UyaiIncomparabl:


Dear, he is trolling, because I know him personally. Dude does not even have a girlfriend let alone a wife. He just got off a heartbreak about five months ago.

I already told him to enjoy the cruise.

Lol.... Really? So one girl just break hin heart ba?

Doesn't even have a gf let alone a wife? Hahahahahh

Guy suppose chop cane den. How can he come here post fiction to disturb aged and matured men for comments as if dem no get time for other things...

SirMichael1 come and defend yourself here o

afroxyz:


Trauma to cook kwa.

Please, think back to the time you only had to cook for yourself, or probably your family. Imagine the stress and multiply it by 25 people.

Then proceed to imagine you were carrying a pound of weight about with you (that's how much a fetus weighs at 5 months. Didn't even add pregnancy weight) during the whole time. And after cooking, you had to serve and then clean.

It doesn't kill to reason with empathy!

Educate yourself with this article so you don't become unfortunate to your future wife: https://www.momjunction.com/articles/5th-month-pregnancy_00361303/#complications-in-the-fifth-month-of-pregnancy

sharpwriter:


Lol.... Really? So one girl just break hin heart ba?

Doesn't even have a gf let alone a wife? Hahahahahh

Guy suppose chop cane den. How can he come here post fiction to disturb aged and matured men for comments as if dem no get time for other things...

SirMichael1 come and defend yourself here o

Even if he is trolling, that story must have been lifted from somewhere. And people are still learning. It's the reason I even bothered cos I saw her comment first.

SirMichael1:


I don't invite people, it follows a pattern. It's a monthly stuff. It's a get together. The last time it was held in my house was over a year ago. We're mostly over 20 members. 20 people spread over monthly will be 20 months, that's a year and 8 months. That's enough time.

There's still enough time to learn how to cook soup my dear brother. Watch sisiyemmie 's videos on YouTube, just type any soup you want to delight your brothers in the Lord with and the recipe will pop up. In this age you can't be allowing a woman do shakara for you with just cooking soup when you have 2 hands o.


P.s you'd need to multiply the quantity of the recipe by 25.

SirMichael1:


I don't invite people, it follows a pattern. It's a monthly stuff. It's a get together. The last time it was held in my house was over a year ago. We're mostly over 20 members. 20 people spread over monthly will be 20 months, that's a year and 8 months. That's enough time.

Abeg hire caterer. Am sure you have little kids which is stressful enough.Even my 5 people get together for my girl stressed the hell out of me, I didn't do the cooking oh, their father payed for caterer to deliver food but decorating amid crying and messy kids is hell on its own.I vowed that I won't be doing the decorations next time just like your wife, that is why we have vendors for everything.

Gavorche:
I read every comment on this thread and I am very disappointed with how most women reason.Sorry Mr Op but ur wife is being inconsiderate and unreasonable not to assist in the cooking since you are willing to participate actively In the process.To even make it more irritating she is preventing you from inviting help from your church members who will assist.haba for something that will be done just once in a year.

Some posters are even suggesting you cancel or shift the meeting just to please your wife and be termed peace loving and family focused husband.Mr Op that will be the most stupid thing to do

That why am even scared of getting married because I can't take one quarter of all this bullshit I will just divorce you the next day.Imagine ordinary to cook fa with helping hands com turn issue the thing dey even vex me a swear especially those feminist posters above that are just running their mouth without even considering the ops condition.seriously if this is how girls nowadays reason and think marriage no be by force o

I remember growing up, my dad host this kind of meeting and my mom do the cooking with some of her friends and sometimes wives of Some of the members.My dad dont even know the location of kitchen talkless of helping in cooking( i think he considered it taboo)She never saw it as an issue intact we will be happy at home because there will be surplus food and drink at home

My advise is still talk to her and make her understand her duty for the cooking.You(op) will be responsible for buying the food stuff or you can do it together,you make the swallow,she makes the soup,and after the guest departure you two do the cleanup together and with the invitation of helping hands it will be easier for everyone.

If she still refuses you can now employ the service of caterers if you can afford it and if you can't u can explore other options like buying soft drinks and snacks.But you should make it clear to her that that you are not happy with her you too can revenge by declining some helps you render her or sacrifices you make for her so she will know how it pains.DONT just let it go make sure you express your displeasure by actions or at least words or both

NEVER you postpone the meeting to please her or due to lack of options or lack of adequate plan.if she refuses make sure you feed your guest in your house with at least snacks and .soft drinks or better by caterers,this will make you the winner and she will be ashame of her sef

Thank you very much for this excellent submission. Please don't be discouraged about marriage; it is one of the best things that can happen to a man if he is fortunate to have his own God ordained wife. There are still some,though few,God fearing,responsible and decent ladies out there.

Your submission on the subject matter is spot on my brother. I love it !

OscarJaden:
I swer,this wan weak me oo...

religion has curse harm more than good to some homes

What if the event is a purely social event, will you still blame religion for it?

bukatyne:


Nobody said it is easy however, as the wife of the home, she is their hostess.

The OP has offered to make the Semo and get someone to help her. All she needs to do is to go to the market and make the soup.

The other person would be on hand to help her serve and they can figure out how to clear the sink the next day.

The thread is strange to me: I don't know anyone around me (across different cultures and income levels) that would debate the wife's responsibility to host her husband's guests.

The level would now determine the kind of help they would employ to make it easier.

This event is once in two years: not once a month or once a week or daily.

Once in two years.

The fact that people think the wife has a 'choice' in the matter is baffling.

Everyone to their own world.

op said he doesnt know how to do any kitchen stuff..so it would be his wife stll shouldering all the responsibility in the kitchen.He should suggest to the men that they should tell their wives to help out his wife in the kitchen.if six more women would help it would make the job easier and besides we no even get the full story.Who buys the food and drinks the visitors would eat.does it comes out of the op's own purse? or is it op"s wife who buy all the foodstuff in the market with her own money to feed the men? If na the woman dey use her money to feed men dat her not related to her in anyway its enuf to make her resentful.Even though i am not in naija i know how things are tough right now in naija.he should pity his wife small and suggest to the men dat they should instruct their wives to help out in the kitchen.the women even ought to use their initiative to help out
Only one person to cook a hefty meal for a large company of men
only she go cut yam
only she go boil the yam
then pound
then do soup
the cut meat
then boil men
and after the men don drink then chop she wil now clean the sittingroom then wash the giangantic mountain of plates
osanobua
if na me i no gree host if dem go suggest my wife to such
make dem go report to pastor

SirMichael1:


She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

L

Get another caterer who might charge N10,000 for all

Caterer is just to cook and serve. She ain't buying anything. N1,000 per head is high.

SirMichael1:


.

i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

L

now u are talking
dat one u wanted only ur wife to slave in the kitchen for 20 strange men all in the name of church didnt make sense
invite at least 5 female church members to help her in the kitchen
if she is reasonable she will cook
the idea of just allowing ur wife all alone in the sweating it out to feed 20 hungry men isnt cool

Saintmary:

Your good women are slaves, born to cook and satisfy your whims,
Arrrrgh, I've got stuffs to concentrate on tonight so lemme save my energy for later.
If you were half as smart as you think you are, you would have bought pie and Bigi for them at 8000 and still cut your costs.
Set awon "use them hubbies".
Your type of husbands squeeze the very life out of your wives till they start looking like your mummies before 40.
Mtcheew.

there is nothing wrong in cooking.If the wife was cooking for him and the kids thats normal.What is abnormal here is op subjecting his wife to cook for 20 men as if the wife is a slave..cooking for a large group of ppl is no easy feat.But if the wife was preparing a meal for the husband and the children thats a normal family setting and not slavery.I dont think any normal woman would grumble that she is cooking a meal for her husband and children.

prekumohtim:


. Though the committee primary purpose is to create unity amongst members but the process/decision enslaves women . It could have been more better if the women were part of the committee. Some women should have been appointed to cook in different home from time to time. Like 3 women cooking in your home and another 3 women do similar thing in another house

thats how its done in most churches in naija..i am surprised such is not done in op"s church

DrFunmisticGlow:
If she was 5 months pregnant during the last one, that means she has a small child who is like a year and 4 months, who is learning to walk all over the place.

This is dangerous.

How do you mean? He's offered to help and get her more help so I don't think the baby is the issue. One thing is certain though, there is more to this that he needs get to.

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

God bless you. I'm just surprised especially with what people are saying. WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS ESPECIALLY WHEN THE HUSBAND IS GIVING A HELPING HAND! THE CREDIT GOES TO HER EVENTUALLY

LIFE IS TURNING TO SOMETHING ELSE WITH THESE NONSENSE ENTITLEMENT.

NONSENSICAL. What will our mothers (WELL EDUCATED AS WELL) who happily cooks for the masses during festive period do?

Your own na to the insult people abi??if you don't have any useful advice to offer why not keep mute? Be Opening your flat mouth waaaa like lizard...... gbongbolo cigar

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Ode.

The truth is that she was terribly stressed out from the last episode. That's why she is not willing to help this time. She didn't hesitate vtge last time so why is she hesitating now?
Stress.


Just find as much helping hand as possible. You didn't do any bad by asking her. It's the normal thing, you are the host, your wife is supposed to help you organise it to be successful. Why will you go and pay an outsider for just 20guest when you both can handle it if you put heads together.

She's just stressed out. Offer her as many helps as you can get. You can offer to go buy the foodstuffs or assign the errand to a different person entirely. Still get an extra hand to help her in the cooking. Don't just stop at helping her do semo alone, offer to help her in many more areas. Make her understand why you both can do it and save money for the family. Don't just offer, let her see you put in more efforts.

My parents are over 70 and have been hosting this kinda thing since we were little, we have never paid anyone to do it no matter the number. We put heads together or ask friends and family to help. It's just once in a year. As kids, we use to look forwards to the plenty food and drinks that follow afterwards.

Something that 50k would solve without a whim
Why do people like to suffer
Haba mana

CanadianNaija:


It is not my fault that you’re frustrated, and your life is not worth living.
Take the easy way out and end it, Nigeria is overpopulated you won’t be missed.

Take ur warped idealogy somewhere else

Liftmaster:


Sista, but in your situation you are doing it willingly. The wife has said no, even with his help. Why can't he respect her opinion? If he truly loves his wife, as a church member should, he should go look up the definition of it. Love is patient, love is kind, love is longsuffering. etc. This is the time to excercise those definitions. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar! He should cancel and see how much more love and respect he will get in return.

Oga pls shut up...this is how women loose respect for their husband...guess you will be saying the same if the table turn and the woman is at his mercy...the cooking is not everyday. thing is once in a year,so quit this your act of supporting evil just to sound like a mldernise husband to be...wait till is your turn them you had know divorce is real..this is why I respect nwaAmaikpe...good analysis in a bad way but he is way better than this pussy worshipper we have here...

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Why don't you do the cooking? Oh..I get it. U don't know how to cook..Okay, tell ur wife to give u directives while u do the cooking...

SirMichael1:


She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

L

Leave the woman alone..do the cooking ur self or contract a caterer...or u get one of the member's wife to do the cooking..

CanadianNaija:


Lol..head of fish.

Carry the leadership on your head very well. Small minded poor Ridiculous Men.

It's you with small mind. With ur myopic believe that everyone u see comment in nairaland that is poor like u... I laugh in swahaili... Enjoy ur day

eyinjuege:


She said she is stressed and cannot go through similar stress she went through in the past.
She cannot do the labour freely because it's not free as you've assumed. It's both a physical and mental engagement to host a party.
Nobody knows what kind of stress she went through, how she coped and even overcame the aftermath from the previous party.
Why is that flying over you people's heads? She says she cannot host a party (especially when she was just informed a week or 2 prior) because it is too STRESSFUL for her.
Why do you take that as inconsequential? , Something not to be reckoned with?
That's her husband and he's never said they had issues prior or that his wife is wicked or whatever, or that she is richer or poorer than he is.
She has told him her reason and you and the OP have refused to accept it, because you believe it's not tenable.
But it is to her, and that's most important. Na she get her body, and na she know where the shoe pinches since she's wearing it. Don't compare yourself to her or to anyone else because our health and situations are different.
She hasn't asked him not to bring people to come and do the cooking, serving and clearing up afterwards, so he should get an alternative arrangement if the party must be done.

Let the wife bring her friends to help her or is she an island?

Or better still the wife should do the hiring and pay for her laziness

eyinjuege:


She said she is stressed and cannot go through similar stress she went through in the past.
She cannot do the labour freely because it's not free as you've assumed. It's both a physical and mental engagement to host a party.
Nobody knows what kind of stress she went through, how she coped and even overcame the aftermath from the previous party.
Why is that flying over you people's heads? She says she cannot host a party (especially when she was just informed a week or 2 prior) because it is too STRESSFUL for her.
Why do you take that as inconsequential? , Something not to be reckoned with?
That's her husband and he's never said they had issues prior or that his wife is wicked or whatever, or that she is richer or poorer than he is.
She has told him her reason and you and the OP have refused to accept it, because you believe it's not tenable.
But it is to her, and that's most important. Na she get her body, and na she know where the shoe pinches since she's wearing it. Don't compare yourself to her or to anyone else because our health and situations are different.
She hasn't asked him not to bring people to come and do the cooking, serving and clearing up afterwards, so he should get an alternative arrangement if the party must be done.

Is like you don't cook or everything in life for you is stressful. See this lazy generation?

Let the wife bring her friends to her her or is she an island?

Or better still the wife should do the hiring and pay for her laziness

koolaid87:
Borrow him your wife, girlfriend or Mom

Nonsense

This is shameful.

I don't understand, maybe she will prefer cooking for her husband's funeral. Wicked generation.

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...





Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

Now that you know they have lost it. What will u do. Force her to do it? And if she doesn't? Threaten her with divorce? Or send her packing?

lefulefu:
there is nothing wrong in cooking.If the wife was cooking for him and the kids thats normal.What is abnormal here is op subjecting his wife to cook for 20 men as if the wife is a slave..cooking for a large group of ppl is no easy feat.But if the wife was preparing a meal for the husband and the children thats a normal family setting and not slavery.I dont think any normal woman would grumble that she is cooking a meal for her husband and children.

Cooking is not the problem here, but the mentality that women are born to cook!
Everyone should cook, especially people who can't afford helps and caterers!
He was trying to use the good woman angle on me, which will not fly.
Na so so good woman she go dey form until she drops out of exhaustion. God forbid.

konkonbilo:
this is your area of specialization.. Having to cook for friends and family

lol