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My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes - Literature - Nairaland

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My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by Schoolshoe: 7:35pm On Dec 15, 2020
This is my first post in this section.

Some people have witnessed earthquakes, landslide, tsunami and others. But the disaster I experienced a night ago was perpetrated by mosquitoes.

If you know how mosquito take chop me hennn? Kaii! They chop me sotay, they sucked enough blood to give them potbelly, as in their six packs disappeared. The mosquitoes that use to fly before weren't able to fly again, they couldn't even walk again, they started crawling, using one of their hands to hold their waist, crawling with tiredness. Why they sucked that much nah? Greediness wee not kill some mosquitoes sha. They are doing illegal mining of someone's blood and they are sucking over-excess that in turn half-paralysed their walking steps. Shey I told you some couldn't even fly again, some were even walking like a hungry model doing pageantry. Some were using walking stick. All these female mosquitoes sha, they wee not hear word. Female mosquitoes wee suck blood, female humans wee still be sucking your bank account. Ogaa oh.

What is even paining me is that, these mosquitoes don't suck the blood someone is not using again, they will suck the one my bone marrow just produced, they will be sucking the blood that still has vitamin C in them, the blood that can protect me from pandemic(this one that we are having second wave of covid-19) Some mosquitoes are hoodlums, they will just invade someone's innocent body like palliative warehouse. Looting blood as if their lifes depended on it. Well, their lifes literally depended on it. The one I killed sometime ago, as it was crawling with tiredness due to the pot belly it got from over sucking of blood, I saw it and grinned wickedly. I raised my palm to a mountain Everest height and released it on the mosquito within 0.2 second, GBAMMMM! My fingers landed on its forehead(instantly, the mosquiro got itself a Baldhead), and the middle of my palm crushed its middle-body. the mosquito shouted 'Yeee!' Lol. I give am grand slam, awon eyan wrestle mania. the mosquito just slumped and died instanta, no remedy, no mercy, no cure, nothing nothing.

Even though it survived, the injury e collect hennn, FMC Ife and UBTH combine go reject am. Because the heavy slap I give am hennn, its spinal cord broke into 5 pieces and e developed cancer of the heart instanta. Shebi the mosquito talk say hin mad ni(if hin mad, me sef I be mad oo). Lol How will it suck two litres out of my blood and go Scot-free like that, kojo rara. The blood that witches and wizards couldn't even suck, all these greedy mosquitoes are sucking it. Some will suck belleful, then they will still load and reserve some inside lunch bags, maybe for future purpose or worefa. Lol Some witches are even jealous of the talent of these mosquitoes. They will now be tapping someone's blood like palm wine tapper. It's only Almightyyyy God! That will judge them, hehehe! God will open a book for them, call out their names and wipe them with heavenly whips. They can't escape judgement o, lai lai! My God that answereth by fire! Won't let them. They want to dogde, God will definitely catch them and hold them by their waist like the way SARS officers do.

Can you imagine, when I killed one finish, the way the blood take red hennn, I knew instantly that that was my blood. lol the blood resemble my own, having staring at it, I saw my genotype and blood group staring at my face(I was seeing AO and BJ) I was tempted to lick the blood back to recover my lost two litres, but the blood of the mosquito has mixed with my blood. The blood of goat now mixed with the blood of the lamb. Bad market sha. Who is the goat, who is the lamb Some mosquitoes deserved to be killed by firing squad. They should just tie them on drums, with malam rope(the one they use for tying cows and dragons). Lol


This life no balance, did you know that some kids don't know how mosquitoes look like, like, they haven't seen it before. They thought it is wild animal. Lol they are living in the extremely comfortable environment. They never knew mosquito is a domestic animal, they live among us. When we dine, they dine with us. When we cough, they cough too. When we poo, they pupu with us. But when we sleep, they never sleep. Lol

Captain: sergeant Finn! Go and suck the hell outta of that living dead guy sleeping with his mouth agape, he has been eating some good foods lately. We need some nutritious blood in our storage!

Yes sir! Right away with my proboscis and backpack! grin

End.

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by dollytino4real(f): 7:38pm On Dec 15, 2020
the annoying one is the Hausa music they are singing close to ur ears, somebody don load slap because of mosquitoes b4?
Re: My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by johnhood(m): 9:13am On Dec 16, 2020
dollytino4real:
the annoying one is the Hausa music they are singing close to ur ears, somebody don load slap because of mosquitoes b4?
Omo you funny die. Me wey dey frown since come laugh because of your comment
Re: My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by dollytino4real(f): 9:19am On Dec 16, 2020
johnhood:

Omo you funny die. Me wey dey frown since come laugh because of your comment
dat is y i like NL, no depression in my mind any time I show here!

1 Like

Re: My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by Schoolshoe: 9:40am On Dec 16, 2020
dollytino4real:
the annoying one is the Hausa music they are singing close to ur ears, somebody don load slap because of mosquitoes b4?
Hausa music kee? How did you know. Do you understand mosquitoes' language ? grin
Re: My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by dollytino4real(f): 10:06am On Dec 16, 2020
Schoolshoe:
Hausa music kee? How did you know. Do you understand mosquitoes' language ? grin
useless sound
Re: My Hilarious Experience With Mosquitoes by illicit(m): 4:52pm On Dec 23, 2020
Lol

Mosquitoes....

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