Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

Lol. What do you think happens in this "abroad"?

For fear that you'd be asking them for money as most Nigerians have this mentality that once someone travels abroad,he/she will start swimming in money .

Your home is incomplete without good quality furniture thats why we are here for you

Some of us even travel abroad and flex them..dont let anyone deceive u..Some re not better off than u!

Because e nor easy abroad either, my bestie from high school traveled in 2006, he sent me money on two different occasions and stopped communicating with me, i felt bad. Another one left in 2012 and also stopped communicating with me, I thought they were too much of themselves cos they have left Nigeria. When I left Naija in 2013 that was when I realized it wasn’t their fault. E nor easy anywhere

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

it's because you're broke or should I say you don't have enough money.



If you have money you won't even have time for them. And you know one thing about money? Nobody ignores money

I had three friends, and they didn't ignore me. One even called to inform me on the day he graduated from his master's program.

I think it's best you give them space when they travel to settle down and then they can contact you or you contact them months later. Have some pride.

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

Lwkmd...you can't compare life here with life over there.....the difference is clear

kellycute:
no need for long talk. The reason we the abroadian hardly respond to some our folks messages is that they like to change every conversation or chat to monetary favour. I was chatting with my cousin and the next thing she said "you just forget me oo, I dey hungry oo., I need money" can u imagine that rubbish? Most people don't even know how to have a prosper conversation without resorting to financial favor. The main reason abroadian don't respond to some people in naija is because y'all like to use every conversation as financial opportunity as if we are picking the money from tree . As for me I respond to everyone messages but the moment you try to change the narrative to unnecessary complain, I go just ignored ur ass or tell u say "I never chop since morning oo abeg send me money from Naija" hahahaha.

Do you want him to tell you he's full whereas he is hungry?

Life abroad is not that Rosy. There's no time for idleness either

Etinosa1234:

I have a cousin that I’m older than with a year
We were tight friends when he was still in Nigeria

Then when he travelled to Australia , after I struggled to look for his fb username... he doesn’t reply my msgs... even if I comment under his posts, he’ll hardly reply

He’s not working or doing anything but he doesn’t reply my msg

His elder sister came back to Nigeria last year(that one is older than me with a year)

I asked her, give me ur WhatsApp number... let’s continue chatting when u get to Aussie, omo she jus snub me ooo

It’s ego that’s also doing some of them

I’ve stopped messaging them sha ... me self get self esteem

Las las i still wish them well

I have many cousins abroad but I was jus too close with this boy that I went through stress of searching for him online

Now I’m just planning my own movement out of this country lemme show the guy say abroad nor be anything for we Naija guys

.
Life no be competition!!
Live your life the way God created you.
No be everybody Wey go abroad dey make am!

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Though not your intention but he’s expecting the conversation to turn to begibegi at any moment. As hundreds of conversations before yours.

My suggestion is to just be yourself. Say hello to him when you feel like it. Him not responding is not your issue.

Are you religious and post Jesus stuff all the time? Do you post happy new month all the time? Do you share chain emails such as like this post and share to three people or you’ll die? I can tell you that I don’t take anyone like that seriously too.

On another note, maybe it’s age but I’m looking for all my old friends and coworkers. Some need to get rewarded, those whose parents always fed us and gave small small changes back then.

When billing done too much. When some people call to greet you, you go run.

optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

Still not a reason to forget ur bestie...
I sincerely think is about ur personality.
Mostly egoistic kind of human does that

Inferiority complex dey worry them

They feel they’ve arrived

Some go even unfollow you for Instagram

I remember when I was abroad. I was chatting one friend (who was also abroad in Eastern Europe). He ignored my chats thinking I was in Gabon.

So I hailed him and mentioned the country I was in. He jumped into the conversation as if the doors of opportunity had opened for him. He was now the one chatting and I wanted to ignore.

Some people abroad see their folks back home as leeches. And the folks at home contribute to this narrative. When I arrived newly and was lonely, I called someone I was close to, just to gossip, and the person asked for money I didn't have use for. A whole $100 for someone not working then. This was when I was still converting money in my head before spending. And this incident caused me not to contact that person again.

There were also friends from secondary school who stayed in touch and never demanded anything. They'd check up on my mum and attend family occasions including my sisters' and brothers' weddings that I couldn't afford to attend. Those are the real friends and if I had money then, those are the ones I'd have given even without their asking. Not someone who'd contact you just to ask for assistance for his wedding.

PS: So if you have folks abroad, use your credit to call them, give them your time, tell them about home gossip. If there is someone travelling abroad, grind crayfish, melon and ogbono and send. My sister sewed clothes for me and bedsheets and sent them by post. She also gave me a loan of 400k when I was broke. Tell me, why would I cut off from her if she was a friend? If you want to gain from a relationship, invest in the relationship. Everyone is struggling not only you. And please, if you must ask for money from someone abroad, ask for money to enrol for a professional course, purchase a generator for your barbing salon and contribute towards starting a bakery or purchasing a bus for interstate transport with the promise to pay back in a year. PLEASE, I beg you, don't ever ask for money to buy Brazilian hair or change your wardrobe or purchase DSTv or purchase the latest phone or pay your children's fees. Those demands are irritating and shows someone without class. And if you are given or not, be grateful and stay in touch. Someone complained here that after giving, he didn't hear from the takers until they needed to take again. Why won't he cut off?

Sweetness4:


Na waa for those people oooo. I was really hurt. The world doesn't revolve around them jare.. We move.. I don't want those kind of people in my life.

Haha but you do it to men too.

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

I think I like this one

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

shut up!

we know you are looking for visa and how to get ya miserable arss outa this country hence the checking on them

go check on your Nigeria friends.

Friendship is by choice and whoever ignores u,should as well be ignored. Many abroad guys are not finding it easy all we talk about is; the guy no wan help,na wah oh.
But for a fact,most guys in Nigeria are terrible beggars everything about them is hello,bros I need ur help oh kai Buhari wan kill us. Pls find me something to survive on.
How can any sane man maintain such friends who are always demanding,demanding and demanding all because they are ur friends. What an unproductive friend!

1-- Abroad is a constant stress your head works like clock trying to get many things done and responsibility

2-- Idle chat Irritate me personally I have block many friends just for asking HOW IS YOUR DAY , HOW YOUR NIGHT , HOW BUSINESS ? On a daily basis as if they are police i have to report my activities to WTF!! how is my night suppose to be ? Nobi to sleep and wake up ?

3--Personally I need positive vibes if your discussion does not add to me as in talking business deal on how to make more money but you constantly come to my inbox to complain how things are bad in Nigeria , how everything have slow down , I will either ignore or give you straight blocking . I don't need to hear or care about your problems i have mine to worry about

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

Sometimes, it's not an attitude thing but just a part of human composition. There are some that would leave your town but stay in the same state and you'll loose communication not because they chose to but because you're gradually fading from their consciousness and they've met new persons.

kellycute:
no need for long talk. The reason we the abroadian hardly respond to some our folks messages is that they like to change every conversation or chat to monetary favour. I was chatting with my cousin and the next thing she said "you just forget me oo, I dey hungry oo., I need money" can u imagine that rubbish? Most people don't even know how to have a prosper conversation without resorting to financial favor. The main reason abroadian don't respond to some people in naija is because y'all like to use every conversation as financial opportunity as if we are picking the money from tree . As for me I respond to everyone messages but the moment you try to change the narrative to unnecessary complain, I go just ignored ur ass or tell u say "I never chop since morning oo abeg send me money from Naija" hahahaha.

Hahaha....baddest.

I did everything a good friend can do for someone hevcares for. Took her like my sister ...I don't even know the colours of her pant let alone having sex with her even when people believed we have been sleeping with each other cos of the closeness. One day I accompanied her to a wedding where she met a USA soldier that eventually married her....the USA soldier is a Nigerian. When her visa is out, we both jubiliated and even went to market together to buy everything she needed for the trip ...she got to USA and called me for 15mins and we both were happy cos her dream came through .we did chat a few times ...suddenly , I noticed she stopped chatting ...even when my house caught fire , I sent her the pic and she didn't respond ...for me I u derstand she is married now ....I decided to stay on my lane....I am not pained but still don't understand why people suddenly change ...but she is still my friend anytime any day

kellycute:
no need for long talk. The reason we the abroadian hardly respond to some our folks messages is that they like to change every conversation or chat to monetary favour. I was chatting with my cousin and the next thing she said "you just forget me oo, I dey hungry oo., I need money" can u imagine that rubbish? Most people don't even know how to have a prosper conversation without resorting to financial favor. The main reason abroadian don't respond to some people in naija is because y'all like to use every conversation as financial opportunity as if we are picking the money from tree . As for me I respond to everyone messages but the moment you try to change the narrative to unnecessary complain, I go just ignored ur ass or tell u say "I never chop since morning oo abeg send me money from Naija" hahahaha.

Many Nigerians are so disappointing tho but the truth is that being abroad doesn't make the abroadians richer than their 9ja friends they could seek help from if need be. Relationship is key but for me it's never by force!

I am abroad, I have a few good friends in Nigeria, I still talk very well with the ones that understand i don't have enough yet because of expenses, but i have stopped chatting with those that continously ask for money with every opportunity they have, they ALWAYS complain about hard life, they dont care if I've even paid my rent sef

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

You're not jobless but like the man said, I can relate and you should know what I mean by that.
From day one if your friends either of them didn't come into US with residents permit, they will to have work extra harder to get work permit and engage in all sorts of menial jobs which sometimes might not come cheap due to distance and location which they don't have any option than to jump at it in other to keep up with bills and also body and soul together.

All that said , here in the states no body not even your family will help with a penny.And moreover you have a lot of aspirations that can not be achieved until you are a legal residents, they just might be leaving in fears and also immigration employs Nigerians who are also members of many forums here and are watching every thing people does or type. They will want to pipe low in other not to ruin their chances in the event they end up filling for their applications to remain permanent here, infact the hurdles is endless.

All these put together are many of the numerous challenges that wont allows some of them to even remember their social media page talkless of calling please be patient with them or wait till you arrive here yourself.

That is my little opinion.

SoccerUSA:

My story different sha, though it must be because I am not abroad.
Before he travelled we buy ourselves gift on our birthdays can be as little as you can afford. Fast forward to days or months he arrived the US comes his birthday so I created an amazon account gave him and told him to pick anything of his choice. I paid for them.
You won't believe the guy went back to order things. He claimed it was a mistake I couldn't get a refund till date he later blocked me on all social mediums when I texted him.
Not everybody wants their money I just want to have a genuine relationship with them.

My friend kpele oh..... Me self weak for this one.

Just focus on yourself and other great relationship(s) you currently have.

People travel abroad, and people that were never really close to them start inferring false closeness. Time zones, a difference in work demands, and trying to meet up with the many bills, and the expectation of family may make people respond less promptly to you when they travel abroad. Also a shift in paradigm, and mindset, may also reduce the percieved closeness.


On the flip side, many abroad unintentionally have a false sense of security that they are now better off, and burn bridges with their old friends, confidants, and acquaintances.

In the end life is a marathon race, and seemingly being ahead is just an edge, the future holds much more for everyone that endures, even a 3rd rated on his first lap if he keeps moving steadily no matter what part of the world he is situated or the resources at his disposal can make satisfactory progress and quantum leaps.

Success is sure if we take intentional steps one day at a time. I know this because I spent so much time working, that I hardly took cognizance of what's going on in other peoples life.

We must all be rich

Bigiman

greggng:
I did everything a good friend can do for someone hevcares for. Took her like my sister ...I don't even know the colours of her pant let alone having sex with her even when people believed we have been sleeping with each other cos of the closeness. One day I accompanied her to a wedding where she met a USA soldier that eventually married her....the USA soldier is a Nigerian. When her visa is out, we both jubiliated and even went to market together to buy everything she needed for the trip ...she got to USA and called me for 15mins and we both were happy cos her dream came through .we did chat a few times ...suddenly , I noticed she stopped chatting ...even when my house caught fire , I sent her the pic and she didn't respond ...for me I u derstand she is married now ....I decided to stay on my lane....I am not pained but still don't understand why people suddenly change ...but she is still my friend anytime any day

Imagine! She may think she's better than you now and eyes you condescendingly. Na their way...
I naturally tend to ignore all my abroadian friends unless they are keen to keep our friendship. We see abroad as an achievement in Nigeria. That's the mentality with most Nigerians.. Beg beg from people wey dey Nigeria also make abroadians distant themselves from Nigerians. Its their bizness abeg!

When you begin beg too much. Imagine a friend you haven't spoken to for 3years and the first thing he ask you is to send him money. Most guys in yankee work their ass off while some will be here waiting to beg.. if giver no use sense give beggar go first am build house

uboma:



I will like to know the country you travelled to because of the way you have murdered the English language. Which one be abroadian? Is there a word like that on the Dictionary?

By the way, you need to correct your thinking. Not ALL Nigerians at home are beggers. Not EVERYONE will ask a fellow Nigerian living abroad for money.

I do understand that sometimes, these persons need sometime (may take a longer time for others) to find their feet in the country they traveled to. Hence the continued silence on their part even when their families and friends at home are eager to hear from them.

u self gbagaun.“ beggar” not “ begger”

I have lived in the UK for over 10yrs and I must say my close friends are my childhood friends, most of them live in Nigeria. We still catch up on different stuff, I try my best to assist financially when I can. However, there are some friends who only contact me when they need financial assistance, I don't see them as genuine friends.