A mistake a lot of mothers make (especially single mothers) is consciously or unconsciously raising their little boy(s) into son-Husbands (Husband-son Hybrid)

What is a Son-Husband?
A male child who has been tasked to, not only be the son of the family, but also act as a stand-in male companion for the mother.

A woman is bound to become increasingly bitter and overbearing when she has no male companion of her own year after year - and this is often the case of a woman laden with the responsibility of raising a child alone. She will find out the hard way that most baggage-free men of value will never settle with a woman raising another man's seed.

Therefore as she gets older, the pains of loneliness and sexual frustration leads her into a bitter destructive path, she becomes overly clingy to her son (who would gradually back away and distance himself from her overbearing clutches).

The distance between them will fester on for years as she grows even more bitter watching the below scenarios unfold:

1. Her son reconnects with his father - the man whom she claims jilted her, abandoned his child and subjected her to a miserable life of single-motherhood.
Sadly, whether she likes it or not, a man will always have the desire to know his father and hear his side of the story irrespective of whatever lies you may have brainwashed him with in his youth.

2. Watching her son give another woman (his wife or girlfriend) everything!
Now this is what pains her the most. Wherever you see wives and mother in laws clashing, in most cases, it is as a result of this - a single mother has invested all her time, love and affection in singlehandedly raising her son, believing that he will value her for the rest of his life but reality is often a far cry!
In my observation, most mother-son relationships are sustained by aggressive and desperate efforts of the mother reaching out to her son. It is seldom the other way round.
The worst part is if she allows jealousy override her sense of rationality and decides to make an enemy of her son's choice of a spouse, she bears the risk of losing him completely because he would most likely choose his woman over his mother who probably raised him to always overvalue the female gender - this is a notion that she didn't realise would backfire on her once her son falls in love.

TRUE. .NOT ONLY SINGLE MOTHERS BUT N0N FUNCTION FAMILY WHERE THE DAD IS USELESS

A woman can't do without a man in her life

Nairaland feminist, shey una dey hear

Promiscuity and gullibility are the main reasons for single motherhood.

I have no pity for them.

Patriarchy001:
A mistake a lot of mothers make (especially single mothers) is consciously or unconsciously raising their little boy(s) into son-Husbands (Husband-son Hybrid)

What is a Son-Husband?
A male child who has been tasked to, not only be the son of the family, but also act as a stand-in male companion for the mother.

A woman is bound to become increasingly bitter and overbearing when she has no male companion of her own year after year - and this is often the case of a woman laden with the responsibility of raising a child alone. She will find out the hard way that most baggage-free men of value will never settle with a woman raising another man's seed.

Therefore as she gets older, the pains of loneliness and sexual frustration leads her into a bitter destructive path, she becomes overly clingy to her son (who would gradually back away and distance himself from her overbearing clutches).

The distance between them will fester on for years as she grows even more bitter watching the below scenarios unfold:

1. Her son reconnects with his father - the man whom she claims jilted her, abandoned his child and subjected her to a miserable life of single-motherhood.
Sadly, whether she likes it or not, a man will always have the desire to know his father and hear his side of the story irrespective of whatever lies you may have brainwashed him with in his youth.

2. Watching her son give another woman (his wife or girlfriend) everything!
Now this is what pains her the most. Wherever you see wives and mother in laws clashing, in most cases, it is as a result of this - a single mother has invested all her time, love and affection in singlehandedly raising her son, believing that he will value her for the rest of his life but reality is often a far cry!
In my observation, most mother-son relationships are sustained by aggressive and desperate efforts of the mother reaching out to her son. It is seldom the other way round.
The worst part is if she allows jealousy override her sense of rationality and decides to make an enemy of her son's choice of a spouse, she bears the risk of losing him completely because he would most likely choose his woman over his mother who probably raised him to always overvalue the female gender - this is a notion that she didn't realise would backfire on her once her son falls in love.

A.very well written piece.

True

DontBullshitMe:
Promiscuity and gullibility are the main reasons for single motherhood.

I have no pity for them.

What of the. Bokoharam children kidnapped that were raped. Are they gullible or promiscuous

DontBullshitMe:
Promiscuity and gullibility are the main reasons for single motherhood.

I have no pity for them.

Don't say that, some lost their husbands in their prime. Thereby becoming single mother.

tobechi20:


What of the. Bokoharam children kidnapped that were raped. Are they gullible or promiscuous

Abi o.

Rape victims

comtem2011:
Don't say that, some lost their husbands in their prime. Thereby becoming single mother.

Good point, although their end is often the same - unfortunately.

Just look at the story on front page right now, with the woman crying and jubilating that her son returned to Nigeria after 13yrs.

Boys grow into men, and men often go off to find their footing in life.. now imagine how lonely she had been for the past 13 years especially if he's her only child..

Lol, see post o.
Lemme start by saying this is one responsibility of the female gender that has been overlooked. It hits both ways, not just a single mother issue. In families where they only have male children, the parents tends to feel lonely at old age even when both spouse is alive. The male gender is known to leave home and build it's own family while the female gender will always remember to visit, send money and even the kids during holidays.

Now to your points, not all male children try to look for their fathers, some can't care less about a dead beat dad. This is one lesson most fathers learnt at old age

Secondly, not only single mothers feel clingy to their sons, are you trying to say all those ladies having issues with MIL marry men raised by single mothers? No way. Women always seem to feel stronger love and bond for their male children more than their husbands and when not controlled, they tend to fight the women in their sons life.

So I can bodly tell you that your post does not relate at all if it is directed only at single mothers

Sadly, whether she likes it or not, a man will always have the desire to know his father and hear his side of the story irrespective of whatever lies you may have brainwashed him with in his youth

And does this justify the father abandoning his own child for the mother to singlehandedly raise? Did she brainwash the father from bonding and being financially responsible for his own child? Imagine blaming your own irresponsible behaviour on the only parent that cared for the child in his most vulnerable years. Does that remotely make any form of sense?

Stay there and be waiting for a child you abandoned to look for you and hear your side of the story. Fortunately we're in the generation of woke kids, they no dey look for any useless absentee parent anymore. They'd rather disgrace you publicly on social media or any other platform. If they eventually look for you, it's because they want to tell you to your face how badle you messed up

dominique:


And does this justify the father abandoning his own child for the mother to singlehandedly raise? Did she brainwash the father from bonding and being financially responsible for his own child? Imagine blaming your own irresponsible behaviour on the only parent that cared for the child in his most vulnerable years. Does that remotely make any form of sense?

Stay there and be waiting for a child you abandoned to look for you and hear your side of the story. Fortunately we're in the generation of woke kids, they no dey look for any useless absentee parent anymore. They'd rather disgrace you publicly on social media or any other platform. If they eventually look for you, it's because they want to tell you to your face how badle you messed up

Don't act like a lot of single mothers are not guilty of purposely keeping their children away from the father out of bitterness & spite .. that a man jilts you, doesn't mean he has lost any rights over his children birthed by you.

Patriarchy001:


Don't act like a lot of single mothers are not guilty of purposely keeping their children away from the father out of bitterness & spite .. that a man jilts you, doesn't mean he has lost any rights over his children birthed by you.

Even you yourself know this is a bloody lie but you have to tell it because you want to keep justifying irresponsible behaviour. Most single mums toil hard and raise their children on their own because they were abandoned by the person that impregnated them. When they seek financial assistance from the father of the child, they are either rejected or given some pittance after plenty insults. Worst of it all is you men think you have the rights to mock, shame and insult a woman raising her child alone as if she impregnated herself. For every single mother struggling to raise her child alone, there is a useless irresponsible man waiting for the child(ren) to grow up and look for him. I'm glad they're getting the disgrace they deserve.

dominique:


Even you yourself know this is a bloody lie but you have to tell it because you want to keep justifying irresponsible behaviour. Most single mums toil hard and raise their children on their own because they were abandoned by the person that impregnated them. When they seek financial assistance from the father of the child, they are either rejected or given some pittance after plenty insults. Worst of it all is you men think you have the rights to mock, shame and insult a woman raising her child alone as if she impregnated herself. For every single mother struggling to raise her child alone, there is a useless irresponsible man waiting for the child(ren) to grow up and look for him. I'm glad they're getting the disgrace they deserve.

Well captured. The mother of the corper who went viral for saluting her mother, said the father of her 2 children walked away when the lady (corper) was 4 years old and her younger brother 3 months old. For 20 years she single handedly raised the children.

Even if a man severs relationship with the mother of his child(ren), he is not at liberty to choose whether to provide for his children or not. Pay school fees directly to the school, provide for their feeding, get them health insurance and contribute to the rent where they are housed, which can be negotiated through the State's child welfare office.

I sigh when I see some ghost their children with the conviction that the children he neglected would come look for him when they are adults . Come look for him to bond with his sick, fragile self or come inherit the wealth he has amassed for them through the years he was not present in their lives.

Missing out on one's children' developmental milestones, can never be compensated.

Mindlog:


Well captured. The mother of the corper who went viral for saluting her mother, said the father of her 2 children walked away when the lady (corper) was 4 years old and her younger brother 3 months old. For 20 years she single handedly raised the children.

Even if a man severs relationship with the mother of his child(ren), he is not at liberty to choose whether to provide for his children or not. Pay school fees directly to the school, provide for their feeding, get them health insurance and contribute to the rent where they are housed, which can be negotiated through the State's child welfare office.

I sigh when I see some ghost their children with the conviction that the children he neglected would come look for him when they are adults . Come look for him to bond with his sick, fragile self or come inherit the wealth he has amassed for them through the years he was not present in their lives.

Missing out on one's children' developmental milestones, can never be compensated.

They want to eat their cake and have it too and resort to emotional blackmail if the child refuses to bond with them when they're older. A lady that was raised by a single mum who is now a medical doctor says her father was always calling to complain that she doesn't care if he's feeding or not (like he cared how she survived all these years). He started threatening to commit suicide because she ignores him and wants nothing to do with him. After plenty begging from families, she now sends him 5k monthly but blocked him from reaching her. They always claim it's the mother that poisoned the mind of the children against them, how could the mother have done that if they had made attempt to bond with their kids?

It never ends

Women are useless to men yet men won’t stop lamenting daily on NL about women who don’t have men in their lives.

DontBullshitMe:
Promiscuity and gullibility are the main reasons for single motherhood.

I have no pity for them.

cococandy:
It never ends

Women are useless to men yet men won’t stop lamenting daily on NL about women who don’t have men in their lives.

Same way CHoccolaTE hates men yet won't stop creating threads about men.

It never ends

Patriarchy001:
A mistake a lot of mothers make (especially single mothers) is consciously or unconsciously raising their little boy(s) into son-Husbands (Husband-son Hybrid)

What is a Son-Husband?
A male child who has been tasked to, not only be the son of the family, but also act as a stand-in male companion for the mother.

A woman is bound to become increasingly bitter and overbearing when she has no male companion of her own year after year - and this is often the case of a woman laden with the responsibility of raising a child alone. She will find out the hard way that most baggage-free men of value will never settle with a woman raising another man's seed.

Therefore as she gets older, the pains of loneliness and sexual frustration leads her into a bitter destructive path, she becomes overly clingy to her son (who would gradually back away and distance himself from her overbearing clutches).

The distance between them will fester on for years as she grows even more bitter watching the below scenarios unfold:

1. Her son reconnects with his father - the man whom she claims jilted her, abandoned his child and subjected her to a miserable life of single-motherhood.
Sadly, whether she likes it or not, a man will always have the desire to know his father and hear his side of the story irrespective of whatever lies you may have brainwashed him with in his youth.

2. Watching her son give another woman (his wife or girlfriend) everything!
Now this is what pains her the most. Wherever you see wives and mother in laws clashing, in most cases, it is as a result of this - a single mother has invested all her time, love and affection in singlehandedly raising her son, believing that he will value her for the rest of his life but reality is often a far cry!
In my observation, most mother-son relationships are sustained by aggressive and desperate efforts of the mother reaching out to her son. It is seldom the other way round.
The worst part is if she allows jealousy override her sense of rationality and decides to make an enemy of her son's choice of a spouse, she bears the risk of losing him completely because he would most likely choose his woman over his mother who probably raised him to always overvalue the female gender - this is a notion that she didn't realise would backfire on her once her son falls in love.

Are you describing your upbringing?

Patriarchy001:


Same way CHoccolaTE hates men yet won't stop creating threads about men.

It never ends

Nah Man this one is a male epidemic. Everyday a different man is on NL crying about some women’s decisions to be alone.

And you guys want us to believe relationship with women does not benefit you. Pick a side.

[s]

DontBullshitMe:
Promiscuity and gullibility are the main reasons for single motherhood.

I have no pity for them.

[/s]

They don't need your pity!
A child is a blessing, not a curse.

[s]

Patriarchy001:
A mistake a lot of mothers make (especially single mothers) is consciously or unconsciously raising their little boy(s) into son-Husbands (Husband-son Hybrid)

What is a Son-Husband?
A male child who has been tasked to, not only be the son of the family, but also act as a stand-in male companion for the mother.

A woman is bound to become increasingly bitter and overbearing when she has no male companion of her own year after year - and this is often the case of a woman laden with the responsibility of raising a child alone. She will find out the hard way that most baggage-free men of value will never settle with a woman raising another man's seed.

Therefore as she gets older, the pains of loneliness and sexual frustration leads her into a bitter destructive path, she becomes overly clingy to her son (who would gradually back away and distance himself from her overbearing clutches).

The distance between them will fester on for years as she grows even more bitter watching the below scenarios unfold:

1. Her son reconnects with his father - the man whom she claims jilted her, abandoned his child and subjected her to a miserable life of single-motherhood.
Sadly, whether she likes it or not, a man will always have the desire to know his father and hear his side of the story irrespective of whatever lies you may have brainwashed him with in his youth.

2. Watching her son give another woman (his wife or girlfriend) everything!
Now this is what pains her the most. Wherever you see wives and mother in laws clashing, in most cases, it is as a result of this - a single mother has invested all her time, love and affection in singlehandedly raising her son, believing that he will value her for the rest of his life but reality is often a far cry!
In my observation, most mother-son relationships are sustained by aggressive and desperate efforts of the mother reaching out to her son. It is seldom the other way round.
The worst part is if she allows jealousy override her sense of rationality and decides to make an enemy of her son's choice of a spouse, she bears the risk of losing him completely because he would most likely choose his woman over his mother who probably raised him to always overvalue the female gender - this is a notion that she didn't realise would backfire on her once her son falls in love.

[/s]

If you don't want to be a wretch, appreciate your mum who singlehandedly raised you, even if it kills you doing so.

You cannot ground a flight bird. Every man born of a woman has his own life to live.

cococandy:


Nah Man this one is a male epidemic. Everyday a different man is on NL crying about some women’s decisions to be alone.

And you guys want us to believe relationship with women does not benefit you. Pick a side.

Lol.

Nobody is "crying' about anything madam. People create threads on topics that interest them. It's a free and faceless forum.

Nothing is ever that deep!

Patriarchy001:


Lol.

Nobody is "crying' about anything madam. People create threads on topics that interest them. It's a free and faceless forum.

Nothing is ever that deep!

Na so.

Women cannot raise balanced, functional men how men cannot raise balanced, functional women.

Both gender have their own vice when it comes to failed parenting (either as single parents or married).

Mothers are guilty of raising children especially sons as mini-lovers/husbands.

Fathers are guilty of uninvolvement in their children's lives.

The key is balance on both ends so the mother doesn't feel 'cheated' when her son-husband and daughter leave the nest. Neither does the father feel 'neglected' when his kids are used to his emotional absense.

Patriarchy001:


Don't act like a lot of single mothers are not guilty of purposely keeping their children away from the father out of bitterness & spite .. that a man jilts you, doesn't mean he has lost any rights over his children birthed by you.

.
I don't think any sensible woman will reject help or financial support from the father of her child..

Liposure:
Every man born of a woman has his own life to live. You cannot ground a flight bird

Just as single mothers have the right and choice to start over and live life to the fullest.

A single mother I know of remarried, leaving her son with her mother( the boy's grandmother). I initially felt she didn't do the right thing, but going by this thread and comments, I think she made the right decision.
Her son might grow up someday, meet some girl and decide that his mother is being too "clingy'
" You cannot ground a flight bird " after all.

The little boy missed his mother so much he became sick within a few days of not seeing or being with his mother. (I hope he's getting used to his new reality....it's a tough world)
Now, imagine her sacrificing her life for her son instead of taking the chance to rebuild her life, then he grows up and decides to be ungrateful...

Nairaland is truly an eye opening platform.

mariahAngel:


Just as single mothers have the right and choice to start over and live life to the fullest.

A single mother I know of remarried, leaving her son with her mother( the boy's grandmother). I initially felt she didn't do the right thing, but going by this thread and comments, I think she made the right decision.
Her son might grow up someday, meet some girl and decide that his mother is being too "clingy'
" You cannot ground a flight bird " after all.

The little boy missed his mother so much he became sick within a few days of not seeing or being with his mother. (I hope he's getting used to his new reality....it's a tough world)
Now, imagine her sacrificing her life for her son instead of taking the chance to rebuild her life, then he grows up and decides to be ungrateful...

Nairaland is truly an eye opening platform.

Good for her ... I hope she's truly at peace with the decision to take the "selfish" route .. even though there is a high probability that the boy will grow up resenting her for choosing a man over raising him..

It's a tough world indeed. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I just hope her 'new man' is aware she abandoned her son with the grandmother?