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How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? - Family - Nairaland

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How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by dangerousdaddy(m): 1:18am On Sep 02, 2020
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.

I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.

I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.

The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.

Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.

I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......

Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.

I hope this makes front page

286 Likes 12 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by merieam16(f): 1:31am On Sep 02, 2020
I feel ur pain bro buh wat exactly do u want us to do

204 Likes 4 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by dangerousdaddy(m): 1:47am On Sep 02, 2020
merieam16:
I feel ur pain bro buh wat exactly do u want us to do
.... A little advise from experienced people will go a very long way because i feel lost, frustrated and confused all at the same time sad
merieam16:
I feel ur pain bro buh wat exactly do u want us to do
.... A little advise from experienced people will go a very long way because i feel lost, frustrated and confused all at the same time

88 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by SmellingAnus(m): 1:55am On Sep 02, 2020
You are going through what many married couples go through...

All I can say is that you are not married to that girl... Use your tongue to count your teeth and advise yourself...

595 Likes 19 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Regardless: 2:35am On Sep 02, 2020
Lol. You should be happy she started displaying her real character that would have surfaced if you marry her. Of course, she think say everything don balance since she has a child for you and you don't want a broken home.

My advice - talk to her heart to heart and give her a specific time frame in your heart for her to change. In fact, you should even withhold more money as this would show you how she'll behave during the hard times. She may even be a potential cheat - most materialistic females are.

Now if she doesn't change within your set time frame in your heart, my guy run o. Only make sure you provide enough for your daughter.. A home can never be productive with this kind of woman in the house. Value your peace of mind above everything.

643 Likes 34 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by elantraceey(f): 2:44am On Sep 02, 2020
You should be glad you have not married her yet. But I have one question. Is she jobless?

194 Likes 8 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Bluntguy: 2:46am On Sep 02, 2020
You are seeking for advice now because you don't have money in your pockets at the moment. Once you receive your pay now, she will welcome you home warmly and you will forget you ever asked for advice concerning her.
Now here is my advice:
Be patient till the next payday, you will soon smile again. Olodo!!!

643 Likes 36 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Lari03r(m): 3:37am On Sep 02, 2020
Why are you co-habiting with a woman you haven't married?

You should be glad she has shown you who she is.

She doesn't work or contribute anything, yet she wants to dictate to you how to spend money.

My brother, use your head and send her packing.

156 Likes 5 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by ecomalchemist(m): 4:11am On Sep 02, 2020
Na you Bleep up.

How you go impregnate woman wey no get job or business, what were you expecting ?

Even me as a guy, when I no get money...I dey always vex with myself.

You need to understand that Nigerian women and money are like Siamese twins, Once there's no money, their true colors comes out and relationship without money bitter like AGBO.

As it is now, if you want to have peace of mind send her back to her mother then occasionally send upkeep money, you'd be fine.

As a young man with that Kain woman, your lifespan go reduce.. use your head !

Stay blessedm.

342 Likes 12 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by dingbang(m): 4:40am On Sep 02, 2020
Apply the ten plagues in Egypt incident



She will leave your house to her mum's who will na be taking care of her.

16 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Juliearth(f): 5:19am On Sep 02, 2020
dangerousdaddy:
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words. I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities. I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK. The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered. Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me. The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil so basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food. I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife...... Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains. I hope this makes front page






Blessed are you amongst other men to know your wife's true colours. Marry a woman that can support you through thick and thin... Is she handicapped? What is stopping her from setting up a small business to support you? That you didn't have the best childhood experience doesn't mean you should be a dunce and a fool for love.

You have a child with her, you can cater for that child's wellbeing, but that doesn't necessarily mean marrying the mother of that child, especially since she has shown traits that you cannot cope with. Work out an arrangement with her to go back to her parents' house. Your mother can cater for your daughter for the time being...



You also need to work on your cheerful giving spirit. You are not God, stop playing God in people's lives by trying to help them. Learn to hear from God before helping and you should also know that there is a factor called "the rainy day". If your savings culture was topnotch, you may not have resorted to taking loans to pay rent and other things... People take loans for investments and not to sort liabilities. There is a video by pastor Smart Adeyemi. Its on giving. I would implore you to look for that video and pay heed to the content.

174 Likes 10 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Juliearth(f): 5:28am On Sep 02, 2020
Regardless:
Lol. You should be happy she started displaying her real character that would have surfaced if you marry her. Of course, she think say everything don balance since she has a child for you and you don't want a broken home.

My advice - talk to her heart to heart and give her a specific time frame in your heart for her to change. In fact, you should even withhold more money as this would show you how she'll behave during the hard times. She may even be a potential cheat - most materialistic females are.

Now if she doesn't change within your set time frame in your heart, my guy run o. Only make sure you provide enough for your daughter.. A home can never be productive with this kind of woman in the house. Value your peace of mind above everything.





What if she starts pretending, seeing that the scales have fallen off the op's eyes?

7 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by jidamsel43(m): 5:30am On Sep 02, 2020
You have married a Nigerian minister of finance. The ideology is you need to borrow and borrow and borrow agian

36 Likes 3 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by GreenArrow1(m): 5:37am On Sep 02, 2020
Be glad that this is happening now. While everybody may condemn the lady, y'all should please note she might still be teachable.

6 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by sisisioge: 5:46am On Sep 02, 2020
So her mom knows she didnt give you wife yet allows her daughter to be cohabiting with a guy.

Firstly, to have your peace back you need to live apart. You aren't married biko.

113 Likes 6 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by UjuJoan2: 6:18am On Sep 02, 2020
dangerousdaddy:
Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words. I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities. I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK. The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered. Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me. The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil so basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food. I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife...... Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains. I hope this makes front page

It's impressive to see a guy who still wants to take responsibility of his child, even though he's not married to the mother. It gives me hope that not all men are scum.

Now to the issue at hand. I always emphasize on the importance of money in a relationship. No woman wants to suffer or cook with 700 naira. It's not a happy place to be. But then your baby's mother is a greedy, wicked and irresponsible woman. She should happily cook with 700niara since she's not even your wife. She got pregnant for you and your responsibility is to your child, not to her too.

My advice, kick her out. Make sure you cater for your child and remain in her life. Buy the things she needs (the ones you can afford) monthly, and send to them. If she doesn't like it that way let her leave the child with you and go.

DO NOT MARRY THAT WOMAN! She will kill you before your time.

133 Likes 5 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Madmazel(m): 6:47am On Sep 02, 2020
The only problem you have is how to manage your finances. Learn how to save, learn how to keep money for dry days. Also, learn how to say NO to some expenses that won't benefit you on the long run. Stop saying yes to every request from people to get money from you.

What you are yet to grasp is that, sir you are indirectly married now though you haven't done the rites. The way you spend money now and how to use it matters now to when she wasn't living with you or have a child for you. There are two more lives involved now.

Most women are like this in marriages. Most marriages experience this.The sole responsibility to take care of the house is solely on the man. Though wives are there to assist, but always remember it's your sole responsibility.

Wisdom is profitable to direct. Most women won't be comfortable with a dry spell from their husbands for too long. I guess this might be the only bad side about her. I'm sure they are other good qualities from her which you decide to stick with her before getting her pregnant.

They will tell you to leave her etc, They will tell you talk to her bla bla bla. No matter the talk, she won't change. You should learn how to manage the home better. And try and invest in her too like a business or something so something can be coming in from her side and less complains from her when things are tight from your own end.

I wish you all the best in your marriage, Shalom.

33 Likes 3 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by patani(m): 7:12am On Sep 02, 2020
UjuJoan2:


It's impressive to see a guy who still wants to take responsibility of his child, even though he's not married to the mother. It gives me hope that not all men are scum.

Now to the issue at hand. I always emphasize on the importance of money in a relationship. No woman wants to suffer or cook with 700 naira. It's not a happy place to be. But then your baby's mother is a greedy, wicked and irresponsible woman. She should happily cook with 700niara since she's not even your wife. She got pregnant for you and your responsibility is to your child, not to her too.

My advice, kick her out. Make sure you cater for your child and remain in her life. Buy the things she needs (the ones you can afford) monthly, and send to them. If she doesn't like it that way let her leave the child with you and go.

DO NOT MARRY THAT WOMAN! She will kill you before your time.

Your statement t shows that women are the worst enemy of themselves... N you here talking how men are scum... You need ur brain checked

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by dahmie2013: 7:13am On Sep 02, 2020
Just like the mother has said, she hasn't given you a wife. So the best will be to tell her to leave & be giving her money for the child's upkeep. That lady is toxic.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by muller101(m): 7:14am On Sep 02, 2020
checking the op's moniker.

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Mstick: 7:23am On Sep 02, 2020
I am trying to figure out this your comment, do traders in the market give unmarried women specific privileges?

So why would it be ok for a wife not to use 700 naira but same cannot be said for her since she isn't married?

UjuJoan2:


It's impressive to see a guy who still wants to take responsibility of his child, even though he's not married to the mother. It gives me hope that not all men are scum.

Now to the issue at hand. I always emphasize on the importance of money in a relationship. No woman wants to suffer or cook with 700 naira. It's not a happy place to be. But then your baby's mother is a greedy, wicked and irresponsible woman. She should happily cook with 700niara since she's not even your wife. She got pregnant for you and your responsibility is to your child, not to her too.

My advice, kick her out. Make sure you cater for your child and remain in her life. Buy the things she needs (the ones you can afford) monthly, and send to them. If she doesn't like it that way let her leave the child with you and go.

DO NOT MARRY THAT WOMAN! She will kill you before your time.

34 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by tabithababy(f): 7:49am On Sep 02, 2020
UjuJoan2:


It's impressive to see a guy who still wants to take responsibility of his child, even though he's not married to the mother. It gives me hope that not all men are scum.

Now to the issue at hand. I always emphasize on the importance of money in a relationship. No woman wants to suffer or cook with 700 naira. It's not a happy place to be. But then your baby's mother is a greedy, wicked and irresponsible woman. She should happily cook with 700niara since she's not even your wife. She got pregnant for you and your responsibility is to your child, not to her too.

My advice, kick her out. Make sure you cater for your child and remain in her life. Buy the things she needs (the ones you can afford) monthly, and send to them. If she doesn't like it that way let her leave the child with you and go.

DO NOT MARRY THAT WOMAN! She will kill you before your time.
.


Kick her out and come and marry you right

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Blissquare(f): 7:51am On Sep 02, 2020
I didn't bother to read other people's comments. The lady is not your wife and you must not marry her if she does not have a job. Having a child is responsibility of both parents. If you send her away with the child, she would still frustrate you in future. This is a lesson to guys to be wise when dating and to also not allow for unwanted pregnancy. Her mother is not a wise woman either. Allowing her daughter to cohabit without a job and without even marriage.

9 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by UjuJoan2: 8:02am On Sep 02, 2020
Mstick:
I am trying to figure out this your comment, do traders in the market give unmarried women specific privileges?

So why would it be ok for a wife not to use 700 naira but same cannot be said for her since she isn't married?


She is not married to him, therefore he is not responsible for her. The only person he is responsible for is the child In the same way she's not tied to him and can move on with someone else anytime she pleases.

Marriage is binding, and a man takes up the responsibility of a woman once he marries her.

That's why wise women DO NOT get pregnant for men they are not married to.

25 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by UjuJoan2: 8:03am On Sep 02, 2020
tabithababy:
.


Kick her out and come and marry you right

I don't understand? You think what she's doing is right?

I guess you also think getting pregnant before marriage is 'normal' undecided

11 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by UjuJoan2: 8:09am On Sep 02, 2020
patani:


Your statement t shows that women are the worst enemy of themselves... N you here talking how men are scum... You need ur brain checked

It's time for women to stop playing the victim and also take responsibility for their actions.

This is not a case for solidarity, she messed herself up by getting pregnant out of wedlock. She put herself in this situation, not him, her.

It's all a power game. . You get pregnant before marriage you lose your power. That's why men try to get women pregnant, and women refuse to fall into the trap.

39 Likes 3 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by infogenius(m): 8:14am On Sep 02, 2020
Op.
I am sorry about what you are going through. I also know she has her own side of the story.

If u're no longer interested in the relationship, let her family know as I don't think u're under obligation to marry her.

However, even married couples have issues but find ways to get round it. I mean there is no perfect relationship. As perfection stems by working it out.
If u want to keep her, get her something to do like a job or set up a business for her or enroll her somewhere to learn a skill. Just keep her busy.

Idleness may be a big factor while she's behaving this way.

Women may seem complicated but I have come to understand that they all have a soft center that once u know, she will be the most loving human being u've ever met.

9 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by Mstick: 8:19am On Sep 02, 2020
So, if 700 naira isn't enough to cook, please tell me how she was supposed to cook for him?

Since they're not married then she's also not responsible for him or his feelings.

You're saying he should kick her out and in the same breathe saying he's only responsible for his child, so if she has no where to go then don't that defeat the purpose of him being a responsible father?!

Don't you think there relationship deserves a chance?!

I am married but you last sentence is wrong, they've been situations when the wisest women fall victims so please change your mindset.

UjuJoan2:


She is not married to him, therefore he is not responsible for her. The only person he is responsible for is the child In the same way she's not tied to him and can move on with someone else anytime she pleases.

Marriage is binding, and a man takes up the responsibility of a woman once he marries her.



That's why wise women DO NOT get pregnant for men they are not married to.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by UjuJoan2: 8:25am On Sep 02, 2020
Mstick:
So, if 700 naira isn't enough to cook, please tell me how she was supposed to cook for him?

Since they're not married then she's also not responsible for him or his feelings.




Nobody said 700naira is not enough to cook. Please read the OP's post again. They have all the foodstuffs and all she needed to buy was meat or fish, and I'm sure 700naira can buy that. Some families cook a full pot of soup with 700naira.

And no, that is not an ideal place to be and nobody wants that. But in this situation, she need to understand with him and manage whatever he can afford.

So if she knows she not responsible for his feelings and he's not responsible for hers, why is she living with him? Why is she in his house, collecting money for food and making demands?

If she knew she couldn't cook with 700naira why did she collect it in the first place?

Do you think having a child for someone means that person because responsible for ALL your needs?

48 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by merieam16(f): 8:25am On Sep 02, 2020
dangerousdaddy:
.... A little advise from experienced people will go a very long way because i feel lost, frustrated and confused all at the same time sad.... A little advise from experienced people will go a very long way because i feel lost, frustrated and confused all at the same time
Oga go and do the needful, even if its as little as only the bride pride.Its obvious that ur mother in law is nt happy with u and its nt a good sign

2 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by dangerousdaddy(m): 8:26am On Sep 02, 2020
muller101:
checking the op's moniker.
.... What happened to it sir. I'm a regular user of naira land even though i only registered 2 days ago. My nick was inspired by the love i have for my little girl.... I would go any length to protect her from the ills of this present day society. Just like a lion is dangerous when protecting his cubs, that's how i am when protecting my daughter

16 Likes

Re: How Do I Handle This Kind Of Woman? by UjuJoan2: 8:29am On Sep 02, 2020
Mstick:


You're saying he should kick her out and in the same breathe saying he's only responsible for his child, so if she has no where to go then don't that defeat the purpose of him being a responsible father?!

Don't you think there relationship deserves a chance?!

I am married but you last sentence is wrong, they've been situations when the wisest women fall victims so please change your mindset.


It's just about being wise, it's about being responsible. And no, I don't think raising a child outside wedluck is responsible in any way.

I think the woman need to take responsibility for her actions, simple.

So you think having a child for someone is a ticket our of poverty? Why do women have this mindset? If she cannot even cater for herself, why bring a child into the world? And for a man who she knows is also struggling?

She does have a mother, so it's not like she has nowhere to go.

15 Likes 2 Shares

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