Mine:

Excusing myself from freshers’ night to poopoo by a roadside bush.


E no reach five minutes, torch begin flash me from back. (I face the bush, back main road). I heard the person saying “this is the hostel abi?”

It was my asst. course representative. She laugh me die that week. Anytime she sees me na laugh. Wetin pain me pass be say I lie say I dey go bring sth from hostel.

It wasn't funny then but it is now.



Abeg,
share yours.

Holumhidey:
This thread looks like it'll be interesting.....

Yup.

Share your experiences.

Holumhidey:
well; i dont have any in particular. But i laughed hard the day i saw righteousness89's signature and he wrote something like; righteousness89 will never request from airtime/money (something like that) from anyone. And i was like; "So people don dey use righteousness89 take dey scam people?"

A pastor for that matter

Nothing person nor go see for nairaland

Lol.

lalasticlala fp pls.

What are we supposed to type now?

I’ll be here to see nonsense that is not funny wey una go call funny first is the OP nonsense

When I was doing my internship in one firm many years ago, hot shìt catch me one fateful Monday morning . I don't use public toilets but I had no choice. Stoped by at agege to use that yellow public toilet at the park but it was already occupied. The caretaker asked me to wait so them go finish damn I was irritated. So as one person just shìt finish, me I go enter set and be breathing in poisonous odor.. I left and boarded a bike to my company at ikeja. Went to the interns toilet for boys , messed up. Went to the girls own, I saw used menstrual pads inside but omo i no send, I used it like that. I stood up squating and would quickly run forward when the shìt is about to drop so the toilet water won't splash on me. It was a horrible experience but worth it.

I was once at NYSC camp when I sighted a girl doing her thing in the bush..I shine torch oboy that toto red die. It's the reddest to** I've ever seen..the mumu girl no even send... She was like "guy do normal na". I was like oboy this one na warri girl o.

I once took a girl to a restaurant. When we almost finished and it was time to go, I had a serious erection. I just lied to her to allow the food digest a bit before we move. For 30min I was still sitter and the boner was still there. I just stood up, put my hands in my pocket to spread the trouser so it won't show well. Ever since then I dey always were breifs "tight boxers" whenever I'm going out with a lady or when I'm going to a place there'll be ladies.

Here for the comments

School things, Wednesday afternoon, we had just finished exams, everybody else in my hostel had gone home the morning after the exam. I had to wait till Monday to submit my practical log book. I was damn broke with only my transport fare left and had to ration my food to survive. By Sunday afternoon, I cooked my last 2+ cups of beans, my kerosene was barely able to cook it properly. I ate half and kept the remaining till Monday morning hoping that at least the stove would heat it a little. How wrong I was, come Monday morning, I was eating it cold. The lecturer took time to arrive and by then I was having stomach troubles, immediately he came, I rushed in but the book fell from my hand, I bent down to pick, the loudest and foulest fart came out. The man was shocked, how I managed to score 64 in the course was beyond me.



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Nice thread

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When i was much younger, my friend Promise usually comes to the house to play with i and my brothers and the boy can eat, he was always asking the meaning of this or that in my language so he can gain some favor.

So on that fateful day he came, he kept disturbing me to tell him how to say food in my language.
I mischievously told him food in my language is agologma, meanwhile it means nyash and not food and depending on how you use it, it also can mean vagina.

Na so he went straight to my dad's elder sister who had been around and told her that "mummy i want to eat agologma" the beating e chop that day eh. His parents even come to apologize to my aunts.
Mischievous me, I denied ever telling him anything. I told them i didn't even know the meaning.

Now we're both married and we always laugh about it, we still call him agologma.

mousano:
Space bookers association

we don land, Edo Airways

The day I got married to the most beautiful woman of my life.


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DOLCE AND GABBANA NI

Mine had to do with one drunkard called MR CHARLES. will update later

1.When I was a bike rider, I once visited a friend in a distant city. After taking a lot of bottles I decided to go home late at night. I picked a passenger that was going my way. After he accepted to pay N1500, we set out for the journey. For three times we fell down in slow motion. I would see the pothole, match break, then fall down slowly even before getting to the spot.

2. As a hustler then at school, I bought a bicycle that enabled me move quickly from one point to the other especially inside school. On that faithful day it rained heavily and there was flood everywhere. Just in front of my department where everyone was, I hit a stone and failed inside flood. The scream; the laughter; the looks... I just picked my bicycle and headed straight to home

3. ...


If you are building in IMO or it's environs, Your roof is my concern. https://www.nairaland.com/6136292/imo-state-environs-come-alum#94197670

My entire life is a joke.
Still laughing.

The day I farted, scratched my anus and smelt my fingers in an empty classroom only to see the girl I've been toasting and forming porch for, came out from the back of the class covering her nose with her hand. I didn't know what to say to her after that day

The funniest moments in my life all happened in or around Nsukka. You see, the first 8 years of my life was spent in that university town;
and for a boy who couldn't speak or write in English in 2001 (@ 8 years old), I'd have imagined that the funny moments would be those days I was learning to speak English in Primary 3 (Family moved to Lagos). Well, those days were not as funny as my first year in UNN.

(Anyways special shoutout to my Primary 3 teacher and mother, they'd both translate English instructions to Igbo and back...)

Now the funniest day happened in 2011, my first year at the University of Nigeria Nsukka. I was in the department of Electrical Engineering playing the game of 'pretend-to-be' a serious student.

Sometime in April 2011, I was going to the Nnamdi Azikiwe Library after a restful afternoon at the hostel (Mbanefo) and at the steps of the main entrance to the library, I was caught by some black letters on a blue roll-over banner, it simply said - "Could it be you?" with a Unilever logo splashed about the background in different shades.

Yes, I became curious (still am, the child in me lives), and whipped out my Nokia E51, to visit the URL on the banner <unileverideatrophy.com>. What I saw blew me away, so AXE (Unilever deodorant, not the guys of the night) were coming into the Nigerian market and were looking at tapping ideas from young 'uns like meself and other brilliant young Nigerians in a competition format event.

Officially, the communication was this - To give University students the opportunity to express their unique business ideas, be developed by professional business mentors and get a taste of after-school life, Unilever Nigeria has launched the Unilever Nigeria Ideatrophy competition.

My tails were up, I love competition (blame it on my upbringing), and I left the library after 30 minutes of thinking "Could it be me?"
Long story short, I dialled Nnayere my friend from the same department and next-door neighbour (Room 412), and called on Lucky my room-mate (413, Mbanefo) - "Brothers something don happen, we have a challenge before us and we need to give it our best shot!"

All of us were freshers o, but we get mind. So we borrowed a Laptop from Brother Felix (My roommate, biochemistry lord and pastor). Thinking back, that laptop weighed like 20Kg.
Mr Paul-Ugbe (Unilever) and a few other resource persons sent us presentation templates and we whipped up our presentations and sent them on 30th June 2011 (deadline day).

Everything was ready o until we were told we have to come to Calabar to defend our presentation on 15th July 2011
I was the only one aware of this new development and told the team a week before the 'supposed' departure date.

Practice our presentation, no!
Save money for travel, no! we just dey focus on CGPA until it was 12th July, when one of us asked, "Are we still going?"
I said Yes, we are already there!

Told my people at home we are going on an excursion and needed some money, they paid, Nnayere did the same, his people paid, Lucky's people said on the day of the excursion, they'll pay.

So a day before the main event in Calabar, 14th July - we met at 5 a.m., committed the Journey into the Hands of "Our Father" and left for Enugu.
Still unsure of this trip, because Lucky's people never still do the transfer.
At about 9:13 am, the money came in, we were at Holy Ghost Enugu and were now sure this journey would happen if only we found a bus going to Calabar.

We found one, reached Calabar many hours later (about 5 hours, roads were better then). Then came another shocker, my guys no know say, we no get where to sleep.
They thought we were going to the hotel for the main event (hahaha)

The shock on their faces when I asked our Taxi driver, "abeg sir we no get where to sleep this night, you fit to carry us go your house?"
Now, I could make that request because the person in question was the dad of a friend in my department; Gerard had given me past questions to give to his dad for his sister who was preparing for PUME that year.

The man bluntly said, "I have too many daughters for 3 capable boys to come camping for a night, I'll take you guys to somewhere cheap",
He delivered us to 38 Ekpo Abasi (still have the receipt for our two nights there) and we met Okon the caretaker, paid N3k for the first night, went out that evening to eat our first Edika-Ikong and another dark soup; it was raining heavily on the way back, and I lost my slippers to gushing waters.
Small things water for don carry me go!

We went to the hotel the next day, not knowing what to expect, na so we enter the stage, with big camera's and tough-looking judges, a carnivorous audience and our small belief.
Omo eh, Lucky collect mic, introduced himself, come talk say "now I hand the mic to my brother Sebastine(Nnayere) to continue with the presentation (ah! this was not the plan o!). Sebastine also took the mic, introduced himself and said "now I hand the mic to my brother Orakwe to continue with the presentation (ah bro! this was not the plan!)
Was there even a plan?

Sink or swim time; I swam pretty brilliantly, but what happened at the end was like hitting your head hard at the end of the line.
After all the wonderful suprisupri presentation and brilliant demonstration by the team; they asked us one (1) simple question - "How much do you need to make all of this possible?" i.e. to launch AXE deodorant into the Nigerian market ooooo

Na him I go make the biggest blunder of 2011, ladies and gentlemen, I said 1 Million Naira!!! (Damn Nigga 1 Mil shocked naira not dollars)

Shaaa...I noticed the room temp dropped by 10 degrees. But at the end, one of the judges (a Banker) came up to us and said, we had the best presentation but 1 Million Naira guys, you shot yourselves in the foot!

Still laugh about it to this day.

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it was the day I was purging,and the shit has caught me in the middle of the road
immediately my system changed and I was abnormal for that time.
na small remain I for shit for body

I'm coming lemme think

I don't know about y'all, but I'm here to read lies.

lol....the day someone told us one naira will be equal to one dollar and that he will control the price of crude oil

Na October posts dey reign on fp now