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I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds - Family (7) - Nairaland

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My Wife Is A Cheat. I Need Advice / Advise Needed From Matured Ladies And Gentlemen. / In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 9:18am On Nov 06, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 9:19am On Nov 06, 2020
Klass99:


But..........what? You still love her? Or you don't want your son in a broken home situation?

I told you to fight for your relationship from now till the end of the year. But, this one she has already returned the house papers.............



Am confused
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 9:35am On Nov 06, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 9:46am On Nov 06, 2020
Klass99:


Lol grin, confusion is good and it's a normal part of life. Don't sweat it.

If your son wasn't in the picture, would you still want to be with this chic? Still dating her or......

If you had no child with this chic, do you see yourself being with her for the long haul in marriage?

Does the idea of marrying her, excites you or exhausts you? Really reflect on this one carefully and pay attention to your inner feelings/thoughts.

I know this is really hard for parents to do, but let's put you first for a minute. What do you want for yourself?


Let me be frank with you, I proudly did all I have done not really because of my son but because I wanted her to be comfortable.

If I say I don’t love this girl then I’ll be deceiving myself and everyone on this thread.

Now she has a confidant, an adviser and she now want to do the things I don’t know her for.

I won’t accept that
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 10:01am On Nov 06, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 11:10am On Nov 06, 2020
Klass99:


WoW, a man who is not afraid to be vulnerable and to admit his confusion, I like cheesy You will be alright.

Your last sentence though, are you still going to try? It's admirable that you did the things you did out of love and not just for the sake of your child. Women mostly seem incapable of this.

Trying is where my confusion is
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 1:48pm On Nov 06, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by shugasofttouch: 7:05pm On Nov 06, 2020
Broken2020:


My brother as I type now am crying, I don’t know what this girl want but from all indications she must have been introduced to someone else because this kind of character is what I have never seen with her.
What do you want now? be sincere and honest.
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by 4ckyou: 10:41am On Nov 07, 2020
cococandy:


You’re too focused on money and property. What you’ve done for her and her family. What you’ve given her. Etc. You’ve threatened her in the past with break ups even as she reassured you that she wanted to be with you. You love when she begs you to say with her huh. Now you’re crying when the shoe is on the other foot. Oga money is not everything. Calm down small. smiley

Imagine if she finds someone who has that money and treats her awesomely on top of being generous to her. Na your loss be that.


So when she was broke and had nothing, money was everything to her then, but now that she's financially stable because of the guy money is no longer everything right?
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by edego2up(m): 1:16pm On Nov 07, 2020
4ckyou:



So when she was broke and had nothing, money was everything to her then, but now that she's financially stable because of the guy money is no longer everything right?
Guy, this is Nigeria you surpose know for yourself, this chic don hot gold mine.you will pay and pay for the rest of your life.please don't blame yourself.a profet is involved
This one pas you oo her friend don carry am Waka so thread with care���

1 Like

Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 5:22pm On Nov 29, 2020
Klass99:


WoW, a man who is not afraid to be vulnerable and to admit his confusion, I like cheesy You will be alright.

Your last sentence though, are you still going to try? It's admirable that you did the things you did out of love and not just for the sake of your child. Women mostly seem incapable of this.

Been quietly working to make things work between us since. I admitted I was too strict and temperamental just to make thing work all still because of my son, I promised her a gift which I gave her last Monday.

I ordered a bike for my son and it was delivered yesterday, we agreed she must hide it and present it to him on his birthday but somehow he saw it when it was delivered, he knew it was for him, he cried for it and I asked his mom to give it to him which she reluctantly did.

This afternoon we were talking and I asked if he has forgotten about the bike na there wahala start oo.

She: I’m going out,
Me: To where ?
She: Festac,
Me: What for?
She: To get something from a customer
Me: What’s that
She: Sugar
Me: When are you coming back
She: Na wah, what’s when am I coming back? I said I’m going to get sugar in festac why are you asking again when am coming back
Me: Okay sorry but don’t take my son to Ayo’s place oo and I don’t want you to go there .
She: You can’t tell me who to be friend with and who not to be friend with.

We started arguing again, from all I observed she can’t be submissive anymore and I can’t be with such person, her enemy is my enemy and my enemy is supposed to be hers.

Meanwhile I called her aunt to talk to her about two weeks ago, her aunt concentrated on that friend of hers, saying anyone who advices you to quit the father of your son isn’t a good friend, this guy is not around yet he makes sure you guys lacks nothing. Obey him and leave this girl.

I was doing everything to make her happy again but it’s obvious my efforts isn’t enough. I called her aunt just now and she told me she will call her again but if she is not ready to listen to me am sorry I’ll let her be.

Now me I don tire, I don’t see this thing working at all. I had to call my dad this afternoon and explained everything to him, he said why did you take them to Lagos when you don’t have anyone in Lagos.

Obviously am tired, I was considering my son but I know he will be fine, he is fully my responsibility.

I don try now am done.

1 Like

Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 6:29pm On Nov 29, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by eightsin(m): 6:58pm On Nov 29, 2020
Simp! Let her go.
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 7:58pm On Nov 29, 2020
Klass99:


I appreciate the update. I often wonder about some folks who share their stories here - wondering if their situations turned around for good, how they're doing since their last posts, if they're okay and all.

No sane person (emphasis on sane grin) will blame you at this point. You have done reasonably well, but your babe seems determined to self sabotage and ruin a good thing in the process.

I don't know if your physical presence in Naija and finally marrying her would make a huge difference, because that phrase she used "You can’t tell me who to be friends with and who not to be friends with" is how an acquaintance's marriage started to deteriorate.

The same problem of certain friends whom Alex (not real name) thought were a negative influence on his wife, is the same problem you're facing.

Alex and his wife are divorced now and like you, he said he tried hard to prevent the end of his marriage, pleaded with his wife for the sake of their kids, but I think when a woman's mind is made up........

So what now? Are you going to take your son or let her keep him? What else did your dad say, apart from asking you why you took them to Lagos?

She has vowed she won’t let me have my son but she won’t deny me access to him whenever I want to see him.

My dad said I should book a flight for them to come to Benin on Friday after my son’s birthday.

He said he wants to ask her a few question, he didn’t fail to remind me that I entered the road to marriage from the wrong route.

As for me, am tired.... attached is what I bought her on Monday just to say am sorry

Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by barakah(m): 9:29pm On Nov 29, 2020
Have you considered a future without this lady?
Get serious with your life and think about the next 5 to 10 years.
Look for someone with a mature mind and start thinking about settling down.

Meanwhile, reduce or cut off her allowances entirely including the rent.
At least you've not seen her or your child in a while...they will survive.
Stop acting all lovey doveey there.

Man up and plan a future with a woman that has a vision.
Afterwards, you will get your kid whether through the courts or family intervention.

2 Likes

Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by FanOfMyself: 9:31pm On Nov 29, 2020
Broken2020:


She has vowed she won’t let me have my son but she won’t deny me access to him whenever I want to see him.

My dad said I should book a flight for them to come to Benin on Friday after my son’s birthday.

He said he wants to ask her a few question, he didn’t fail to remind me that I entered the road to marriage from the wrong route.

As for me, am tired.... attached is what I bought her on Monday just to say am sorry
Showing us the iPhone is not necessary bro.
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 9:38pm On Nov 29, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 9:46pm On Nov 29, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by FanOfMyself: 9:49pm On Nov 29, 2020
Klass99:


I didn't mind seeing the gift he got her o and some of us are not complaining.

It just adds flavour to an already interesting story, don't you think?
It's okay then, I know amebos like you will be enjoying it. Maybe it's all for fun sha
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by keepingmum: 11:05pm On Nov 29, 2020
Broken2020:


Trying is where my confusion is

Send me a pm , perhaps i can give you a few suggestions that may help
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 4:39am On Nov 30, 2020
FanOfMyself:

Showing us the iPhone is not necessary bro.

Not sure I was showing you. I mentioned a specific moniker

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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 5:02am On Nov 30, 2020
Klass99:
cheesy Oshey!!!

You thought the phone will win her over abi? She don collect am, still dey do you strong tin grin.

Pele, I couldn't help finding humour in your saga. I like the fact that your father wants to wade in and help you out.

Please whatever the outcome of their meeting, listen to your father afterwards o! He sounds like a good man who has your back.

As for her vow that you will never take her child, the gods help you on that one. I suspect she may want to keep the child with her, because without him, there will be no reason for you to keep bankrolling her lifestyle and paying bills like house rent.

She will have to do that herself, so, your son may be her bargaining chip for continuing this easy lifestyle you started and introduced her to.

Damn! I repeat, this baby mama business is lucrative. If only I had it in me or desired a child sef grin

The phone was just a gift and to say am truly sorry, besides I made it a habit to change her phone every year either before her birthday or few days after her birthday. This one came a bit late this year cos COVID-19 affected everything.

I don’t really know where I missed it, but I wanted to touch every areas to see if I could fix things and the more I try the more it get worse, now I dare not crack jokes because I’ll get a very cold response, I dare not ask questions about where she is going, I’ll get an aggressive response. She does not tell me about where she is going now, I just call and see her driving, if I ask where she is going she will say I want to go get this and that.

My younger sister once teased me saying I bought her a car to be raving mad In the streets of Lagos since she is not under the authority of anyone.

This thing has become too toxic, I can’t take it anymore, she was the only one I could talk to on the phone for hours, not even my parents or siblings.

I swear I just confuse, this will make me see every woman out there as a betrayer. I don’t know how this will end.

The more I look the less I see......... imagine this happening again in the week of my son’s birthday.

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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 9:03am On Nov 30, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 9:16am On Nov 30, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 9:25am On Nov 30, 2020
Klass99:


I have met jerks and first class assholes in my life, but it hasn't changed my entire view of your gender, because I also met really decent/remarkable men who showed me, all of you are not the same. You better perish the mindset sprouting up about women.

You have done well by this woman, like I said, no sane person will say you didn't try. Learn the value of distance and silence at this point. Mentally and emotionally distance yourself from her and start giving her the silent treatment.

If or when you call, let it be about your son and whatever his needs may be. Keep your conversations with her to the barest minimum and make it very formal if you have to talk.

You don't need to have a big blow up with her or even this little ones where she gives you attitude and upsets you in the process.

Thanks so much.
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 8:51pm On Dec 10, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 9:56pm On Dec 10, 2020
Klass99:
Broken2020,

I'm on these streets today and I thought to inquire about you and your chic.

How far? Did they still make the trip to see your father or not? What did your dad say to you afterwards? I mean after the trip/after seeing her.

I have a feeling she may have changed her mind at the last minute and told you she's not going, to avoid more counsel grin but, correct me if I am wrong.

The whole thing has turned terribly bad
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Ishilove: 10:27pm On Dec 10, 2020
Broken2020:


The whole thing has turned terribly bad
What happened?
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 10:37pm On Dec 10, 2020
Ishilove:

What happened?


My dad invited her, her uncle said she shouldn’t honor the invitation.

I have been avoiding her, I only call her to speak to my son
Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Klass99(f): 3:49am On Dec 11, 2020
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Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 4:00am On Dec 11, 2020
Klass99:


Your dad invited her when she reached your home town or while she was still in Lagos? Pls clarify

Is this uncle one of the mother's brothers? Have you ever engaged with him in your attempt to win her over and maintain your relationship?

How old is she? You don't need to give me an exact age, the age group or range she falls into will do just fine.

When she wants or needs something from you, how does she communicate that, with the way things are now?

Apologies for the 21 questions, I'm curious about the things I asked. Face front and keep doing what you are doing, at this point you have done all you can. It's time to mentally/emotionally move on from her.


My dad invited her from Lagos, she was supposed to travel by flight oo... Her maternal uncle, she is between 29/31 of age... she stopped asking me for anything.

I have moved on and I’m living the best of my life.

1 Like

Re: I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds by Broken2020: 9:35pm On Dec 12, 2020
Good evening to everyone that followed my post, thanks to everyone that advised me and to those that insulted me I say thank you too.

I learnt a lot from all y’all said, but it’s very unfortunate that she is really bent on quitting whatever we had.

The more I tried the more harder puzzle she became.

I just found out there is someone she is seeing, she told me the guy was an investor who offered to invest in her business, she said the guy wanted them to sign a 15yrs contract and I advised her not to go into that contract because 15yrs is so much.

She reluctantly agreed. When I noticed she wasn’t happy with my advice then I told her to tell the guy to bring his proposal so that I can send it to a business analyst to advice us on the deal.

About 1 month later I asked if she has heard from the guy she said no.

I have confirmed all she is doing with the guy, it’s business and pleasure.

She is bragging to everyone about the business and I know she has not saved enough to invest into the business.

No lies am heart broken, but i know I tried.

Please how do I delete this thread?

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