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Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Originalsly: 11:11pm On Sep 04, 2020
Hmmm..... rushed to meet your family to see your family status.... guess above average.... very good for him. His family..... below average... all packed into a tiny flat ... his pride will not allownyou to see how they live.... nor open up to you about his family struggles. If not the case... then for some reason...m you are not the one for him... but for now... he will milk you until he can do better. No doubt... his mouth will continue to say things pleasing to your heart. Just saying... two of a million possibilities.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 11:16pm On Sep 04, 2020
Originalsly:
Hmmm..... rushed to meet your family to see your family status.... guess above average.... very good for him. His family..... below average... all packed into a tiny flat ... his pride will not allownyou to see how they live.... nor open up to you about his family struggles. If not the case... then for some reason...m you are not the one for him... but for now... he will milk you until he can do better. No doubt... his mouth will continue to say things pleasing to your heart. Just saying... two of a million possibilities.

I think that first part u may be right? Because they do live in a small flat in London but he knows that would not bother me in the slightest. He has told me some family issues but he’s very private about family stuff which I always say doesn’t make sense if he wants me to be his wife that makes me family too? I’m just very confused because he does the right things then he doesn’t, his actions speak like he wants a future then certain actions make me second guess...
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 11:55pm On Sep 04, 2020
TheChameleon:
Hmmm

Let me be blunt.

I have 2 ladies.

A is Beautiful, a single mother, has a swimming pool in her house and CARS..... yet she washes my bedsheets + toilet vs

B is like 25 years. Beautiful. Never married. But that's the end. Not useful for anything.

I told B that I never see her and marriage in the same sentence. Whereas with A, there's no extent to which I don't spend on her...no lengths to which i can't go.

I don’t understand?
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Ningen(m): 12:01am On Sep 05, 2020
From your write up, it's obvious your boyfriend genuinely loves you. He wants a future with you and he wouldn't want to lose you. If he's playing the culture card, it's coming from his parents. It could be that they do not totally approve of you.

You may not like the pace but I think he's doing the best he can in integrating you into his life. I suggest you take a step back. Do not pressure.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by TheChameleon: 12:01am On Sep 05, 2020
Lh2704:


I don’t understand?

It might be that you're not giving off the vibe of a wife.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 12:04am On Sep 05, 2020
TheChameleon:


It might be that you're not giving off the vibe of a wife.

Trust if you knew all the things I’ve done for this man you will see I am more than a wife. His family know the things I do for him too. Why talk about future like marriage and children if you don’t want it? People can lie true, but there are other things that say he isn’t lying about wanting these things with me but that’s what makes me confused to the introduction you see?
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 12:06am On Sep 05, 2020
Ningen:
From your write up, it's obvious your boyfriend genuinely loves you. He wants a future with you and he wouldn't want to lose you. If he's playing the culture card, it's coming from his parents. It could be that they do not totally approve of you.

You may not like the pace but I think he's doing the best he can in integrating you into his life. I suggest you take a step back. Do not pressure.


Honestly I haven’t mentioned it for months now but it’s started to play on my mind as we get closer to our 1 year anniversary and the fact we are very close to signing the deal for renting a place together and living together so I’m just confused. I understand it takes time but like I said, when he asked to meet my parents I did as he asked of me
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by wisest10: 12:07am On Sep 05, 2020
Lh2704:


Many time I try to leave but he always come back like I haven’t just broken up with him lol. He does everything in his power to communicate our issues and work it out between us so it’s not like he doesn’t have respect for the relationship. I always feel like he is hiding something but he always proves me wrong; I have never caught him out. His mother knows about me, we speak over text occasionally so it’s not like I am “hidden” or a secret do you get me? I just find it strange how he was so insistent on meeting my family but when I press about his he has excuse and tries to throw the “our cultures are different” card in my face
From your reply I where the problem lies:
1. You said he usually receive calls from his folks whenever he is out to come back and do.house chores
2. You said he is a traditional African man
3. His excuse is that "our cultures are different"
Sis, what he is hiding from you is the fact that his folks prefer him marrying someone from their country or clan but he loves you but he also cant object his folks because he is "a traditional African man",which boils down to the fact that his folks are against the relationship even though you chat with them or someone.in his family whose decision is respected is against your relationship..
So.its either you walk out of the relationship before receiving unprecedented heart break or better still you can ask him,which of his folks is against your relationship with him,even if he denies it still pressure him to tell you, coz the only thing holding you and him being together is someone's or some people who are against your union... grin grin
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 12:17am On Sep 05, 2020
wisest10:

From your reply I where the problem lies:
1. You said he usually receive calls from his folks whenever he is out to come back and do.house chores
2. You said he is a traditional African man
3. His excuse is that "our cultures are different"
Sis, what he is hiding from you is the fact that his folks prefer him marrying someone from their country or clan but he loves you but he also cant object his folks because he is "a traditional African man",which boils down to the fact that his folks are against the relationship even though you chat with them or someone.in his family whose decision is respected is against your relationship..
So.its either you walk out of the relationship before receiving unprecedented heart break or better still you can ask him,which of his folks is against your relationship with him,even if he denies it still pressure him to tell you, coz the only thing holding you and him being together is someone's or some people who are against your union... grin grin

1. I personally think it is because his parents have recently split and they keep fighting over who is having him... like one doesn’t want him to do things for the other does that make sense? I recently went to London and literally as soon as he got to me his dad kept calling him to come back to him and his mum kept calling him too. The only time he barely gets disturbed is when he is in my city as they know he is out of town so there is no point trying to get him to come back cuz it will take hours.

3. His excuse is “I can’t just bring u to my house and say here’s my girlfriend. It has to be a proper meeting blah blah blah” and then he goes on to say “u don’t understand our cultures are different” in which I have to tell him over and over again that we aren’t so different as I didn’t just show up to my house with him lol, it was a proper set up meeting & that I’m not clueless on his culture as I’ve been surrounded by it from young so it’s nothing new to me.
Perhaps someone may be against it but he does not seem like someone who would allow that to hold him back. He takes family values and stuff very seriously like many African men do but he’s also pretty westernised too so I don’t know whether he’d allow someone to just forbid him from something do you get me? This is what I mean I’m very confused. I have tried to talk to him about it but it’s like he really doesn’t want to get into it... he just tells me to trust him and to wait. I haven’t brought it up to him in a long time but with all this stuff coming closer it’s making me second guess a bit
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Carlmax(m): 2:23am On Sep 05, 2020
Lh2704:


Many time I try to leave but he always come back like I haven’t just broken up with him lol. He does everything in his power to communicate our issues and work it out between us so it’s not like he doesn’t have respect for the relationship. I always feel like he is hiding something but he always proves me wrong; I have never caught him out. His mother knows about me, we speak over text occasionally so it’s not like I am “hidden” or a secret do you get me? I just find it strange how he was so insistent on meeting my family but when I press about his he has excuse and tries to throw the “our cultures are different” card in my face

You text his mom, that's fishy, why not a proper phone call.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Ken26(m): 6:38am On Sep 05, 2020
Guul check ur characters , african man loves submission
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 9:13am On Sep 05, 2020
Carlmax:


You text his mom, that's fishy, why not a proper phone call.

Yes we have spoke on the phone aswell
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 9:15am On Sep 05, 2020
Ken26:
Guul check ur characters , african man loves submission

What do you mean “check your characters” & yes I know this lol. But if he isn’t acting right he’s not going to get that from me & he’s learnt that now. I’ll do what he says if he is treating me good but if he’s been a prick all day he can’t tell me nothing
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Obsession4u: 9:24am On Sep 05, 2020
Lh2704:
Hello, (a bit of background) I live in the UK, my boyfriend is born in Zimbabwe but half Nigerian too. He’s lived in the UK since he was around 15/16 so about 6/7 years. We have been in a relationship for nearly a year; he is very very serious about me as far as I’m aware. He is always talking about our future; marriage, children etc. We are currently looking at flats to rent so we can try and give the “living together” thing a go and then eventually buy our own house together. He always talks about our future together and how much he can’t wait to live together etc etc as right now we have a long distance relationship as he lives in London and I live 2 hours away. It’s very hard for him to get away from his family because they are constantly ringing his phone to come home to do chores etc as soon as he leaves the house. He’s a very traditional African man when it comes to family and household stuff.

Anyway, considering he is so invested in our relationship and our future; he still won’t introduce me to his parents. It’s not like they do not know about my existence though however, as I have contact with his mother over text many times and she knows I am his girlfriend not just some female friend. I have met his older brother and we often all go out together and do things, so I have a good relationship with his brother. About a month into our relationship, my boyfriend was very insistent on meeting my family, so he has met my family already and often comes to my house and sits with them etc, so he has a good relationship with my mother and father. I’m just confused as to why he won’t properly introduce me to his parents as he has had many opportunities to and it’s not like I am a secret, as his mother knows of my existence, nor am I some “fling” since he is very insistent to move in and get married and have children etc. So I’m just confused as to why he won’t set it up already? I understand he can’t just bring home a girl it has to be a proper meeting but when he asked to meet my parents within 2 weeks I set up a meal and stuff and had them meet properly. Sometimes he tries to use his culture as an excuse but I have dated African men my whole life and most of my friends are African so I do understand a great deal of the culture and I have to constantly remind him I’m not clueless and he can’t try pull that card on me lol. I just really need other people’s opinion on this as I and many of my friends find it a bit weird. Thanks









Were you born in the UK?
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 10:08am On Sep 05, 2020
Obsession4u:










Were you born in the UK?


Yes
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by frozen70(f): 10:30am On Sep 05, 2020
Lh2704:
Hello, (a bit of background) I live in the UK, my boyfriend is born in Zimbabwe but half Nigerian too. He’s lived in the UK since he was around 15/16 so about 6/7 years. We have been in a relationship for nearly a year; he is very very serious about me as far as I’m aware. He is always talking about our future; marriage, children etc. We are currently looking at flats to rent so we can try and give the “living together” thing a go and then eventually buy our own house together. He always talks about our future together and how much he can’t wait to live together etc etc as right now we have a long distance relationship as he lives in London and I live 2 hours away. It’s very hard for him to get away from his family because they are constantly ringing his phone to come home to do chores etc as soon as he leaves the house. He’s a very traditional African man when it comes to family and household stuff.

Anyway, considering he is so invested in our relationship and our future; he still won’t introduce me to his parents. It’s not like they do not know about my existence though however, as I have contact with his mother over text many times and she knows I am his girlfriend not just some female friend. I have met his older brother and we often all go out together and do things, so I have a good relationship with his brother. About a month into our relationship, my boyfriend was very insistent on meeting my family, so he has met my family already and often comes to my house and sits with them etc, so he has a good relationship with my mother and father. I’m just confused as to why he won’t properly introduce me to his parents as he has had many opportunities to and it’s not like I am a secret, as his mother knows of my existence, nor am I some “fling” since he is very insistent to move in and get married and have children etc. So I’m just confused as to why he won’t set it up already? I understand he can’t just bring home a girl it has to be a proper meeting but when he asked to meet my parents within 2 weeks I set up a meal and stuff and had them meet properly. Sometimes he tries to use his culture as an excuse but I have dated African men my whole life and most of my friends are African so I do understand a great deal of the culture and I have to constantly remind him I’m not clueless and he can’t try pull that card on me lol. I just really need other people’s opinion on this as I and many of my friends find it a bit weird. Thanks


Seat him down and tell him you want him to take you to his family and introduce you to them the same way you did for him to your family

His response to that will put you in the right sence on what next to do

1 Like

Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by VampireJoe(m): 12:56pm On Sep 05, 2020
Seems you are white??

My just tell you the truth the guy is using you to catch cruise�
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 3:01pm On Sep 05, 2020
VampireJoe:
Seems you are white??


My just tell you the truth the guy is using you to catch cruise�

Is that so??
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by JIMMY1393: 3:14pm On Sep 05, 2020
TheChameleon:
Hmmm

Let me be blunt.

I have 2 ladies.

A is Beautiful, a single mother, has a swimming pool in her house and CARS..... yet she washes my bedsheets + toilet vs

B is like 25 years. Beautiful. Never married. But that's the end. Not useful for anything.

I told B that I never see her and marriage in the same sentence. Whereas with A, there's no extent to which I don't spend on her...no lengths to which i can't go.

How is this relevant to what op is asking?
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by TheChameleon: 3:22pm On Sep 05, 2020
JIMMY1393:


How is this relevant to what op is asking?

Leave the OP to decide and mind your business.

It's for people with higher IQ than yours.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by JIMMY1393: 3:23pm On Sep 05, 2020
Lh2704:
Hello, (a bit of background) I live in the UK, my boyfriend is born in Zimbabwe but half Nigerian too. He’s lived in the UK since he was around 15/16 so about 6/7 years. We have been in a relationship for nearly a year; he is very very serious about me as far as I’m aware. He is always talking about our future; marriage, children etc. We are currently looking at flats to rent so we can try and give the “living together” thing a go and then eventually buy our own house together. He always talks about our future together and how much he can’t wait to live together etc etc as right now we have a long distance relationship as he lives in London and I live 2 hours away. It’s very hard for him to get away from his family because they are constantly ringing his phone to come home to do chores etc as soon as he leaves the house. He’s a very traditional African man when it comes to family and household stuff.

Anyway, considering he is so invested in our relationship and our future; he still won’t introduce me to his parents. It’s not like they do not know about my existence though however, as I have contact with his mother over text many times and she knows I am his girlfriend not just some female friend. I have met his older brother and we often all go out together and do things, so I have a good relationship with his brother. About a month into our relationship, my boyfriend was very insistent on meeting my family, so he has met my family already and often comes to my house and sits with them etc, so he has a good relationship with my mother and father. I’m just confused as to why he won’t properly introduce me to his parents as he has had many opportunities to and it’s not like I am a secret, as his mother knows of my existence, nor am I some “fling” since he is very insistent to move in and get married and have children etc. So I’m just confused as to why he won’t set it up already? I understand he can’t just bring home a girl it has to be a proper meeting but when he asked to meet my parents within 2 weeks I set up a meal and stuff and had them meet properly. Sometimes he tries to use his culture as an excuse but I have dated African men my whole life and most of my friends are African so I do understand a great deal of the culture and I have to constantly remind him I’m not clueless and he can’t try pull that card on me lol. I just really need other people’s opinion on this as I and many of my friends find it a bit weird. Thanks

You said you text with the mom and have spoken often ...let me ask this...
have you seen what she looks like?
What his dad looks like?
Do you know where his house is even though you haven't been invited?
Has he shown you family pictures?
Have you seen his childhood pictures with the same family members he claims are his family?

Cos even though I hate to admit it a lot of African men are into fraud and fraudulent activities over there so just hoping this isn't the case for you cos even I can't understand why it's so hard for him to introduce you to his parents...all that "our cultures are different" is just an excuse...we also introduce our partners formally here but it's not like it's one impossible task that takes 5yrs to prepare

1 Like

Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by JIMMY1393: 3:51pm On Sep 05, 2020
TheChameleon:


Leave the OP to decide and mind your business.

It's for people with higher IQ than yours.

Mumu
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by TheChameleon: 4:49pm On Sep 05, 2020
JIMMY1393:


JiMMY1393 is a certified Mumu

Of course, that much is obvious. Thanks for the confirmation.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by JIMMY1393: 4:55pm On Sep 05, 2020
TheChameleon:


Of course, that much is obvious. Thanks for the confirmation.

What you just did only proves my point further...what a child
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by TheChameleon: 5:11pm On Sep 05, 2020
JIMMY1393:


JIMMY1393 to his reflection in a mirror:

What you just did only proves my point further...what a fool
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 2:16pm On Sep 06, 2020
JIMMY1393:


You said you text with the mom and have spoken often ...let me ask this...
have you seen what she looks like?
What his dad looks like?
Do you know where his house is even though you haven't been invited?
Has he shown you family pictures?
Have you seen his childhood pictures with the same family members he claims are his family?

Cos even though I hate to admit it a lot of African men are into fraud and fraudulent activities over there so just hoping this isn't the case for you cos even I can't understand why it's so hard for him to introduce you to his parents...all that "our cultures are different" is just an excuse...we also introduce our partners formally here but it's not like it's one impossible task that takes 5yrs to prepare

I know what his mum looks like, not his dad however cuz I’ve never spoken to him.
Yes, I know his address in London
I haven’t seen any pictures but he’s kind of embarrassed about his life before being in the UK, I think he feels like I’ll judge him or something. I don’t know a great deal about how his childhood was like whether he was poor or stable financial situation, nor the reason why they came to the UK; but I am slowly getting it out of him lol.
And yes you are right, the majority of African men in the UK are very deceitful and do fraud. But I have found it is mostly the older men you have to keep an eye on, mainly 28+ especially if they haven’t been in the UK very long. I haven’t found a single young person that is deceitful and evil the same way the older men are, I personally have found the younger generation are more westernised a lot faster and when it comes to these kind of issues they’re non existent. It’s always the older men you find have the “secret family” or they are already set up to be wed etc lol or they just use everyone and spit them out when they have dried them up. The younger men don’t really have that kind of mindset I’ve found. It’s strange lol but yeah, with his age and how long he has been here for I don’t believe that anything like that is what he is doing but hey... anything is possible in this world. I’m just trying to wrap my head around his actions and what could be influencing them. Hearing from people that actually are from that culture is better as it presents other possibilities and how I could address the situation myself
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Nobody: 2:28pm On Sep 06, 2020
People introduce their partners to parents even when there's no intention of marriage.. so as to why he hasn't or doesn't want to yet is best known to him..

I think you should address him on that.. some guys really don't care much about what you ladies prioritize..

It might be that since you already flow with his famz, you don't need a traditional introduction..

But then naija boiz dey always dey up to something..
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by stanliwise(m): 2:28pm On Sep 06, 2020
Timekeeper:
Maybe you are not worth it...

He knows what he wants and u don't fit in....

Wicked truth
Real OG.

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Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Lh2704(f): 2:57pm On Sep 06, 2020
BornSnner9:
People introduce their partners to parents even when there's no intention of marriage.. so as to why he hasn't or doesn't want to yet is best known to him..

I think you should address him on that.. some guys really don't care much about what you ladies prioritize..

It might be that since you already flow with his famz, you don't need a traditional introduction..

But then naija boiz dey always dey up to something..

It’s not exactly priority for me it’s just something I find strange considering I know he holds family and family values in high regards so why am I not being introduced and integrated into his family the same way he has into mine. As he asked to meet my family which I did for him as he asked, he is now a big part of my family. So it’s just confusing for me how he has not done the same thing. When I try press onto the issue he avoids it completely and just says in time and I have to wait. He is waiting for the correct time blah blah blah. But a correct time will never come unless it is created.
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by Saintmary(f): 4:06pm On Sep 06, 2020
Lh2704:


Trust if you knew all the things I’ve done for this man you will see I am more than a wife. His family know the things I do for him too. Why talk about future like marriage and children if you don’t want it? People can lie true, but there are other things that say he isn’t lying about wanting these things with me but that’s what makes me confused to the introduction you see?
His family knows what you have done for him but no one has invited you yet.
Sister, he has someone else!
Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by NobleDeSage001: 7:34pm On Sep 06, 2020
You may have to wait until you start cohabiting together.
If he says be patient, just be patient a little more. His family issues may not be giving him the courage to introduce you to his parents yet.

Have you thought of a surprise visit?
Maybe you can bring up the matter in the presence of his brother when next you all meet up. Observe how his brother will respond. This may give you a clue as to what your guy has been up to.

1 Like

Re: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Introduce Me To His Parents? by JIMMY1393: 9:01pm On Sep 06, 2020
Lh2704:


I know what his mum looks like, not his dad however cuz I’ve never spoken to him.
Yes, I know his address in London
I haven’t seen any pictures but he’s kind of embarrassed about his life before being in the UK, I think he feels like I’ll judge him or something. I don’t know a great deal about how his childhood was like whether he was poor or stable financial situation, nor the reason why they came to the UK; but I am slowly getting it out of him lol.
And yes you are right, the majority of African men in the UK are very deceitful and do fraud. But I have found it is mostly the older men you have to keep an eye on, mainly 28+ especially if they haven’t been in the UK very long. I haven’t found a single young person that is deceitful and evil the same way the older men are, I personally have found the younger generation are more westernised a lot faster and when it comes to these kind of issues they’re non existent. It’s always the older men you find have the “secret family” or they are already set up to be wed etc lol or they just use everyone and spit them out when they have dried them up. The younger men don’t really have that kind of mindset I’ve found. It’s strange lol but yeah, with his age and how long he has been here for I don’t believe that anything like that is what he is doing but hey... anything is possible in this world. I’m just trying to wrap my head around his actions and what could be influencing them. Hearing from people that actually are from that culture is better as it presents other possibilities and how I could address the situation myself

Okay

My advice is try to get him to open up about his past...you've said he's been revealing little by little, good, if he really loves you he shouldn't have to hide anything even if his past wasn't the greatest.... I know you're in love but do try to be careful, some people are really good at being deceitful and covering their tracks properly to mask/disguise who they truly are/what they really want...

I hope you too move in soon as that will open up more areas about each other and also your compatibility ratio can be known...

But all in all I do hope everything works out for you and this is your "forever after"

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