for what you want!

zuby4real10:
She was so desperate to the extent that even if she wants to give or collect something from me she has to kneel small. Always calling me her husband. She is more than 100% nice and submissive.she is the only lady that I have ever see that didn't wait for her man to introduce her to his family. I don't even know how she got my mum's number nd start communicating with her. I single handed sponsored her 3 years NCE education. From the comments I am seen here on nairaland is as if as I am the only man that sponsored a lady's education with out regrets uptil date. My only problem with this lady is that she and her family are so poor to the extent that they see me as their meal ticket, as if as am the best thing that ever happens to them. I thinked about the liability of marrying this girl and her family own I run. Uptil now the lady is still waiting and begging for me to come back. She is always asking what she did wrong. I beg I no fit kill myself, love and loyalty alone can not sustain a marriage cos they can't pay bills.

Same here, I walked out of a relationship with a perceived good girl I actually also deflowered due to present and forseen financial burden which I am certain will still make her cheat as I cannot keep up, especially being a distance relationship. E no worth am abeg! But truth be told, it takes a alot of courage to do this. The only woman worthy to spend on at the expense of your dreams should be one’s wife mehn. Until then any girl financial responsibility na for her parents abeg, they should have a plan when birthing her!

Prophylactic:
I have one currently, she persuades me to crazy, she even said let me get her pregnant that we will survive, but I can't put myself under such pressure, since she mentioned that I have never had sex with her... I look for other holes that will not put me in trouble and insect my pen1s there to save myself some headache

���� You be clown aswear but ya right mehn, having a child nobe beans mehn, I have a child and I can testify to this. Na every day something my child needs they finish and I am glad to provide but wouldn’t have been easy if I wasn’t capable. Another part is the emotional and physical availability for ur child which for me outweighs finance especially if one is the always busy n hustling type like the average Naija guy. In view of this, I have told my wife we’re having just 2kids and thankfully I married my friend and gee not an idiot.

madridguy:
" [b]My only problem with this lady is that she and her family are so poor to the extent that they see me as their meal ticket, [/b]as if as am the best thing that ever happens to them."

This part really touch me.

Yeah it's sad.

It was after two in the morning and Vicki Larson was feeling no pain as she flew down the highway at over eighty miles an hour. She ignoredthe speed limit signs as they changed from 50 to 40 to 30 miles per hour upon entering the small town of Buford. Her foot stayed smashed on the gas pedal in total disregard for her safety or that of any unlucky passerby. Yes, she had had too much to drink and shouldn't have been driving, but she had told her husband, James, she would be home by midnight. Already two hours late. He was going to be furious.This wasn't the first time she had come home late from a company business function. She had lost count of the number of times. It had become a major bone of contention between them. She knew he was beginning to suspect that she was having an affair, and although it wasn't true, she sometimes wished it were. Her love life, or what there was of it, had become boring. If James didn't want her, she knew she could have the pickof almost any man in her office. Yet she had resisted their attempts to entice into bed, as difficult as that had been.Although she and James got along pretty well, sex had become routine and far too infrequent. From her husband's subtle body language she believed he was bored as well. Unfortunately, theyhad never discussed it. It was obvious that James didn't have the same desire for her anymore. Maybe HE was having an affair, she thought, but why? She was only thirty-two and knew she still looked very good. She kept herself in shape and always dressed sexy—-maybe a littletoo sexy for the office though—-but James didn't seem to notice. Damn him!Suddenly, Vicky was awakened from her thoughtsby the sound of a siren. She looked in the mirror and saw the flashing red and blue lights of a police car."Shit!" she screamed pounding on the steering wheel in anger. She slowed the car, pulling to the curb. She sat with her hands on the wheel as she waited for the officer to approach ... she knew theroutine. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time she had been pulled over. She already had five ticketsin just the past year for speeding. The last thing she needed was another ... especially with her having drank a few too many at the promotional party for her boss.She was startled when a black man, wearing civilian clothes opened the door of her car. She felt a bit of fear as he leaned over and said, "Ma am, would you mind stepping out of the car." Then she saw him flash open his badge. "Jamal Washington, Constable, City of Buford," the badgeread."Officer, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was speeding.""Ma am, please step out of the car. I clocked you doing eighty in a thirty-mile an hour speed zone. You could have killed yourself or some innocent citizen of Buford," Jamal said seriously. He had a slight Jamaica accent.Vicky had no choice but to get out of the car. As she put her feet on the ground and stood up she swayed and leaned back against the door."Ma'am, have you been drinking?""Uh — well, just one or two.""Just one or two? Then you won't mind taking a Breathalyzer.""Listen officer, maybe we can work something out." Vicky was thinking along the lines of a few extra dollars, donated to the local police fund. "I —I already have a few tickets and would really rather avoid another.""So we can add attempted bribery to your DWI and speeding charges," Jamal said. "Wait here." With that he took her license and went back to hiscar, where he keyed in her driver's license number. "Wow," he said when he saw the five tickets for speeding. When he came back to the car, he saw Vicky still leaning against the car in a slightly distorted angle. "I'm going to have to take you back to the station, Mrs. Larson. You're in no condition to drive.""Mrs. Victoria Talbot-Larson — of the Talbot family over in Talbot County," Vicky said, trying to impress him with the well-known family name."Doesn't matter who you are Mrs. Larson, you don't go eighty miles an hour in my town. Now areyou going to get into my patrol car willingly or do Ihave to put cuffs on you."Suddenly Vicky was very frightened. She was going to jail. If money to the police fund wouldn't work, maybe she would have to officer somethingmore immediate. With tears in her eyes she said,"Please Officer Washington, I'm sure we can cometo some agreement," Vicky said in her sexiest voice. She pushed her chest out toward Jamal, trying to emphasize her large breast, which were somewhat hidden by the modestly cut bodice of her dress. She suddenly wished she had worn something a little more revealing. But then she saw what she though was a bit of interest in his eyes and was encouraged. Still he led her to the police car and made her get in.As he got into the drivers side, Vicky said, "Why don't you have on a uniform?""I was off duty, coming home from a friend's party... if that is any of your business ma'am.""I was just curious," Vicky answered in a huffy tone. Nevertheless she was relieved that he had given a reasonable explanation for being dressed as a civilian. She had heard of guys driving around with fake police ID's, pulling women over and raping them.When they arrived at the small combination jail/courthouse/city hall, in downtown Buford—Buford didn't need much of a jail since there were only five hundred citizens—-Jamal helped Vicky out of the car and up the steps. He led her into the police station and asked her to step into one of only two cells in the tiny jail and closed thedoor.Vicky's heart began thumping in her chest at the metal against medal sound of the cell door closing. It was sinking in that she had been arrested. What a scandal it was going to be if this got to the Talbot county newspaper.When Jamal had locked the door he looked at Vicky. "Now, do you know how much trouble you're in, Mrs. Larson?" asked Jamal, staring through the bars at her. Before she could answer he continued, "You're record shows five tickets with ten points. Your license will be suspended attwelve points. Driving while intoxicated is four points alone and bribing an officer can get you jail time.""As a matter of fact, you just might get jail time when you go before the judge day after tomorrow." It was Saturday night and the Judge didn't hear traffic cases until Monday morning."Oh, God, Officer Washington, I'll do anything you ask if you just let me off this time," Vicky said with her voice cracking with emotions.Jamal shook his head and started to walk away, but then he paused. A sudden smile came to his dark face. He didn't normally do this, but Mrs. Larson was a very sexy lady. Who would know if he maybe accepted a little non-financial bribe? Hedidn't currently have a girlfriend and it had been a while since he had made love to a woman ... an especially long time since he had been with a gorgeous woman like this. He turned back around. "Well, what do you mean by 'anything', Mrs. Larson?"A flash of relief shot through Vicky. Maybe there was some hope to avoid a scandal. But just as quickly a flash of fear replaced it. Was she really willing to exchange sex for not going to jail? Whatwas she thinking? Yet, she couldn't go to jail; it would be so humiliating and her nasty mother-in-law would tell everybody that she had been right about her daughter-in-law all along. She wasjust not good enough for her little "Jimmy".Vicky took a deep breath. "Well, I ... uh, I could youknow, uh ... suck you," Vicky said, surprised that she was hearing the words come from her mouth."Hum, are you any good? I mean, I didn't know rich white chicks did that?""Uh ... well, I've done it before," she said, telling a little lie. She had sucked her husband off but only a few times."You don't sound that convincing," Jamal said and pretended to walk away."Wait," Vicky almost screamed in desperation. "I'll suck you and we can do other things too."Jamal smiled without Vicky seeing and turned back around. "Other things? So you'll let me Bleep you?"Uh ... yes ... but you have to use a ... a ... condom.""Sorry sweetie, don't use them. Besides, I'm too big anyway." Jamal laughed loudly. "Let me show you."Vicky watched with wide eyes as he l reached for the zipper of his jeans http://botemoda.com/2MA4

Ulunne777:
First arrangee. Came back for Xmas and we finally met. He said if I agree before the end of the week we will marry. I refused, Oga wedded another woman end of the week. I marvel at women . You marry someone you are meeting for the first time in less than 3 days.

2nd Arrangee. Suddenly realized he was getting old. I was 19 and just got admission he was 34.There was nothing he didn't promise me even a car. My plans in life didn't have him in it. Will be disturbing me with midnight calls. #1 of his money I didn't see, an importer at that with so many shops. He doesn't give girls money lyk he said.His mum on meeting me for the first time told me if I won't marry him I shouldn't waste his time and money. I left him quick quick.
When I refused and left for school, he dated another girl that he paid for her school fee for 4 yrs including project and clearance then the girl absconded. I was on my way home from school when he met me on the road after 5 yrs to narrate the whole story and started begging me again.you and your mother should Eat your money. Nonsense

3rd was hellish. My lecturer. This man begged me at every opportunity until my course mates started laughing at us. He informed even his colleagues and they joined in begging me. He was in his 40s while I was in my early 20s.

After I went out with him on a lecturers insistence, he was gulping okra soup ND telling me he can't stay a day without eating it. We drove over to his house where he claimed he wanted to pick something. This man inserted porn for meoo and started caressing me as his gbola has risen. God saved me that day. Anuofia..

One week later he called me that our wedding cards was out. See me see wahala, I had to inform my bf and parents. It was war. Laslas he started threatening me with my results in final yr. My lecturer friend and my Course adviser had to warn him.

Almost a decade later, he isn't married yet which is his business anyway.

4th one that I was recommended to. On our first meeting the fool was squirming in his seat and when he could finally muster courage to talk had the guts to ask me if I was ready to bear children. I then asked him if that was all a wife means to him. Idiot. No introductions whatsoever.

They are plenty oo. For one man that esdapes a desperate woman, the woman has escaped 5x more. . E NO get wetin we no dey see.

Ps no pms. I already have 3 boys

... LMAO!

ravensckar:
Honestly, when I read one-sided write ups like these, I feel appalled. Ain't there two sides to a coin any more? The so-called 'desperation' from ladies may not always be what you think. It could be a way of saying their own mind is made up. They have no more time to waste.

Now, let me shock you with my own story. When I met the lady I'm married to today, she told me straight up that she's not in for any long term relationship. She's almost done with school and that if the relationship won't lead to marriage, I should jejely excuse her. Me being the 'guyman' that I was then, I wanted to chop and clean mouth. I sha played along with the intent to chop until I'm full. Now, therein lies my confusion; the said lady in question was everything I wanted in a woman (beautiful, educated, well behaved, God-fearing and highly industrious). But I have just one problem; I wasn't ready for marriage. Money no dey, even the job I was doing then, salary was around 70K.


She sha encouraged me that we should pull our resources together and that we'll survive. Long story cut short, I decided to give it a shot. After all, person wey dey ground no get anywhere to fall to. We got married in less than 4 months of dating. When I mean married, I mean a proper and elaborate wedding. Brethrens, today we're still together. Yes, she's not perfect just like I'm not as well, but we are still happily married.

It was later I understood the reason for her 'desperation'. She had wasted too much time dating some Bleep boys, hence, she felt she has no more time to waste. To her, if it's not going to lead to marriage, then, she shouldn't even venture into it. What we guys see as 'desperation' to some ladies, it's called making up their mind.

AWESOME story... truly profound!

one of my friend gave me a guy he is tired of have sex with the guy came to my place spent 3days we had crazy sex he F**K like porn star now he is pressurising and disturbing me for Marriage he even introduce me to her family he called them and ask them to to greet her fiance (me) my greatest surprise is that his dad a pastor ask me to allow Jesus to take over the relationship we should abstain from sex he even advise me to seek the voice of God concerning the relationship. NAWA OOOOOOO

yes oh during covid time
dis babe yellow paa, I dey call am my yellow fish based on say I dey run fish farm. first come say she wun learn about fish farming,organise her students for school dey use my farm as dey run small agric classes(na teacher), after students go, she go dey with me till night, her mum dun know me sef, dey even call me then, even reason me one time say her mama dey ask her if I dey okay for her,say dem no mind make we dey together...when she dun start like that I go just dey look am like carton of indomie, no comment, go bring Chaw come, day and night, omoh king shit..i dey move bar for her purse, me dun know wetin she want and I am not ready, so I use my opportunity before e cast, even if I were ready, no be old person like am na
Tobi no mind oh ...people think say she dun use am for me based on say she dey always come my side.dis babe go dey may farm from 8am till 11pm sometimes, she for even dey crash sef but na farm I dey live low-key.
she first dey form fine holy babe and all these heart break story plus rape, plus failed introduction...omoh naso I go dey observe am on joint sometimes, 80% of our conversation na about pikin or marriage or sex or joint future plans. I was never serious from day one and I no dey hide am, she go dey reason me say make I no Kush again but na she I go bill buy the next drop.all the shit she complained about, no be say na issue but she dey form good babe...until she get sence move since November last yr, but I enjoy free money, boobs, finger die we lasted 7 months but I no insert based on say prevention is better than cure, me wey get young blood full hand. she was 35, an nigga was just 25.

marriage koh