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My Encounter With My Successful Wife - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Fountainofyouth(f): 10:00am On Jun 23, 2020
meanwhile enjoy your ban while it lasts grin
I believe when your ban expires you'll learn how to talk on a public forum

Ban? Who be this one? Better start crying your eyes out cos I'll continue to be here commenting....

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Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MrCanceller: 10:26am On Jun 23, 2020

In fact, they will be asking for the man's side of the story, very anyhow people, especially that dominusprime.
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MrCanceller: 10:28am On Jun 23, 2020

Yeah run as usual.
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MrCanceller: 10:31am On Jun 23, 2020

You call that love? After calling it bullshit? Lmao, of course, why will many women endure nonsense because of one man? Something you guys will never endure even at gun point?
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MrCanceller: 10:31am On Jun 23, 2020

Hehehehe, you are not feeling fine, I was thinking of how distasteful it must have been for the woman and what she had to endure, so i typed another comment.
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MrCanceller: 10:32am On Jun 23, 2020
Your first two abi three paragraghs is exactly how most men who see their wife is succeeding react because of ego, some destroy the family with their selfishness in the process, get a divorce, then go about telling everyone that cares to listen that "I brought my ex wife abroad, she grew wings because she earns more, that's why we got a divorce", they will never say 99% of the fault is theirs, nonsense.

Men, very jealous emotional beings, but they like to guilt trip women of same, all the things we can withstand in marriage, they can't withstand one tenth of it, weak selfish beings,

Op thank your stars you were quick to reflect on your actions and see the light.
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MrCanceller: 10:39am On Jun 23, 2020

Ban? Who be this one? Better start crying your eyes out cos I'll continue to be here commenting....
did you miss me?
kiss kiss kiss
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by NairalandSARS: 3:54pm On Jun 23, 2020
Sorry this may be a long read , but do well to read till the end.
The problem I had in my marriage is that I married a woman who was more ambitious and hardworking than me. It was hard for me because I was raised to see a man as the one who must be more successful than a woman. I was raised to believe that the man must be making more money than the woman. So my ego could not handle it at first. We live abroad and my wife is a very intelligent go getter type of woman. She is more intelligent and more hardworking than me and it was hard for me to accept this. I brought the woman abroad, she studied nursing, before you know it she has upgraded to a Nurse practitioner and was making way more money than me. She was more financially successful. In the beginning of our marriage it was very hard for me to cope with her highly driven nature. I wanted her to slow down and wait for me. As a man it is not easy to see your wife work harder than you and no matter how you try, the woman no dey tire she will be doing 5 things at the same time and is brilliant at all of them. Whatever she touches turns to gold.
It became a major problem for me to keep up with her. I started competing with my wife, and that introduced major rivalry between us. It was the worst mistake I ever made. In trying to compete with her, I was putting obstacles in her way of success so that I can catch up with her, this introduced a lot of discord in our marriage.
First of all I refused to help out in the house chores, we don’t have any help, and we had 4 children. I will refuse to cook even though I knew how to cook so that my wife will spend time cooking and be slowed down in her progress. I wanted her to be tired so she won’t have the energy to be working so hard in her career. I wanted her to defer exams and stay home with the kids for a while so I can earn more than her. So I just frustrated her with house work and looking after the kids. I told her it was a woman’s job to do that. I tried to stay away from the house as much as possible so I won’t even be there to help, she did as much as she could but before long, we were quarrelling a lot. I would even eat and leave the plate for her to wash. She will cry and beg me to support her stay home if I am not working so I can help out with the kids but I will refuse. Then she will get angry and we will exchange words, I will always accuse her of disrespecting me because she is succeeding. I told her her success had entered her head. There is nothing I didn’t do to slow this woman down. To the point of denying her sex and cheating on her to get back at her for her success. Yet this woman made friends easily and those friends helped her with minding the kids, and then she was able to apply for a visa for her mum to come. I was hoping the visa will be refused but it was granted so her mum came.
With her mum coming, staying for a few months, going for a few weeks and coming again, she had more time and she progressed fast and got to the top of her career. She was so intelligent that passing exams was so easy. Meanwhile for me, I struggled to pass my own exams. Her own is one touch she passed. I think I can say that I was jealous of my wife, I was jealous of her success. I wanted that success for myself and I was very foolish in doing that.
As she became more successful, I became a bigger enemy of that success. The conflict in our marriage got worse. Just to frustrate her I will complain about everything, I moved out of our room, just the sight of her made me feel less of a man. I had serious inferiority complex, it was bad.
Knowing that she is a family oriented woman who wanted us to stay together and raise our kids, I will keep threatening divorce to scare her and it used to scare her a lot. She kept crying and begging me, each time I act my drama, she begs and begs and I will keep reminding her that I was the one who brought her abroad and that she is nothing without me. She would always express her gratitude to me and she really tried to be a good wife but No! I was not having any of it. Her mother did her best to try to reconcile us but I wasn’t listening. All I wanted was for her to stop earning more money than me but I couldn’t say it so I don’t sound wicked. Until one day, I don’t know what happened to my wife. But she came home and asked for separation and divorce on that faithful day. Her grounds was severe emotional abuse and neglect; she said we hadn’t slept in the same bed or made love for over 2 years, so we were practically separated. I was so shocked. When the reality dawned on me that this woman was serious, and the implications to me, having to move out of the house I pay the mortgage for, having to pay child support and the damage to my children, I truly did not want the marriage to end. But the cracks in the marriage was huge. All caused by me.
She said she could no longer cope with the stress in the marriage, it was affecting her mental health and she was making mistakes at work. Before I knew it she got a lawyer who was representing her. That was when I knew I had bitten more than I could chew. I have a good friend who knows everything and he had been warning me that I was going to lose a good woman but I refused to listen. I told my friend what was happening and he advised me to swallow my ego and start asking my wife for forgiveness. Omo this was what I did oh!!! She was surprised. She said she thought that was what I wanted, that I hated her so much. This woman cried so much from the pain and suffering I caused her for 12 good years. But she agreed to give us another chance. She insisted that we must attend marriage counselling and continue sleeping apart until we worked through our issues. After several months of marriage counselling my eyes opened to the beast I was and to all the nonsense I believed in. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing her. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing a woman for being hardworking, intelligent and progressive. We made so much progress. I have apologised to my wife nothing less than 100 times since then. I have cried and asked her for forgiveness and she has since forgiven me.
We have started anew and so far it is working. We have been married for 15 years now and I am glad I stayed.
I am particularly directing my advice at men. As more women are getting educated and rising to the top in their careers, prepare yourself to accept that one of these women might become your wife one day, prepare to accept her success, prepare your mind to see her success as yours, prepare your mind to be proud of her and celebrate her rather than work against her. We all have our destinies and for some men, their destiny is to marry a woman that their destiny is to marry a woman that will be more successful than them. It is important to see that succeas yours too so that you will not lose a good woman God has blessed you with. Never make the mistake of being jealous of your own wife. I am so glad I didn’t lose. #copied
Oga, you be real winch.
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Bluffly: 11:03pm On Jun 23, 2020
Though you are wrong but you were both wrong. Irrespective of what contemporary approach dictates, there are yet basics to everything which doesnt change. Every other are adjustments.

It's good you brought your wife up with you which shows that you initially encouraged her to be better but you later became uncomfortable which is bad but the wife contributed unknowingly and many women do that.

Most wives when they are doing well forget about encouraging their husbands that they can be better. Only few wives push their husband from a positive mentality. If the wife as well has focused on encouraging her husband there's no way the devil would have crept into their marriage. She was too fixed on getting better and making money. When women make money they become an individual but when below their husband they see collectivity. They should learn to balance up.

When you are growing make sure that your spouse grows with you either way so when you fall you be just by a level to pick up again but when your spouse if far below you and you fall you go back to the beginning.

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