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Living With My Married Elder Sister - Family - Nairaland

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Is It Okay For My Mum To Send Money And Food To My Married Sister ?? / My Married Jobless Elder Brother Is Sucking My Mum Financially. Help! / My Wife's Elder Sister Has Finally Settled In My Home & I Don't Know What To Do (2) (3) (4)

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Living With My Married Elder Sister by Adunny07(f): 2:20pm On Jun 17, 2020
Please I just really need someone to talk to about this and I will like your candid advise..

So since my older sister got married I always come to her house and spend few weeks or months and go back. Al·through my university days, whenever school is not in session I always come down here to spend time with her and her husband.

Truth be told the husband is a very nice man and has helped me always financially, anytime I come here once my sister welcomes me the first day like this, from the second day she leaves all her house chores for me, I mean everything and she just relaxes. At times I get really tired and don't even feel like doing those chores but because most times when I come visiting she is heavy ( pregnant) so most times I just help her...

Thing is my sister doesn't appreciate all my effort, most times she complains self its the hubby that tells her that I am hardworking and at least she should give me credit for all I do.

Now the reason why am writing this is because am done with service (NYSC) and as it is its like I have to stay in her house because the state where she stays has more job opportunities compared to where our parents live... She stays in Abuja...I have been down with malaria for few days now and I have been on treatment, just because I can't do certain house chores because am not too strong my sis started complaining saying I can't be living in her house and be waking up whenever i like... Mind you I was always the first that wakes up when I wasn't sick, in fact I will wash the dishes, sweep, mop daily, cook food, bath her children and all those things.

The only thing she does is to bath her youngest baby, but now because for these few days she has been doing those work I do daily she is already saying she can't tolerate me sleeping and not waking up on time.

My question is this, does she have the right to be so angry at me because she is doing her house chores? I feel its her house and so she doing her house chores herself shouldn't be a problem since am not too strong to help her do it. She herself just sweep and doesn't mop, but she expects me to sweep and mop everyday.

Should i just go back to my parents house and get a job there? Me renting my own house is not an option because am a lady and am just 22...

Please i need you guys advice, what can I do?

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Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Chummynoni(m): 2:24pm On Jun 17, 2020
you have a lazy sister. she will definitely kill you with chores. i pray u get a job on tym and leave her lazy ass alone. goodluck

784 Likes 48 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by moadxist2(m): 2:26pm On Jun 17, 2020
Go back home for a while.

486 Likes 15 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by oluwaseyi0: 2:26pm On Jun 17, 2020
My story look a little bit like yours

Those days of my ND whenever I visit my aunt, I automatically assume the role of the one to do house chores her kids are lazy, as I continue to grow older it doesn't sit well with me, during my HND I learnt photography and start doing wait and get photos while staying with a friend, immediately I start earning small changes my dependency on her greatly reduced hence I don't visit often, before and during my service year I learnt programming and got a job immediately after service

I am grateful for all my aunt and her husband has done for me but the truth is I WON'T ACHIEVE ANYTHING IF I CONTINUE TO STAY WITH THEM MY MIND WILL BE MORE FIXATED ON COMPLETING A NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF HOUSE CHORES RATHER THAN THINKING ABOUT MY CAREER


it's very unfortunate that that's a typical African family treatment

@adunni07 you are simply are adopted house girl and that is not going to change any time soon, no one is gonna let a passive slave free just like that, fighting her is a no no, it is a war you will never win but you will come out severely wounded, she will paint you as ingrate, your parents will rather support her, if you fight her her husband will rather support her and worse of all you will loose the gains and comfort her house bring

Your best bet is to find something doing asap, if it's to learn a vocational training, intensify your job hunting and act grown up, let her see you as busy, don't let her always see you as available, immediately you get a reasonable job your best bet is leaving her house

923 Likes 57 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by DominusPrime: 2:28pm On Jun 17, 2020
Your sister has turned you to a slave. Being in one state does not stop you from applying for jobs in other states although there are advantages in being in the same state. But as it is I haven't seen how you are enjoying them. You didn't even mention that your sis is helping you look for a job. Also talk to the hubby too if he can help while you are away.

Your sister sees your being a housegirl more beneficial to her than you getting a job. Besides if you get a job in that state and still live in that house you will automatically have two jobs...ironically as it may sound that wont be a blessing at all.

119 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by MASTERCHIEF0847(m): 2:30pm On Jun 17, 2020
Personally i will advise you endure for now, at least she's your family.
Another point is she's pregnant and most women easily get pissed and irritated during pregnancy, it's a common thing.
You just need to try and get a job, that way you won't have to stay home most times which means less encounter with her and also you will be earning some income and probably save up and get your place in future.
What did you study in school? Get soft copies of your CV and other relevant documents and upload to some sites where you can apply for jobs, better than waiting. Who knows you could get lucky.

29 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by MASTERCHIEF0847(m): 2:31pm On Jun 17, 2020
DominusPrime:

Your sister has turned you to a slave. Being in one state does not stop you from applying for jobs in other states although there are advantages in being in the same state. But as it is I haven't seen how you are enjoying them. You didn't even mention that your sis is helping you look for a job. Also talk to the hubby too if he can help while you are away.

Your sister sees your being a housegirl more beneficial to her than you getting a job. Besides if you get a job in that state and still live in that house you will automatically have two jobs...ironically as it may sound that wont be a blessing at all.
Don't listen to this person. You barely know the sister apart from what is posted here and you've concluded already.

29 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Nobody: 2:34pm On Jun 17, 2020
Go back to your parents house. And there's nothing wrong in living alone at 22. But wait till you get a job before getting a place of yours.

60 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by DominusPrime: 2:38pm On Jun 17, 2020
MASTERCHIEF0847:

Don't listen to this person. You barely know the sister apart from what is posted here and you've concluded already.
You have a point actually and I'm responding because you have passed your opinion without insults. As with lots of stories on Nairaland there are always two sides to a coin.

24 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Pauldollars(m): 2:39pm On Jun 17, 2020
You shouldn't be in your sister's house and be struggling with home chores, as long as you're not bed ridden. Don't need to talk of when you were the first to wake up and stuffs like that. If you're becoming not too comfortable staying with her, you can stay with your parents or rent a house if you have the money. Staying in Abuja is not a guarantee that you'll get a job there.
I was once in your shoe when I stayed with my elder sister and her husband in Kuje Abuja while trying to get a job after NYSC. As a man, I did household chores for her without complaining. Eventually I left and got a job in Kaduna. Today I'm lecturing and into business.

137 Likes 9 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by MASTERCHIEF0847(m): 2:39pm On Jun 17, 2020
DominusPrime:

You have a point actually and I'm responding because you have passed your opinion without insults. As with lots of stories on Nairaland there are always two sides to a coin.
True, there's always two sides to any story that's why that conclusion was hasty.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by elektra(f): 2:44pm On Jun 17, 2020
Your sister should be taking care of your when you are sick. She was wrong to yell at you about chores while you are sick. She seems like the kind of person that will deliberately delay your progress because she wants to keep you as a free housegirl.

You need to find something that takes you out of the house ASAP. Join a trade, start learning and start planning your exit from your sister’s house.

29 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by meum: 2:46pm On Jun 17, 2020
Hmmm, people just know how to take advantage of people. I was once in your shoes. This matter wey you see so if you no handle am well E go become something else.

If she wants to turn you in2 a slave it's better you leave their house. That "my house" thing has started. I've been there; seen that. Go back to your parents. If u can't get a job immediately just learn a skill and start your life.

34 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by youngsahito(m): 2:52pm On Jun 17, 2020
it would be better if you leave the house for now if she can't care about your own health but only for her selfish interest of the house chores...make your sis no dey use idea for you as a side maid.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Ningen(m): 2:54pm On Jun 17, 2020
ModestGal:

I know the tribe of your sister. They are good in using family members like slaves, let me just not mention it so they won't say I'm a tribalist.

But this particular tribe is very good at this thing, my sister friend for example, this lady is very wicked that she would tell the girl living with her to mop floor with rag, she said its neater than using mop. And the most annoying is that when the family members of this girl visit, they would still be calling the girl lazy (I mean her mother), this girl is almost depressed, she's a little girl in JSS3, she can cook food wey I no sabi cook. She looks very dull, it makes me hater her mum and a my sis friend shes living with because they are both wicked idiot practising child abuse.

Back to your matter, just have some patience ehn, the one you can do, do it, the one you cannot do, leave it. Don't get angry with your sister, just leave her to be angry, you can also say sorry and still not do the work she wants you to do. Thats how to live with those kind of people, and make sure you demand money very well from her, and if she no give you, report her to your mother. When you are through with service, commot her house. She no get option, you be her sister whither she likes it or not, and you can't have her in Abuja and move somewhere not convenient for you.

Tell her this, ''go and tell our mother to rewind time and not give birth to me to be your sister, but this one that I'm your sister, you will have to take care of me whether you like it or not''.

Now, play victim, always remind her of people with sisters that are handicapped but taking care of them, you can even play movies with such occurrences and grumble that, ''shebi na one sister be this''
Start playing baby, you can even form that you are sick, chronic one, dey vomit, and if your mother ask you, tell her that you have depression because of what you are going through in your sisters house.

Tribalism, emotional blackmail and extortion.
All in one post.

You're not helping anyone with this balderdash.

OP, don't blackmail or extort money from her.
Yes your sister is taking advantage of you.
But don't be like her.

I suggest you move back to your parent's house.
You can accomplish your goals there.

123 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Righteousness89(m): 3:04pm On Jun 17, 2020
I Pray For you! May a good Job fall on in no time! In JESUS NAME..


In the meantime do whatever you will expect someone to do for you if you were in your sister shoes...

You are Sisters! There should be no unnecessary quagmire!

22 Likes 1 Share

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Vyzz: 3:05pm On Jun 17, 2020
grin




U have two options...

1*

Tolerate her for the time being... Find a job and rent another house....


2*


She is your sister... Get angry for her... Ah ah

Is she the only person with a house.. Don't insult her but shout for her... Complain too about her laziness and how u have been doing almost everything in the house without compliment... That if she doesn't like u staying here she should sell u so u can go... Meanwhile make sure say u Don pack already lol grin


If the blood is really thick she go reason am apologise

9 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by saucecode(m): 3:10pm On Jun 17, 2020
Na dem. if they don't try to subdue one innocent househelp or one relative squatting with dem, they won't be fulfilled

33 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by bukatyne(f): 3:15pm On Jun 17, 2020
oluwaseyi0:
My story look a little bit like yours

Those days of my ND whenever I visit my aunt, I automatically assume the role of the one to do house chores her kids are lazy, as I continue to grow older it doesn't sit well with me, during my HND I learnt photography and start doing wait and get photos while staying with a friend, immediately I start earning small changes my dependency on her greatly reduced hence I don't visit often, before and during my service year I learnt programming and got a job immediately after service

I am grateful for all my aunt and her husband has done for me but the truth is I WON'T ACHIEVE ANYTHING IF I CONTINUE TO STAY WITH THEM MY MIND WILL BE MORE FIXATED ON COMPLETING A NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF HOUSE CHORES RATHER THAN THINKING ABOUT MY CAREER


it's very unfortunate that that's a typical African family treatment

@adunni07 you are simply are adopted house girl and that is not going to change any time soon, no one is gonna let a passive slave free just like that, fighting her is a no no, it is a war you will never win but you will come out severely wounded, she will paint you as ingrate, your parents will rather support her, if you fight her her husband will rather support her and worse of all you will loose the gains and comfort her house bring

Your best bet is to find something doing asap, if it's to learn a vocational training, intensify your job hunting and act grown up, let her see you as busy, don't let her always see you as available, immediately you get a reasonable job your best bet is leaving her house

@bold:

Hmmmmm..

6 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by oluwaseyi0: 3:16pm On Jun 17, 2020
bukatyne:


@bold:

Hmmmmm..

Sad but true
Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by tunjilee003(m): 3:17pm On Jun 17, 2020
I'll advise you to endure, that's the key, get a nice job ,save some money and move to your own abode, squatting with a family member has it own headache and that is what you're facing right now.....
the coast will be clear...

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by simplepee(f): 3:19pm On Jun 17, 2020
Unfortunately sister, you have no choice for now.

Bear it all, it's part of life.

If you don't go through some hard parts in life then you've really not seen LIFE.

All these shall become history. So just keep your cool unless you want to go back to your mum's place.

If you think Abuja will be good for you, ENDURE. Nothing good comes easy they say.

17 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by bukatyne(f): 3:19pm On Jun 17, 2020
Adunny07:
Please I just really need someone to talk to about this and I will like your candid advise..So since my older sis got married I always come to her house and spend few weeks or months and go back, all thru my university days whenever school is not on session I always come down here to spend time with her and her husband. Truth be told the husband is a very nice man and has helped me always financially, anytime I come here once my sister welcomes me the first day like this, from the second day she leaves all her house chores for me, I mean everything and she just relaxes...at times I get really tired and don't even feel like doing those chores but because most times when I come visiting she is heavy ( pregnant) so most times I just help her... thing is my sister doesn't appreciate all my effort, most times she complains self its the hubby that tells her that I am hardworking and at least she should give me credit for all I do. Now the reason why am writing this is because am done with service (NYSC) and as it is its like I have to stay in her house because the state where she stays has more job opportunities compared to where our parents live...she stays in Abuja...I have been down with malaria for few days now and I have been on treatment, just because I can't do certain house chores because am not too strong my sis started complaining saying I can't be living in her house and be waking up whenever i like...mind you I was always the first that wakes up when I wasn't sick, in fact I will wash the dishes, sweep, mop daily, cook food, bath her children and all those things..the only thing she does is to bath her youngest baby, but now because for these few days she has been doing those work I do daily she is already saying she can't tolerate me sleeping and not waking up on time. My question is this, does she have the right to be so angry at me because she is doing her house chores? I feel its her house and so she doing her house chores herself shouldn't be a problem since am not too strong to help her do it. She herself just sweep and doesn't mop, but she expects me to sweep and mop everyday...should i just go back to my parents house and get a job there? me renting my own house is not an option because am a lady and am just 22...please i need you guys advice, what can I do?

Some advises here already.

While you are with your sister, do what you can and leave the rest.

Also intensify your job search so you can move out as quickly as possible.

Funnily, she might mellow when you start working and buying salt and biscuit on your way back home.

Goodluck.

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Biglittlelois(f): 3:32pm On Jun 17, 2020
Is she your blood sister? If yes, is it that you didn't grow up with her or you both are not that close that you can't stand your ground and say your mind?

When I first got a new job in a different state from where I stay, I lived with an aunt that was very nice to me, she has kids and she made sure all house chores are done by them, to the extent that I had to assign a duty to myself so it won't be like I don't do anything at all, this aunt is a distant cousin o, not even a close one and till I left there and got my place, I had no cause to complain, she is that nice....

So Op I'm wondering if she is your blood, though people differ in character and personality, you should still be able to voice out and say your grievances, all the best.

25 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by VirginFinder: 4:25pm On Jun 17, 2020
Righteousness89:
I Pray For you! May a good Job fall on in no time! In JESUS NAME..


In the meantime do whatever you will expect someone to do for you if you were in your sister shoes...

You are Ssisters! There should be no unnecessary quagmire!
Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by SweetCunt97(f): 4:28pm On Jun 17, 2020
Adunny07:
Please I just really need someone to talk to about this and I will like your candid advise..So since my older sis got married I always come to her house and spend few weeks or months and go back, all thru my university days whenever school is not on session I always come down here to spend time with her and her husband. Truth be told the husband is a very nice man and has helped me always financially, anytime I come here once my sister welcomes me the first day like this, from the second day she leaves all her house chores for me, I mean everything and she just relaxes...at times I get really tired and don't even feel like doing those chores but because most times when I come visiting she is heavy ( pregnant) so most times I just help her... thing is my sister doesn't appreciate all my effort, most times she complains self its the hubby that tells her that I am hardworking and at least she should give me credit for all I do. Now the reason why am writing this is because am done with service (NYSC) and as it is its like I have to stay in her house because the state where she stays has more job opportunities compared to where our parents live...she stays in Abuja...I have been down with malaria for few days now and I have been on treatment, just because I can't do certain house chores because am not too strong my sis started complaining saying I can't be living in her house and be waking up whenever i like...mind you I was always the first that wakes up when I wasn't sick, in fact I will wash the dishes, sweep, mop daily, cook food, bath her children and all those things..the only thing she does is to bath her youngest baby, but now because for these few days she has been doing those work I do daily she is already saying she can't tolerate me sleeping and not waking up on time. My question is this, does she have the right to be so angry at me because she is doing her house chores? I feel its her house and so she doing her house chores herself shouldn't be a problem since am not too strong to help her do it. She herself just sweep and doesn't mop, but she expects me to sweep and mop everyday...should i just go back to my parents house and get a job there? me renting my own house is not an option because am a lady and am just 22...please i need you guys advice, what can I do?
You in her house and eating her food so.... It ain't cool she's turning you into her house help but you know how Nigerians can get. See as soon as respect is no longer served, leave the table. Go back to ur parent's house or look for a roommate to share an apartment with. Getting a job in Abuja ain't easy though.

8 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by SweetCunt97(f): 4:30pm On Jun 17, 2020
tunjilee003:
I'll advise you to endure, that's the key, get a nice job ,save some money and move to your own abode, squatting with a family member has it own headache and that is what you're facing right now.....
the coast will be clear...
Get a nice job as if e easy. Every body for Abuja for don get nice job na

22 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by SweetCunt97(f): 4:33pm On Jun 17, 2020
MASTERCHIEF0847:
Personally i will advise you endure for now, at least she's your family.
Another point is she's pregnant and most women easily get pissed and irritated during pregnancy, it's a common thing.
You just need to try and get a job, that way you won't have to stay home most times which means less encounter with her and also you will be earning some income and probably save up and get your place in future.
What did you study in school? Get soft copies of your CV and other relevant documents and upload to some sites where you can apply for jobs, better than waiting. Who knows you could get lucky.
She's simply lazy and a tyrant. Many pregnant people do stuffs without being bitchy.

3 Likes

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by MASTERCHIEF0847(m): 4:35pm On Jun 17, 2020
SweetCunt97:
She's simply lazy and a tyrant. Many pregnant people do stuffs without being bitchy.
People are different so might react differently. You have a valid point there though.
People can be so difficult... reason why i live alone.
Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Greatzeus(m): 4:39pm On Jun 17, 2020
I know how you feel Op,but that feeling is wrong as long as you live under her roof. You feel that you are not her maid so why should you be doing all her work,see girl, humble your self,try to do all she asked of you,you are a woman,you should even enjoy doing chores,if you want to enjoy your stay at her house, please just do as she says.
If you think you can't cope with the work or stress,go back home to your parents. That's the only choice you have if you want to enjoy your stay and want to avoid rancour.

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Living With My Married Elder Sister by Nobody: 4:43pm On Jun 17, 2020
Biglittlelois:
Is she your blood sister? If yes, is it that you didn't grow up with her or you both are not that close that you can't stand your ground and say your mind?

When I first got a new job in a different state from where I stay, I lived with an aunt that was very nice to me, she has kids and she made sure all house chores are done by them, to the extent that I had to assign a duty to myself so it won't be like I don't do anything at all, this aunt is a distant cousin o, not even a close one and till I left there and got my place, I had no cause to complain, she is that nice....

So Op I'm wondering if she is your blood, though people differ in character and personality, you should still be able to voice out and say your grievances, all the best.
Sometimes your own sister or bros can be very mean to you. A very competitive person is always afraid of her or his own shadow.
I stayed with a cousin immediately after school awaiting nysc and she was hell to live with but I already know. She spared nobody even her kids so I did stomach her maltreatment till I went for service. Endurance sometimes is very important.

13 Likes

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