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Stats: 2,527,868 members, 5,789,673 topics. Date: Friday, 14 August 2020 at 12:19 PM
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Travel / My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed (41799 Views)
|My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ikoroduarea: 2:01pm On Jul 26|
I will really appreciate if moderator can help push this to front page.
Firstly, insults are welcome. I reside in Europe. Two of my friends they are biological brothers, they've been sucking me. I have been sending them money regularly for years, yes years, but I now realised that these people are not ready to work or learn any skill. Even their own biological brother in abroad reported them to me and doesn't take them serious anymore except their mum. Infarct, i used to send money to their mum too. But they just keep asking me for money everytime. Imagine I just sent you money when you said you are sick, two days after you sent me voice record asking me for money to rent a shop. Then the younger one who's chat bellow asking me for 100k for three of them as if I am picking money on the floor here. To some people in Nigeria who always think all nigerians in diaspora think we always think you're begging for money whenever you say hi just to hear from us, it is not the case. How about this too?
I am really tired. My wife who always agree I should help them have started complaining too. These two friends suddenly changed because I used to send them money even before they ask. It's like every week one problem must happen to them that require money. They will just send account number and the deadline time. They keep coming, coming, coming back again after giving. I have paid hundreds of thousands of naira for visa processing for one of them maybe at least they will stop asking me for money and one will be able to help his brother, but the visa was unsuccessful.
Few days ago one of them ask me to give him my sister's number that he just want to greet her since it's been years he saw her last. Behold, the next day my sister called to ask when did I hear from my friend last and did he mention about financial problem to me, I told my sister that he called me two days ago and asked of her number which I gave him. My sister said he requested for money to support his house rent and she sent him some money. I was shocked. Can you imagine guys? My friend. I am not saying it's a crime for him to ask my sister money but why lie to me that you just want to greet her when you asked me for her number? Whereas I just sent him money too not even up to a week.
See another demand again, see my reply, see his reply.
I know one or the two of them will start gossiping me around that I am proud, but they won't tell them about the good I have done for them, I have been doing. They won't. Some friends are not worth it anymore. I am very upset now that it's affecting me mentally and with my wife. Even my children were asking me last night "dad are you alright, you're not happy".
You know what again, one of them sent messages to my wife asking for mobile phone. I saw it but my wife didn't know that I saw it not until I responded to him myself and told my wife to never bother. My wife later sent the phone to him. Since then he's been using that opportunity to demand from her. Though he eventually stopped it but continue asking me only.
I have sent so much money but they just never stop asking. And I am not the time that take pictures and flaunt them on social media. I live my life on low-key.
I need your honest opinion.
Insults are welcome I promise I won't react to any insult.
I wanted to block them on my social media especially on WhatsApp but I had a rethink so they won't feel like I am proud because I am in abroad.
24 Likes 5 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by dapsoneh: 2:03pm On Jul 26|
You really have nothing to bother at all and its not worth affecting your concentrations
You made a grave mistake by giving them money when they never requested for it. You had initially given them a wrong impression from the onset, this is not a bad thing anyways but you can be sure that once u start this kind of gesture, they will capitalise on that and keep coming to you and this is exactly what is happening to you right now
U said their BIOLOGICAL brother who is also abroad has stopped any form of financial dealings with them cos he sees them as unserious, so WHY ARE U PERTURBED?
You are not under any OBLIGATION to keeping giving them money except if there is SOMETHING THEY HAD DONE for u that u are not telling us and you feel its so IMPORTANT such that if u stop giving them money, it will make u look like an INGRATE
Do what u can that wont affect your family financially for them once in a while, u need not respond to all their chats or calls. Its simple!
203 Likes 10 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Homextras: 2:09pm On Jul 26|
You know you are being exploited, yet you keep giving.. That's not wise man.
If you can, change your contact or block them off, then send what you can afford to them once in a while.
You know what to do. All the best.
191 Likes 8 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by cyrielo(m): 2:18pm On Jul 26|
Friendship should be mutually beneficial, cut this off ASAP for your own mental health. Learn to spend on yourself once in a while. You won’t regret it
134 Likes 4 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by donbachi(m): 2:26pm On Jul 26|
Knowing they are exploiting u,and u are still giving them...i think its either they are making such bi-weekly cash demands, cos of a very big favour they did to u or they sent u oversea..or,their otumokpor don clear from ur eyes...just thinking.
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ednut1(m): 2:38pm On Jul 26|
Stop sending them money and change your lines. How hard is that. Change your phone number
202 Likes 6 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ikoroduarea: 2:40pm On Jul 26|
Absolutely nothing they've done for me. Nothing at all. I was only helping them financially since I knew how hard it was when we were both hustling before I leave Nigerian. They are just abusing the opportunity. Thank you for yout input... I really appreciate. God bless.
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ikoroduarea: 2:43pm On Jul 26|
Not at all. Nothing like favour for me at all. We are just friends. Thanks.
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ModestGal(f): 2:43pm On Jul 26|
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by donbachi(m): 2:57pm On Jul 26|
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by myles16(m): 3:02pm On Jul 26|
Like someone said up there, block them and maybe after 3 months or 6 months if you feel like sending them cash, unblock them send whatever you're capable of then block them back..
I know you're the generous type, just send whatever you're capable of, don't let them dictate to you, it's because you're sending them money frequently that's why they ain't working
64 Likes 1 Share
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Nickshrapnel(m): 3:16pm On Jul 26|
What did I just read? Is it too hard for you sir, to say no to people over the phone?
127 Likes 6 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ZINIBANKS: 3:52pm On Jul 26|
Don't send money again
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Mindlog: 5:49pm On Jul 26|
If their own biological brother who is also resident outside Nigeria have given up on them, why continue to enable them?
84 Likes 4 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by jesmond3945: 5:53pm On Jul 26|
ikoroduarea:have you sent money to your mother or siblings? Do you currently have any investment? Do you have landed properties?
74 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Dangrace01: 6:03pm On Jul 26|
how can no be a complete sentence
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Mindlog: 6:45pm On Jul 26|
You lose the assertiveness when you begin to explain why you are saying NO, giving the other person the opportunity to whittle your resolve.
Personally, I have internalized it and learnt how not to feel guilty when I say NO to whatever/ whoever I can't say YES to.
110 Likes 11 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Dangrace01: 6:49pm On Jul 26|
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Activist001: 7:13pm On Jul 26|
Stop sending them money, change your lines or just block them and move on.
How hard is that?
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Alberta123: 8:22pm On Jul 26|
Since you said insults are welcome, Let me take the opportunity with both hands.
If I might ask, are you draft or an slowpoke.
They're manipulating you by telling you that you're proud so that you can be easily accessible.
Are you happy been taking advantage of.
See as them open shop ontop your head.
Reduce your chat with them and stop explaining anything to them.
Make your chats short and precise
I'm 100% sure they won't do same to you if reverse was the case
71 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by merieam16(f): 8:41pm On Jul 26|
U av a soft heart..take d decision nw or neva. Stop sending dem money
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Kenn55: 9:09pm On Jul 26|
Sometimes i feel that a lot of stories we read on this platform are fake.
How can this be real? I don't believe that someone can be this stupid and weak. It defies all understanding.
71 Likes 7 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by dasparrow: 10:06pm On Jul 26|
Let me tell you something I have noticed about most Nigerians. Once you try to be nice to them by helping them out financially, they end up taking advantage of you. They begin to see you like a mumu, a cash cow to be exploited.
I know of someone who lived in my city (I don't live in Nigeria by the way). Anyways, she is a single mother and financially struggling. Being that I know what it feels like not to have, I felt sorry for her and without her even asking me, I gave her some money to manage herself. It wasn't even up to 2 weeks and she showed up at my home one evening unannounced asking me to give her money because she lent money from someone and can't pay back. Of course I told her I don't have.
But that experience along with that of many others is the reason why I generally distance myself from Nigerians. Once you are nice to them, they abuse the gesture. I really don't know why. I guess it is what Nigerian society has turned people into.
I have since blocked that Nigerian woman on WhatsApp and blocked her number on my phone. Why? Because regardless of how much I try to help her again and again, she will never be satisfied. It is never going to be enough. Block those "friends" of yours and enjoy absolute bliss because the begging won't stop. No be Nigerians again?
84 Likes 8 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by GboyegaD(m): 10:45pm On Jul 26|
You just need to learn to be assertive. At this point, stop giving them money. The effontery to ask your sister for money implies they don't want your good one bit. When they ask, just let them know you can't afford it. They will come to terms. You know why, they will always find an alternative.
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Youonlyliveonce: 8:52am On Jul 27|
Op answer this questions if your answer to the last two is No, then you have failed in Life. You are more worried about pleasing some dingbats than creating a future for yourself and family which is the initial reason you left the country.
Just don't make the mistake of coming to Nigeria cos those friends of yours are ready to kill you without giving it a thought.
58 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Idonije8(m): 9:31am On Jul 27|
Rebeccal:I swear lol this is funny! Or them use jazz for you!
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by jesmond3945: 11:00am On Jul 27|
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Indigbo: 11:52am On Jul 27|
This is serious
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by DisGuy: 1:22pm On Jul 27|
absolutely crazy to give them your sister's phone number and your wife too!
keep the foolishness between you and them if you can't stop!
Don't outsource your problem!!
95 Likes 5 Shares
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by ThatCEO: 1:39pm On Jul 27|
You might be your own problem. You don't help them because u care about these people, you just want them to keep hailing u as per ChiarMo. Don't want to be seen as d bad guy.
14 Likes 1 Share
|Re: My Friends Exploiting Money From Me, Advice Needed by Naijaforeigner: 3:20pm On Jul 27|
Being too nice is a big weakness.
I will leave you with this quote below, once you read it, you should know what to do.
"Helping people is godly and good but making people dependants on you through the good you do is ungodly. It starts becoming counter productive when your help develops in people a beggarly attitude or inferiority complex. Whether it is through financial help or mentoring". Poju Oyemade.
p.s you see that popular saying "givers never lack" that is the biggest lie ever told.
It is givers with sense that never lack.
43 Likes 3 Shares
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