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Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? - Family - Nairaland

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Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 10:47am On Nov 18
Long post. Please bear with me.

This trait seems to be common among some Nairaland men (with apologies to all the men here though) cos I never really experienced such attitude with men ive met offline. So don't know whether they have a nairaland men's association (not the red pillars or mgtow kinda thing though) where they agree to behave likesome. The way they reason sometimes just baffles me.

Ok. So, I met someone here as a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. Along the line, he wanted more than just friendship but I just kept dodging because I don't want any issues as he's a good friend (a born again) and I like our friendly chats and all that. So didn't want anything serious that could jeopardize that but he kept pressing on and stressing until I naturally began to feel relaxed (against my wish) you know how that constant checking on someone tends to make one want to compromise their Stance. So I sort of got trapped.

Now here's the issue. He would always want to know about my biz and job. If I went or not. So I decided to test him. He would always call and ask if I've eaten. So that day, I said no (was fasting) but didn't want to divulge it to him that I was fasting. He called later in the day and asked again, I said I've not eaten, he dropped. I now felt he prolly thought I wanted him to feed me huh??.. I observed he reduced his calls. Third day he called and asked again, I said no. And he said "na wa o" I was like why, he said I'm sorry I can't help. Huh?? I don't remember asking him so I decided to play along. He called in the evening, I still said I've not eaten ( cos I had not broken my fast then) and he said I'm sorry ( I was just laughing within). I asked him, for what? he said because he couldn't help. And since then he stopped calling only to chat after a week to ask if the biz I was pursuing was through. I ignored him and for two months no contact.

Just last night he chatted me up again asking if I've resumed work and I said yes. he then asked if he's free to call me bla bla. And since last night hes been trying to keep up chats but I'm kinda cold towards him and he asked why I'm so cold. Acting like nothing happened.

Now, this is what I feel. so if someone is truly dying of hunger (God forbid) you'll abandon the fellow? or that they can't date someone who's biz is shaky or has not resumed work due to a global crises that affected everyone? I'm not saying anybody should carry someone else's burden ( there was really no burden anywhere as God has been faithful.) but I don't understand what actually played out there and why he's all of a sudden interested again after learning I've resumed work. I don't just understand because I don't want to be rude. Was that a right thing?

I'm really confused here because.. I mean.. I never asked you to help me with anything but being there would have been enough. Calling and chatting would have helped me scale through the bordom I felt that period of compulsory break from work and biz but he went into Oblivion even when I never placed any demands on him.

I bow to men and the way they reason o.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Bola146(f): 10:56am On Nov 18
grin grin grin I have met a lot of guys in Angel's image and I have met some useless, insane, kids, lazy guys here on nairaland, so I'm not surprised. I think he is looking forward to know much about you financially and materially. Just don't expose all your life to him, he is a pretender looking for sugar mummy ( they are many here especially those kids grin grin ) he knew you couldn't be hungry grin , just play along with him.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 11:17am On Nov 18
Bola146:
grin grin grin I have met a lot of guys in Angel's image and I have met some useless, insane, kids, lazy guys here on nairaland, so I'm not surprised. I think he is looking forward to know much about you financially and materially. Just don't expose all your life to him, he is a pretender looking for sugar mummy ( they are many here especially those kids grin grin ) he knew you couldn't be hungry grin , just play along with him.

My dear. @bolded is my thoughts because he resumed the question this morning again.

Sugar what?.. this person I'm telling you is a MAN as in very mature guy and from all indications he's not a play boy. But why he pulled that stunt at the last minute was what got me upset and worried.

I'm thinking whether to download all he did to him and how I see it or just block him.

I don't want to appear wicked or rude but my interest is no longer there.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Ishilove(f): 11:18am On Nov 18
So if you were truly in need of help that is how he would have abandoned you. Please block him. We don't need useless people in our lives

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Chiquitq(f): 11:18am On Nov 18
He is not an all weather friend but kindly note that telling someone that you've not eaten more than once also sends wrong signals. Except it is obvious that you are too busy to eat. Forget about this guy, he doesn't mean well at all. If you really lost your job and you were good friends, he might have offered a token to cushion the effect but then again, some girls would turn such nice gesture into an opportunity to take a man for granted and milk him. Just forget about this guy.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Ishilove(f): 11:21am On Nov 18
CalliDora1:


My dear. @bolded is my thoughts because he resumed the question this morning again.

Sugar what?.. this person I'm telling you is a MAN as in very mature guy and from all indications he's not a play boy. But why he pulled that stunt at the last minute was what got me upset and worried.

I'm thinking whether to download all he did to him and how I see it or just block him.

I don't want to appear wicked or rude but my interest is no longer there.
BLOCK HIM with Dangote cement and kota. Why does he want to reignite the useless friendship? He is not someone who you can rely on because the least he would have done was ask you WHY you were not eating, not just run off into the sunset like a cockroach hiding from sunlight.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Bola146(f): 11:22am On Nov 18
CalliDora1:


My dear. @bolded is my thoughts because he resumed the question this morning again.

Sugar what?.. this person I'm telling you is a MAN as in very mature guy and from all indications he's not a play boy. But why he pulled that stunt at the last minute was what got me upset and worried.

I'm thinking whether to download all he did to him and how I see it or just block him.

I don't want to appear wicked or rude but my interest is no longer there.

You know the answers already. I just pray he is not married cheesy

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 11:28am On Nov 18
Ishilove:

BLOCK HIM with Dangote cement and kota. Why does he want to reignite the useless friendship? He is not someone who you can rely on because the least he would have done was ask you WHY you were not eating, not just run off into the sunset like a cockroach hiding from sunlight.


Lol.. Ishi Ishi... Your comments always cracks me up.

I think he asked why on one of those days but I told him nothing and he said don't you have food? I told him I'll be fine. I think that was when he first said "im sorry" and didn't call for four days.

Let me go and buy dangote cement for the blocking. Hahahahaaaa Ishi will not kill me o.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 11:32am On Nov 18
Ishilove:
So if you were truly in need of help that is how he would have abandoned you. Please block him. We don't need useless people in our lives

My dear, my dear hm.

Now imagine if I marry such a man, when there's little challenge in biz, he'll blank me? These thoughts have been rioting in my heart since our last contact.

Yeah sure we don't need such in our lives.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 11:39am On Nov 18
Chiquitq:
He is not an all weather friend but kindly note that telling someone that you've not eaten more than once also sends wrong signals. Except it is obvious that you are too busy to eat. Forget about this guy, he doesn't mean well at all. If you really lost your job and you were good friends, he might have offered a token to cushion the effect but then again, some girls would turn such nice gesture into an opportunity to take a man for granted and milk him. Just forget about this guy.


The funny thing is I never asked him for anything all through the period we were "together" because he already made me understand he was a civil servant. So, it doesn't cross my mind to ask cos I do feel for him. evethough their salary was constant that period and mine was halted cos it's a private sector, It never crossed my mind to ask. Even when he promised to send me airtime, I didn't remind him and quickly subscribed just to keep up with our chats. So... I don't get it. Some men though.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Ishilove(f): 11:39am On Nov 18
CalliDora1:



Lol.. Ishi Ishi... Your comments always cracks me up.

I think he asked why on one of those days but I told him nothing and he said don't you have food? I told him I'll be fine. I think that was when he first said "im sorry" and didn't call for four days.

Let me go and buy dangote cement for the blocking. Hahahahaaaa Ishi will not kill me o.
So because you said "nothing" he ran off? He is no good for you. He is a fair weather friend. He is not a friend indeed. He is just there to occupy space and disturb your life with useless chats.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 11:42am On Nov 18
Bola146:


You know the answers already. I just pray he is not married cheesy

Hmm... I can't be bothered any more. grin. I have moved on.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 11:44am On Nov 18
Ishilove:

So because you said "nothing" he ran off? He is no good for you. He is a fair weather friend. He is not a friend indeed. He is just there to occupy space and disturb your life with useless chats.


Hmm... You've said it all. This here describes him intoto.grin

Thanks Ishi.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Ishilove(f): 11:57am On Nov 18
CalliDora1:



Hmm... You've said it all. This here describes him intoto.grin

Thanks Ishi.
You're welcome grin

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by ABOVEDELAW: 12:05pm On Nov 18
YOU SHOULD NOT BE SO PRESUMPTIOUS UNTIL YOU ASK HIM FOR EXPLANATIONS, EVERYBODY HAS HIS\HER WAY OWN OF LIFE.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 12:26pm On Nov 18
ABOVEDELAW:
YOU SHOULD NOT BE SO PRESUMPTIOUS UNTIL YOU ASK HIM FOR EXPLANATIONS, EVERYBODY HAS HIS\HER WAY OWN OF LIFE.

This is not a matter of being presumtious. it is very glaring he's a fair wheather friend and I think I'm done.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Froshloaded(m): 12:34pm On Nov 18
this is funny angry

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by pocohantas(f): 12:40pm On Nov 18
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for urgent 2k?

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Ishilove(f): 12:41pm On Nov 18
CalliDora1:


This is not a matter of being presumtious. it is very glaring he's a fair wheather friend and I think I'm done.
My sister you still dey reason the matter? Just reading about him sef is doing me one kain in my body.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Ishilove(f): 12:43pm On Nov 18
pocohantas:
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for urgent 2k?

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...

He should have waited until she asked for the urgent 2k before running off, and not before. I don't see the blame here on her part

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by pocohantas(f): 12:47pm On Nov 18
Ishilove:

He should have waited until she asked for the urgent 2k before running off, and not before. I don't see the blame here on her part

Telling someone you haven’t eaten for 3 good days without giving any reason is enough to put the person off. I am a lady and I tell you, I would be put off!

Guys pull these tests sometimes and it annoys me. Don’t test me, I will fail. grin

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 12:54pm On Nov 18
pocohantas:
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for [i]urgent 2k?[/i]

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...


@bolded. Really??... Lol...
Look, my kind of person, if I want to ask for something, I won't beat about. Ill go straight and ask because I believe we are friends and can share things. So no biggies. But I didn't want to ask partly because I've not fully made up mind about him and secondly, he's a nairalander ( though a very discreet one) and you know that "kiss and tell" character about them. So that notion has been formed about them generally and that was another reason I dont bother to demand. I really don't see anyway I'm to be blamed for his actions because I never accosted him about it before he decided to deaden all forms of communication.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 12:58pm On Nov 18
Froshloaded:
CalliDora1 this is funny angry

Delete this now otherwise I'll give you e-punch.

Frosh, now!!!

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by pocohantas(f): 12:59pm On Nov 18
CalliDora1:


@bolded. Really??... Lol...
Look, my kind of person, if I want to ask for something, I won't beat about. Ill go straight and ask because I believe we are friends and can share things. So no biggies. But I didn't want to ask partly because I've not fully made up mind about him and secondly, he's a nairalander ( though a very discreet one) and you know that "kiss and tell" character about them. So that notion has been formed about them generally and that was another reason I dont bother to demand. I really don't see anyway I'm to be blame for his actions because I never accosted him about it before he decided to deaden all forms of communication.

It is not about your kind of person, it is stereotyping. I am sure you are guilty of a few- I have spotted one sef. That is the same way he formed his own notion. You kept saying you haven’t eaten and it triggered his alarm...

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by Bodyodour: 1:03pm On Nov 18
CalliDora1:
Long post. Please bear with me.

This trait seems to be common among some Nairaland men (with apologies to all the men here though) cos I never really experienced such attitude with men ive met offline. So don't know whether they have a nairaland men's association (not the red pillars or mgtow kinda thing though) where they agree to behave likesome. The way they reason sometimes just baffles me.

Ok. So, I met someone here as a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. Along the line, he wanted more than just friendship but I just kept dodging because I don't want any issues as he's a good friend (a born again) and I like our friendly chats and all that. So didn't want anything serious that could jeopardize that but he kept pressing on and stressing until I naturally began to feel relaxed (against my wish) you know how that constant checking on someone tends to make one want to compromise their Stance. So I sort of got trapped.

Now here's the issue. He would always want to know about my biz and job. If I went or not. So I decided to test him. He would always call and ask if I've eaten. So that day, I said no (was fasting) but didn't want to divulge it to him that I was fasting. He called later in the day and asked again, I said I've not eaten, he dropped. I now felt he prolly thought I wanted him to feed me huh??.. I observed he reduced his calls. Third day he called and asked again, I said no. And he said "na wa o" I was like why, he said I'm sorry I can't help. Huh?? I don't remember asking him so I decided to play along. He called in the evening, I still said I've not eaten ( cos I had not broken my fast then) and he said I'm sorry ( I was just laughing within). I asked him, for what? he said because he couldn't help. And since then he stopped calling only to chat after a week to ask if the biz I was pursuing was through. I ignored him and for two months no contact.

Just last night he chatted me up again asking if I've resumed work and I said yes. he then asked if he's free to call me bla bla. And since last night hes been trying to keep up chats but I'm kinda cold towards him and he asked why I'm so cold. Acting like nothing happened.

Now, this is what I feel. so if someone is truly dying of hunger (God forbid) you'll abandon the fellow? or that they can't date someone who's biz is shaky or has not resumed work due to a global crises that affected everyone? I'm not saying anybody should carry someone else's burden ( there was really no burden anywhere as God has been faithful.) but I don't understand what actually played out there and why he's all of a sudden interested again after learning I've resumed work. I don't just understand because I don't want to be rude. Was that a right thing?

I'm really confused here because.. I mean.. I never asked you to help me with anything but being there would have been enough. Calling and chatting would have helped me scale through the bordom I felt that period of compulsory break from work and biz but he went into Oblivion even when I never placed any demands on him.

I bow to men and the way they reason o.

he asked you for 3 days whether you have eaten and you said NO. Any Nigerian guy will cut-off any connection because its now an indirect way of collecting money. Check it nah. Ask most Nigerian girls how she is doing she will tell you she is not fine.Ask her why she will tell you money is her problem angry .

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 1:03pm On Nov 18
Ishilove:

My sister you still dey reason the matter? Just reading about him sef is doing me one kain in my body.

Lol.. you see my life? I'm not reasoning anything o. Just looking for a diplomatic way to ghost him because I know he'll want to come with bro stunts. He might want to come and start using sharing of Bible tactics for me and if I ignore, e go be like say person don chop winchgrin. So want be very diplomatic and polite as possible.

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by YourCoffin: 1:03pm On Nov 18
Madam was watering ground for the normal urgent 2k. Guy man saw through it and jakpa.

Kpele dear. As you dey avoid men's burden na so wise guys dey dey begin avoid women's burden

Abi you thnk all the advice they get here no dey enter their head

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 1:09pm On Nov 18
pocohantas:


It is not about your kind of person, it is stereotyping. I am sure you are guilty of a few- I have spotted one sef. That is the same way he formed his own notion. You kept saying you haven’t eaten and it triggered his alarm...


Poco bia, I'm not guilty of anything you spotted up there. I already explained I don't like letting people know when I'm fasting that was why I kept it that way and expected him to stop asking the first time I didn't give tangible reasons and didn't request from him either.

Ok, why did he keep asking without offering anything? That alone in itself is annoying but I didn't count it. Yet he kept asking, which was why I decided to play him.

I don't know the angle you're viewing this from but let me tell you, it's not what you think.

Gracias.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by CalliDora1(f): 1:12pm On Nov 18
Ishilove:

He should have waited until she asked for the urgent 2k before running off, and not before. I don't see the blame here on her part

I taya o. I don't understand how she's seeing this whole thing. Anyways, people view things differently. So...

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by pocohantas(f): 1:14pm On Nov 18
CalliDora1:


Poco bia, I'm not guilty of anything you spotted up there. I already explained I don't like letting people know when I'm fasting that was why I kept it that way and expected him to stop asking the first time I didn't give tangible reasons and didn't request from him either.

Ok, why did he keep asking without offering anything? That alone in itself is annoying but I didn't count it. Yet he kept asking, which was why I decided to play him.

I don't know the angle you're viewing this from but let me tell you, it's not what you think.

Gracias.

People ask that question out of concern, not because they want to open a fast food kitchen for you. Just good ol concern. If you don’t like it, open your mouth and tell him to stop asking you.

We are here to talk about what he thinks, which prompted his actions- not what I think.

Once again, I never said you are guilty. I said you are a victim of stereotyping. You are quite presumptuous...

Gracias

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by punisha: 1:15pm On Nov 18
This is a gathering of pocohantas and ishilove and co...
Let me waka pass...
Una well-done o!

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Re: Why Did He Do This? I Need To Understand Why Some Act This Way. Is It Right? by R0kstarr8(m): 1:18pm On Nov 18
This aunty no well o.. why would u test a guy that way if I'm the one I would even block u why would you say u haven't eaten for days and no reason for it, u wanna bill him.. if he send u money now u will collect abi.. you just pained that Ur format didn't work, Ole!, girls this days are not to be trusted I like that guy way.. u can quote me if u felt otherwise

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