Saying the word ‘Dating’ out loud brings a smile on my face. Dating is a natural way for opposite sexes to explore one another. Dating starts very early for most of us. As teenagers in high school, we have probably dated a partner for a couple of months. No matter how early we start, it is a life-long process though, because even in marriage, we’ll be dating our spouse.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT…
In a TED Talk video available on YouTube, the speaker shared the result of a research that has spanned for more than 70 years. The topic which is titled ‘The key to happiness’ highlights the major factor to a happy life as the quality of relationships we keep as individuals. Although, the relationships are not limited to a partner, as they also include family and friends. However, our partners if we decide to have one play a major role in our quest for having a fulfilled and happy life.

… so are red flags
So, as trivial as deciding to date someone is, it could get very serious quickly. The best approach to not allowing and keeping garbage in our lives is to always watch out for the red flags in dating (easier said than done). There is always a difference between just being friends and actually dating someone. So, it is safe to say that no matter how long you have known someone as a friend, once it crosses the bridge into dating, watch out for the red flags in dating.

Rose Flowers illustrating love that might blind people from seeing red flags in dating
The earlier the better actually. It is impossible to stress this enough. WATCH OUT FOR RED FLAGS IN DATING AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE. It is so much easier to cut off from someone you are dating when it is just starting. When the relationship gets older, we become so attached and even addicted to each other that glaring danger signs are ignored just because we believe it is impossible to live without the other person.

As relationships grow older, humans tend to rationalize things differently. Let me use the story of Smith and Anne who were college sweethearts.



Smith and Anne met in college and were instantly hooked. They maintained their relationship throughout college and well beyond. After about 10 – ish years of dating, the most logical thing to do was get married and live together happily ever after. However, throughout the years of their dating experience, they both noticed critical danger signs that were toxic. The logical thing to do will be to split up as partners and go their separate ways. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Our emotions make us act a bit differently. There is a term called ‘sunk cost’ which loosely refers to expenses that cannot be recovered. Humans, however, instead of moving on, tend to hold on to the sunk cost; the number of years spent together, the efforts and sacrifices made, the memories shared, etc.



Although not bad, but there is an elephant (danger signs) that is more than likely to grow bigger and impede the whole relationship. Rather than focus on the elephant, we rather hold on to the sunk cost. The major reason why you should act on red flags in dating early, so there will be less sunk cost to deal with.

Make your intention clear
Although not all dating leads to a serious relationship and eventually marriage, it is best however to define what you are up for from the onset. Having it in mind that the quality of relationship you keep goes a long way in determining your future happiness, having a defined agenda helps to build trust. If you are into dating just for the fun of it, it is best to spell it out to your partner. If the agenda is for the long term, it is best to let your partner know. One of the best ways to building a healthy relationship is by establishing it on truth. Nobody likes being lied to. If you are taking a partner for the long term while your partner doesn’t share the same agenda, it could lead to someone getting hurt, which could ultimately after your happiness level long term. So, to be clear, define your purpose of dating.

Red flags…
Now, to the actual red flags in dating, I believe this is opinionated depending on the individual. As individuals, we have different tolerance levels, and things I might find amusing could end up being stupid for a certain Mr. X.

However, there are quite a number of general red flags that could hint at future unhappiness.

Rush
It is an amazing feeling to meet someone you like and who seems to be into you as well. That’s normal. But there are cases you meet someone, and the very next minute they are all up in your life. Always calling to have long conversations, using intense words right from the box.

There is nothing wrong if things move gradually, but these kinds of people always have the intention of jumping over 3 or more steps. I am sure you had a life before you guys met, and it is only logical you move step by step while getting to know each other better.



Swimming in the tides of a rushed relationship leaves you blinded to many other red flags in dating. So, this is one you should watch out for.

Lack of openness
From the onset, you should refrain from a partner who is not open or is being secretive. Dating and sharing go hand in hand. Some ladies might argue and say, “maybe it’s not the perfect time to tell him the secret of my child”. When then is a perfect time? When you are 2 years into the relationship and have a wedding coming up in a couple of weeks?

If you notice your partner is not being open in the early stages of dating, it is best to confront them and ask questions. Do not leave things to happen by chance. If the partner is not sharing, I will advise you do not stick around to find out because it will likely end up in tears.

Snoopy
Most of us do not like people who snoop around. We often see them as creepy. The same applies to partners in a relationship. If you have an issue bothering you, get it off your chest by talking to your partner about it. Ask questions if need be. If you are not sure of getting honest replies, you should not be dating that partner in the first place.

Please, do not be the snoopy person who hides to read his/her partner’s messages. If your partner does that, it should be a major red flag in dating.

Lies
Everybody hates Chris. Sorry, everybody hates lies. Lies kill trust and destroy friendship. If you aim to build a healthy relationship with your partner, do well to avoid lies. Avoid telling it, and also a partner that tells them. If a partner respects you, they will avoid doing things they will have to lie about, and even when they do things you might not agree with, they are bold enough to be honest about them.
Busy
Well, of course, we all have things to do, and at times it could get overwhelming. Not trying to be pushy here, but a partner should at least make out time for you. When things get really busy, the time allocation could reduce, but you are sure it will return to normal when things clear up. However, there are partners who early in the relationship use ‘being busy’ as the next line of defense. In such cases, they are probably hiding things from you. One of the general red flags in dating if you ask me.

Anger/Control
Any partner who comes off as controlling should be avoided as early as possible. However, this is a trait people do not notice early on. People could argue that controlling partners come off as the sweetest bunch. In cases like this, it is best to apply the rule of thumb, “if it seems too good to be true, it is!”. If a partner comes off to be too perfect, pay closer attention.
Aside from the general red flags in dating that have been highlighted, there are couples of red flags that might be personal to different individuals

Money management
On a personal note, this is number one on my watchlist. You could tell so much about a person from the way he/she handles money. It is a personal red flag because different folks prefer different sides of the coin. You might prefer a partner that manages money frugally, while a certain Mr. X would prefer a partner who is lavish with money.

This is a red flag you have to pay attention to mostly if you are in for the long term. A lot of marriage-related challenges have their bearing originating from money management. You should go for a partner with the same money mindset as you. You guys can be lavish together or can be frugal together, completely your choice.

Attention to details
This is a personal red flag too depending on the sort of individual you are. You could prefer a partner who is easy going and a bit carefree to everyday life, while a certain Mr. X would want a partner who pays attention to the last detail. Partners who are carefree are more fun to be with, well, that is a general opinion, not mine. Another general opinion is that detailed partners are more inclined to take corrections. To clarify, not my opinion on either case.

Conclusion
I have not met anyone who genuinely does not want to be happy. Ironically, only a handful of people are truly happy. Somewhere along the line, we intentionally or unintentionally shoot ourselves in the foot.

If more than 70 years of research has told us what we already know about happiness, why do we still get it wrong?

No one is perfect... You cannot be too careful and in most instances, check yourself!