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Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Man Celebrates Big After Divorce (Photo) / So I Am Getting A Divorce... How Do I Adjust? / Unemployed Man Wins $273m Lotto Months After Divorce In US, Ex-Wife Reacts (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Kalatium(m): 7:49am On Nov 27, 2020
mariahAngel:

This comment is not fair.
Fair or not there is alot of truth to it

2 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Iwantpeace: 2:15pm On Nov 27, 2020
Saccharine:
NL is the most toxic place to seek for advise if you're a woman so take everything written here with a pinch of salt cheesy

Prepare to be blamed, await the righteous crew, the ashawo crew, the women are evil crew, the 'I'm afraid to marry crew,all women are liars crew, the prayer crew and the fight for your home crew wink grin grin
I tell u most solemnly..it's so sad

4 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Twenty8: 2:52pm On Nov 27, 2020
FanOfMyself:

You are letting your emotions get the better of you. He didn't just leave her just like that. The bolded shows that you are not a logical thinking human being. Nonsense!
She's so emotionally illogical.

3 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by BadBitch(f): 3:28pm On Nov 27, 2020
Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

I read what you posted about what led to the divorce. My very close friend recently experienced the same thing. Hers ended after 5 months of marriage. Her ex was physically and emotionally abusive, she didn't even want to leave until the man asked for a break and eventually called it quits. I was happy for her. A failed marriage is better than lifelong suffering and depression. Recovery is also not easy. I would be honest, nine years is a lot of time and memories. A man who would neglect his child and blood because he has fallen out with the child's mother, is worse than a beast.

Find a friend/friends, that can always talk to you, listen to your rants, and encourage when you start to remember the past. You need a support system right now. Engage in activities that make you happy, eat out, visit new places, make new friends, start a side hustle, find a community to support you most importantly.
Recovery won't happen overnight, it's going to take time, live every day as it comes. There's light at the end of this tunnel, Beloved.

13 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Saintmary(f): 7:14pm On Nov 27, 2020
Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.
If a person does not want you, simply subtract yourself from their equation.
Take pleasure in the good things like your son.
Make yourself happy.

5 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Gloriagee(f): 7:32pm On Nov 27, 2020
What an interesting 'international man'. Abeg make we hear word.

internationalman:
You just miss his financial assistance not him per se

You don't miss his dïck because there are many willing dïck if you are pen for it. But only few are ready to give you money

1. You will miss him less or won't miss him at all if there's a man giving you enough money even without sex

2. You will miss him more if there's a man giving you enough sex but without money like your ex
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Gloriagee(f): 7:34pm On Nov 27, 2020
@ op - you don't have to sign the divorce papers if you are not ready to. Priotise your mental and emotional health. Seek out joy in the littlest of things.
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Dufil(m): 5:01am On Nov 28, 2020
Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.
If you want a different feeling, try a different thing. But be warned about guys or married men, who may use this against you in future. Discreetly have fun and avoid stories about your husband. The way to a woman's heart is her ears. Shut down your ears about things that make you crave for him. Open your ears to something new and you will get over it in the shortest time. I'm based in Ibadan.

2 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by crackhaus: 8:53am On Nov 28, 2020
Dufil:

If you want a different feeling, try a different thing. But be warned about guys or married men, who may use this against you in future. Discreetly have fun and avoid stories about your husband. The way to a woman's heart is her ears. Shut down your ears about things that make you crave for him. Open your ears to something new and you will get over it in the shortest time. I'm based in Ibadan.
gringrin

14 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Dufil(m): 9:47am On Nov 29, 2020
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by CsRockefeller(m): 10:21am On Nov 29, 2020
I have heard of unfortunate life incidents that can equal to a death sentence and getting a divorce isn't among d top 10.

Move on!!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by waleademolaa: 9:27pm On Feb 09, 2021
Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.
You sent me a DM, I can't access my email, reach me on
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Exceed15: 11:04pm On Jul 28, 2023
Realashbobby:


Financially, I am not missing him the highest I get from him was 25k monthly after we had a son last year. If that is what your dirty mind is thinking.

I am not missing him sexually, it's just that I can't imagine myself getting down with another man.
It's somehow to me. I will rather remain celibate.

I pray for strength and grace to receive answers to your prayers. For with God nothing will be impossible .

1 Like

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Exceed15: 11:06pm On Jul 28, 2023
Chiquitq:
I've been there. Not divorced but separated. It's been over 6yrs. It was easy despite that the relationship was extremely toxic. I mourned for the wasted time and abuse tolerated. I was bitter about financial and material things lost in the course of the union. I was distraught by the embarrassments and insults metted out to my family and friends. I relocated to a new city and started totally afresh with my children. Got a job and started a business.
The man that I was married to was the evil of the earth and a fraudster and womanizer. To top it all, he was grossly manipulative. Being extremely manipulative made it hard for me to leave early or even set boundaries thoroughly.

When you say this your husband left suddenly, I believe you totally. He might be a narcissistic. sociopath. That's what he did to all the women he dated during our marriage. Many did not know he was married. He would promise them heaven, use them and disappear suddenly from their lives. Read more about narcissists.

Don't be in a hurry to remarry and if you date again, don't be in a hurry to procreate. I chose celibacy as a means to be totally free and live my best life. I have concluded that all relationships are challenging judging by other people's experiences and mine. On few occasions, one may be lucky but I'm too lazy to and lack motivation to try again. That works for me but it might not work for you.
Find a hobby and most importantly, improve on your finances and network. You would be fine in the end. Many nights, you would have flashbacks of events and be bitter but time would do justice. Try to have as little contact with him as possible. If he wants to speak to his son, doesn't have to be through your phone. Don't allow him to Hoover his way back into your life because he would just hurt you a second time. Stop listening to gist about him. It would help you to move on.


I see why he left you.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Exceed15: 11:12pm On Jul 28, 2023
BadBitch:


I read what you posted about what led to the divorce. My very close friend recently experienced the same thing. Hers ended after 5 months of marriage. Her ex was physically and emotionally abusive, she didn't even want to leave until the man asked for a break and eventually called it quits. I was happy for her. A failed marriage is better than lifelong suffering and depression. Recovery is also not easy. I would be honest, nine years is a lot of time and memories. A man who would neglect his child and blood because he has fallen out with the child's mother, is worse than a beast.

Find a friend/friends, that can always talk to you, listen to your rants, and encourage when you start to remember the past. You need a support system right now. Engage in activities that make you happy, eat out, visit new places, make new friends, start a side hustle, find a community to support you most importantly.
Recovery won't happen overnight, it's going to take time, live every day as it comes. There's light at the end of this tunnel, Beloved.

Were you in the marriage? Madam judge!

3 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Nobody: 1:22am On Jul 29, 2023
Realashbobby:


Financially, I am not missing him the highest I get from him was 25k monthly after we had a son last year. If that is what your dirty mind is thinking.

I am not missing him sexually, it's just that I can't imagine myself getting down with another man.
It's somehow to me. I will rather remain celibate.

You are a product of your society and making a big mistake and you may also be having a very low self esteem.

You need to work on your mind and yourself and be open to relationships.
You will wake up in your 60s and realize life has passed you by.

This person is gone for life and not coming back and the earlier you realize the better.

I have a family friend who is a mother of 3, the husband had left some 5 years ago and we are trying to encourage her to work on herself and start dating again.
She heede our advice and is in a relationship now and working on her self esteem.

I am in a long term marriage but it is not the be all and have all.

If my marriage fails, i will encourage my wife to be open minded and date other people while i move on.

Life is to short.

3 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by GVTAsiwaju(m): 4:44am On Jul 29, 2023
It is not easy.... People would even mock you to your face. If you are the honest type and trying another relationship, at every slightest provocation you partner would mock you.

You will start hearing;
"I seeeeeee"
"No wonder she left"
"No woman can stay with you like this o"
"Now I know ooo"
"Tokunbo wife/husband"

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Newborn27(f): 5:59am On Jul 29, 2023
Hmmmmmmmm


Dear Op,
My only advice for you is to make sure you're always busy...get your hands on something productive to make ends meet for yourself and son.

Watch the kind of company you keep... avoid downers and be optimistic.
If it were meant to be...he wouldn't have left irrespective of what might have transpired amidst you.

Appreciate your son... work on yourself...step up in every facet of life and be very careful going into another relationship in haste..... they've gotten nothing to offer than few minutes sex and cash... your son wouldn't be proud seeing you exchanging men.


Give it time... you'd overcome and attract the best man and things life had In store for you.


I wish you all the best Sis.

2 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Mysteriousworld: 9:13pm On Nov 03, 2023
Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander,

How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce?

I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally?

I am down emotionally and it's affecting me.

Kindly advise.

The problem with women is that they wont listen while the man was warning them... Change or ill.....
Women just believe you're trapped because you married them... Now its too late... Remember how you argued with him, remember how unsubmissive you were while he was warning you... Even begging you to honor him , or at least mot disrespect him... Its well. May you find yours.

27 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Kobojunkie: 9:34pm On Nov 03, 2023
Mysteriousworld:
The problem with women is that they wont listen while the man was warning them... Change or ill.....
Women just believe you're trapped because you married them... Now its too late... Remember how you argued with him, remember how unsubmissive you were while he was warning you... Even begging you to honor him , or at least mot disrespect him... Its well. May you find yours
.
I hope you feel this same way when it is the woman who up and abandons the man in marriage instead. undecided

2 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Kobojunkie: 9:35pm On Nov 03, 2023
Realashbobby:
Dear Nairalander, How do you cope with your life after your spouse failed you and took the whole matter to the worse level by seeking for divorce? I woke up everyday of my life in the past nine months thinking about this man. I heard he has moved on in Lagos, while I am still here bothering myself about him. This is the only man I have ever known in my life. He just left without looking back not even to check on his son.
What can I do to forget him totally? I am down emotionally and it's affecting me. Kindly advise.
OP, it has been about 3 years since the incident, how have you been coping? Hope you have been working on yourself and moving on peacefully with your life since then. undecided

2 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Klass99(f): 10:29pm On Nov 03, 2023
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Mysteriousworld: 9:20am On Nov 04, 2023
Kobojunkie:
I hope you feel this same way when it is the woman who up and abandons the man in marriage instead. undecided
Woman don break my heart before... Never again.. I dont mean to judge, but i realized that lack of submission by women is the problem with most marriages...
They want to eat their cake and still have it...
Just honor him and see him love you.
The bible tells the woman to first submit... Then the man should love... Thats because the love automatically comes when shes submissive ...(exemption of some werey men)

14 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Quality20(m): 10:10am On Nov 04, 2023
Just go for a new partner who isn't gonna be abusive

1 Like

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Curse777: 10:11am On Nov 04, 2023
Go for counseling to properly heal... It's not a easy journey with heartbreaks but once you heal you become a better version of yourself
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Realist777: 10:11am On Nov 04, 2023
Unclekayfarms:
Something must have led to the divorce now share it
Exactly
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Dougad: 10:12am On Nov 04, 2023
Omo nairaland mods dey very foolish.

For no reason, these bastards just carry 2020 post enter FP

4 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by mukthar2000(m): 10:12am On Nov 04, 2023
Dey play, u better talk the Truth.
Divorce u just like that and never look back?

4 Likes

Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Godfullsam(m): 10:14am On Nov 04, 2023
Goan look for work to do. Keep yourself busy and with time, you will get over it.

How ever the feeling will stay longer if you are the cause of the divorce.
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by peacettw: 10:14am On Nov 04, 2023
Embrace the feeling. Dont fight it. It may sound counterintuitive but trust me when I say that you will heal faster this way. God's grace
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Almiron: 10:15am On Nov 04, 2023
Good morning Nlfpmod boss

Auntyspam don strike again

Pls fix it boss

https://www.nairaland.com/7899999/leo-messi-won-ballon-dor
Re: Moving On With Life After Divorce. How Do You Cope? by Angelfrost(m): 10:15am On Nov 04, 2023
The fact that you are heaping all the blames on the man says a lot about you.

Most divorces are never one-sided, just as marriage can never be one-sided.

Meanwhile, you might want to go for counseling and psychotherapy. This will help you.

3 Likes

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