Repent and be saved

She claims it isn't her fault.




She has given you a reason not to start the marriage with wild thoughts.


Not as though you are stupid, just forget about it.


Move on.


Try to build much love on disagreements not just on things you both agree on.



It's barely a week!


You should be loving her shortcomings and her rights!


From all you listed she did, I think she was the wedding herself! Acknowledge her. She may be thinking you are ungrateful while you are thinking she didn't just do what “only existed in your mind. ”


We are imperfect.

If it's a mistake, call it forgotten.


Long-lasting marriages starts when one party stops thinking they are always right.

The only complaint here now was on the unnecessary thing during wedding ceremony, Thank your God for that.
Bro, focus more on your marriage now and build it than looking back on wedding. After all, the glory of wedding is for the wife family.

this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

This part worries me the most. Hope you have a full dossier on what she was up to while in those countries. Guys get mind shaa. Good luck to your marriage.

OP it has come and gone. You both have tried very well. Erase all that and enjoy your marriage. It's not easy to have 100% planned wedding. Ups and Downs would surely come up. This shouldn't be a subject of thought or discussion again as it can't be reversed again. Overlook things and ENJOY YOUR WIFE AND HONEY MOON

Arrrrrrrh

Was the marriage a succes, despite it wasn't the way you planed it?
Did any guests know about this?

Bro just forget about it, please don't take this and spoil your honey moon. I understand how it hurts. Just behave like it never happened. You know women generally have their own, just move on!

HML !!!!
Wishing peaceful continuity!

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

You giving yourself headache for wedding people have forgotten about. Don't focus on your wife. Continue .

This is not a serious issue bro, forget it and enjoy your marriage

Me as opinion maker

use your money buy another gift and give those that followed you

If its me I'll count my losses and forget it. You've lost in the wedding. Do you want to lose in marriage too? Both are losses but the latter is an even bigger loss that will scar you for life. In 30 years time if your home is happy and you are wealthy you'd both look back at the wedding and laugh. And if you are jovial like me you'd jokingly tell her how she and her people 'throw you local'
Wise up man. The kids are coming to this thread to tell you how terrible a woman she is and how her and her people are gold diggers and all that...

It's still your honeymoon. Pls f**k that pussy like you own it. Good luck.

Obviously, you are a perfectionist with a keen sense for attention to detail. When it comes to marriage, please tone that drive down lest you become a "nagging " man. That ship has sailed, in fact, complement her asap if you want to get the best of her. And keep doing it for every effort she makes. It's the only way.

y'all should've hired a wedding planner to help coordinate or execute the day's events but you didn't.
let go of the imperfections or disorganization that took place because you cannot undo them now.

enjoy your honeymoon and build a happy marriage with your wife, TOGETHER.

Freshbank

First of all, let me commend you for pointing out and acknowledging your wife's contributions. It is refreshing to see someone approach a conflict from a good place, a place of fairness.

But allow me to correct your statement that your marriage has cracks. All I see is a disagreement and it is a normal part of marriage or any relationship between humans for that matter. Embrace conflict and use it to your advantage. If handled wisely, it will bring the two of you closer.

Now let me ask you if you can also acknowledge that your wife did not deliberately want to disappoint you?

And then ask yourself this: What could have I done differently/better?

You have high standards (which I like) and yet you rely on others to meet them entirely. Could you have been more actively involved in the organization?

You should be enjoying your honeymoon stage now. What is done is done. Now focus your energy on shaping your daily life together so that you can celebrate many anniversaries. Some couples refresh their wedding vows after some years and throw parties. You can do that too and take charge of the organization so that it will be as perfect as you desire it to be.

One more thing: Whenever you have an argument with your wife, ask yourself this: What am I doing wrong for it to happen? Tell her to do the same. Agree on a no-blame-approach in times of peace. It will go a long way. You are one unit now. Don't let one day ruin a life.

Freshbank:
I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

I did "Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome", but wondered if money is your greatest asset and contribution to the family you are building together or if it is the sense that is in your head.

You say you love excellence? Is that why you worked perfectly with your wife to plan and arrange an excellent marriage or did you leave it to your marriage partner to perfectly arrange your excellent wedding for you?

If you do not want to continue your home like you started it you will from now on perfectly plan with your wife and excellently execute your plan together because you are meant to work together to build a home for your family which is why you got married, no?

Congratulations. Ẹyin o ni mọ ẹni.

MOLOTOVcockTAIL:

This part worries me the most. Hope you have a full dossier on what she was up to while in those countries. Guys get mind shaa. Good luck to your marriage.

Take your insecurity elsewhere.

You don't need to repress it, you both need to sit down and talk it out or else it will be in your mental log and you would always consciously or unconsciously draw from it and that is not healthy for your marriage.

You both are just at the starting line and a long race ahead, don't encumber it by piling up anger.

Exhale and enjoy your honeymoon as you both are imperfect halves!

Hathor5:
Freshbank

First of all, let me commend you for pointing out and acknowledging your wife's contributions. It is refreshing to see someone approach a conflict from a good place, a place of fairness.

But allow me to correct your statement that your marriage has cracks. All I see is a disagreement and it is a normal part of marriage or any relationship between humans for that matter. Embrace conflict and use it to your advantage. If handled wisely, it will bring the two of you closer.

Now let me ask you if you can also acknowledge that your wife did not deliberately want to disappoint you?

And then ask yourself this: What could have I done differently/better?

You have high standards (which I like) and yet you rely on others to meet them entirely. Could you have been more actively involved in the organization?

You should be enjoying your honeymoon stage now. What is done is done. Now focus your energy on shaping your daily life together so that you can celebrate many anniversaries. Some couples refresh their wedding vows after some years and throw parties. You can do that too and take charge of the organization so that it will be as perfect as you desire it to be.

One more thing: Whenever you have an argument with your wife, ask yourself this: What am I doing wrong for it to happen? Tell her to do the same. Agree on a no-blame-approach in times of peace. It will go a long way. You are one unit now. Don't let one day ruin a life.

With this, you will make a good therapist!

Congratulations on your marriage sir. I heard it's not easy but I'm sure your personal convictions will guide you right. I'm not married yet so be mindful of how you take my advice.

About your 'issue', I'm a perfectionist like you but mine leads me into getting involved in things that matter to me. You provided the money and when it wasn't enough, she supported you. She provided the planning, I think it would have been ideal if you'd also supported in one way or the other; at least, with the things that you personally consider crucial (cause your priorities can never be the same as hers). So as not to assume, I'd like to ask, what efforts did you make to ascertain readiness before the event day? I know ladies like such things but it's not necessarily a woman's thing cause you had expectations too and, as a perfectionist, one would think you'd like to know the status of things days before the event so as to avoid surprises. Leaving it all to her cause you've provided the money made it look like a relationship between a client and a service provider and you getting angry at the poor service at this point further paints that picture. And if that's the case, it would be a bit unfair to sharply criticize her. That will hurt.

The truth is, no one would take it lightly if all they get is sharp criticism after going through the stress of planning an occasion, worse if the criticism comes from someone with equal stake. Event planning is an extremely stressful process and it hardly ever goes as planned unless professionals are used. Travelling around the world doesn't make your wife a professional event planner. It's very easy for occasions to get disorganized regardless of the amount spent. But, let's get logical, do you really think she deliberately planned for her special day to be disorganized? Except you believe your wife was "hustling" you, I think she did what was her best cause that day was as important to her as it was to you. If she really put in her best (and didn't "hustle" you), I'd say a word of praise from you would be the only reward that counts. And that should come before any complaint.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't express your distaste. In fact, at this early stage of the marriage, it's extremely important that you let your discontent be known so that she'd appreciate your standards/taste and know what it takes to please you. But like I said, complaining outrightly is not an option. Where I come from, we have what we call sandwiche criticism. It simply means inserting the hard part in-between softeners. First acknowledge the stress she went through. This way, she'd take your criticism in good fate knowing you understand it wasn't easy. After the criticism, move on from that topic. The last part is important partly cause you want to maintain a good atmosphere but mainly cause you want her to see how fast you'd like her to move on from things when she's not pleased.

Mindlog:


With this, you will make a good therapist!

I wanted to be a therapist when I was still in school. Psychology has always been of interest to me but I don't have enough patience to do the job. It's good to know one's weaknesses.

Thank you though. I know you are a professional in this field. Always looking forward to your contributions.

MOLOTOVcockTAIL:

This part worries me the most. Hope you have a full dossier on what she was up to while in those countries. Guys get mind shaa. Good luck to your marriage.

Don't let your insecurities cause distrust in another man's marriage. She was was probably a career woman before he met her and he's comfortable with that.

Marriage planning can be very difficult and stressful, at the end of the day you hardly get the desired results that's why I'd advise one to consult event planners to handle marriage plans.

That aside let bygone be bygone. Wish you a wonderful home.

That is in the past now. I'll advise you let it slide and move on.

Henceforth, you should handle the execution part of what ever plans you guys will be making in the future to avoid scenarios like this since youre Mr. Excellence who likes perfection. People like you always seem very difficult to please. (No offence)

Don't bring up the issue again and if she does, tell her to shelve it that you understand it's not entirely her fault and you don't blame her for it.
Let peace lead, Biko. It's still too early to start arguing.

Enjoy your honeymoon.

If it wasn't her fault, whose fault it is? Her well-traveled experience and exposure appears unhelpful, because it didn't imbibe in her the skills of knowing how to deescalate a tensed or dangerous decision. There is a way she could have diplomatically exonerated herself, without making it appear she is putting the blame on someone. We like to upload our failures and disappointnents on a scape goat, with the belief that we are infallible.

Maybe your wife has a character defect of not accepting blame, no matter how manifestly self-evident her complicits are. If that is the case, call her attention to it, and help her to get out of it. It is sad you are starting your marital journey in this manner.

My advice... Forget about wedding work on ur marriage....
I we only blame u, why we u allow ur wife to take charge when u know, marriage planing is not an easy task, u should have been there for her or monitor the planing if at all u don't have the chance or the distance as u claim.... We are not perfect and don't expect perfection from anyone.... U can always use ur perfection to mode her own imperfection... Two heads her better to one....

Young man, it is your fault too. You should have spent some days in her place to make sure everything works as planned.

You have a lot to thank her for. Starting married life with quarrel, OYO is your case.

Bros, pls just forget the whole wedding events and enjoy your marriage....... Time is too short to be feeling too bad about a one day event.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

Wedding is just one day but marriage is for a life time.

Hathor5:


I wanted to be a therapist when I was still in school. Psychology has always been of interest to me but I don't have enough patience to do the job. It's good to know one's weaknesses.

Thank you though. I know you are a professional in this field. Always looking forward to your contributions.

Patience! Truth is sometimes you will feel like giving your client a knock on the head but you have been drilled on UPR (Unconditional Positive Regard) during training and must keep calm as you are expected to have big ears to hear what is not being said, big eyes to pick up non verbal communication and a small mouth because the therapy is not about YOU!

It is in you, you can always have a new dream whenever you feel ready and process through the impatient self, na so we all take start.

Mindlog:



Patience! Truth is sometimes you will feel like giving your client a knock on the head but you have been drilled on UPR (Unconditional Positive Regard) during training and must keep calm as you are expected to have big ears to hear what is not being said, big eyes to pick up non verbal communication and a small mouth because the therapy is not about YOU!

It is in you, you can always have a new dream whenever you feel ready and process through the impatient self, na so we all take start.

This!

UPR? I have to remember this. I have never heard of this term before. Thanks for the free lesson. I appreciate it.

And thanks for the encouragement. I am happy where I am now but I might get bored after some time.

Hathor5:


This!

UPR? I have to remember this. I have never heard of this term before. Thanks for the free lesson. I appreciate it.

And thanks for the encouragement. I am happy where I am now but I might get bored after some time.

You are welcome.

I know how this feels. E go sound like she scam you

Rule number one guys.. Never leave the planning for her.

Like how on earth do you entrust the entire planning on her? lol u get mind sha

Ordinary "babe, what do you want to eat?" dey confuse dem e come to plan a whole wedding. You get luck she even remember buy the cake sef

This OP is the bride pretending to be the groom.

Cue 1: Notice how she continuously praises herself for her "support"/contribution towards her own wedding

Cue 2: It's mostly women who biitch and complain about wedding aesthetics even after the day has past..