.

I think what happens after marriage has something to do with"the law of diminishing marginal utility" where satisfaction is derived at early consumption and less satisfaction for further consumption.
Again after child birth, the mother is more concerned with taking care of the baby and the stress that goes with that may not allow her to have sex as before.
Also after childbirth the vagina is slightly wider than the pre- delivery size, which may make her enjoy sex less( especially when the man's sexual organ is small)
Above all the couple should discuss their feelings and concerns and try to work around it. For me l don't think is an impossible situation, something can be done.

missyblissy:


You deserve one cold beer. Men will blame the woman for not sleeping with them how can when you have turned your wife to. House girl. She clean, cook, sweep, wash, bath the kids, tend to the kids, go to the market, feed the kids, clean and arrange the house again,. Where do you see help from the husband? No where he will cross his legs and ask for breakfast, lunch and dinner and no. Rest for. The woman. When it's time. For. Her to. Rest her body, you come. For sex. Mtcheeeew.

Do not assume all cases are like Nollywood movie as you described.

I have two "house helps" to manage chores at home and manage the kids, yet the OP's assertion is still rife. I guess you are not married. Probably you could have given an answer from experience.

Personally this is what is happening to our marriage too. I have been married for 10years now with four kids. This days we hardly engaged in sex. We still love our self very well, but the sex feeling is not just strong as it uses to be when we were still dating or even when we newly got married. Though if you come from this part of the world where everything seems to be the more you look , the less you see, and good enough, God has blessed you with children, honestly the urge for sex after marriage will reduce drastically.

CalliDora1:

Na food?

On a more serious note though, I think what usually causes it is, the woman is most times overwhelmed with the wifely duties at the homefront. in the process she's expended therefore sex will be the last thing on her mind as the passion for it will have died from exaustion from doing chores. If you observed, it usually happens after the kids have started coming and the workload has increased.

If the man can make arrangements for a house help ( not necessarily a live-in help) to assist with the chores, the woman will be more relaxed to reason sex as it's only a relaxed mind that can get a woman in the mood .

God bless you for speaking out exactly what I'm going through.
most times taking care of the kids and house chores can be exhausting,hence the rejection.
I'm getting used to it anyway.

Vadese1:
Personally this is what is happening to our marriage too. I have been married for 10years now with four kids. This days we hardly engaged in sex. We still love our self very well, but the sex feeling is not just strong as it uses to be when we were still dating or even when we newly got married. Though if you come from this part of the world where everything seems to be the more you look , the less you see, and good enough, God has blessed you with children, honestly the urge for sex after marriage will reduce drastically.

You sound like its a mutual loss of sex drive. If this is the case, then perfect for you guys.

*SLAVERY OF MEN BY WOMEN*

German writer Esther Villar In her book *"The Manipulated Man"* that caused outrage and hostile criticism from women explains how women since the earliest times have manipulated men and turned them into their slaves, they have pretended to be the oppressed sex while in the real sense they are the oppressors. She explains how a woman manipulates a man skillfully by steps like dating, courtship and finally marriage, hence the saying *"a man chases a woman until SHE catches him".*

In her book she explains how the man is tricked to care for the woman all his life and her offspring. He rolls the stone like Sisyphus and in turn gets rewarded by a few minutes of sexual pleasure. We can, by observing Esther Villars assertions that a man is a slave of his desires and the woman uses and has used it for thousands of years as a stick and carrot to keep the man chasing vanity and commit his life to serving her.

She goes ahead to explain the rivalry of women, how each woman feels the powerful urge and need to own a male for herself. Like a slave owner she detests any move the man would make to offer his services to another woman. She uses all means to keep the man to herself and her offspring alone.

Esther Villar's sentiments are captured by Nigerian Poet, critic and writer, Chinweizu Ibekwe in his book, *"The Anatomy of Female Power"* (AFP), and Will Farrel's, *"The Predatory Female*. They all push the theory that all societies are matriarchal and not patriarchal as we are pushed and forced to believe. Matriarchy has ruled not through brawn but wits and tricks; women feigning weakness to be protected etc. Thus the male becomes the most exploited sex in human history, (in wars the man is always ready to die for the woman; he has been trained to do that).

Chinweizu calls the idea of dating, courtship, and training, like that of a horse. It is during this time that a woman having kept the man on a leash by denying him sex and getting him addicted to her by false charms, trains and breaks him to whatever she wants him to become.

The marriage celebration becomes a celebration for the woman and her friends, and they all congratulate her for having succeeded in getting herself a slave. A man on that wedding day waves goodbye to his independence and his coalition of males and commits himself to a Sisyphean life, rolling the stone, an act he cannot abandon having society and the government checking on him and always ready to jail, shame or exile him for absconding his duties.
*Thus, the government and society help the woman in keeping her slave in check.*

Chinweizu gives a narration of how women are trained by older matriarchs to tame men. He explains how a man is trained to rely on women by his own mother. A man is shamed by his own mother for cooking for himself and for doing other domestic chores, who herself, is an agent of the global matriarchal rule.

By getting the man to hate domestic works and having it enforced by culture which warns men against going into the kitchen, doing laundry etc., the mother trains his son for the other woman, his wife, who will captivate him and when the time comes she takes hold of the man's stomach and by getting the man addicted to her body she holds him by the two, in bed and in the kitchen. With those two weapons she manipulates the man and turns him into her plaything.

In the *"Myth of the Male Power"*, Esther Villar's *" A Man's Right to the Other Woman"*; *"The Polygamous Sex"*, the authors of those books challenge the narrative that men oppress women, and by detailed research across African, Western and Eastern both in ancient and modern societies, the authors unravel the hidden power of the ruthless matriarchal power that rules the world.

*Presidents, Emperors, Kings and indeed all men, are all puppets of the matriarchy forces that rule the World by pulling the strings from behind the curtains.*

*�Man, Take it or Leave it!�*

Hotbutt:
The reality is this.
For most women, their husbands become very Ugly and unattractive in their eyes.
The husbands sef would not help matters. Most of them will now develop one kind big "Beer" Belly all in the name of "Enjoying good life". They won't workout or go to do the gym.
They will now be as fat as what I can't say.
If I'm lying, look at your daddy and tell me how he looks.

Do u know what it means to keep seeing just one particular face everyday all the days of their lives it's not easy. You will just get bored.

As for the Sex part, they are already exhausted and tired of the Sex sef. They can even stay one full year without craving for it especially when kids have started coming.

Everything just changes.

Assignment:
1) Look at your Daddy. Then ask your mummy when last she had good SEX with your Daddy.
You would be shocked at her response. I know what I'm saying.

Your head no correct. E be like say you no grow for Nigeria. No proper Nigerian brought up person can try that nonsense you wrote in the last paragraph.

Riscawendy:
I think what happens after marriage has something to do with"the law of diminishing marginal utility" where satisfaction is derived at early consumption and less satisfaction for further consumption.
Again after child birth, the mother is more concerned with taking care of the baby and the stress that goes with that may not allow her to have sex as before.
Also after childbirth the vagina is slightly wider than the pre- delivery size, which may make her enjoy sex less( especially when the man's sexual organ is small)
Above all the couple should discuss their feelings and concerns and try to work around it. For me l don't think is an impossible situation, something can be done.

Nice perspective. People blaming it on wife duties forgot that as the children grow older, the woman's duties in the house reduced drastically

Tajbol4splend:
Hi Heroclitus, I can see you sent me a mail, what is it you want to talk about?

Good evening Sir,
I know this is a wrong thing to do,but...
I added you from nairaland and my moniker is Heroclitus

Please I'm writing this to you with a heavy heart and out of strong necessity since I've run out of options

I'm a biochemistry graduate of futa going for nysc tomorrow,I've sorted a whole lot of bills and the only issue left is I'm having just 4,500 naira, I've just been deployed to katsina from Ibadan and its gonna cost me 13000, I'd like if you can assist me with anything to support me Sir

Please

Wanted to post My I.D card and nysc callup letter as proofs to support my claims

Couldn't post it on nairaland because those files are larger than the sizes allowed on nairaland


But could send it through email, I'm considering opening a thread too but without those proofs,it'd look like a scam and camp opens tomorrow.



Or do you know how I can compress files to upload on nairaland here Sir?

TruthSeeker1:


Even before marriage, women generally don't have nearly as strong a sexual urge as men do. After marriage, different biological factors further reduce a woman's appetite for sex.
This is because a man (like most male animals) is naturally designed to be polygamous before his sexual urge can be satisfied (nature's goal is to PUSH men to impregnate as many women as possible to produce a large number of children in order to ensure the survival and continuity of the human species). This is why most men usually find it quite difficult to be faithful to a single partner.

In terms of sexual satisfaction, the one man-one woman marital system that has now become the norm/standard is clearly disadvantageous to men. But while polygamy will certainly ensure a man's sexual satisfaction, it has its demerits!

What is it's demerits

soojar:


You have a wrong observation actually.

It's the other way round, most women actually become sex maniacs after marriage especially from age 30 upwards.

Your observation should have been that many married women start losing interest in sex with their partners after marriage, the reasons for that is a totally huge topic on its own.

If things are going well sexually between the 2 that's when all is well. If not, that's when the women steps out, can go marathon with the guy outside with different explorations but can hardly tolerate 5mins with the husband and start doing sex timetable for him.

Again, I repeat 85% of married women are sex machines

The most sensible comment so far.

Most married still love sex, but just not with their husbands. The reason for this is a whole topic on its own.
Are 95% of all the sugar mummies all over Abuja not 'happily' married?.

The same married women who complain of tiredness and stress can go for 3 hours non stop in bed when she mets up with a guy she likes. Ahahahaha.

Moreover, what percentage of married men are actually good in bed?. How many can really last in bed and satisfy their wives?.
Women get tired of the same boring 2 minutes missionary sex.

Infact married women are even better in bed than single ladies. But it's the other guy that brings out the freak in her, not the husband.

Funny world, really.

soojar:


You have a wrong observation actually.

It's the other way round, most women actually become sex maniacs after marriage especially from age 30 upwards.

Your observation should have been that many married women start losing interest in sex with their partners after marriage, the reasons for that is a totally huge topic on its own.

If things are going well sexually between the 2 that's when all is well. If not, that's when the women steps out, can go marathon with the guy outside with different explorations but canno hardly tolerate 5mins with the husband and start doing sex timetable for him.

Again, I repeat 85% of married women are sex machines

Lol how do you know that

soojar:


You have a wrong observation actually.

It's the other way round, most women actually become sex maniacs after marriage especially from age 30 upwards.

Your observation should have been that many married women start losing interest in sex with their partners after marriage, the reasons for that is a totally huge topic on its own.

If things are going well sexually between the 2 that's when all is well. If not, that's when the women steps out, can go marathon with the guy outside with different explorations but can hardly tolerate 5mins with the husband and start doing sex timetable for him.

Again, I repeat 85% of married women are sex machines

Your last statement

Akasammyoka:
from my little observation women are competitive organism, only trend well when they have an oppornent. Once they feel you have only them as your source of happiness they become cool,

Man you have understood that species

RisenPhoenix1:


2.) You do not have to be a practising anything to study the concept and see whether it works. Both my grandfather's were practising polygamists. We spent practically all our holidays in their homes in Nigeria. I saw first hand how polygamy worked. That is why I'm an ardent supporter.
3.) Perhaps you did not comprehend my point. I never said polygamy meams a man is strong, or that it is an answer to feminism. I said that feminists; both male and female; dislike polygamy because it's a leveller. It takes away the female monopoly on marital sex. In order to take away the inclination of a man to be polygamous, the narrative was spread that the only advantage of 'uncivilzed' polygamy lay in the need to have many children to work on farms; or that it was only engaged in by barbaric, lecherous men. In reality, agriculture or lust were never the only, or even the main, objectives behind polygamy. The rest of your remonstration I cannot make head or tail of.
4.) Once more, you may choose to believe or not. You are the one seeking help. When you've finished trying to convince your wife to give you more sex, you will remember what I said. That will be my final victory. Either you will toe my path and become polygamous, have sex with other women (which is like polygamy, but in a craven way), buy a sex doll and hide it from your wife, or hide from your wife and pleasure yourself. It's your choice.

But one thing I'm sure of is that you ain't getting more from her while she's the only one.

And yes I'm qualified. I grew up in two polygamous homes. The kind of true respect that my two grandfathers had from their wives up until the day they died, no man can hope to even come near today. One of the women is still alive today and she talks about him misty eyed, to this day.

I read all your suggestions and I must confess to you that you make a vital point and you are very right from all angles is just a pity we don't have real men anymore the kind of men we paraded now are just kid who failed to realise where they come from even the European we copy with our one man one woman 90% of their marriage are in disarray what are the causes,we fail to ask our self this same goes to us in Africa,it always get to a stage for a man his sexual urge will be high and the sexual urge for the woman will low due to the high rate of work force the woman to through in house chores and if there is no mutual understanding for this it will be the beginning of there sexual problems from there the man will seek for sexual satisfaction else where gone are the days when women gave birth the husband might not touched her for many months to allowed d place to be in better shape not because he is not in the urge but has other wife to performed the responsibility and more so man a polygamous in nature

DaRuud:

If men don't concentrate more on the work to provide money who will pay
School fees
House rent
Food stuff
Electricity bill
Water bill
Maintenance bill
Provisions
Security bills
Wife's wardrobe
Children's wardrobe
Fuel in generators
Birthday gifts for wife
Birthday gifts for children
Xmas / Sallah food and meat
Wife's pocket money
Children's pocket money
Money for Milo , milk , sugar , corn flakes , custard
Indomie , egg , slippers
Shoes
Wife's underwear
Children's clothes
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The man hasn't bought anything for himself ooooh

God of heaven see the list o

CalliDora1:

Na food?

On a more serious note though, I think what usually causes it is, the woman is most times overwhelmed with the wifely duties at the homefront. in the process she's expended therefore sex will be the last thing on her mind as the passion for it will have died from exaustion from doing chores. If you observed, it usually happens after the kids have started coming and the workload has increased.

If the man can make arrangements for a house help ( not necessarily a live-in help) to assist with the chores, the woman will be more relaxed to reason sex as it's only a relaxed mind that can get a woman in the mood .

Your first sentence shows proves the OP right. BTW, Yes, na food.

I don't believe it's house chores because even the housemaid does all the chores and still serves oga "good food"... regularly.

Finally, that house help part. Read previous paragraph for more info. And even when the house help does all the work, experience shows that our women will rather sit with Africa magic that service their husband.

nineone:
your first claim is completely incorrect. Would have been true if men enjoy or love sex more than women but it's entirely not so.

And this post made a completely false claim which the opposite is even correct.

Men love sex more than women, is a biology, men are designed to be polygamous in nature, do men do menstruation Take care of baby? Men always are ready for it

RisenPhoenix1:


Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

Correct guy.
Those way some religion cage to marry one wife make them enjoy as their wife nai dey dominant for the marriage.
Na the third wife I dey arrange so.
Variety na the spice of life.

RisenPhoenix1:


Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

Thank God for Islam

CalliDora1:

Na food?

On a more serious note though, I think what usually causes it is, the woman is most times overwhelmed with the wifely duties at the homefront. in the process she's expended therefore sex will be the last thing on her mind as the passion for it will have died from exaustion from doing chores. If you observed, it usually happens after the kids have started coming and the workload has increased.

If the man can make arrangements for a house help ( not necessarily a live-in help) to assist with the chores, the woman will be more relaxed to reason sex as it's only a relaxed mind that can get a woman in the mood .

Which chores?
Na only Una dey do chores?
What about a man who leaves his home early in the morning and come back late at night just to put food on the table?

I think the problem is selfishness from the wife's side and lack of organization.

You are wrong about that. Polygamous home is more better than most of these single nagging monogamy marriages. Since you have been reading marital killing, breakups, divorce, etc, the single family do this most. Within a year we do see more than 10 cases of wives or husband that killed their partner or deformed them, mostly all are from single home family not as a result of polygamy. So, don't conclude such. No polygamist go to early grave it's a matter of choice. African's are Hypocreates. You see polygamy as bad omen but gradually embrassing Homosexualism marriage gradually because your slave masters (oyinbo) Said so.

Any man that have interest in polygamy should do so. Every body with their opinion.

Their is full is shits lies and SCAM in that sex industry called marriage. Only few enjoys it.

mariahAngel:


Don't mind him.

Polygamy will lead you to an early grave because of sex. No go do pass yourself o!

One word: HYPOCRISY.

Many men on Africa don't want to get married to women that are sexually exposed. So women pretend to be sexually dumb in order for the men to take them to the alter.

This becomes a problem after marriage when madam who is used to having sex like a IndecentStar but got married by having sex like a village woman cannot tell her now husband she is not sexually satisfied.

Sex becomes a chore, and she becomes fed up with only pleasing Oga with time. Then comes the sex time tables, which inevitably drives Oga into the arms of a girl who can do what madam used to do in her youth.

The solution is for African men to be sexually open minded when it comes to marriage and communicate with their partners. But we are not ready.

Ilekokonit:
Most black women lose interest in sex after 2 kids.

It could be because some were circumcised and so do not have the most sensitive part of their Instruments intact anymore. Their clitoris may have been chopped off. The clitoris is meant to be like a mini penis that gets engorged with blood when aroused and it has a cap like the penis and so just like a man whose penile cap has been chopped off may never reach orgasm, likewise a woman whose entire clitoris has been hacked off may never achieve orgasm ans so sex to such damaged women is like a chore as they don't enjoy it and only engage in it to trap a man for marriage and kids.

Also, one of the major causes why black women lose interest in sex after 2 kids is because after each child birth, black women damage the lining of their vaginas by steaming it with boiling water when they sit on potties filled with boiling water, herbs and Dettol all in the name of healing the insides of their reproductive tract. This has the effect of cooking the insides of their vagina to a point where they no longer have much feeling in their vagina as the sensitive nerves in their vagina has been damaged beyond repair and because they can not feel anything in their vagina (barring a horse dick), they shy away from sex which they no longer enjoy because they have with their own hands damaged their own vagina.

This is before factoring in that after 2 kids, their vaginas has been stretched / widened and at times torn by a difficult child birth and so with them now boiling their vaginas by sitting of a potty filled with boiling water, the result is that their vaginas are no longer fit for purpose as they can no longer feel their husbands dick and they then start using sex as a weapon by denying the man sex and so the man has no choice and decides to satisfy his natural urges outside with a woman who gives him sexual healing and also treats him better than his wife who by now is only interested in the kids and loves neglecting her husbands needs.

Black women or Brown women?
Do black people exist?

Cousin9999:


Nonblack women generally don't have a healthy sexual appetite. It's either non-existent or bizarre.

Hmm not sure if race plays a factor here. Women generally tend to be the same across all races and cultures. I'm sure there are as much sexually starved black marriages as there are white, asian or interracial.

RisenPhoenix1:


With polygamy, there would be rivalry. Each woman would double up on her efforts to keep more of their mutual husband's attention. There will also always be a nagging feeling that another wife is getting more sex than her, and this will trigger the wife to try to get even more from the husband (keeping a greater share of the market so to speak). Finally, a woman always finds a man infinitely more attractive when he is not readily available to her beck and call; and it also triggers their possessiveness when other available females find him attractive. All these complexities will work in his favour.

A woman in a female herd does not think the same way as a woman with exclusive attention to a man. Polygamy is a woman leveller and destroys all their transactional techniques; that is why women hate it. It is like the difference between a customer's options in a monopoly and in a free market; the man being the customer in this case.

Like DUDE WTF!!! You’re really making me considering polygamy I swear �

RisenPhoenix1:


Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

Easier said than done

Mutaultope:
Before the birth of my first born

My wife will want to have sex like five time a week , the urge was always there and he mostly be the one to ask for it .

Fast forward 32x

now , we have our last born ...

She is no more interested in sex as before and I still want sex like 3-4 times a week ooooooooo


That's how women push their men out to have sex outside

How many children do you have

banmee:


That is not the reason. We as men tend to forget the amount of responsibility women/wives shoulder. Especially in this day and age. Our wives will cook, clean, and be expected to go to work as well. They are human. Not superheroes. I first noticed this after my first kid and I would tease my wife about not doing everything she used to do for me before and when we first got married. Manicure my nails, massage my back, etc. It got worse after my 2nd kid and I really began to have an issue with it. We got into a fight once and she made a remark about me not understanding how hard it's been for her but I was too angry to listen to anything and went to bed. Saner heads prevailed, so the next morning we had a long talk. She was like "dude, I cook, clean, take care of the kids, go to work and when I come back from work I still have to prep the kids for the next day. How romantic would you be if you had to do all that". Then it hit me. She needed help. Things changed tremendously after that. On my part, I became a master chef which reduced the cooking pressure on her and I helped her out on things around the house which freed up more time for us to do things together. We started working out together and going out more for no reason. You see, I'm married to a goddess and I love showing her off. I'm pretty sure I handled it right because we've been married for over 20 years but it feels like yesterday. I will highly advice you to take this approach when you get married.

Thanks, this is what I've been waiting for. I will hold this advice in my heart. But I hope it doesn't lead to disrespect and sense of entitlement on her part. Especially if you find yourself unable to help out any longer.

Pretence is the cause, some of women pretend to be satisfied and fake many things in bedroom during sex, some won't tell their husband how they actually like it so that they man won't say they are corrupt or wild so the man thinks he is satisfying the wife and will even brag about it while the woman was not in any way satisfied. Because the man does not do it they way she wants so she looses interest not that they don't like sex after marriage afterall the rate at which women are becoming adulterous these days are so much alarming.

I am aware this might not be the experience of every couple but the many couple I have interacted with, the story is pretty much the same: the wife losing interest in sex once she gets married to the man and especially once children start coming.

For certain couples it isn't as obvious as that, the wife simply approaches sex as a mechanical function that she needs to get over with and perhaps do something else.

Why do you think this is so? Can one say it's because once married the woman feels socially secured and doesn't need to put in any effort to win the man? Or does it have anything to do with changing biology?




I will not marry up to such a woman because life is not complete in marriage when there is no Sex,

God himself drop Husband heart to his wife and Wife too her heart shall drop up to her Husband when he created ADAM and EVE