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I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 8:29pm On Jun 25, 2007
@Topic

You have a tough decision to make oh! I can see you sacrificing one for the other! So you have to choose between your family and your career! If it was possible to have the job in Abuja I will say go for it so you can be with your family. But a job in Lagos away from your family is a different ballgame! Hey the ball is in your court oh! Personally, I can never sacrifice my family for money. Please find a job in Abuja if you can! kiss
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by ghengis(m): 11:18pm On Jun 25, 2007
I totally understand how u feel and of course how ur husband feels. My Fiance just got a dream job but will have to move to Ibadan, just Ibadan down there o! and even though i'm really happy for her, i catch myself wishing many times that it could have been in Lagos, and we are not married nor do we have kids,

I think Seun and the others who have spoken like him have really been unfair, i'l say take the job but you and your husband need to sit down and make a workable plan on how to make things work (as in the house). Love is all about compromise, evry single day (u shd know that, you area mother of three!).

I don't know any couple thats happier together than my parents and they've been married for 27yrs, there was a time my mom had to take exactly this same kind of step, My dad was a lecturer in a university and the pay in those days were pitiful, they had to sit down and make a plan, analyse honestly wat it would cost the two of them and the responsibilities they had to take on, Finally wen they'd agreed they called me, as the eldest child (interestingly we are three guys but i was 9yrs at the time) and told me wat had to happen at the time. I didn't really understand, but i took responsibility for my brothers. Anyways, our family came out the better for it, the initial payment for the expanse of land my parents' house sits on now came from that. My mom retired from her bank a long time ago, well before she was due to cos my dad's pay got a lot much much much better and his environmental consultancy business started doing very well,

Anyways enof of my family story; just felt that wld make it lighter for you and help you know that wat matters is how u guys handle!!!

But finally, if your husband suddenly says no and wont be persuaded, then i think you need to stick weit being in Abuja especially since the background of ur post suggests that he really is a great guy who i doubt wld just want to kill your dreams for nothing!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by pushkin(f): 12:36pm On Jun 26, 2007
seun sometimes you write stupid and foolish things. who are you to judge. angry
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 1:17pm On Jun 26, 2007
@cooljade!

As you can see, most people here are not married, never had any responsibilty in their lives, still live with their parents or roommates--- and they are talking to the left and to the right?  They probably have never even been anywhere near a dentist to extract a tooth not to talk of a maternity room to push out one child! I dey laff! he he he!  I have 3 kids-----my most prized possessions in this world----- like you and I know what it takes to get them ready for various activities during the day and even at night!   You want to consider leaving 3 children with your husband to raise  while you are doing some job in Lagos of all places!---The center and major headquarters of moral decadence!  

I guess with a "housegirl" abi?  Hen hen hen!  I dey laff! grin  Well, I can never even dream of how that is possible to leave 3 active children with one man and some "househelps"!  When is time for homework, who will do it? when any of the kids are sick? Your poor working husband will be running helter-skelter with the help of houseboys and housegirls abi? Do not be surprised if one of your housegirls turns up pregnant! You want a mate abi? cool

Please your financial stress is only temporary!  Find something else to do around Abuja to keep an eye on your family! Your may get that job and lose your family!  Which do you prefer?  If the marriage don tire you and you are sick of your husband and kids or perhaps need a break,  please come out and tell us!  I cannot even believe you will even consider leaving your kids for one houseboy ore housemaid to fool with unsupervised! shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked  Please do not listen to these people oh---who may never even smell matrimony, not to talk of raising family!  They will  just wreck your marriage and fragment your family and you will be back here on Niaraland in tears looking for more advice.  Them go laff you well well! grin grin grin grin grin  Peace unto you oh! Use your tongue to count your teeth ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not your fingers!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by babe4real(f): 5:26pm On Jun 26, 2007
I can undastand wat u're passing tru on dis issue , is one tin 2 accept the offer and anoda 2 see reasons not 2 accept, wat will be d outcome if sad reports reaches ur hubby family members abt u , will dey stand 4 u? these are one and many questions u shd ask urself , consider and discuss with ur hubby b4 movin ahead.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by ghengis(m): 6:29pm On Jun 26, 2007
Please your financial stress is only temporary! Find something else to do around Abuja to keep an eye on your family! Your may get that job and lose your family! Which do you prefer? If the marriage don tire you and you are sick of your husband and kids or perhaps need a break, please come out and tell us! I cannot even believe you will even consider leaving your kids for one houseboy ore housemaid to fool with unsupervised! Please do not listen to these people oh---who may never even smell matrimony, not to talk of raising family! They will just wreck your marriage and fragment your family and you will be back here on Niaraland in tears looking for more advice. Them go laff you well well! Peace unto you oh! Use your tongue to count your teeth ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not your fingers!

@MILITIA
While i agree with you that Nairaland might be the worst place to seek serious advice on issues that affect your life such as taking a job or not, I think some of ur conclutions are wrong. U live in the US ( where there are basic utilities running very well) so u definitely don't understand some things about financial stress and lack of efficient utilities. Do you have any idea wat it wld be like not to have money to fuel your car and take ur kids to school, leaving them to the rigours of publice transportation (She def wont be able to afford a taxi, if she can't fuel her car)? Do you know how fast financial stress can kill beauty in marriage? Do you know wat its like not to have money to feed (my dear, groceries aren't half as cheap in Naija as in the US o!)? If you know wat being broke in this country is like, imean if you have any idea, u'll not make things sound as though she's deciding to leave her kids.

By the way, i thought anyone who read through her post wld understand fully the dilemma she is in. I identify with her cos my family has gone thru smth like this before and that, at a time wen the economy was much better and inflation wasn't this terrible,

Having said that, i insist that the most rational decision is for her to go to Lagos but the best decision is the one she and her husband can reach together having analysed their poisitions (which u and i dont fully understand).
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Ollie39: 7:23pm On Jun 26, 2007
Cooljade

Good on you for taking the job.  Your family and especially your children will be much better for it!! It will be hard on them but they will cope especially as they have one parent with them. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. I'm sure they will adapt, but I will advice very regular communication with them.  As a parent I will do the exact same if I found my family in the same predicament. Just hold your head up high - you are making a sacrifice that any loving mother and wife will make. Remember that your decision is not a selfish one but for the good of your entire family, so be proud of your self. I wish you good luck and God speed smiley
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 8:15pm On Jun 26, 2007
ghengis:

@MILITIA
While i agree with you that Nairaland might be the worst place to seek serious advice on issues that affect your life such as taking a job or not, I think some of your conclutions are wrong. You live in the US ( where there are basic utilities running very well) so u definitely don't understand some things about financial stress and lack of efficient utilities. Do you have any idea what it would be like not to have money to fuel your car and take your kids to school, leaving them to the rigours of publice transportation (She def wont be able to afford a taxi, if she can't fuel her car)? Do you know how fast financial stress can kill beauty in marriage? Do you know what its like not to have money to feed (my dear, groceries aren't half as cheap in Naija as in the US o!)? If you know what being broke in this country is like, imean if you have any idea, u'll not make things sound as though she's deciding to leave her kids.


I see!  Well fine!  I have said my own abi?  We face the same problems over here oh!  Even with basic amenities and all you called it!  It is just a matter of planning!  Sorry I will rather wait and find a job in Abuja if I was the poster!  I am sorry--I just cannot leave my kids!  God gave me the children as my first priority and I can not compromise that because we are stretched thin financially!  The poster is free to do what ever she wants!  For me, leaving my kids is tougher than not having a job!  I will find another way! By the way what type of marriage is that anyway? shocked  Bi coastal MTN/V-MOBILE marriage!  Sorry oh!  Not for me!  I said I will find other ways to help my family!  Shioooooooooooooooooooooo! shocked





ghengis:

@MILITIA
If you know what being broke in this country is like, imean if you have any idea, u'll not make things sound as though she's deciding to leave her kids.


You do not know what you are talking about!  Try being broke in America!  You are as good as dead!  No help from any one!  So you think being broke is better over here than in Nigeria?  I dey laff!  My dear, broke is broke regardless of where you live!  The same problems you have over there when you are broke is the same you have over here!  The difference is that over here they have no "MERCY"! You will be forced to find a way or die!  Please, do not even go there if you do not know!  Groceries are cheap---like it is saliva you use to purchace them!  I say I dey laff! grin
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by mddude(m): 8:23pm On Jun 26, 2007
MILITIA:


I see! Well fine! I have said my own abi? We face the same problems over here oh! Even with basic amenities and all you called it! It is just a matter of planning! Sorry I will rather wait and find a job in Abuja if I was the poster! I am sorry--I just cannot leave my kids! God gave me the children as my first priority and I can not compromise that because we are stretched thin financially! The poster is free to do what ever she wants! For me, leaving my kids is tougher than not having a job! I will find another way! By the way what type of marriage is that anyway? shocked Bi coastal MTN/V-MOBILE marriage! Sorry oh! Not for me! I said I will find other ways to help my family! Shioooooooooooooooooooooo! shocked

I guess you not putting yourself in her shoes really and I bet you are not married too with the kind of responsibility you have. At least here at least you can get a job paying less to hold urself while things get better. I have friends that lost their well paying job but didnt have any problem to do security till they got the kind of job they wanted back to pay their bills. That doesnt happen in nigeria. Finding a job is not like walking down to your local KMart/Target/Ross/walmart and asking to start tomorrow or you can go to Dominos to start delivering Pizza the next day at least to keep the fund going.
I worked in naija for a 1.5 years in naija and I know how things work.

Like the poster said, it is not an ideal situation but it is a drastic situation that required a drastic action - who wants to leave a their family to purseu money but when youd ont have a choice you gat to do what you got to do - simple
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by mddude(m): 8:25pm On Jun 26, 2007
By the way, at least you can use your credit card when you are broke here and even if you lose your job you can be on unemployment insurance for 6 months till you get yourself sorted out!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 8:35pm On Jun 26, 2007
md_dude:

I guess you not putting yourself in her shoes really and I bet you are not married too with the kind of responsibility you have. At least here at least you can get a job paying less to hold yourself while things get better. I have friends that lost their well paying job but didnt have any problem to do security till they got the kind of job they wanted back to pay their bills. That doesnt happen in nigeria. Finding a job is not like walking down to your local KMart/Target/Ross/walmart and asking to start tomorrow or you can go to Dominos to start delivering Pizza the next day at least to keep the fund going.
I worked in naija for a 1.5 years in naija and I know how things work.

Like the poster said, it is not an ideal situation but it is a drastic situation that required a drastic action - who wants to leave a their family to purseu money but when youd ont have a choice you got to do what you got to do - simple

And you say you live in America? What can K-mart work do for a family of 5? Sorry I don pass that stage! I am putting myself in her shoes because sorry to dissapoint you I am married with 3 kids too so I know what I am talking about! I said I will not leave my kids for any stupid job! As for my personality--don't worry grin Not every man wants a dull doormat for a wife! God bless my hubby! grin




md_dude:

By the way, at least you can use your credit card when you are broke here and even if you lose your job you can be on unemployment insurance for 6 months till you get yourself sorted out!

Thank you! At this stage in life---I only pay for what I can afford! No credit cards thank you! Made that mistake for the first 10 years of my life in America! I will not live like a slave to pay credit cards because I want to attend all the "owanbes" in town! God forbid! Sorry oh! It is all about financial planning so I can have time for my family instead of dying a wretched death as a slave to "credit cards"! Is it my money? I do not think you know what you are talking about! credit card ke! Oni gbese!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by mddude(m): 9:00pm On Jun 26, 2007
MILITIA:

And you say you live in America? What can K-mart work do for a family of 5? Sorry I don pass that stage! I am putting myself in her shoes because sorry to dissapoint you I am married with 3 kids too so I know what I am talking about! I said I will not leave my kids for any stupid job! As for my personality--don't worry grin Not every man wants a dull doormat for a wife! God bless my hubby! grin




Thank you! At this stage in life---I only pay for what I can afford! No credit cards thank you! Made that mistake for the first 10 years of my life in America! I will not live like a slave to pay credit cards because I want to attend all the "owanbes" in town! God forbid! Sorry oh! It is all about financial planning so I can have time for my family instead of dying a wretched death as a slave to "credit cards"! Is it my money? I do not think you know what you are talking about! credit card ke! Oni gbese!

Ok let put things in context and I dont pray it happens to you. Assuming u are a sit at home mom and your husband loses his job or his small business is not going well. You are a lawyer and you decided to take time off to take care of your kids and after your hubby lost his contract/job you gota job in Washington DC area. a Good paying job, let say you have always been living in DFW area. Are you gonna tell me you will stay your ass in DFW area til you get a job while bills are pilling up? This is basically what this woman have done.

Put my statement in context, I dont spend credit card - outside of my corporate credit card but what I meant is that at least a lot of people here have that option unless they mess up their credit. Call it financial planning I know how the Dot.com burst affected a lot of families around here in DC area. I have friends that left their families to move to another area at least for the first six months when they lost their 6 figures paying job in DFW area after looking for job for 6 months with wives who decided to stay back home to care of the kids. That it hasnt happened to you (and I dont pray it does) doesnt mean people that are going through it and making such decisions are foolish - enough of high horse
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 9:22pm On Jun 26, 2007
First of all, instead of buying gold and lace materials--financial planning involves saving money for at least 5 years equal to your monthly household bills so you will not have heart failure when you have an emergency situation!  But trust Nigerians---we like to live from hand to mouth without planning for emergencies! I do not do that kind of rubbish!   I hate stress!  As you noticed, I have a strong personality!  I do not make noise for nothing and play the demure wife!  I like to organize things!  My husband knows that if anything happens to him--I will definitely take charge!  Some women cannot even balance their check books!  My gra gra no end for mouth oh! grin

We have solid financial planning in our home!  This was necessary when we started having kids!  We started saving and got heavily involved in the stock market!  If I ever found myself in the situation you described!  No problem---we all move to DC!   We sell our house and all move to DC!  I will work 2 jobs if I have to till my husband can gets a job!  I have done it before!  When my husband had to go back to school I had to get 2 jobs so he helped me with the kids and study for his exams!  It is called financial planning ok! 

Nigerians do not plan so they are always "fu*ked Up" easily financially!  I learned  very well from my oyibo co workers!  White people will save 10 years worth of monthly income and will act like they are broke!  Naija's will have $1000 and spend to the last cent on nonsense!  No savings!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by mddude(m): 9:42pm On Jun 26, 2007
MILITIA:

First of all, instead of buying gold and lace materials--financial planning involves saving money for at least 5 years equal to your monthly household bills so you will not have heart failure whtn you have an emergency situation! But trust Nigerians---we like to live from hand to mouth without planning for emergencies! I do not do that kind of rubbish! I hate stress!

We have solid financial planning in our home! This was necessary when we started having kids! We started saving and got heavily involved in the stock market! If I ever found myself in the situation you described! No problem---we all move to DC! We sell our house and all move to DC! I will work 2 jobs if I have to till my husband can gets a job! I have done it before! When my husband had to go back to school I had to get 2 jobs so he helped me with the kids and study for his exams! It is called financial planning ok!

Nigerians do not plan so they are always "fu*ked Up" easily financially! I learned very well from my oyibo co workers! White people will save 10 years worth of monthly income and will act like they are broke! Naija's will have $1000 and spend to the last cent on nonsense! No savings!

You definitely right about that but I know people that during the dot.com boom all their stock disappeared. I will give you an example - I worked with some United Airlines pilots on a homeland security project in 2002 doing some training ( I work on the IT side of the project) - The youngest of these guys was 55y/o. Some of them were laid down after the 9/11 unfortunate incidents and one told me he lost close to 1 millions dollars worth of stuck during the stock crash that followed the dot.com doom. Of course he had a lot of his stock in the blue chips and some in United Airlines stock. he worked in the home depot for sometimes before the project that we worked for  for six months came by. This guy lives in some obscure town in CT and left his family to take up a job in LA. One of them was also a female pilot with a  big ranch in Spoken washington with 2 kids. She was like 58 - They had to laughter majority of their livestock during one of the mad cow diseases. It affected them. She too lost most of her United Airlines stocks she had and lost a lot of money in stock generally. I also want you to understand that a lot of United Airlines workers lost their pensions too and those pilots were among those.

I understand the whole thing about Nigerians and financial planning. i was lucky to invest in real estate after the interest rate went down in 2001/2002  - my real estate proceeds actually pay for my house I am living now and i hardly have to touch my salary to pay for my mortgage. I had a choice then to ride around in 7series BMW at those time or spray money at every party here in Dc area but I chose wisely but that doesnt mean that bad thing dont happen to good people. I had friends that didnt do owambe or dont do efizzi that lost their jobs and it wasnt pretty.

You had the opportunity to do two jobs - how many people in Nigeria can actually find one job? One time I had a contract with DOJ while I was working with FDA in the evening as a network security expert. A lotf of people dont have that opportunity.

the poster husband had a Business and the business is failing and she has to do what you did in your case but in reverse situation. She couldnt find a job in Abuja and had to go to Lagos. You dont expect her husband to leave his business even though things are not working out. You can say that is the bad thing about just having one working person in the family, but the man hasnt done wrong asking his wofe to take care of the kids while he makes the money but in this case things just didnt work well!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 2:07am On Jun 27, 2007
Then let them all move to Lagos! Next time the poster will plan better by always working. Anything can happen as in this case. Now she has to explain to her poor sons why they cannot have common "ice cream"! Na wa for Nigeria oh! It is really terrible. Anyway God will show her the way! But like I said, do not be surprised if one housegirl carry belle for ya husband before you come back from Lagos!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Forfavour(m): 5:50am On Jun 27, 2007
Sister,
Remember what the Bible says: In the multitude of counsel there is safety, take the right counsel, many advise here may get you more confuse but you reserve the right which is good for you. God will be with you & your family -whatever you do,whatever you are or will become, pls alway put ur family & God first. Lagos is so bad as painted, ur family can settle down with you. Who knows there may be more fortune for ur husband's business here.

Forfavour
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Forfavour(m): 5:52am On Jun 27, 2007
Sister,
Remember what the Bible says: In the multitude of counsel there is safety, take the right counsel, many advise here may get you more confuse but you reserve the right which is good for you. God will be with you & your family -whatever you do,whatever you are or will become, please alway put your family & God first. Lagos is NOT so bad as painted, your family can settle down with you. Who knows there may be more fortune for your husband's business here.

Forfavour
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Vernor(m): 8:28am On Jun 27, 2007
Hi woman, reading tru wot some have said i will go by the way of OSAWOLRD and also say this pls sit your husband down and pls i dont belif calling the whole family talk 2 ur husband because of the luv and the understanding u both have 4 urselfs tell him if he could allow you go with d children because he is not financially boy and if u leave he can try but can never play ur role and belif with d children with you and communication to their father daily or as u want will give d man way to think and also move if ur husband is not d type dat looks around. I feel he cant stand baffing d children and other things its ur duty and if possible pay him weekend visit unschedule visits with d children, and with time u can go for your reposting bach 2 abuja. Pls think b4 u move but never compromise this job because its not easy and i belif they will have a branch in Abuja so u can still press 4 reposting. Thank you.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Ojurere(m): 8:45am On Jun 27, 2007
Cooljade,

The Bible says "Can Two Walk  Together Except they Agree" my own is can you keep the family and keep the Job.
Money is a defence but Wisdom is the principle thing. In all your getting get understanding.

You don't have anything to worry about. As long as the challenge is for a while. Why should you take up a job away from your HOME. Am married also and my wife and i have agreed the no job would put assunder in our marriage. You either depend on God to get you a better job in Abuja or not. At times it feels like things are not working for our good but guess what God is still God.

I lost my job in our 1st year of marriage and i stayed at home for almost 1year and i kept telling God i would need a job that would not take me away from my family and today i work in Lagos, my wife also work and we are better than when we first started.

Ask the Holy Spirit our teacher to direct you.

It is WELL.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by teena(f): 11:11am On Jun 27, 2007
You are not a bad mother nor a bad wife yet.

Am happy you've accepted the offer. I understand your situation, some pple might not know what it means to stay in a family with any hope of how to put food on the table, come to talk of other basic things for the kids.

I wish you well as you resumes on the 2nd. You got a nice job, since you are committed to your family, you should be able to raise some funds to assist your hussy to come back to his fit in the nearest future. Then you can make the choice of leaving the job and having your own business no matter how little or finding a smaller job in Abuja. All these depends on the impact of your new job/status on your family in the short/long run.

Above all, prayer is the key and always keep in touch.

Goodluck!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by uchetobi(f): 11:23am On Jun 27, 2007
. No you are not a bad mother. I think you should go 4d job. Hw old are our kids? I just hope the job wont demand dat you be in lagos during the weekend too? Can your husband relocate? I mean d whole family? Discuss it with him. Follow your heart desires buut his approval and acceptance is key. Cheers
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by maxxdjinx(m): 11:33am On Jun 27, 2007
The perfect function of man is to LIVE, not EXIST. Get your priorities right and work it out.
Accept the job and meet whatever challenges that come your way.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by somebody(f): 11:38am On Jun 27, 2007
MILITIA does not sound like a married woman of three children, she sounds like a market woman. When your children don't have food to eat or are embarassed at school because of school fees, try sitting down and waiting to find a job in a location that suits you, rubbish!
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 10:42am On Jun 28, 2007
somebody:

MILITIA does not sound like a married woman of three children, she sounds like a market woman. When your children don't have food to eat or are embarassed at school because of school fees, try sitting down and waiting to find a job in a location that suits you, rubbish!

Thank you oh LADY! grin!  According to Fela -- singing-----she go say eee, she go say she be lady oh!  ------ she go say market woman na woman!  Market woman no be woman? shocked My dear just advice you fellow woman to go do some "runs" in Lagos, in the guise of getting some "shit " job! Like I said, the poster will be back on Nairaland to get more advice from clowns like you!  See  your mouth!  Working class lady!  Lagos Ashewo in the making! grin  I go work for bank oh!   grin

At least I agree I am a market woman! grin You sound like a retired "RUNS GIRL" without customers! grin
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by bugado(m): 11:21am On Jun 28, 2007
the part of not having enough money to buy ice cream for the kids and selling ur three cars is so sympathetic so what are u waiting go to lagos and work,then come every two weeks if you can afford that. you are the world best mum and wife for consulting this house for ur problems. smiley wink cheesy grin angry sad shocked cool tongue embarassed undecided kiss
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by bolee(f): 6:04pm On Jun 28, 2007
i like the ice cream story!. I have been there!

Now I work 4 nights away from my Children and hubby, I see them onlt at the weekends, during my leave, trainings in Lagos or when NLC strikes. My time with them is qualitative, I pack so much into the weekends just being with them, trying to make up for time.

But then I can afford to clothe them, put them in good schools, support my hubby, travel for holiday with them and plan for their future with ease. "the power of a working Mother"

The situation to me is not gonna be for ever. I am strategically working towards being able to leave the job and be back in Lagos with the family. I had a two year plan to save up and invest enough to take a one year sabbatical. It has not been easy but I have accepted it, my hubby is most understanding (he is very good with the children).

Do not feel guilty about it. accept it is not the ideal, Have a future focused, time-bound plan to get the family back together.
Make sure your children reap all the benefits that can come out of it. They will appreciate it later in life when they are schooling in Harvard! (LOL)
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by BlackMamba(m): 9:48pm On Jun 28, 2007
How deep is your husband's concerns about moving to Lagos? You surely seem strong enough to deal with the love and affection you'll miss from your family while away in Lagos, but "husband concerns" can ruin your marriage. Talk to your hubby and make sure he is really on board because guys often keep their fears to themselves.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 2:53am On Jun 29, 2007
@topic

Don't you watch Nigerian movies?  When big business men like Clem Ohameze and Charles Okafor lose their "big" businesses in "the city",   where do they go to rest for a while till things pick back up?  grin  "THE VILLAGE" of course! grin grin grin He he he he he!  My dear, pack to the village and go and pound some "fufu" for your husband and kids and let go of the ice cream for a while! cheesy

Or play visa lottery and pray to win so you can escape that "African Jungle" called Nigeria!  If you have no future in Nigeria, you better plan to bail out like many of us did for this same type of problems!  Nigerian businesses do not always last.  You are a big "businessman" today, then a poor molue driver tomorrow. Nothing is predictable in Nigeria due to many factors beyond our control.  Oh girl, that is why I ran away oh after my youth service.  I like to "shag" but for money oh!--- Na for pleasure only! grin 

When it gets to the point where you have to step into your husband's shoes, then you are very close to opening up opportunities for some "high tech" ashewo work!  You trust Nigerian male "bosses" now!  NO SHAKING! Most of us must sleep around for "promotion" and "contracts"! Some useless husbands will gladly welcome the money you have made from your "runs" without shame! Nigeria can be a miserable place to live when you are broke and I understand that.  So my dear, before you sell your soul to the devil, sell everthing you have and go to you village to farm! grin grin grin grin grin
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by allsmiles1(m): 2:03pm On Jun 29, 2007
@MILITIA

The problem wit u is that u dont trust urself, let alone trusting someone else. Maybe u are talking from experience (when u were getting promoted by submitting to ogas), but that does not mean every woman taking up a job will go thru such, or makes every "Oga" a potential predator.

Please if u have nothing better to contribute, hold ur peace.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Nicer(m): 5:02pm On Jun 29, 2007
me think that MILITIA's grip on reality is very feeble. Calling Nigeria an African Jungle just cos u've found ur way to America is very disheartnening. At the risk of being called arrogant, i can tell u confidently that many of us have stayed back and made it and we're better off than many people in foreign lands working two or three jobs to survive.we travel from time to time and see what many nigerians are going thru over there.although we can't blame u guys for leaving cos we know the situation here cos the fact is that majority of nigerians still live in poverty but i don't think it's a funny issue (i counted 11 smileys in ur post) and i certainly don't think u have the right to call your country a jungle (if indeed u are nigerian).

@ poster,
do what u gotta do to take care of your family.Go for the job in lagos. This too,shall pass.
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by MILITIA(f): 6:00pm On Jun 29, 2007
@all_smiles and Nicer.
Men like you will encourage or drive your wives into other men's arms!  Instead of looking at alternatives for the poster's husband to take care of his family, you want the poster to leave her matrimonial home "temporarily" to go to another state to look for work.  Like that work will take care of the whole family of 5 for that matter.  Have you thought of the cost of living in 2 states? What about transportation of shutttling between Abuja and Lagos?  All the money the poor woman will make will be squandered in living in 2 homes and travelling from Abuja to Lagos.  To make matters worse the family is not together.  Is the wahala worth it?

I may not trust myself or may have a "feeble" sense of reality as you call it, but I know what I want in my life!  God made me a mother first and foremost.  That is my number one job!  So the poster should examine her priorities and she is free to do whatever she wants.  I thought you guys said men are the heads of the household?  Now is the time to prove it and you are talking rubbish here.  Make women go do ashewo for una, so una go fit eat?  Una dey craze! angry Everybody get where dey pain am!  


@Poster
One month has almost come and gone oh!  Please give us feedback oh!  Did you go to Lagos or did your husband get another job to help his business? grin
Re: I Got A Job In Lagos: Am I A Bad Mother And Wife? by Ollie39: 6:17pm On Jul 05, 2007
Sorry to deviate from the topic


Nicer:

i can tell u confidently that many of us have stayed back and made it and we're better off than many people in foreign lands working two or three jobs to survive.we travel from time to time and see what many nigerians are going through over there.
WORD!! smiley

Nigeria is a land of opportunity. A place you can really hit the jackpot if you persevere. Despite what people say, life for the most part out of Nigeria is dreary, boring, loney and desperate. Where you work for the taxman and live among people who are very cold. Long live Nigeria!!!!

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