It's 1:31 AM and I'm here wondering what is wrong with this picture, Christian to the core girl, can cook whatever your heart desires, is an executive in a top three US company, never 'shakared' anyone, yet single. Sure I get lots of invitations to date, but why not from my 'youn'? Why must it only be from Oyinbos? Nothing wrong with that I know but, brothers??

u can send me a mail then we talk oshioke@gmail.com

wat do u look for in a man?

your definition of 'men of quality' I'm waiting

@Topic
I think you have come to the wrong place.  Please try your church and all the best of luck!

Ehhhhh? Are Oyinbos not God's children according to your holy book? And you say you are "christain to core" girl? Na wah oh!

_{just wondering why a 'man of quality' will be single at 35!!}

@Aproko
I can give you a million reason why a quality man of 35 will be single. One main one is that, he must have fell in love with the wrong woman. Another one is he may have lost his sweetheart tragically !

Sweet T:

@Aproko
I can give you a million reason why a quality man of 35 will be single. One main one is that, he must have fell in love with the wrong woman. Another one is he may have lost his sweetheart tragically !

Sorry no excuse! Most men are already ear-marked for potentials be available ladies even in the face of falling in love with the wrong woman or losing the right one! Goods of quality do now stay long on the shelf please! So try another excuse please! May be looking for green card!

Thanks to all helpful responders.   Why is a man of quality over 35 still single?  Well, Darlings, for the same reason a woman of quality over 35 is still single.  Can't seem to find the right person.  

The other more prevalent comment/question was 'Define quality'   Here goes;
Has a strong sense of family, has good enough credit to obtain a tube of toothpaste at the very least, has strong Christian values and throughly understands that marriage is a ministry to the other.  Strong enough to be the Head of household, yet gentle enough to show his vulnerability.  Strong enough to take tough decisions yet gentle enough to reflect grace .

Someone responded by saying I should find someone in my church.  Of course that has been tried, but I'm not going to date someone solely based on the fact that he is single and attends my church.  Attendance in church does not equal same level of commitment.   Contrary to what the poster might think, I'm not using this posting thread to 'fish' I just wish to know if there are other Q folks out there who may have the answer or be able to express some level of understanding.   I appreciate all responses

Whilst it may be amusing to write such pithy items as 'May be looking for green card!', I think it's insulting to the person expressing genuine emotions. I will be obliged if such 'humor' is canned.

I beg try hurry oh!  Your geographical clock is ticking and humming! Sometimes you just take a plunge to get it right since you have been too careful and got it wrong! Try change tactics oh!

Obirin0521:

Whilst it may be amusing to write such pithy items as 'May be looking for green card!', I think it's insulting to the person expressing genuine emotions. I will be obliged if such 'humor' is canned.

You might think it is an insult! But the reality of men here roaming around till 40 is well noted because they have been shackled to one "investment" for years and can only settle down when the coast is clear---PAPER WISE---! It is for real babe!

Militia - I appreciate your 'insights' however I must refute your declaration. I have cousins and friends all carrying Green Cards or who are natural born US/UK citizens who are still looking for 'The One'. Diluting this issue into an economic issue is not the goal here. I have encountered my share of guys and will happily report that not one was without 'papers' as Naijas call it. Next,

@Militant
What green card?? You think all men are all looking for a stupid green card?? How old are you by the way?? If a man is 35 and is still chasing green card, something is seriously wrong with him. You are obviously a juvenile, wait till you grow up and you will see how funny relationship can be. I bet you have a dream of automatic marriage, don't you ?? Little girl, it ain't that easy. I know time will teach you a lesson !

@Mililtant
My cousins are 42 and 44, both of them were born here (USA) and they are still searching for the right one. Relationship and happiness are way more than green cards ! You must have been messing around with the wrong crowd ! My cousins are men of excellent values and econmically sound but when it comes to relationship they are unlucky. Especially the one in Oregon is a perfect gentleman, the kind you wish to take home to mama. But he has a luck that attract airheads and Gold diggers !

Obirin0521:

Militia - I appreciate your 'insights' however I must refute your declaration. I have cousins and friends all carrying Green Cards or who are natural born US/UK citizens who are still looking for 'The One'. Diluting this issue into an economic issue is not the goal here. I have encountered my share of guys and will happily report that not one was without 'papers' as Naijas call it. Next,

It is one of the many reasons some men are still searching! Like it or not!

Sweet T:

@Mililtant
My cousins are 42 and 44, both of them were born here (USA) and they are still searching for the right one. Relationship and happiness are way more than green cards ! You must have been messing around with the wrong crowd ! My cousins are men of excellent values and econmically sound but when it comes to relationship they are unlucky. Especially the one in Oregon is a perfect gentleman, the kind you wish to take home to mama. But he has a luck that attract airheads and Gold diggers !

Please cool down oh!   Nobody said green card is the main reason!  It is just one of the reasons used as example plzzzzzzzzzz! The name is "MILITIA" please and do not wear it out by posting 2ice! 42 and 44 ke?  Sorry oh!  These are extreme cases with no hope oh!  They are not Nigerians please so do not qualify as "eligible" Nigerian bachelors!  These are "AKATAS"-TROPHIES!  Please do not even mention those!  With all the values and gents club membership--no marriage? or "issues"? Please as it is now, they may remain single for life!  These ones are worse than "expired" drugs found in Onitsha market!  Haba! Even if they are Hank Anuku of Nigerian HOMVIES!

Sweet T at this point let us agree to disagree with Militia who is fully entitled to her opinions even if they depend more on anecdoctal tales than fact. Getting back to the other responders, what say you? Are there any GQs over age 35 of Naija blood still out there and if yes, pray tell where are they

What happens to 34yr old GQs?
Militia have always enjoyed your skewed sense of humour and quarellsome attitude _{though I do not pray to be on the recieving end} But like the Poster says I sincerely disagree your noble and insightfull ^{not to say beautiful} take on this issue.
Please oh Obirin0521 I'm 28yrs and i can buy my own toothpaste So if you can cut me a slack on your age bracket maybe u'll realise you have been too rigid about the age issue. You can im my yahoo if your curious.

nimi-k:

What happens to 34yr old GQs?
Militia have always enjoyed your skewed sense of humour and quarellsome attitude _{though I do not pray to be on the recieving end} But like the Poster says I sincerely disagree your noble and insightfull ^{not to say beautiful} take on this issue.
Please oh Obirin0521 I'm 28yrs and i can buy my own toothpaste So if you can cut me a slack on your age bracket maybe u'll realise you have been too rigid about the age issue. You can im my yahoo if your curious.

Oh yeah! Quarellsome ke? I say fun loving and assertive! That is the problem with we Nigerians! We do not like the truth and you want everything said with a sugar coating on it! We can't all be diplomats abi? I have heard your concerns and I have made a note to be less quarellsome oh! Not to make friends but to respect your wishes so we can all have a wonderful time here! Thank you for your feedback.

Militia - You're priceless!

But seriously where are all the betta GQ Bobos? As for my lovely bro in PH, the age bracket is non-negotiable. Thanks for trying, anyway I need insight on the proposed problem. As I responded earlier, I'm not here to fish.

Ok I understand. 5yrs below and 5yrs above. So the 35 is actually the lower bracket. [s]Blunty speaking you must have a serious fault either your too choosy or to bossy[/s]. No offense intended. What have you been doing all this while? Tell us what the real problem is.

@Nimi - RE:

'Blunty speaking you must have a serious fault either your too choosy or to bossy. No offense intended. What have you been doing all this while? Tell us what the real problem is.'

The real problem is 'gentlemen' who do not listen to what is being said but rather make assumptions with no factual evidence.  What is wrong is I will not compromise on what I want, and if that is choosy, I make no apologies.  I am neither looking for a child nor a daddy but a companion.  Peops is that too much to ask for without being subjected to cynics?? 

Obirin0521

I really feel for you, cos I went thru the same process as you are right now, and just like you I thought I got everything figured out. I was as eligible as they come, had an excellent career, my own place, was basically a good guy, everything looked just right. Marriage was practically written on my forehead, but guess what, I had to wait 6yrs for it to come, and this was after I had been broken.

the key my dear is to re-assess your stragtegy and yourself. Think of the unconventional. I was the sort of person who believed in choosing my own bride, but guess what, that was why it took so so long. I really had to re-assess my approach, especially when I knew I was miles away from home, the options sometimes are not plenty, so I agreed to make that phone call, and I am glad I did.

one other thing is that you might be looking for the wrong qualities. What has been observed is that Wife or Husband Material is so different from BF / GF material, what you look out for in both situations are very different, and in most times it goes far beyond the physical, it might even be a case that this would not be someone you would consider as a boyfriend, but he might have all the qualities of a good husband.

Another thing, you say you are not willing to compromise, but you got to be careful with this. It depends on what you are not prepared to compromise on, you might find that we dont have all the qualities, and even if you found who you thought was the right person, he might have to compromise, so I would be very careful in the use of that term, it quickly smacks of pride.

Above all tho, you got to leave room for God to work his wonders, and that might mean stepping out of your comfort zone.


HTH

MonkeyLeg - O that I could give you a huge live smooch over the net. Thank you for approaching this in the way that makes sense to my quizzical, befuddled and trembling mind. I believe I get the concept of BF qualities as opposed to spouse, but the issue here is that I don't even meet Q Naijas, so the priviledge of sifting the chaff from the wheat is not mine. In my earlier write up on July 4th, I wrote out my 'non compromise' items. Please review and let me know, are they unreasonable? I believe the 3 items are reasonable.
What exactly did you mean about 'picking up the phone'?

Obirin, I know exactly where you're coming from!

It's all too easy these days, to assume any woman over 30 and single, must jump at the first man who shows an interest! Why should you? It's best to wait for "the one", rather than marry in haste, and regret it later.

Besides, folk are marrying later these days, it's not a slur on their personalities either, it's either choice, or getting firmly established in your own particular niche. If you were a single lady over 30, with no achievements, i.e financial / career, place to live, ambition etc, I'd say you were doing something wrong. But, from what you've achieved, it's clearly obvious you're not.

If I was in your shoes, I'd be looking for the same, as ambition and independence are pretty important to me. Folk will have their different opinions, but, don't be swayed, stick to what you want, and best of luck!

Obirin0521,

I am glad some of the stuff I said made good sense. And just reading thru your old posts your request is not unreasonable, but it may not always be the way we want it to be.

I do ack Siena's comments, and I applaud your achievements as well, but we must be careful not to loose sight of other aspects of our lives. Just like you I was a high achiever, and somehow had it in my mind that my spouse would aslo have to be a high achiever. If I remember well, I had this picture that my spouse would be a Uni Prof. Anyway that was then, and believe me there is nothing wrong in having such dreams, but I soon found out that things do not always work the way we want, rather God makes things work the way that is best for us. Which might include a total revamp of our thot process.

I know people always suggest that you dont go actively looking, true!, but I would also suggest that you make yourself visible for people to find you. Get out, try something new ok.

I have a cousin who was in your same situation. He got married @39, but he had to go searchin and his search to him to the UK. They got married last Dec, and his wife has joined him. If you have got cousins in the UK? then visit, be open, you never know. The UK is much easier to meet people and the networking is great.

And by that phone call, I mean do something you would not normally do. I was introduced to my spouse over the phone, something I had vowed I would never do, but as the saying goes "Never say Never".

All this might sound good, but I will always point out that you have to rely on God, and leave that space for him to do wonderful things in your life.

God Bless

Obirin0521:

MonkeyLeg - O that I could give you a huge live smooch over the net. Thank you for approaching this in the way that makes sense to my quizzical, befuddled and trembling mind.

i think he did a good job too.

Obirin0521:

In my earlier write up on July 4th, I wrote out my 'non compromise' items. Please review and let me know, are they unreasonable? I believe the 3 items are reasonable.

i read your list too. truth be told, i don't think its asking too much. i think you deserve all those things.
but monkeyleg was right. sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone. do something you've never done before. sometimes its ok to 'compromise'.
what if you find your ideal man but he was younger than you desire? would you let him go? (i hope to goodness not!) i married a younger man.who would have thought? never dreamt i would. never considered myself a nanny. 
its been smooth sailing ever since . im glad i 'compromised' on that one!