This life no balance!

By the time person eyes dun open, the whole world dun enter third lap, dem con classify us as third world country.
This life no balance, Kylian Mbappe is just 20 years old and earns £ 1.2 Millions per month, that same age group to which I belong to in my kantry is still waiting for ASUU to call off strike so schools can reopen, the lucky ones dey manage £ 72 (10nk God for our tarty tiri K, iya Basira's amala has suffer).
This life no balance, some countries dun commot earth dey go moon, some dey live for the atmosphere sef, my country still dey struggle fill potholes for road.
This life no balance, PhD and MSc holders in yankee dey write books, dey work for NASA, in my country PhD holders dey hustle 20K jobs.
This life no balance, countries wey we gada get independence dun become importer and exporter, my country dey celebrate inauguration of boreholes.
This life no balance, leaders of dem other countries dey give aids to the tunes of billions of dollars, for my country lecturers, doctors still dey fight government, dey strike over unpaid benefits.
This life no balance abeg.

I con reason baba G,
'for my next life no put me for Nigeria o' ,
baba G reply - 'ok wish granted!'
Baba G con bring out map, 'oya which continent you want?'
'Antarctica sef dey alright',
as I talk am, I see sey no be only me dey reason that way. How I take sabi na wen Baba G show me the prototype of the next life, I shock, 90% of Nigerians sef no wan gree come this Nigeria again.
For next life, ein sure me sey na Nigerians go full Antarctica, we go dun get fur like polar bears, may we no freeze begin dey attack tithes and offerings.
I reason my current situation again, 'which kin gbege be dis na, Baba G, Life no balance o I swear. See yankee na, see us. why na?'
Almighty BabaG wey get all the wisdom con give me reply 'The grass always appears greener on the other side'
See me, see BabaG o, BabaG dey follow me speak grammar, dis life no balance I swear. Me wey dey reason sey BabaG go just forget like 1 milla for my account, na green grass Baba dey talk.

As BabaG no gree give me cash, na word i collect, dat word con inspire my common sense and I started to think like a Londoner - - - - - When we look at our current situations and juxtapose(compare)it with what we see, we tend to think that what we see is better than where we are.
It's an illusion, all is. You think having more stuffs will make you more happy, it doesn't - it only appears it will.
Giving a poor man few thousands of naira will probably change his present circumstances, maybe get him a bike and prolong the strength of his legedes or afford him a decent meal of pizza and sprite - which is awesome by the way! But it gets to a point that more money provides little or no addition to existing happiness. You get a job and see your first paycheck of N100 000 and feel on top of the world, after you get promoted and earn a payrise of say N 150 000 or N400 000, at this stage, an increased paycheck will add little happiness, this works the same way for everything. If you are into academics, having a BSc degree is wonderful, having your second and third and fourth doesn't add so much happiness to you but it is an ornament when you become a VC.
Summarily, More doesn't necessarily mean more happiness or more respect or more love or more biscuits or even more shawarmas .----

Let's leave London with its law of diminishing returns and come back..
"It's a harsh reality that better material circumstances doesn't necessarily mean a better life" - well said Mr common sense but that's horseshit!, replied Mr 9ja.
Let's have the better material circumstances first and see for ourselves if that's true!
Wealth is vanity, Poverty is vanity…. But I've chosen my vanity - wealth.
May we dey inside Bugatti dey reflect better pas may we dey trek dey reflect abi? Levels dey to vanity.
Let's get to experience lives ourselves is the reality of Nigerian yoots.


Yahoo boys.
A boy is born into a family, he is left to the community to be taken care of, after hawking and selling yams, he makes some money to go to school - then he sees guys who grew up in the same streets as he does living in flashy houses.
Boy vex, how dem take do am! He's still struggling to buy necessary textbooks in school, life circumstances is hard. He's got to do something. He's got to wise up. Dis Life, have money o!
He is driven to meet these guys who teach him how to chat with people in America, alot of people in developed America are lonely, they need companionship(to these set of americans, life sef no balance, how can everyone aff boyfren and life is leaving them lonely?)
.. so our Nigerian guys chats them up and gives them companionship,- you tink sey he easy to dey call and check up on someone everyday? Our Nigerian guys have plenty of time and sweetness to give, American guys have plenty of money to give…. boom! supply and demand: even John Keynes sabi sey no economics make sense pas dese!

Sometimes these online relationships go on to become sumtin big, you see wonderful wonders like a 12 yr old boy gettin marry-ed to a 85 yr old woman - my broda, what can we say? who we be? no man can explain the workings of love.

So our young nigga hammers and the next time you see him, he dun dey ride benz, baba dun get house for lekki and banana island, hustle dun pay off, maga dun pay - dem dey contribute dier quota to Making America Great Again© - which maga pas dis one?

E no easy, after all dose years of struggle, everything dun soft. Our guy takes to the club and balls all his friends and mentors, if he has a talent in singing! Gbedu dun land, Ijo Ope!!
EFCC begin dey disturb, SARS sef dey disturb!
Why una dey disturb us na? 'Because una never setlle us, no be only una sabi chop life, we sef sabi chop life too'. Some bosses level sef pas the one wey EFCC dey handle, Na FBI and Interpol dey on top dier matter.

Meanwhile, another guy from Adam still dey do ein own freelance on Fiverr, dey design websites, dey write contents, 'i don't do illegal, i do it legal' yes sir! legal is it.
The guy head get grace, ein dey see few dolls from gigs, just enough to live a comfortable life and take his gelfren out to watch Lion King. Thank Jah!

The ones wey no use internet dey sell bags, wristwatches,knowledge, facemasks, clothes,soaps,recharge cards, earpiece, iPhone… 'please help me put this on your status', 'please help rebc'
Some confident ones wey wan do am the old-fashioned way enter farm. Alaye double your Hustle! Ji Masun!

If Popsy rich, Momsy hold bar, Popsy dey work for government, Momsy na commissioner.
The child no suppose get too much struggles be that, just go school and read books, if salary still make sense when we convert am to pounds and dollars, yankee dun sure be that, just pas GRE. Life soft. I yam now Americana.
You graduate, if you sabi wella, NASA go retain you or if na Economics you read, Wall Street dun set. But if na song you wan sing, you go port come back our one and only 9ja, your parents dun get connections already, just press d button- everything dun set, oya pheelz d producer, over to you. Issagoal!

At all at all na im bad pass, you go see scholarship wey go give you raba on top sey you dey 5 points - even Lebron no fit rival you or may you enter Russia go read Medicine.

In this life, we must make it...

..
What drives us all in life is we want to enjoy the good things of life, not everyone is interested in having $ 200 billions of net worth as JB, what we all want is the fulfillment of our heart desires, whatever ways we choose to make that happen, Bon Chance!

When we were all like 6 years old, we all had these big fantasies in our heads… from primary school to secondary school to ile eko giga (university), we no even factor masters and PhD, life never hard reach dat level when we dey construct our dream life.
After university, find one beautiful girl (tall, slim, works in chevron, has long hair, smells nice, loves football, likes to travel,..., mother-in-isreal on the outside, nicki minaj in the house… bla bla bla or even plan to marry the beautiful Chiamaka who sat next to you in Kindergarten 0.5 and invite all the presidents in the world to your wedding. If you're reading this, have you now married her after you no allow us hear word? Hehehe), then marry her and have like 1 million beautiful children in a very big house and live happily after.

Childhood is awesome! Gave us the chance to fantasize as much as we wanted. Fantasize or daydream in adulthood and all you receive is a resounding slap from your co-workers or just a drum of water over your face if they're nice enough(this actually happens in nollywood, ayam yet to seen a real live tiktok vid).

In reality, life doesn't go as it is planned, everybody has plans and if everyone were to have his way the same time, that would really be crazy! example is when all Lagos working class boys n girls close from work by 4pm and decide to go home in their cars - my advice if that's your first day at work, just make sure you have a working Netflix subscription and buy some popcorns from the canteen - or heed the words of your egungun who is shouting to you to be careful, na express of holdup you dey go!

That's the kind of situation we would actually have If everyone were to have all wishes granted the same time.
So while your wish is not being granted, someone else's been granted. Chillax and drink water, at all at all na im bad pass, life no balance, dat one mean sey may you no drink water? Buy Gala join abeg, balance am with pepsi.
No kill yourself.

Life is like this football game, we can read every article by the best pundits in sports and even put on our betslip or over 9.7 as we wish. But the football game itself turns out randomly in its own form, it can go any way. Because it can go anyway is why everyone prepares so hard to bear whatever comes, like Neymar strolling into the 2020 UCL final game with a big speaker just to receive a silver medal. My G, even to receive silver medal in this life no eeeee-zzzzzz.

If Life no balance, Na Life, Life na Boss on its own. Life fit wake up tomorrow con vex balance everything wey no balance, may ein bring trump con 9ja carry Buhari go US. wetin we wan do, na Life na?
Hushpuppi dun do ein own, all the money wey he collect, no be sey he pound am use am chop ogbono, na still on top the people he collect am from he spend am for.
Yahoo boys dey collect money from yankee dey spend am for 9ja, because e no reach you no mean may you lose your peace, no hate anyone, na d hustle o. Dem no strong reach you, e get y.
Baby collect care, education from guardians, become adult con use all the money wey ein dun get take care of the guardians.
All dese tories na to tell you sey life dey balance itself.
No vex sey anybody corrupt again, because na dem dey reap the consequences na,no be you. nothing fit do you if you do no one nothing.
Just do your own, Baba G go answer your call someday, no be only you dey call.
If this life wey you come no balance for you, e go balance for the next one.
If we begin dey vex for Buhari dey call am names, dey vex sey life hard, at the end of the vexing, wetin we gain?
Life dey balance itself.
If life balance, na temporary and if e no balance, na still temporary. No manual dey to dis phenomenon called life, e get y.

Ultimately, in life we are all becoming a better version of ourselves daily in our own peculiar ways.
Live Life. Love Life. Be true to you.

This satirical piece was compiled by Tim Adetolu, the inspirations came from the Nigerian social media space.

Nothing do you o my reader. . Dey shine go.