Assuming you fell in love with a lady and you wish to take her  to an alter and the lady loves you so much too but there was an obstacle, her parents say no! to the affair and have vowed the affair will never see the light of the day because the other boy was of a Christian background and the girl purely muslim, apart from this there was an aged misunderstanding between the two families, their forefathers kept on telling the story to thier offsprings of the events that torn the two families apart and made them foes. Your own parents too are not shifting ground, they insisted "you can't marry in our foe's family.
Please what will you do?

Plz respond to this piece Nairalanders.
What will you do if you find yourself in this situation?

Great Peter,

Parental approval is very vital in a relationship. Its not just about the two of you anymore, 2 families are now coming together - so to say.

If you're having problems with parental approval, you must seek counsel ASAP and if you are a christian, get down on your knees fast - If you really love her, then you must pray your way through! There is absolutely nothing impossible with God. He has the Heart of kings in his hands.

If the parents are still not consenting after all said and done, you must not go ahead with the wedding! Parental approval is most vital

Thanks dablessed.
But I am not  a victim yet and I won't be either.
I need more contribution.

you will go on your knees in prayer & our heavenly who sees in secret will reward you openly... if GOD says you go ahead with the relationship.. NO man, I repeat No man can do anything.. they will only bark but they aint got teeth to bite... some will do juju & stuffs to ensure that the wife doesnt get issues but I tell you one thing today... if God be for us, who can be against us the bible wasnt joking & dint put some things aside when sayn that... I've seen such a marriage .. the parents rained fire but GOd kept the marriage till the day the parents gave up & came to beg the couples......

Greatpeter:

Assuming you fell in love with a lady and you wish to take her to an alter and the lady loves you so much too but there was an obstacle, her parents say no! to the affair and have vowed the affair will never see the light of the day because the other boy was of a Christian background and the girl purely muslim, apart from this there was an aged misunderstanding between the two families, their forefathers kept on telling the story to thier offsprings of the events that torn the two families apart and made them foes. Your own parents too are not shifting ground, they insisted "you can't marry in our foe's family.
Please what will you do?

This sounds like 4 different Homevideos I recently watched....

Nigeria Movie?
What a duplication of ideas?

Yes, that's actually the storyline of most Nigerian movies.

I would want to suggest that if God has actually ordained that two will marry, I beleive that with prayers and patience that it will work out at the end. I have seen so many of such cases and at the end they got married.

Prayers and Patience are what the two need.

ifeanyiv:

I would want to suggest that if God has actually ordained that two will marry, I beleive that with prayers and patience that it will work out at the end. I have seen so many of such cases and at the end they got married.

Prayers and Patience are what the two need.

Thank you Ifeanyiv, prayers and patience are what the couple need.

u see, The Bible says tht in all things we should give God all the Glory,
No body can predict what tomorrow would be, it's only God who can tell, He kns the end from the begining, so what everthing that might be the case, just pray and give glory to God co's He alone knows the best for u. not even ur parents, but at times Gos speaks through people. tht is it.
but if it has happened to uoooo, sorry trust God at the appointed time u we smile co's His blessins added no sorrow.

Are there still parents in this age and time, who would sacrifice the happiness of their children on the alter of pride? A friend of mine had this kind of problem. When the begged the parents and they refused, the guy went ahead and married the babe. The father and mother didnt come to the wedding, but his junior ones did. The couple are still happily married. Now, if you refuse due to pride to go to your first son's wedding, who is losing? Does any parent pray not to share in the happiness of his children?

Of course after a while, the parents had no choice, but then, you have already lost out on some of your glory moments. My opinion is, my happiniess is paramount. Any body that wants to stand in the way of my everlasting happiness sake of say she is not Yoruba, why are u marrying Ibo, BALDERDASH to you.

There are still some parents who will not allow their son or daughter to marry a particular lady or guy just because of one flimsy excuse.

It could be an old fivalry politically or otherwise.

All u have to do is pray your way out.prayer is the only solution in this case.

Greatpeter, this is a complicated issue.

My head isn't complicated now, so I can give an answer now.

But surely to do so when my head is complictated.

Are u ?

Hmm, now this is usually a tough dilemma and more so for the girl who is usually the one that really needs her parents approval than the guy. If you look at it realistically, it is you life and the girls life. Try and make both your parents realize that this is your life and happiness that they are talking about here, because ultimately the decision is yours and the girls. Let me give you a real life example using my parents as examples.

As of the time my parents where getting married, my dad was a Muslim and my mum was a Christian, of course you can imagine the uproar that went up when they announced that they wanted to get married. Neither family wanted it. Anyway they both decided that it was their life and if they two families didn't like it then that was their problem. When the two families saw that there was nothing they could do to dissuade them they reluctantly gave in. right now though, my dad is a Christian but that's beside the point. They have been together over 30 years now and i don't think I've seen a happier couple. In retrospect it is possible that if they listened to  their parents and gave up on the affair, they could have married people they would eventually not be happy with.

Note it is not all parents that when they see you are dead serious about marring the girl will reluctantly give in. Some might even disown you till they die.  So in the end you have to be sure you are making the right decision because you'll hate it if you go against your parents and in the end the relationship doesn't stand the test of time.

But if you are sure that your love is the real thing and you are sure it will stand the test of time and you think you can live with both your parents disapproval, then you can give it a shot. because ultimately your parents will pass away and the all you'll have is you and your partner.

Also remember to pray about it because with God all things are possible

_{Sorry if the whole thing sounds disjointed, been working since morning and my brain is kind of shutting down}

thats the spirit man.

Once your child is over 18, you can give advice but you are no longer to impose your opinions on her.  If you give your sincere opinion to your adult child and it's not accepted, why not forget it and try to enjoy the time you have left to live?

So I don't see why my parents should object to my carefully chosen fiancee: I'm the one who is going to have to share a life with the young woman, right?  The only problem I might have is if my future wife is afraid of the marriage because of my parent's opposition.

If a woman sees that you really love her and are determined to have her, but refrains from saying "I do" because of the opposition of her parents or your parents, then maybe she's not yet woman enough to be a wife?  Maybe a man who does the same is not yet man enough to be a husband?

Seun:

If a woman sees that you really love her and are determined to have her, but refrains from saying "I do" because of the opposition of her parents or your parents, then maybe she's not yet woman enough to be a wife? Maybe a man who does the same is not yet man enough to be a husband?

I agree with that statement... my SO and I are going through stuff now with his parents though they haven't met me... they already disapprove of our relationship and have refused to meet me and we've been together 2.5 years.. but we are just graduating college in may 06.

monister

I think u should leave the girl and move on with ur life due to the following reasons. Marriage in Africa is btw 2 families not btw 2 persons like it is in the western world. U cannot be an islander. besides ur kids cannot stay without knowing their grandparents, uncles, aunties and most of all cousins.
the second point is u are a christian while ur fiancee a muslem. The bible says be not unequally yoked with unbelievers. i do not think it is wise for a christian to marry a muslem. There are times when tribulations in marriage come and u'll need 2 stand as one ie u and ur wife to pray but ur wife would not join u because she does not believe in ur religion. Disagreements and frustrations comes in and then a divorce because either party says u met me a christian/muslem.
If u were both of the same religion, then u could pray things through but not anymore.
the 3rd point is this: God forbid u die, ur wife is in for a tough time. It's better one of either parents disapprove of the marriage than both parents.
I think it's time u both face reality. It's a hard decision but u both have to accept the bitter truth, u might not live a happy life together.
Move on with ur life and accept ur parents stand on this one cos i think they are right

.

it depends on the kinda parent you have and also the reason they go against it. cos i know ma parent, she won't do no such thing xcept for a die hard reason then i ma reason with her if it makes sense then i ma put it off or correct the situation if possible but i've got to review the reason they oppose it b4 i know what's next. parents can bring dumb reason can't they? would u spoil ur life cos of a weak reason? ma parent won't oppose me tho

I dont eva pray 2 be in dis situation cos it can be rily terrible, Esp wen nothing u do or say can change their minds.
Personally, i tink nobody is in a position 2 choose ur partner 4 u, not even your parents, they cud only suggest but not impose. But the truth is dat their point of views, feelings or suggestions are also very important & shud be taken very seriously.
So it is left 4 u to tink deeply & take a firm decision on wat u rily want.

nothing is impossible

some parents are natural born BIGOTS, stupid ones i dare say. does marrying someone of the same tribe and religion guarantee a divorce free or even a happy marriage?
i think Nigerians have a major issue with themselves and like all issues rather than accept the reality of things are always looking for something to blame it on.
Seriously so the love and understanding one another part of any relationship has nothing to do with this?
just tribe and religion?
ive always said it, these two things are the very same reason we are still so backward as a country.

Let the parents do all they can to spoil the whole thing, when their vision of an ideal marriage leads to a divorce youll be amazed how they now start blaming the member of the couple that is not their child, the religion and tribe being the last cause for blame then.
I think people should stand for what they believe and these kind of parents maybe a forum thread set up with their phone numbers or contacts written so NLanders can have access if not for anything air their views in the most unrestricted ways to them directly.

One can only imagine the kind of frustration they cause these poor people.

You can also choose the option of praying, some people even if God comes to their face and talks to them will still be what they are.why do you think so much evil exists?

You Elope! Its that simple after 5 years of not knowing your whereabouts lets see if they wouldn't give an arm and a leg to hold a ceremony via satellite to get you guys back

Oppose mine? it will just be two less ppl to put on the guests list
just kidding

^^lmfao! again Mr. Cork, slap yourself.

[quote author=natasha post=111967]I think u should leave the girl and move on with ur life due to the following reasons. Marriage in Africa is btw 2 families not btw 2 persons like it is in the western world. U cannot be an islander. besides ur kids cannot stay without knowing their grandparents, uncles, aunties and most of all cousins.
the second point is u are a christian while ur fiancee a muslem. The bible says be not unequally yoked with unbelievers. i do not think it is wise for a christian to marry a muslem. There are times when tribulations in marriage come and u'll need 2 stand as one ie u and ur wife to pray but ur wife would not join u because she does not believe in ur religion. Disagreements and frustrations comes in and then a divorce because either party says u met me a christian/muslem.
If u were both of the same religion, then u could pray things through but not anymore.
the 3rd point is this: God forbid u die, ur wife is in for a tough time. It's better one of either parents disapprove of the marriage than both parents.
I think it's time u both face reality. It's a hard decision but u both have to accept the bitter truth, u might not live a happy life together.
Move on with ur life and accept ur paquots stand on this one cos i think they are right[/quo

Wen u start 2 regret u wud wish u stood ur grounds .