Over time, we've heard people said "make hay why the sun shine", knowing that time does not wait for anyone; doing what is meant to be done at the appropriate time is very important.
In my ideology, Dreams will always come through with strong determination, more effort and time.
In real life, we have seen, heard stories of dreams that never come through due to several factors, such as: Marital Choice, Wrong Decision Making, Procrastination, Delay and Unbelief.
Bases on my observation, Most successful people especially in the entertainment industry, became famous and success before getting married. Most of the married ones find it very difficult to break out to success in their carrier.

Is it really true that any dream one cannot achieve before marriage can no longer be obtained after marriage? Often time, we’ve seen great potentials died just because the person got married. A lot of people abandoned their carrier/vision/dreams immediately they got married to face marriage, child’s bearing and all the challenges that comes with family building.
In a word of hardship, economic breakdown, where everyone is trying to avoid poverty, would you advice a young man/lady to achieve his/her dream/carrier first before going into marriage?

Please your opinion is needed.


https://p1hproduction.com/blog/2020/11/16/achieving-your-dreams-carrier-before-marriage-best-way-or-not/

Darlingme:
Over time, we've heard people said "make hay why the sun shine", knowing that time does not wait for anyone; doing what is meant to be done at the appropriate time is very important.
In my ideology, Dreams will always come through with strong determination, more effort and time.
In real life, we have seen, heard stories of dreams that never come through due to several factors, such as: Marital Choice, Wrong Decision Making, Procrastination, Delay and Unbelief.
Bases on my observation, Most successful people especially in the entertainment industry, became famous and success before getting married. Most of the married ones find it very difficult to break out to success in their carrier.

Is it really true that any dream one cannot achieve before marriage can no longer be obtained after marriage? Often time, we’ve seen great potentials died just because the person got married. A lot of people abandoned their carrier/vision/dreams immediately they got married to face marriage, child’s bearing and all the challenges that comes with family building.
In a word of hardship, economic breakdown, where everyone is trying to avoid poverty, would you advice a young man/lady to achieve his/her dream/carrier first before going into marriage?

Please your opinion is needed.

it's advisable to achieve your dreams and aspirations first before entering marriage so that you can be able to Carter for you family and we won't hear stories of how couples turned into Iran vs Iraq war in the house due to poverty
love is sweet,when money enter love is sweeter


I am still sitting on the fence

supercase1:

it's advisable to achieve your dreams and aspirations first before entering marriage so that you can be able to Carter for you family and we won't hear stories of how couples turned into Iran vs Iraq war in the house due to poverty
love is sweet, when money enter love is sweeter


I am still sitting on the fence

The @bolded though. very funny

what of in a case where the guy/lady is getting too old, yet dreams and vision have not been achieved?

Darlingme:

The @bolded though. very funny

what of in a case where the guy/lady is getting too old, yet dreams and vision have not been achieved?

that is what we call the theory of natural selection,when two couples are growing old without any meaniful achievement nature might not have selected them to be together but they choose to stubbornly stick together hence the predicament befalls them and linger on persistently because u can't cheat nature meanwhile


am still sitting on the fence

supercase1:

that is what we call the theory of natural selection,when two couples are growing old without any meaniful achievement nature might not have selected them to be together but they choose to stubbornly stick together hence the predicament befalls them and linger on persistently because u can't cheat nature meanwhile


am still sitting on the fence

This is deep. You mean nature also determine one's life partner?
And what do you mean by ''Stubbornly'' do you mean those that fought for their love and ended up being together and their dreams couldn't work out because of life's unforseen challenges?

Better to achieve some or all of your dreams before marriage if there is enough time but then again I don't not agree that you can't achieve your aspirations after marriage except if you're a lazy type or not determined. Of course it won't be as easy as when you are single because there will be constraints from marriage and family life but it still very much achievable.

The most important thing is to put God in the picture, as he's the only one who makes dreams and visions come through at the appointed time; before or after marriage.

Darlingme:
Over time, we've heard people said "make hay why the sun shine", knowing that time does not wait for anyone; doing what is meant to be done at the appropriate time is very important.
In my ideology, Dreams will always come through with strong determination, more effort and time.
In real life, we have seen, heard stories of dreams that never come through due to several factors, such as: Marital Choice, Wrong Decision Making, Procrastination, Delay and Unbelief.
Bases on my observation, Most successful people especially in the entertainment industry, became famous and success before getting married. Most of the married ones find it very difficult to break out to success in their carrier.

Is it really true that any dream one cannot achieve before marriage can no longer be obtained after marriage? Often time, we’ve seen great potentials died just because the person got married. A lot of people abandoned their carrier/vision/dreams immediately they got married to face marriage, child’s bearing and all the challenges that comes with family building.
In a word of hardship, economic breakdown, where everyone is trying to avoid poverty, would you advice a young man/lady to achieve his/her dream/carrier first before going into marriage?

Please your opinion is needed.

Here is my take.

The answer to this question depends on age/gender/belief.

Age : In a country where 25yr olds are still writing JAMB/UTME, you will agree with me that upon graduation their priorities would differ from someone who finished NYSC at 21. Employers would be keen to employ the latter. And the latter has many more productive years in business or career.

Gender: For a female unfortunately Nature does not favor them as the longer they push their childbearing age back the more difficult it is. Feminism and education are working hard to make women think a career is more important than family. Many of whom have taken this path of career over family often regret it. So, for example, most of the successful females in corporate Nigeria I Know, started their family early, the earlier they finished having children the better it is for them to now go all out in business or career. i,e look at would you rather be Omotola Kehinde or Toke makinwa.

For men, it's a different ball game. The curse of the man is to work hard to eat and provide for his family. The pressure of succeded is more on the man and he may take longer to find his feet because he needs to provide for his family.

The weight and responsibilities of being married can surely shift your proirties. Haven said that The bible says 1 shall chase 1000, 2 shall chase 10,000. This could very much mean that as a team there are things you will achieve easily than being alone.

Nothing is impossible in this life. However if you say it is not you are right, if you say it is possible you are also right. It is up to you.

Smile4mee01:


Here is my take.

The answer to this question depends on age/gender/belief.

Age : In a country where 25yr olds are still writing JAMB/UTME, you will agree with me that upon graduation their priorities would differ from someone who finished NYSC at 21. Employers would be keen to employ the latter. And the latter has many more productive years in business or career.

Gender: For a female unfortunately Nature does not favor them as the longer they push their childbearing age back the more difficult it is. Feminism and education are working hard to make women think a career is more important than family. Many of whom have taken this path of career over family often regret it. So, for example, most of the successful females in corporate Nigeria I Know, started their family early, the earlier they finished having children the better it is for them to now go all out in business or career. i,e look at would you rather be Omotola Kehinde or Toke makinwa.

For men, it's a different ball game. The curse of the man is to work hard to eat and provide for his family. The pressure of succeded is more on the man and he may take longer to find his feet because he needs to provide for his family.

The weight and responsibilities of being married can surely shift your proirties. Haven said that The bible says 1 shall chase 1000, 2 shall chase 10,000. This could very much mean that as a team there are things you will achieve easily than being alone.

Nothing is impossible in this life. However if you say it is not you are right, if you say it is possible you are also right. It is up to you.

So Informative and well detailed. Thanks for sharing

pozehnani:
Better to achieve some or all of your dreams before marriage if there is enough time but then again I don't not agree that you can't achieve your aspirations after marriage except if you're a lazy type or not determined. Of course it won't be as easy as when you are single because there will be constraints from marriage and family life but it still very much achievable.

The most important thing is to put God in the picture, as he's the only one who makes dreams and visions come through at the appointed time; before or after marriage.

''if there's a enough time''
Otherwise, one should go ahead with marriage. Right?

Darlingme:
''if there's a enough time''
Otherwise, one should go ahead with marriage. Right?

Yes go ahead with marriage and then plan seriously. As in, plan with your spouse when you want to start having kids ( because they are the major setback most times) and how many you intend having so you know where and when to pick up where you left off in pursuit of your career/dreams before marriage.

Understood.?

Better achieve whatever you want to achieve before marriage because marriage might limit you in certain areas.

Darlingme:
Over time, we've heard people said "make hay why the sun shine", knowing that time does not wait for anyone; doing what is meant to be done at the appropriate time is very important.
In my ideology, Dreams will always come through with strong determination, more effort and time.
In real life, we have seen, heard stories of dreams that never come through due to several factors, such as: Marital Choice, Wrong Decision Making, Procrastination, Delay and Unbelief.
Bases on my observation, Most successful people especially in the entertainment industry, became famous and success before getting married. Most of the married ones find it very difficult to break out to success in their carrier.

Is it really true that any dream one cannot achieve before marriage can no longer be obtained after marriage? Often time, we’ve seen great potentials died just because the person got married. A lot of people abandoned their carrier/vision/dreams immediately they got married to face marriage, child’s bearing and all the challenges that comes with family building.
In a word of hardship, economic breakdown, where everyone is trying to avoid poverty, would you advice a young man/lady to achieve his/her dream/carrier first before going into marriage?

Please your opinion is needed.

@bold:

A lot of people I know became successful (which is not overnight) after marriage.

Even the notable people we see as 'role models' today.

So already, with differing experiences, we cannot reach the same conclusions.

And from my experience, success is not A to B, it is a lifetime journey.

Joe Bidden has successfully added 'being a President' to his achievement in his 70s.

If you are discussing not finding someone at a certain age, it is one thing.

But to tell me you are 'waiting' to be 'successful' before you marry sounds strange to me based on my concepts of marriage and success.

bukatyne:


@bold:

A lot of people I know became successful (which is not overnight) after marriage.

Even the notable people we see as 'role models' today.

So already, with differing experiences, we cannot reach the same conclusions.

And from my experience, success is not A to B, it is a lifetime journey.

Joe Bidden has successfully added 'being a President' to his achievement in his 70s.

If you are discussing not finding someone at a certain age, it is one thing.

But to tell me you are 'waiting' to be 'successful' before you marry sounds strange to be based on my concepts of marriage and success.

Mama de mama is an embodiment of wisdom.

Darlingme:
This is deep. You mean nature also determine one's life partner?
And what do you mean by ''Stubbornly'' do you mean those that fought for their love and ended up being together and their dreams couldn't work out because of life's unforseen challenges?

Yes in Nigeria it is 100% possible
That's why you must follow the Golden rule
In Nigeria,Face your future and huzzle to get cash before carry love for head or else you and your wife will turn into Iran and Iraq in the house


I am still sitting on the fence

Do what works for you.

Darlingme:

The @bolded though. very funny

what of in a case where the guy/lady is getting too old, yet dreams and vision have not been achieved?

Let me correct something first, there's nothing like too old for doing anything in life including getting married, but many people fail to understand this. I understand that most times things might not seem to work out the way we planned it and that is exactly why it's necessary to have as many plan as possible, it's very good to dream/plan big but also make sure you plan on what will be easy to achieve. In so doing, before you know it, you're already at a place you like even though might not be where you really want but going higher will be feasible which can be easy to acheive even in marriage. So to answer your question simply, i'll say instead of emphasizing on achieving your dream before getting married, just make sure you have plans and that will help you in acheiving your dreams even in marriage.

okoIYAyin:

[b]Let me correct something first, there's nothing like too old for doing anything in life inclu[/b]ding getting married, but many people fail to understand this. I understand that most times things might not seem to work out the way we planned it and that is exactly why it's necessary to have as many plan as possible, it's very good to dream/plan big but also make sure you plan on what will be easy to achieve. In so doing, before you know it, you're already at a place you like even though might not be where you really want but going higher will be feasible which can be easy to acheive even in marriage. So to answer your question simply, i'll say instead of emphasizing on achieving your dream before getting married, just make sure you have plans and that will help you in acheiving your dreams even in marriage.

@Bolded, for women, there is. Too old for child's bearing

Darlingme:
@Bolded, for women, there is. Too old for child's bearing

You can always give birth anytime if you feel there's a need for it and you think menopause is hitting soon, lot of men out there looking for just baby mama and ready to be baby daddy also. Childbearing shouldn't be the reason for rushing into marriage, women need to know this.

I love your legs BTW, winks!

RightToReject:


Mama de mama is an embodiment of wisdom.

Thanks

It was on NL I heard people waiting to become successful before getting married.

@OP I’m going to assume that “dreams” in your post means the basic Nigerian understanding of completing your education and settling into a somewhat profitable career. In that case, yes it is advisable to complete that before marriage (all things being equal). The truth is that once married and you start reproducing, it gets more difficult to balance everything. That’s the real unblemished truth.

Sometimes, some things have to wait and in some cases, it might be that dream of the specific career or whatever it is you want to do with your life. Unfortunately, women are often on the receiving end of this stall/delay. People don’t often expect men to sacrifice their dreams to build the family. Which is another reason why you as a woman would benefit more from planning and discussing the life you want before you commit to any man.

Would I rather be pursuing a dream degree as a single 20 year old whose major task in life at that point is to make sure I pass my classes? Or would I rather be doing it as a 30 year old with a spouse and 3 toddlers/school age children who I have to factor into every single plan I make? As someone who’s been on each side of this, I can tell you doing it before marriage is easier.

Will marriage stop you from achieving it? Maybe or maybe not. Depends on who you marry + other factors.
More than likely, marriage will throw a wrench that can cause delays to those dreams of yours. On the other hand, marriage can also open doors of opportunities for you to achieve even more than you initially planned to. Again depends on who you marry.

What matters is that you enjoy the journey whichever route it takes you

If you have the choice and have nothing to lose, do it before marriage.

In life there is no golden rule for breakthrough . What works for A might not work for B. That said I understand the Op's logic, a stitch in time saves nine

First know your path, begin your path, find one whose goal is similar to yours, work together as partners. Are you compatible? If yes, go ahead an marry her. If no, remain single. Two persons on same goal achieve it faster and better than working alone.


Relationship is no longer about two individuals who want to get married and raise kids.because they have come of age or teaming up to meet our basic need of food, shelter, sex etc Relationship is about one person who is on a mission and discovers another person who is on a similar mission and they team up to embark on facing the challenges together .Relationship is a journey not a destination.Your partner inspire you to become a better version of your self. Not all relationship should lead into marriage. A relationship Should make you better version of yourself while pursuing the mission. The mission is the focus of the relationship and not the partner. You do not complete your partner or look for a partner to complete you. No, you focus on something outside yourselves .


The mission could be to render legal services to those who cannot provide one or to design a more efficient way of generating electricity or reform the lives of ex convicts or to impact values and principles to preteens or to spread the Marxist philosophy to the world or to build a mediation center for conflict resolution or to speak for the freedom of the oppressed.You grow with your partner. When the mission is a long term mission of over twenty years , They may decide to get married. Marriage should never be the mission for any relationship. Marriage may be introduced for long term journey .

https://tobechispeaks./2020/11/16/relate-dont-marry/

okoIYAyin:


You can always give birth anytime if you feel there's a need for it and you think menopause is hitting soon, lot of men out there looking for just baby mama and ready to be baby daddy also. Childbearing shouldn't be the reason for rushing into marriage, women need to know this.

I love your legs BTW, winks!

@bolded is funny. You mean anytime? Don't you think every child need his father and mother for healthy up bringing?
Enough of all these baby mama/daddy drama jor.

cococandy:
@OP I’m going to assume that “dreams” in your post means the basic Nigerian understanding of completing your education and settling into a somewhat profitable career. In that case, yes it is advisable to complete that before marriage (all things being equal). The truth is that once married and you start reproducing, it gets more difficult to balance everything. That’s the real unblemished truth.

Sometimes, some things have to wait and in some cases, it might be that dream of the specific career or whatever it is you want to do with your life. Unfortunately, women are often on the receiving end of this stall/delay. People don’t often expect men to sacrifice their dreams to build the family. Which is another reason why you as a woman would benefit more from planning and discussing the life you want before you commit to any man.

Would I rather be pursuing a dream degree as a single 20 year old whose major task in life at that point is to make sure I pass my classes? Or would I rather be doing it as a 30 year old with a spouse and 3 toddlers/school age children who I have to factor into every single plan I make? As someone who’s been on each side of this, I can tell you doing it before marriage is easier.

Will marriage stop you from achieving it? Maybe or maybe not. Depends on who you marry + other factors.
More than likely, marriage will throw a wrench that can cause delays to those dreams of yours. On the other hand, marriage can also open doors of opportunities for you to achieve even more than you initially planned to. Again depends on who you marry.

What matters is that you enjoy the journey whichever route it takes you

If you have the choice and have nothing to lose, do it before marriage.

Exactly. Women are at the receiving end of it. Is like once a woman is married, all her drives dies or slow down.

cococandy:
@OP I’m going to assume that “dreams” in your post means the basic Nigerian understanding of completing your education and settling into a somewhat profitable career. In that case, yes it is advisable to complete that before marriage (all things being equal). The truth is that once married and you start reproducing, it gets more difficult to balance everything. That’s the real unblemished truth.

Sometimes, some things have to wait and in some cases, it might be that dream of the specific career or whatever it is you want to do with your life. Unfortunately, women are often on the receiving end of this stall/delay. People don’t often expect men to sacrifice their dreams to build the family. Which is another reason why you as a woman would benefit more from planning and discussing the life you want before you commit to any man.

Would I rather be pursuing a dream degree as a single 20 year old whose major task in life at that point is to make sure I pass my classes? Or would I rather be doing it as a 30 year old with a spouse and 3 toddlers/school age children who I have to factor into every single plan I make? As someone who’s been on each side of this, I can tell you doing it before marriage is easier.

Will marriage stop you from achieving it? Maybe or maybe not. Depends on who you marry + other factors.
More than likely, marriage will throw a wrench that can cause delays to those dreams of yours. On the other hand, marriage can also open doors of opportunities for you to achieve even more than you initially planned to. Again depends on who you marry.

What matters is that you enjoy the journey whichever route it takes you

If you have the choice and have nothing to lose, do it before marriage.

thanks for this, I am actually in the middle of this situation right now. Pls don't bother about the sex, this is nairaland I have decided to keep marriage aside, if after getting what I want, marriage eludes me, then I will just stay single. But being poor is not an option

Smile4mee01:


Here is my take.

The answer to this question depends on age/gender/belief.

Age : In a country where 25yr olds are still writing JAMB/UTME, you will agree with me that upon graduation their priorities would differ from someone who finished NYSC at 21. Employers would be keen to employ the latter. And the latter has many more productive years in business or career.

Gender: For a female unfortunately Nature does not favor them as the longer they push their childbearing age back the more difficult it is. Feminism and education are working hard to make women think a career is more important than family. Many of whom have taken this path of career over family often regret it. So, for example, most of the successful females in corporate Nigeria I Know, started their family early, the earlier they finished having children the better it is for them to now go all out in business or career. i,e look at would you rather be Omotola Kehinde or Toke makinwa.

For men, it's a different ball game. The curse of the man is to work hard to eat and provide for his family. The pressure of succeded is more on the man and he may take longer to find his feet because he needs to provide for his family.

The weight and responsibilities of being married can surely shift your proirties. Haven said that The bible says 1 shall chase 1000, 2 shall chase 10,000. This could very much mean that as a team there are things you will achieve easily than being alone.

Nothing is impossible in this life. However if you say it is not you are right, if you say it is possible you are also right. It is up to you.

I love this

Ryan03:
thanks for this, I am actually in the middle of this situation right now. Pls don't bother about the sex, this is nairaland I have decided to keep marriage aside, if after getting what I want, marriage eludes me, then I will just stay single. But being poor is not an option

It’s unlikely that marriage will elude your for chasing your goals. It just may not happen at other people’s “ideal time”, but it will most likely happen eventually if that’s what you really want and you’ll be happy either way.

You know we are in the habit of counting other people’s age, their marital status, their reproductive state, even the gender of their children matters to us.

As long as you’re personally happy with the situation of your life, even when the watchers try to dampen it with their opinion of what would have been better for you, it won’t mean anything.

Good luck

cococandy:
@OP I’m going to assume that “dreams” in your post means the basic Nigerian understanding of completing your education and settling into a somewhat profitable career. In that case, yes it is advisable to complete that before marriage (all things being equal). The truth is that once married and you start reproducing, it gets more difficult to balance everything. That’s the real unblemished truth.

Sometimes, some things have to wait and in some cases, it might be that dream of the specific career or whatever it is you want to do with your life. Unfortunately, women are often on the receiving end of this stall/delay. People don’t often expect men to sacrifice their dreams to build the family. Which is another reason why you as a woman would benefit more from planning and discussing the life you want before you commit to any man.

Would I rather be pursuing a dream degree as a single 20 year old whose major task in life at that point is to make sure I pass my classes? Or would I rather be doing it as a 30 year old with a spouse and 3 toddlers/school age children who I have to factor into every single plan I make? As someone who’s been on each side of this, I can tell you doing it before marriage is easier.

Will marriage stop you from achieving it? Maybe or maybe not. Depends on who you marry + other factors.
More than likely, marriage will throw a wrench that can cause delays to those dreams of yours. On the other hand, marriage can also open doors of opportunities for you to achieve even more than you initially planned to. Again depends on who you marry.

What matters is that you enjoy the journey whichever route it takes you

If you have the choice and have nothing to lose, do it before marriage.

You should do more of expressing yourself and pushing out your own words than doing backup for someone. if i was a lecturer i will score ur comment 70% far away from distincton/excellent.

Ryan03:
thanks for this, I am actually in the middle of this situation right now. Pls don't bother about the sex, this is nairaland I have decided to keep marriage aside, if after getting what I want, marriage eludes me, then I will just stay single. But being poor is not an option

seems you already made up your mind on what to do, don't know why some of you open threads anyways. buh bear in mind as a female their is no achievement you can have that superceeds a family cos that is ur primary purpose every other thing naa jaraa. i was surprise to know a woman like okonjo iweala had more than 3 kids

[b][/b]

Darlingme:
Exactly. Women are at the receiving end of it. Is like once a woman is married, all her drives dies or slow down.

Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde
Chiamanda
Beyoncé
Ibukun Awosika
Ngozi Okonjo Iweala
Dora Akunyili
Folorunsho Alakija
Sola Borah
Toyin Founder of August Secrets
Tara Durotoye
Etc.

You get the idea?

It is your choice to kill your drive or dreams when you marry.

Your choice.

Please don't speak for married women doing things on a daily basis.

Is it a bed of roses?

No.

But so is life.

This marriage stops women's dreams gets tiring.

If marriage would stop your dreams, don't marry.

90% of females in management positions around me are married.

Infact, singlehood is the exception.

They are married, have kids, get all the help they can and keep succeeding.

They don't whine on NL like they are trying to fit the Sun into the earth.

jornwhite:




seems you already made up your mind on what to do, don't know why some of you open threads anyways. buh bear in mind as a female their is no achievement you can have that superceeds a family cos that is ur primary purpose every other thing naa jaraa. i was surprise to know a woman like okonjo iweala had more than 3 kids

it's like they are doing you o. Where and when exactly did I open thread or you don't know the difference between a post and a thread? A woman's no1 achievement is not marriage, if it is to you, pls keep the advise for your sisters and daughters (if you have any), don't come here to tell me what my no1 achievement should be or should not be

Ryan03:
it's like they are doing you o. Where and when exactly did I open thread or you don't know the difference between a post and a thread? A woman's no1 achievement is not marriage, if it is to you, pls keep the advise for your sisters and daughters (if you have any), don't come here to tell me what my no1 achievement should be or should not be

You are definitely not ok ! confirmed , why will i waste my time advising a nonentity that does not know it takes a thread to make a post.
Open your blocked head n listening, don't waste people's time next time when you've already made up your mind. if you marry how does it benefit me, you dey work sef ur lineage never benefit