Why are u taking a load on you that's is not yet time for? Let her go back to her house while you send resources for your baby. Make sure every money you send for your child upkeep is via transfer from your account to your baby mama's. And enter a proper narration for each transfer. If it is for baby food, write baby food. Don't ever make the mistake of giving her physical cash or paying cash into her account. Always transfer. Knowing her type of person, she may brainwashed your daughter by telling her you didn't provide or cater for her while she was growing, but with a transfer, you can always print statement of account from your end to show as evidence of responsibility to a court and even to your daughter in future. Thank God you have not married her. You have just been shown a glimpse of things to come in the future. Life with her will be very miserable and frustrating for you. Let her go and think of how u can enlarge your coast while taking care of your daughter. This is an advice from a big bro. Ignore it at your own peril. Its well. I don't know what tribe she is from but having an unmarried woman in your house is quite dangerous. There are some tribes in Nigeria, if their daughter dies in the house of a man she is not married to, that man will smell and see hell. He will be made to marry the corpse and do all the marriage rites running into hundreds of thousand. A word they say is enuf for the wise.
Thanks for sharing bro.
@OP: Thread closed. This is the answer you have been searching for....again, ignore it at your own peril.
Regardless: Lol. You should be happy she started displaying her real character that would have surfaced if you marry her. Of course, she think say everything don balance since she has a child for you and you don't want a broken home.
My advice - talk to her heart to heart and give her a specific time frame in your heart for her to change. In fact, you should even withhold more money as this would show you how she'll behave during the hard times. She may even be a potential cheat - most materialistic females are.
Now if she doesn't change within your set time frame in your heart, my guy run o. Only make sure you provide enough for your daughter.. A home can never be productive with this kind of woman in the house. Value your peace of mind above everything.
Boy, you are in a big mess. That is the truth and you must take a strong decision to save yourself or you will be messed up for life. You were lust in-between her legs that you failed to observe the kind of girl she was when you both were dating. There is nothing wrong for a poor girl to desire better things. That is not materialistic. BOTH OF YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER. YOU ARE NOW HER HUSBAND AND SHE IS YOUR FIRST PRIORITY. Therefore, you must double your hustle to provide for your family. When the money start coming gradually, everyone including you will be happier.
However, if you know that you cannot afford the finances right now, then you have to leave the house immediately. Go somewhere and take Room apartment and start life all over again. You need Peace of mind and positive energy to make it in life. When situation improves you can then go and marry her officially. Make sure that you continue to take care of them wherever you are. For me, I do not see how women are materialistic and men are not. Everybody loves the good things that life can offer. Above all, pray to God for guidance. Best of luck.
My brother I pity you..... Getting her pregnant was ur first mistake. That she could call her mum n lie..... baba you don enter am, her mum will continue to fuel your generator of problems, if you tell her to leave she will still be billing you ....long run they will poison your child against you. Don't move her out yet.......try your best to calm down as down as possible. Then talk to her, she may not change though! Truth be with on ur self avoid shits
dangerousdaddy: Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.
I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.
I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.
The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.
Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.
The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.
I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......
Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.
I hope this makes front page
I beg you in the name of God or whoever you hold sacred... Please... Do Not marry that woman....
Please don't listen to people here talking about giving it a chance... They are not in your shoes and will not understand.
You're the one in the shoe and only you knows where it truly hurts... Deep down, you know marrying that woman will mean being happy only when you have money..
Talking to change her will not do anything... She could call her mother to lie about stuff you didn't do... People rarely change.
You deserve better than that woman.
SEND HER PACKING BROS.... RAISE YOUR BABY GIRL YOURSELF.
Blessed are you amongst other men to know your wife's true colours. Marry a woman that can support you through thick and thin... Is she handicapped? What is stopping her from setting up a small business to support you? That you didn't have the best childhood experience doesn't mean you should be a dunce and a fool for love.
You have a child with her, you can cater for that child's wellbeing, but that doesn't necessarily mean marrying the mother of that child, especially since she has shown traits that you cannot cope with. Work out an arrangement with her to go back to her parents' house. Your mother can cater for your daughter for the time being...
You also need to work on your cheerful giving spirit. You are not God, stop playing God in people's lives by trying to help them. Learn to hear from God before helping and you should also know that there is a factor called "the rainy day". If your savings culture was topnotch, you may not have resorted to taking loans to pay rent and other things... People take loans for investments and not to sort liabilities. There is a video by pastor Smart Adeyemi. Its on giving. I would implore you to look for that video and pay heed to the content.
If your parents did not bring you up as lady to be an asset to your spouse rather than a liability, then, they have failed their daughter.
Dump her.
About your love child, it is not a condition to marry. A love child is the painful price of immorality. It is therefore not a reason to marry. That is the blunt truth. Marry someone out of love and compatibility and never out of guilt. The end result usually is not palatable as you can see (Proverbs 27:12)
Dump the girl as she is parasitic and ungrateful. Person never enter water, the frog dey complain, wetin go happen when he enta? Her behavior is just a shadow of what is to come.
dangerousdaddy: Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.
I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.
I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.
The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.
Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.
The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.
I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......
Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.
I hope this makes front page
So the mother even said she didn't give you a wife and you are still living with her daughter I would gladly send the girl back to her mum immediately the mother said that to me. Guy get rid of that blood sucking demon, she doesn't deserve your kindness
UcanTrustme: Boy, you are in a big mess. That is the truth and you must take a strong decision to save yourself or you will be messed up for life. You were lust in-between her legs that you failed to observe the kind of girl she was when you both were dating. There is nothing wrong for a poor girl to desire better things. That is not materialistic. BOTH OF YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER. YOU ARE NOW HER HUSBAND AND SHE IS YOUR FIRST PRIORITY. Therefore, you must double your hustle to provide for your family. When the money start coming gradually, everyone including you will be happier.
However, if you know that you cannot afford the finances right now, then you have to leave the house immediately. Go somewhere and take Room apartment and start life all over again. You need Peace of mind and positive energy to make it in life. When situation improves you can then go and marry her officially. Make sure that you continue to take care of them wherever you are. For me, I do not see how women are materialistic and men are not. Everybody loves the good things that life can offer. Above all, pray to God for guidance. Best of luck.
How is she his first priority?? She desires a better life but can't work with her man to make their life better?
She's leeching off him all cos she has a child for him and that translates to wanting a better life? Leeching off someone?
She should get a job too or start something.... A wife or defacto wife (in this case) is supposed to be an help meet to her husband.... Not a good for nothing liability..
His best bet is to kick her out but keep taking care of the only priority in his life now - His baby girl....... Only then can he have peace of mind..
Bro the child na program,you better go do dna test quickly before it is too late
dangerousdaddy: Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.
I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.
I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.
The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.
Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.
The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.
I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......
Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.
Blessed are you amongst other men to know your wife's true colours. Marry a woman that can support you through thick and thin... Is she handicapped? What is stopping her from setting up a small business to support you? That you didn't have the best childhood experience doesn't mean you should be a dunce and a fool for love.
You have a child with her, you can cater for that child's wellbeing, but that doesn't necessarily mean marrying the mother of that child, especially since she has shown traits that you cannot cope with. Work out an arrangement with her to go back to her parents' house. Your mother can cater for your daughter for the time being...
You also need to work on your cheerful giving spirit. You are not God, stop playing God in people's lives by trying to help them. Learn to hear from God before helping and you should also know that there is a factor called "the rainy day". If your savings culture was topnotch, you may not have resorted to taking loans to pay rent and other things... People take loans for investments and not to sort liabilities. There is a video by pastor Smart Adeyemi. Its on giving. I would implore you to look for that video and pay heed to the content.
Thanks for advising the OP.
@OP: We are here to always help each other in the little way we can, Nairaland is some sort of a big family you know.
So I painstakingly searched for the video based on this poster's advice and thought to share it with you. Please watch it and become a better person. Cheers my brother.
Just permit me to call you a F00L... Correct that comment your parents wasn't there for you... Mine wasn't there for me as well but I never blame them for any of my misfortune, I love them less most especially dad , he pushed me to success without his daily frustrating I wouldn't have moved out of my comfort zone so I give him all the thanks by frustrating me whenever I felt relaxed, and God bless mom for always believing and standing by me even when am wrong ... back to the topic... oga you put urself in this mess so take responsibility of your misfortunes... Lemme put u wrong , there's nowhere in our constitution that Once u got a girl preg she must move in to live with you... The unwanted Child was urs and her fault , and profits and lost in it must be share accordingly... You wanted high purchased wife that's why u allowed her move in with u on the first place, because Human welfare is there to address the issue... Here is my candid advice for you... You can still correct this, if you love her and u still find some atom of love for her for you in her, just involve someone she respects so much to mediate maybe she might change, but mind u, women hardly change from bad to good when they start going astray .. if you don't want the relationship, involve welfare let them settle it by themselves believe me u will only spend partly or ur salary every month... Lastly keep ur peni$ one place if u aren't ready for marriage
merieam16: U go like aproko o oga, i wasnt taking to u...so 4 ur mind nw, u er matured for nt minding ur business.Iranu
Keep showing immaturity with unnecessary response. You don't want to be corrected just because you're online. And I know you're not really Yoruba with your "iranu" cos my own Yoruba people are wiser and have the right words to use.
Bluntguy: You are seeking for advice now because you don't have money in your pockets at the moment. Once you receive your pay now, she will welcome you home warmly and you will forget you ever asked for advice concerning her. Now here is my advice: Be patient till the next payday, you will soon smile again. Olodo!!!
I don't knw why many nairalanders are funny this days, many wants him to run for his life, forgetting there is a connecting factor (the child). I don't know how far you run or try to avoid the lady, provided she has a child for you and you want to remain committed to the growth of the child, you will remain patient for her. Try to explain to her your plights, also involve elders in both families that you know she might listen to. you are not married to her and she's behaving like this, pls don't marry her yet until you see changes in her lifestyle which before your standard. you have made a mistake which cannot be corrected i.e the child between both of you. All you need now is patience but if the problem is becoming to much for you, since there is no marriage , you can distance yourself from her like a week or two even a month . Your peace of mind is more essential.
Blessed are you amongst other men to know your wife's true colours. Marry a woman that can support you through thick and thin... Is she handicapped? What is stopping her from setting up a small business to support you? That you didn't have the best childhood experience doesn't mean you should be a dunce and a fool for love.
You have a child with her, you can cater for that child's wellbeing, but that doesn't necessarily mean marrying the mother of that child, especially since she has shown traits that you cannot cope with. Work out an arrangement with her to go back to her parents' house. Your mother can cater for your daughter for the time being...
You also need to work on your cheerful giving spirit. You are not God, stop playing God in people's lives by trying to help them. Learn to hear from God before helping and you should also know that there is a factor called "the rainy day". If your savings culture was topnotch, you may not have resorted to taking loans to pay rent and other things... People take loans for investments and not to sort liabilities. There is a video by pastor Smart Adeyemi. Its on giving. I would implore you to look for that video and pay heed to the content.
Thank you very much for this post. Just a little correction. It's Pastor Sam Adeyemi and the video is on YouTube.
Very insightful topic on giving by a pastor. Poster should watch it
I have a friend that experienced exactly same thing 2017/18. His was so bad that they had to involve the police(she was threatening to harm their kid).
They are "okay" now. Okay in the sense that she's no longer troublesome. The solution was money. My guy got a better job. So he's able to always keep the house stocked with food and subscription on dstv.
That's the only solution. As long as there's no threat to life, you just have to endure it till you get better financially.
BTW, my friend is not happy, he's just accepted the situation. This is sad cos he's just 32 years old. Such kind of people can't make one happy as life partners.
dangerousdaddy: Good evening people. Please don't mind my English. My post is actually out of pains and frustration and i may not type with the correct words.
I'm a 31 years old guy. I'm actually very bad with spending because when i have money, whoever asks from me gets. I am under alot of pressure lately especially from those around me. I am the 1st child of my parents and have so many responsibilities.
I got my girlfriend pregnant and she moved in with me. My parents were never there for me so i vowed i was going to be there for my kids. Hence i do all i can to make sure my daughter and her mum are OK.
The girl in question is a torn in my flesh. Totally different from when we were dating without a child. Nowadays, as soon as i get my salary, she wants to buy this, she wants to buy that even though she knows i receive less than a 100k and i have multiple loans i am paying back because we moved out of our old apartment due to space constraints especially after she delivered.
Whenever i don't have money, there is never a happy moment in my home. But if i come home and bring money, we become very good friends. She wants to live a good life which is not wrong but I feel when she knows how i am managing, she ought to understand and bear with me.
The last straw that broke the camel's back was, i was yet to be paid, i had 700 with me. I gave her to make some food because we had the basic food stuff in the house.... Rice, beans, ogbono, spaghetti, garri, Egusi.... Palm oil. So basically all she had to buy was fish or something to put inside the food.
I came home after a hard day at work and met an empty kitchen. When I asked for my food, she asked me what i expected her to cook with 700 naira. I got so mad and left the house but since it was late (it was close to midnight), i decided to come back. In my anger, i started asking her why she's treating me badly. And the next thing is, she called her mum to say I'm fighting with her and that i pushed her to the ground. Her mum replied and said that if anything happens to her daughter, she would hold me responsible. That she didn't give me a wife......
Now I feel i should just end everything and let's go our separate ways before it becomes a case of domestic violence. I never want to see my child grow up to see me fighting with her mum always and being unhappy. I believe a child that grows up in an unhappy home is always at a disadvantage. Please help me guys. I am in pains.
I hope this makes front page
100 naira “rubber” woulda saved us this epistle.
Bringing children into the world without proper planning. I just pray God sustains that lil girl.
Bluntguy: You are seeking for advice now because you don't have money in your pockets at the moment. Once you receive your pay now, she will welcome you home warmly and you will forget you ever asked for advice concerning her. Now here is my advice: Be patient till the next payday, you will soon smile again. Olodo!!!
Mr. Poster Your happiness surpass any other be it your child or her mom. Be happy so that you can live long enough to take care of them and reap fruit of having children.
So I will advice you to have heart to heart talk with her. Tell her your financial status, (minus your monthly savings before telling her your salary) Know her aspirations and focus in life, if you can adjust to her, then go on. Otherwise pull out now you have not entangled yourself more.
You can take of care of ur kid even when you people re saparated.
