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Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me - Family (2) - Nairaland

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I Made A Mistake For Asking My Wife For An Open Marriage (story For The TL) / Is It Wrong Or I Am Over Reacting / The Wrong Perception Of African Women About Marriage. (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by boldx(m): 6:18pm On Sep 27, 2020
Run with your two legs. Any lady that believes that your money is for both of you and her money is hers alone is NOT a wife material. I am saying it again: RUN with your two legs because she is self - centred, selfish and myopic.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by Saintdupsie: 6:39pm On Sep 27, 2020
Finances is a major partb of relationship. A part of me want to say she probably said that so you don't think you can demand money from her or get used to her taking up finances in the house (since she earns more) on the other hand, what if she is really serious about it? What more is she bringing into the union? What if things becomes tight and you really need support, would she watch you struggle to pay rent, other bills, and other family reponsibilities (parents etc)? Would she rather prefer you get a loan from outside when she can singlehandedly take care of some things?

I think you really need to have a serious conversation about this.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by ThatIgboBoy: 6:41pm On Sep 27, 2020
backbone503:


Well, morally and tactically, she is right. Her money belongs to her, and yours to you all. As a guy/man, his should be your reasoning. But it becomes a little worrisome if thats her orientation, regarding her incomes. Its always better to have a partner that reasons otherwise. What will be your fate if your source of income suffers setbacks?

Its always preferable, safer and sweeter to have a relationship where duties and responsibilities are not apportioned.

That's her orientation oo

That I should look at her as if she is not working.
Thst her sister not working does not supports her husband.
Told her that's a different case. That's understandable and moreover tla wise husband would look for a way to help her get a job or start a business. The sisters husband just opened this paga business for her.
She said no way. That I should see her as not doing anything. That her money is hers. How many times does a man buy a shoe in a year? That her own is to take care of such things for herself and I the man should take care of the family. That if she starts adding to the family it will make me become relaxed and lazy.
Moreover I am not asking her to pay major Bills. Just minor things she can contribute to the house on her own volition. I am not apportioning responsibilities to her.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by akaahs(m): 6:54pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:

We both earn above 100k tho she is slightly higher and work in different organisations. I believe pulling resources together will make us achieve more. Set goals together and achieve them. But to her No. She says I am the man and must be willing to bear all the financial burden. That her money is hers. That if she decides to help no wahala. And if she refuses I should not feel bad. That that is why i am a man. That men now marry working women and this tends to make the men lazy and not hustle hard.
Like I said earlier, my girlfriend is also of similar opinion as urs. In all that she said this is particular portion *That men now marry working women and this tends to make the men lazy and not hustle hard* is what still keep me into the relationship to proof her wrong but again what if I didn't make it?
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by ThatIgboBoy: 6:58pm On Sep 27, 2020
akaahs:

Like I said earlier, my girlfriend is also of similar opinion as urs. In all that she said this is particular portion *That men now marry working women and this tends to make the men lazy and not hustle hard* is what still keep me into the relationship to proof her wrong but again what if I didn't make it?

What happens to growing together?

I am going to end the whole thing
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by Dalil8: 7:00pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.


I'm not married but I'll tell you from what i've seen so far;

Abort whatever marriage plans you have with that lady. It will never end well for you, trust me.

That's a devil you have right there. Just tell her to marry her money. She doesn't love you, she loves her money.

There are hundreds, millions of women out there who are willing to split all financial expenses. Don't limit yourself, you must not marry a Nigerian.

Don't say you were not warned!!

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by mariahAngel(f): 7:04pm On Sep 27, 2020
akaahs:

Ooohh my gosh, are we dating the same girl
My girlfriend also has similar notion as urs.

E don be, be say e don be! grin

Na online all of una dey form alpha laslas grin
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by mariahAngel(f): 7:06pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:


What happens to growing together?

I am going to end the whole thing

Stop kidding yourself!
If you wanted to, you would've ended it before now.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by EmperorMaria: 7:06pm On Sep 27, 2020
mariahAngel:


[s] E don be, be say e don be! grin
Na online all of una dey form alpha laslas grin
[/s]

As una form gud girls online 2

1 Like

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by akaahs(m): 7:11pm On Sep 27, 2020
HRHQueenPhil:
pls leave her be. U and I know what she is looking for and besides she does not love u enof to settle down with u.. painful truth
Funny enough, I'm in similar situation with the op. Just waiting for her to come over for one one conversation, if she is still adamant, I move on.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by ThatIgboBoy: 7:13pm On Sep 27, 2020
mariahAngel:


Stop kidding yourself!
If you wanted to, you would've ended it before now.
I am
Today's discussion is the final on it
I actually made this topic when she raised the matter up this afternoon and still reiterated her stand on it.
Have shown her people's response too.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by mariahAngel(f): 7:19pm On Sep 27, 2020
EmperorMaria:


As una form gud girls online 2

You don start again abi? Follow follow! Stalker!
You know how e dey be me when you enter my matter...
Form good girls for who kwanu? You? cheesy
I don warn you before say "no dey enter my matter" E too hard for your to grab?

If I enter you now, e go be like say...

Onye nkposhi!
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by mariahAngel(f): 7:21pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:

I am
Today's discussion is the final on it
I actually made this topic when she raised the matter up this afternoon and still reiterated her stand on it.
Have shown her people's response too.

It is for the best.
You both don't share the same views, and possibly goals.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by EmperorMaria: 7:25pm On Sep 27, 2020
mariahAngel:


[s] You don start again abi? Follow follow! Stalker!
You know how e dey be me when you enter my matter...
Form good girls for who kwanu? You? cheesy
I don warn you before say "no dey enter my matter" E too hard for your to grab?

If I enter you now, e go be like say...

Onye nkposhi! [/s]

Rants expected of a mad person

1 Like

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by Ishilove: 7:39pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.
You better flee because you're about to enter something more than what you can handle.

1 Like

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by ThatIgboBoy: 7:42pm On Sep 27, 2020
Ishilove:

You better flee because you're about to enter something more than what you can handle.
Thanks Ishilove
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by akaahs(m): 7:42pm On Sep 27, 2020
mariahAngel:


E don be, be say e don be! grin

Na online all of una dey form alpha laslas grin
grin grin cheesy
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by akaahs(m): 7:44pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:


What happens to growing together?

I am going to end the whole thing
Me just waiting for her to come over and one on one conversation, if she's still adamant, I move
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by backbone503(m): 7:50pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:


That's her orientation oo

That I should look at her as if she is not working.
Thst her sister not working does not supports her husband.
Told her that's a different case. That's understandable and moreover tla wise husband would look for a way to help her get a job or start a business. The sisters husband just opened this paga business for her.
She said no way. That I should see her as not doing anything. That her money is hers. How many times does a man buy a shoe in a year? That her own is to take care of such things for herself and I the man should take care of the family. That if she starts adding to the family it will make me become relaxed and lazy.
Moreover I am not asking her to pay major Bills. Just minor things she can contribute to the house on her own volition. I am not apportioning responsibilities to her.

Never request a lady to commit financially into a relationship. However, whether or not she does, will go a long way to tell you how committed she is to that course.

A woman that loves you will ALWAYS be happy to give and always support your course.

5 Likes

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by cococandy(f): 7:57pm On Sep 27, 2020
Go with someone on the same mental frequency as you.

And while you’re having these discussions, figure out and elaborate to them what other things you will be bringing to the marriage except money. Because as a woman, she’s most likely going to be bringing more than money to the marriage. If she’s going 50-50 on the bills with you as well, is she reassured that you will also be available to the things that not only money can solve in the family and which are often left for women to deal with? In that case that wouldn’t be fair.

It’s only fair that you be ready to bring both money and other qualities as you expect from her.
If she still says no , then read my first sentence again.

11 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by Hathor5(f): 7:57pm On Sep 27, 2020
How can you ask your wife for money? This means she will have to work and this means she will take a man's job. grin

#sarcasmoff


It's always better to have a supportive partner. Life can be hard sometimes.

5 Likes

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by mariahAngel(f): 8:58pm On Sep 27, 2020
[s]
EmperorMaria:


Rants expected of a mad person
[/s]

You dey krase hotworta!
You wan use me catch cruise? You high? Mumu!
Why you no wan try get sense for sense sake? Bomb dey your head? I wu onye ara?
Try get sense na, abeg!
Shey na only to dey stalk people up and down to gain relevance you know?
Onye nzuzu!

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by oseoji: 9:07pm On Sep 27, 2020
Nothing wrong with any of your opinions,it's just worrisome that she is inflexible.

If she wants you to foot all the bills,will she do all household chores 100% without your input?

If you want her to foot bills are you going to take your own share of chores too?

If she wasn't this rigid,you both could have agreed to a middle ground and agree to who does what.It's not that hard.

There are men who love women like her and there are women who will love a man like you.

You both should move on,izz ova.Be grateful that you both realised early that you're not compatible.

2 Likes

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by HRHQueenPhil(f): 9:14pm On Sep 27, 2020
akaahs:

Funny enough, I'm in similar situation with the op. Just waiting for her to come over for one one conversation, if she is still adamant, I move on.
all the best...I av a pretty sister invade u are interested

1 Like

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by vivalavida(m): 9:41pm On Sep 27, 2020
mariahAngel:


You dey krase hotworta!
You wan use me catch cruise? You high? Mumu!
Why you no wan try get sense for sense sake? Bomb dey your head? I wu onye ara?
Try get sense na, abeg!
Shey na only to dey stalk people up and down to gain relevance you know?
Onye nzuzu!



Hei nnem
Take it easy calling madu onye nzuzu naaa
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by bukatyne(f): 9:43pm On Sep 27, 2020
ThatIgboBoy:
Hello fam
I need your in put on this topic.
There is a lady I want to get married to. But we keep having one particular problem.
We both work. But she is of the opinion that her money belongs to her and she might decide to help out or not.
I am of the opinion that as a couple we have to work things out together. I dont expect her to pay any bill for me but to help out as a help mate. She flatly refused that her money is her money and she might decide to help or not. And that I should not have it in mind that she might help me. That the role of the man as the head of the house is to take care of everything.
I dont know if my perception is wrong here. I need experienced married folks to advice me.

You just told us her view on finances.

What is her view on house keeping? house chores?

If she believes she should handle the chores, the you have a 'traditional/cultural' woman.

Next question: Do you want to marry a 'traditional/cultural' woman?

2 Likes

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by bukatyne(f): 9:45pm On Sep 27, 2020
Righteousness89:
Did u seek God's Face for His Choice of Partner for you?

There are Certain discussions that won't crop up if you are in God's will for you..
Naturally a Man and woman who has God as their Foundation will Naturally seek for ways to Help each other.

This one , una never start e Come be like say na Battle and Competition Una wan enter!

Brother be Careful and take your time to be sure of what you wanna enter..

A Broken Courtship is Better than a Broken Home

@Bold:

They think it is archaic so they keep asking JAMB questions.

God has created a partner for everyone with a personality best suited to them.

1 Like

Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by bukatyne(f): 9:51pm On Sep 27, 2020
HRHQueenPhil:
all the best...I av a pretty sister invade u are interested

shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

That believes in sharing finances.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by mariahAngel(f): 9:55pm On Sep 27, 2020
vivalavida:


Hei nnem
Take it easy calling madu onye nzuzu naaa

Nwanna, hapu onye ahu!
Enwekatala'm ya ndidi, mana ochoghi I ma ihe.
I gbashi ha nkiti, o di ka onweghi ihe I ma.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by HRHQueenPhil(f): 10:33pm On Sep 27, 2020
grin
bukatyne:


shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

That believes in sharing finances.
[color=#770077][/color] cool shocked cool she na accountant
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by bukatyne(f): 10:37pm On Sep 27, 2020
HRHQueenPhil:
grin[color=#770077][/color] cool shocked cool she na accountant

See selling point. cool

Goodluck to her.
Re: Is My Perception Of marriage Wrong Or Am I Making A Mistake? Advise Me by EmperorMaria: 10:39pm On Sep 27, 2020
mariahAngel:


[s] You dey krase hotworta!
You wan use me catch cruise? You high? Mumu!
Why you no wan try get sense for sense sake? Bomb dey your head? I wu onye ara?
Try get sense na, abeg!
Shey na only to dey stalk people up and down to gain relevance you know?
Onye nzuzu! [/s]

Crackhaus thinks am his scorned gf,,,,Buntu, u think am coldworta. U both would b fine

1 Like 1 Share

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