Am so sorry I have to bore you with this long chapter and verses please bear with me.

I’ve been in this relationship for a year now. We actually met online and exchanged pictures and he looked good in the pics he sent to me (though I didn’t get to see his full posture which I later realized I should have asked for) I was in UK while he is in Canada. We started off as friends and later became lovers. He told me he was divorced with two kids and since I have one (kid) am ok with that. We chatted every single day on line with webcam and he looked good to me.

The communication between us was sooo great that I fell in love with him even before we met. During this period of constant communication he spilled on phone one day that he has four kids. I was shocked because he told me he had two but he denied ever telling me two and insisted he said four. Fine, I didn't want to create so much drama so, I let it go. Few days later he mentioned on phone to me again, that he was quite afraid and didn't know how to spill it to me that he has four kids and I was like, dude you are confusing yourself (I actually meant you are not telling the truth) still, l let go. A week before he visited the UK he asked me if I would recognize him from the crowd at the airport and I was like yeah! I mean, “I know what you look like”. He asked me over and over again and I gave the same response. Three days before his arrival to the UK he sent me another sets of pics and told me those are his pics (here I can see his full posture). The second sets of pics are totally different from the first sets and I knew he played me. He practically told me the first sets of pics are those he took seven years before. Men! Was I mad? Yeah I was!

Three days later he visited the UK and we met. I knew from the moment I set my eyes on him that he’s not the one for me. The thing is he's not really my kind of guy but he's such a very nice guy with a great attitude and that kind of soften my heart.

I wanted to pull the plug on the relationship after he left the UK but my friends advised me to give it another three months and after then, if am not convinced then I can finally call it off. I was scared of never finding true love, never been love in return and that scares the hell out of me. I remembered all I’ve been through with men (the ones I fell in love with and how they were so unfair to me) and I wondered if I will ever find it right and how long it will take. That made me settled down a bit to give the relationship a real trial. It’s been a year and he’s been talking Marriage! Marriage! Marriage! I know I can never love this guy and I honestly DON”T TRUST HIM! If he could hid such important things from me about himself (kids and his look) then I believe there might be many significant things he’s hiding from me as well. I’ve visited him in Canada twice and he lives alone and has a great job. Though, I haven’t met his kids who are in Paris with his ex-wife. He was able to get my mum mobile's line from my phone when I visited him in Canada and called her without my knowledge or approval after I left Canada and even went as far as sending stuff to her. He sent a car, plasma TV, Air Conditioner and so many kitchen appliances and my mum was all over him already. To make matters worse he and mum are both from Ijebu Igbo and my mum knows his family very well, she said so many nice things about them. My mum already discussed with my dad without my knowledge and they told me they want to meet this great guy. That was the last straw for me and I just had to finally pull the plug. I appreciates all the stuff he did for my mum and all that but, I believe he went too far and was trying to manipulate me.I've told him we have to call the relationship off but he kept calling my mum and telling her I'm confuse. I told my mum he's not the one for me but my mum kept telling me her pastor saw a vision and that this is the right man for me. I know I have to take a lot of blame here. I shouldn’t have let it get this far but, I’ve realized my mistakes and i know it's too late to cry over split milk.


I recently relocated to Nigeria despite knowing he can never live in Nigeria again (just to make him realize that it can’t work). Still he’s not letting go. Please guys what should I do.

Absolutely no point dating someone you can't trust 100% especially if trust will always be an issue for you.
You have to ask your mum to retun some or all of the things back if you are serious about leaving this dude.

Don't set yourself up for failure.
If it does not feel right, it ain't period.
Only a desperate woman will marry a man out of pity.

The guy is not your type, so why bother with him?
Tell him nicely that you do not feel comfortable with the relationship and advice him to look somewhere else.
He may be hurt, but he will respect you in the future and appreciate your honesty.
Please, relationships that started right have difficulties not to mention those that start off soooooooo wrong.

Have you considered the fact that he may have lied to you because he has issues with confidence?
2. I wont advice you to marry a man who u dont love but if its about his looks, you can still give it a try,with time he'l look like what you can accept.
3. I'm a lil bit nosey, how did he get ur mom's number without u giving it to him?

//

I made a lot of mistakes and unfortunately I have to lie on my bed as I laid it.

I believe he ought to have told me the truth no matter what. So, i will say yes, am pissed off but i never showed it (my mistake again).

His face is cute but the physique is not. I'm quite taller than him (he told me he was 5"10) and i found out later he is 5"5. It's my fault and I know that, I should have let it go immediately he left UK but I didn't.

^^^^
Am i right in concluding that your only beef with this dude is because he is few inches shorter than you?

Bottom line is you know your heart and it's always advised to follow one's heart so if you can't give all then break it off

kayyyfee:

but I was so naive to realize[b] God has something special in store for everyone if only we can wait on him.[/b]

And how do you know he is not the special person God has for you?

jay bee:

^^^^
Am i right in concluding that your only beef with this dude is because he is few inches shorter than you?

Bottom line is you know your heart and it's always advised to follow one's heart so if you can't give all then break it off

No jay, Am upset because he lied to me and manipulated my emotions.

jennykadry:

And how do you know he is not the special person God has for you?

Because try as hard as i could, I just can't love him. Secondly, that thought "what if he's the one God sent to me" let it get this far.

If its about the lie, u can forgive,cant you?

Yes, I can forgive but am so scared there might be so many other lies I might discover later. Marriage is not a joke and one has to be very careful. I have a kid already and that is a big deal in African society, if it doesn't work out after marriage you and I know what the society will say, "she's the one with the problem, after having a kid she still can't keep a marriage and blah blah blah".

//

kayyyfee:

No jay, Am upset because he lied to me and manipulated my emotions.

Yes he lied but he has already owned up to that fact and I'm pretty sure you must have liked this dude enough to have allowed him manipulate your emotions.
I honestly don't think lies about the number of kids or his height is enough reason to give up something that appears genuine/good.

I would have understood your concern if this dude was a serial cheat, hopeless, violent et al but you have said nothing but praises about this dude so make sure you really do think about this before making your final decision.

How long do you guys normally spend together whenever either visits?

If you think there are things he's not telling u, why not sit him down and talk it over.

It wouldnt be becomrich by any chance?

//

jay bee:

Yes he lied but he has already owned up to that fact and I'm pretty sure you must have liked this dude enough to have allowed him manipulate your emotions.
I honestly don't think lies about the number of kids or his height is enough reason to give up something that appears genuine/good.

I would have understood your concern if this dude was a serial cheat, hopeless, violent et al but you have said nothing but praises about this dude so make sure you really do think about this before making your final decision.

How long do you guys normally spend together whenever either visits?

Thanks so much for the responses, I really appreciates this.

You are right, I let him manipulate me because, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I care so much about him because, I know how he feels about me and I appreciates him for that. But, I ended up hurting myself and now hurting him too. He's nice, very nice but, what if there are many other lies and ugly ones at that? Imagine if he’s still very married!

In the past when i visited him i stayed up to two weeks respectively and when he visited he stayed up to a month.

@CC
Thought the decaf normally kicks in before 9am, No?

//

@Kayyyfe
You really ought to be communicating your worries to this guy. Does he even know the reason why you are reluctant to take things further?

What exactly are you worried about other than the fear of the unknown?
Life is a risk and ask yourself if this dude is worth the risk.

OP,

You've got enough advice from chaircover and jay bee, I dont want to be repeating things. I cosign whatever CC says, our differences are always minimal

Just want to use your thread to say hello to Madam Chaircover and to let her know I miss her _{(like a sister o, b4 Nl put me for trouble)}

and Pls Madam CC tell Uncle CC that I have the latest pictures of Omotola-sexy, just in case he wants to change his wallpaper

//

chaircover:

OAM4Jenny look at your mouth. It is now that you remember madam CC abi. You think I did not see you fighting all over the place for DK's crown of NL's resident *a*wo?

My Pastor told me that my enemies are in trouble and he was right so FYI Mr CC  has already seen a particular picture of the person in question and I think his lust has finally been quenched . . . .well, until a stylist is employed anyway

In the mean time Mr V is looking good and cool as usual & I am still working out a potion strong enough to deal once and for all with that my rival JK 

CC, I think you'll need to revisit specsavers for upgrade, how can you equate me with DK (the official NL playboy)?

It cost me a lot to build and maintain my highly esteemed reputation; am married to Mukina2, ex to Jenny and Busybody, with only one concubine called Spikey, how does that make me ashewo?

If not for Mr CC, you'll would have been hearing from my lawyers for defamation and character assassination. I accept your apology in advance.


NB: pls tell Mr CC, if he is tired of Omosexy, he should check out the babes on this link: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-617615.0.html. . . tell him I accept his thanks already and he shouldn't even mention it.




Jokes aside, how can I forget you? am your no1 fan now. I still visit this section regularly and I always look out for your posts. You know I admire and appreciate you. . . am sure you know.

Just that you always leave me with nothing else to say after you have posted, may be I need to resume stamping your posts with 'Gbam', 'exactly my tots', 'couldn't have said it better' etc love you.

//

@ OP: it is obvious to me that you do not like this man.  I am not one to abuse one's parents but its a bit shameful that your mom is collecting and receiving gifts from a man that you have NOT officially introduced to her. Its lawless --- and irresponsible.

Before I continue, please, How old are you ?


If u're not young, (26-31), please consider this offer.

chaircover:

^^^^^ Haaaaaaa Ive only just seen your location  afi deformation. Iwo ni kan tan 4 women  U try sha

sorry but is there anyone else in those pictures apart from Majid? cos he is the only one that I am seeing o! 

BTW where was Mr V?

awwwww miss your posts too;  Mostly Very funny 

CC, you've been skipping your maths class again! I only have 1 and half women. Jenny and busybody are ex = 0, so am only left with Mukina2=1, and Spikey (girlfriend =0.5). Total = 1.5 women, OK? 

its good you only saw Majid, just give the link to Mr CC, he will see what am seeing.

Blueice is right you know.
You shouldn't be running from your fears like that but should discuss them and communicate proper with him.

Dude may have handled things wrongly but it could be because of the fear of rejection by you. Perhaps he is uncomfortable about letting a woman know that he already has 4 children and started with telling you about only two for a start, same thing with his height issue.
Naturally humans want to look their best before their love interest which may be why he first showed the pictures of him looking nice and sweet and stuff. He went to the extent of wooing over your mum by sending her stuffs (Yes he shouldn't have done it behind you) but it did take a little "caring" and "wishing for you" from him. It seems he cares about you which was why he thread softly with his fears. Talk out your fears and get to know him better. He is either of this two: wonderful or heinous, and the only way you can know which is knowing him better.

[/b]His "sins" are forgivable unless he disgusts you in that case you may have made the right decision by calling it quits. In as much as there are more to persons than their height and one should also consider the inner qualities of a person too yet[b] it's good to be honest to yourself even when you know that you need a man in your life. This is a man you will be with if you get married to him and if you can't stand him then you mustn't suffer him.

The bottomline is you are not feeling him. He has not helped himself with manipulation as well and I don't think he has brought himself to the table,there may be pretense. Almost everyone changes after marriage (over familiarity) but of all the lack of chemistry is the worst of all.
My motto is never bed anyone you donot feel butterflies for n even then that's lust not love. You donot seem like you lust for him sef.
Your bone of your bone will come. Donot marry someone that's feels u and u donot feel you will be depress
ed