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Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by mechanics(m): 9:37pm On Dec 29, 2020
Hmmmm, you have to love your partner before thinking of marriage, love is the ultimate if not, there won't be faithfulness, same goes to your future wife, to be serious with marriage, you have to stop all forms of sex, it's because you have slept with different women that's why you can't find true love, in my own case, I loved my partner before saying I do.

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Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by simplesearch: 9:38pm On Dec 29, 2020
thebosstrevor1:


That means love cant sustain a marriage

True love is stronger than death and can sustain a marriage even if finances and all other appurtenances of marriage fails, but it depends on how strong it is.

1 Like

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by worldclass68(m): 9:40pm On Dec 29, 2020
RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.


I'm currently inlove with someone I know isn't my taste, like I know personally I'm thinking with my eyes and not my head....that thing call love is bad..well I still went ahead and ask her out, good news, she says she's engaged ( playing hard to get lol) I'm still thanking my stars, cuz I knew we weren't that match...fair ladies no go kill me.

The way girls re looking for marriage nowadays hen.....there is this girl again on my list, she wants me to take her out like hang out together, but kind of dodging her cuz I no trust myself, I may see fire and still enter it grin.. she always use love emoji to chat me up, and whenever I reply with normal emoji, she vex up, I just have to use that same love emoji..for her mind we re dating..lol me wey no serious undecided cool
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by freeman5050: 9:43pm On Dec 29, 2020
whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Brother....seriously you will definitely regret ever going into arrangy marriage of any kind.
I do understand your plight. But to be sincere to you as a married man (not that happy married oh) but at least I try my best to be positive minded and willing to grow old with my wife.
But frankly speaking, I love my wife so much from the first day I met her. But along the line, I don't guaranty such level of love again due to some unreasonable character she has been exhibiting. Though she is a very responsible and reserve woman but she can shout and make trouble out useless issues.
So I wish to try your possible best and find at least 40% quality in a woman you can go, as long as she reserve to enable you grow old with her. Unfaithful woman can send husband to early grave.

4 Likes

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by freeman5050: 9:45pm On Dec 29, 2020
worldclass68:



I'm currently inlove with someone I know isn't my taste, like I know personally I'm thinking with my eyes and not my head....that thing call love is bad..well I still went ahead and ask her out, good news, she says she's engaged ( playing hard to get lol) I'm still thanking my stats, cuz I knew we weren't that match...fair ladies no go kill me.



Same here brother. I love them fair, even my wife is really fair but all women can find trouble for africa oh.

2 Likes

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Nobody: 9:51pm On Dec 29, 2020
RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.

Do you love your boyfriend/husband?
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Nobody: 9:53pm On Dec 29, 2020
HellVictorinho:


Do you love your boyfriend/husband?

The (m) after my monicker stands for male.

1 Like

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by CzarChris(m): 9:54pm On Dec 29, 2020
whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..
Speaking from experience, the word "love" has lost its true meaning with our generation. With the help of nollywood, bollywood, telemundo etc. we now confuse lust with love. For me o, there is no law saying that you should marry who you love, but it's a must to love who you marry. All these head over heels love at first sight BS is simply fallacy. You appear to me as a practical man like me. So if you see some one that has a majority of the qualities you seek, go for it and learn to love her. Waiting for that butterfly feeling is like chasing a shadow.

PS: Don't wait till your 35 like me to learn this truth.

5 Likes

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by tp2philike(m): 9:54pm On Dec 29, 2020
Please do not marry a woman you don't love wholeheartedly or have feelings for. Marriage itself is complex and comes with a lot of hassles.
As you grow into the marriage the love you've for your partner would enable you to tolerate the 'shits' and tantrums from her. You don't get to see these while courting but springs up in marriage.
Communication is key to a successful marriage.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Noneroone(m): 9:59pm On Dec 29, 2020
whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..
You must first learn there is a difference between "love" and "falling in love"

Love is a commitment, a conscious effort and an act of will while falling in love is romantic attraction. Men are not meant to fall in love, they are meant to love. Men who fall in love never end well (Sampson, Solomon etc)

Women fall in love because they a weaker. That is why traditionally spouses are chosen for them by their families, as the feeling you get when you fall in love is the worst condition to make choices, talk more of one as serious as marriage. Any man who marries a woman because he is in love with her has made a huge gamble and vice versa. People marry rapists, criminals prostitutes because they fall in love, raise dysfunctional homes and live in regret. Marriage is a serious stuff. when you're ready, subject those your female friends to your mother's or sisters' scrutiny or ask your female relatives to look out for eligible girls for you with their "sober eyes". Most successful marriages started this way.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Nobody: 10:06pm On Dec 29, 2020
simplesearch:


True love is stronger than death and can sustain a marriage even if finances and all other appurtenances of marriage fails, but it depends on how strong it is.

There is nothing like true love...continue dwelling on fantasy.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by MalaikaEH(f): 10:09pm On Dec 29, 2020
So many people don't even know what love is. All I know is that you have to feel a certain level of attraction to the person and make sure you can be able to manage the person's shortcomings. Nobody is perfect, including those claiming love.

But wait o, OP, who are you expecting to come and marry all the girls you are using to play chess?

3 Likes

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by mentored: 10:17pm On Dec 29, 2020
whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..



To over 95% of people on this platform

Love is

Yansh

Face

Bobby

And pocket


Oti tan
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by disneyjdkeyz(m): 10:17pm On Dec 29, 2020
The truth is that don't marry who you love rather love who you marry. And also don't fall in love, grow in love

3 Likes

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by richie240: 10:45pm On Dec 29, 2020
ukaface:
If I marry without loving my partner,how will I cope in the marriage? Live as enemies? Or friends? Or strangers?
A marriage is sustained by mutual respect and communication more than love.
Our grandmothers' hands were given in marriages to our grandfathers (some even meeting for d first time on d wedding day) and they lived together till old age, whereas d average James and Jane that choose each other, taste d 'forbidden fruit' and go ahead to marry for love end up divorcing under a decade.

With love every other thing in marriage can be put in place. I think at the initial phase of marriage love is needed, paramount.

Imagine living with a partner for years with no love, everything would be bland Na.
Obviously you are still very young, so I'll be gentle.

The millions of married couples that divorced didn't love themselves b4 marrying?
How come the younger generation who marry for love have a higher divorce rate than our forefathers whose marriages were arranged?
cool
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Nobody: 10:49pm On Dec 29, 2020
RisenPhoenix1:


The (m) after my monicker stands for male.
Hmmmmm
I didn't notice the m.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by blackmaine: 10:57pm On Dec 29, 2020
RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.
very right Women marry for self gain from who is available to materialism so men open your eyes
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Nobody: 11:01pm On Dec 29, 2020
blackmaine:
very right Women marry for self gain from who is available to materialism so men open your eyes

Yes, that is right. But really, there is nothing men can do about it. This is the natural way of women, and men should accept it. It is not wrong in itself, everyone has the right to pursue their self-interest. What is wrong is when women pretend to marry for 'love' and try to control their husbands by pretending to 'love' them back.

1 Like

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by adekS1(m): 11:04pm On Dec 29, 2020
Olunmercy56:
You can't marry someone you are not in love with.
says who?

If you do hear love is never enough,what does that mean?
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Yeng96(m): 11:12pm On Dec 29, 2020
Love love love...
love is a beautiful and dangerous weapon...
for your case, I'll advise a mutual understanding with little affection is what you need...
when there's compatibility, you are most likely to develop feelings, love is good but without understanding or compatibility, it will end in tears.

1 Like

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by boyjo: 11:13pm On Dec 29, 2020
Chai! See as I pity the OP for the bashing wey im go receive, before I come see say na man.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Kokaine(m): 11:15pm On Dec 29, 2020
Olunmercy56:
You can't marry someone you are not in love with.
love is a scam in 2020 for Nigerians
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by BabaIbo: 12:00am On Dec 30, 2020
Olunmercy56:
You can't marry someone you are not in love with.


Wrong
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Princewell2012(m): 12:15am On Dec 30, 2020
whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..
Hmm what a world. Who do I blame? If not those idiots that gave you sex without marriage, otherwise by now you would have fallen head over heels in love. Our women are very cheap this days that's why we are seeing this kinds of comments here and there. What a shame.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by rachytenny2(f): 12:23am On Dec 30, 2020
It's actually a necessary and sufficient factor..
Without it, it will be baseless and frustrating. Let love lead...
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Reex12(m): 12:45am On Dec 30, 2020
EjaikreTheViper:
Nigerian girls are not worth the stress!
I prefer girls from Asia or other African countries
you deserve a bottle of fanta for this
lemme add to this...
Nigerian girls are not worth it but parasites ready to feed off men in marriage with nothing to offer back in return to her its her security and achievement.why?because women dont love the way men do but they love opportunistically
men be woke

1 Like

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Princewell2012(m): 12:51am On Dec 30, 2020
RisenPhoenix1:


Yes. But I jettisoned all myths of love and romance long before I got married, and I'm more happily married today because of it. Fondness steps in as time goes by. I think that is the true love, not all this Hollywood/ Nollywood nonsense you see on TV.
I love your comments. My daughter is in Js3 at least you should know am not a baby when you talks about marriage. I have actually falling in love before, what you will say is that most of the things they called love today are not actually love but lost. The moment you sleep with a lady the love is gone authomaticaly. But guess what, I lost that lady because of carelessness. But when it is time for me to marry I just marry without falling in love again, then age is no longer on my side. I did not hate my wife and we are happily married with children, but am not happy missing that lady in my life. He that wears a shoe knows where it is pinching him. A commenter here even said the reason why there is so much dirvorce in marriages is because people fall in love. I did not agree with him. When you are in love, you will oversight all manner of offenses that might comes within you. Now when your ages began grow in your relationship understanding will keep you. Since there is no way misunderstanding will not comes in.
And if you are a Christian, both of you must learn how to pray effectively because Satan does not like a peaceful and a loving family. He will try his best to pull it down. Anyone who have married the love of his or her life and where still together now will understand what am saying. Compliment of the season.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Princewell2012(m): 12:55am On Dec 30, 2020
MondayOsunbor:


Oga forget all these bullshit ! Just get money the rest will get in place.money can buy you love in Nigeria
Thank God you said in Nigeria.
Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by OBYNOWEST12(m): 12:59am On Dec 30, 2020
My own opinion..

Marriage is all about character, first character, then likeness. For me. I don't believe in that love. When u re in love. you find it hard to see that bad side of the lady. Everything about her will look perfect in ur eyes.

Don't marry because u re in love, marry because u love her character, her character is good to u, and she can keep ur home together.

You see dat thing we call love it does not exist, we are sexually/emotional attracted to such person. Those fade away.

Marry ur true friend, one u share things in common.

Someone u like and her character is good.marry her, as u stay together, love will gradual develop you start seeing her as friend and wife.

4 Likes

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by Worksunlimited: 1:34am On Dec 30, 2020
whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Better marry a person who is your friend and whom love is shared between the both of you because when you get married love will gradually fade away (most times) and then the real marriage starts.

This is when the friendship between the both of you will be required to stand the trials and tribulations of marriage..

1 Like

Re: Must I Fall In Love Before I Marry? by TheCongo2: 2:08am On Dec 30, 2020
CalliDora1:
Yes ooo... I mean... You can't allow someone you don't feel anything for to touch you.

It's very key. Don't let anyone brainwash you with talks of " love can develop After marriage" it's doesn't work.

How old are you?

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