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What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? - Family (16) - Nairaland

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My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? / Why Does Sex Slowly Die Off In A Marriage After 10+ Years?? / A Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom (Screenshot) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Primenet(m): 11:53pm On Jan 20, 2021
BornToSucced:
My sister;
Advise yourself
Pray for him....Pray hard!
Stop nagging unnecessarily
Try to be happy and let your husband be for now.
Don’t pressure him for anything.

In fact, just make him feel non-existent for some time.

Cheers!
On point
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by ndindiatu: 1:33am On Jan 21, 2021
mariahAngel:


It's just that so much is expected of a woman, it is hardly fair. The more they give, the more they're asked to give.
All they ever wanted is to be listened to.

Madam divorce this guy or remain forever miserable
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Modan: 2:52am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please
Jesus is missing in this home obviously.. you need to become genuinely saved so as to be able to teach your daughter to follow the right path..as for your husband,he will come around when he sees u are genuinely saved
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DavidEsq(m): 3:12am On Jan 21, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


They only take what part of the Bible that fits them and quote it happily with their full chest.

Ignorant Christians are the very worst. They only remember the Bible when it suits them but run into tradition when it doesn't

Preachers of the Bible but lovers of the world.
That's why 2 Timothy 3:7 says they appear to be learning God's word but they never come to the accurate knowledge of God's word. It says we should avoid such ones.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DavidEsq(m): 3:14am On Jan 21, 2021
Modan:
Jesus is missing in this home obviously.. you need to become genuinely saved so as to be able to teach your daughter to follow the right path..as for your husband,he will come around when he sees u are genuinely saved
Like he was missing in Pastor Chris', Joshua Iginla's and Apostle Suleiman's marriages, ba?

3 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Becca350(f): 4:09am On Jan 21, 2021
[quote author=sweetmelanin post=98232857]

This is the life of 95% of parents abroad so I need you to put your big girl panties on and get on with life... welcome to motherhood, welcome to adulthood! smiley

Not everyone can afford such luxury of bringing a mother across nations simply to help take care of your child... especially when you outrightly insisted on your own mother! I honestly can't blame your husband for his reluctance.. try and see things from his perspective too... have you truly thought about the costs? Visa application, flight tickets, cost of maintenance when she gets there; feeding, higher electricity&water bills etc.. he will need to show proof of sufficient funds to cover her maintenance for the entire duration of her stay there.. that is approx £7000 or £10000 that has been sitting in his account for at least three consecutive months prior to filing the visa application.
It's simply not fair to expect him to be burdened with all.

BEST ADVISED EVER READ HERE

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Becca350(f): 4:16am On Jan 21, 2021
bukatyne:


@bold:

I tried to understand this, I couldn't.

A husband asks his wife: 'who should come for omugwo' and wifey said 'her mother'


Let's assume the husband wanted his mother to come over because he is the man/it is her right/or whatever:

Was the husband not supposed to state he wants his mother to come because of X, Y Z?

How can you ask your wife a question, she gives a 'wrong' answer and you start to fight and ruin things?

Does it make sense to you?


Now women like una the spoil marriage with wrong advise.

did you no see her reply? why did you omit the "offcourse"?(MY MUM "OFFCOURSE"wink

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Becca350(f): 4:27am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:


The only person who has addressed the native drs issue. I was almost wondering based on the focus of the comments on this thread if believing so much in native drs is a normal thing for most people in naija.

Truly my dear trading with someone who can lay his life for native drs is a bitter pill to swallow.

Thanks for ur comment.
What will u do in my situation?

Then you better divorce him and let ur want be accomplish. From your comments so far, your are not here to seek advise from people but rather you are here for us to validate your reasons to keep nagging....

(try to see things from his view and stop talking too much PEACE)
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by nattyGENT: 5:48am On Jan 21, 2021
JESUS CHRIST HAS THE ANSWER. Take your worries to Him in prayers and He will reset your husband's brain back to normal and restore his conscience back to life.As a servant of the most high God, I declare peace and total restoration upon your marriage in Jesus's Name, Amen.
Just stop nagging although it's not easy, but pray for him and keep telling him he is the best, God bless him, you are thankful to God for having him as your husband always etc and the devil will surely be defeated. victory is yours!
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by OdogwuBlog: 7:44am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when Sermons I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by SoftChordz: 8:08am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:


I acknowledged in my writeup that I've been a nag since the beginning of this crisis.
I have heard u and will pray.
Thanks
lol hahaha seems like you females are dummiess, don't you know that there's no way to lose your husband faster than NAGGING??!!! No man on Earth wants that. Talking too much too, daaamn you're lucky he's still around ppl like me I'd drop you like a hot plate I despise nagging like mad.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Victorious12: 8:36am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please
you didn't see all this traces before marriage
or was it the money and Co that blinded you
how can you marry a husband that often goes to fetish places and you call that one love
Let me ask you a question before I suggest something for you
are you a born again christain
are you spirit filled
would love to h3re from you
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by cedricksly: 10:11am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please
you saying "my mom of cause" really made you sound selfish. Why then were u hiding under the charade of we wanted one of our moms to come. When you know very well it was yours you already had in mind to come. Doesn't that look selfish to you really At least hear from him first who he would prefer to come. He knows u will pick ur mom that's why he trew the question at u again of whose mom should come and u didn't disappoint him as he has suspected...
About his choice of African religion, I hate the fact that you are against his believes, why not face your own religion and leave him alone, if he wasn't working for him he would have stopped by now. but the fact that he said you are trying to charm him was said out of anger maybe during an argument else if that was true and he meant it, he won't even tell u...... Madam arrange your home ooo, a marriage will work or not largely depends on the woman, don't be that woman that breaks her home by herself.... And your husband only problem is RIGIDITY with decisions, he should be more flexible and compromise when he needs to... Not that he is heartless etc...

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 10:25am On Jan 21, 2021
Mood11:
undecided

You would have simply asked him who he would like to have over and allow him throw the dice to your choice. Even if his mother comes, it is not an achievement..

As matter don be like this, just allow him some time. He will come around.
Did you read through at all. The last phrase should have been your only comment.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 10:27am On Jan 21, 2021
HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.
I detest judgmental and insensitive guys like you. Out of all the woman wrote, you couldn’t even show empathy, it’s always about the man for y’all. Selfish beings.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by HarunaWest(m): 10:33am On Jan 21, 2021
jeesprecy:

I detest judgmental and insensitive guys like you. Out of all the woman wrote, you couldn’t even show empathy, it’s always about the man for y’all. Selfish beings.
I don't like you either. Good day.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 10:34am On Jan 21, 2021
Vevejoy:


The only person who has addressed the native drs issue. I was almost wondering based on the focus of the comments on this thread if believing so much in native drs is a normal thing for most people in naija.

Truly my dear trading with someone who can lay his life for native drs is a bitter pill to swallow.

Thanks for ur comment.
What will u do in my situation?

I’m late to the party but I kind of understand how you feel. About this native doctor issue, has he been like that before you married him or he kept it away from you?
Draw closer to God and pour your heart to him, only God can change his heart.

Now the other issues you have can be easily reconciled.
I see you’re not happy and you deserve true happiness.
You both need to communicate maybe before sex or after, just find one of those moments where you know he’ll listen to you.
Pour out your heart to him, admit your own faults and highlight his good virtues before focusing on his shortcomings, draw strength from within to be happy and everything will fall in place.
He’ll eventually come around.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by egobetatoday: 10:36am On Jan 21, 2021
Dreyton36:
Chai this woman you carry this matter reach nairaland lipsrsealed
Shey you don see true true say you talk too much

I go tell your husband grin

Just kidding though.

Listen darling, give him time
Focus on other things that matters, give your baby so much love and care
Erase his name from your head entirely for now
Don't seek his attention just be yourself

Time heals everything

And hey, don't forget to learn how to close your mouth, that's the reason why he ignores you all the time, and that's why your tears don't even move him because women that talk too much, no one takes them serious

Lights up my kpoli in peace

Your advice is one of the best for her case, and I believe someone else advised same before now.
.
OP... U need to measure your words, say as few as you can.
Like Dreyton 36 said, erase his name from your head for some time, at the same time do your responsibilities at home and respect him.
Don't involve him in any unimportant conversation, any conversation u indulge in should be very very important. Don't tell him about the friend u met at the mall or any of those stuff u discussed when things were good.
Focus on your baby. If you have friends, meet them once in a while for some girl time (but don't discuss your family issues with them).
Read books, do things that make you happy. iN OTHER WORDS, FORGET HIM for now and give him time.
He will come around eventually.
Stay quiet and respect him. He always had the impression that you've dominated him (don't be deceived to think it started on 5th May) and that's why he reacted negatively to your idea that your mum should come for the omugwo. I doubt that he has anything against your mum coming for the omugwo. I think he just feels you wielded your domineering wand when you replied with 'my mother of course'.

So, when things return to normal my advice is, don't try to interfere/advice when he has a decision to make. He will see your advise as trying to dominate him. Let him do whatever he wants to do, especially if it's his money. He will learn from his mistakes if it doesn't turn out right but he won't like you to tell him the 'obviously right thing' even before he discovers it himself. If its his money and the decision won't impact the health or life of the family much, ALWAYS GO WITH HIS DECISION (in fact, say something like 'wow, nice idea' even if it's the dumbest thing you've ever heard). Politics in marriage is not a new thing...I mean, for your own peace of mind. He would loose money in some situations, but he will learn and praise you to the heavens for being supportive. If it's a decision that will affect health or life of any of you, use your calmest, sweetest voice to say something like 'I think it's a very good idea, but I'm worried for so and so reason. Whatever he decides, go with it even if the decision is wrong in your opinion, wake up in the night and pray against the decision.

The only problem I see is the native doctor thing, which prayers solve. never stop praying for him.

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by egobetatoday: 10:38am On Jan 21, 2021
Victorious12:

you didn't see all this traces before marriage
or was it the money and Co that blinded you
how can you marry a husband that often goes to fetish places and you call that one love
Let me ask you a question before I suggest something for you
are you a born again christain
are you spirit filled
would love to h3re from you

Pls stop this kind of replies. If you are married, you should have known you can't know your fiancée totally before marriage, not even when you court for 15 yrs.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 11:31am On Jan 21, 2021
Chii59:

Typical victim blaming.

OP, you shouldn't have brought your marital issues to a forum where infantile, bitter, extremely toxic people like the quoted, are in the majority.
Honestly
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by egobetatoday: 11:55am On Jan 21, 2021
emerged01:
Vevejoy,The first reason for misunderstanding which was bringing your mom over is so wrong. His mother should be the one to come over. You shouldn’t have brought this issue up since you won’t allow his mother to come. If you have a good relationship with his mother why didn’t you ask his mother to come?
How will you feel if you have a son who is in your husband’s shoe, and his wife is trying to bring her mother over to abroad to take care of your their son? Will you be happy with your son for that decision? You should know what your action will cause between your husband and his mother.
About the rest of your complain I don’t have much to say than to cut him off the native doctors.

Pls don't get wrong ideas from this discussion ooo. It is the lady's mother who goes for omugwo. It is well established among mothers/women. I don't understand why people like you who don't understand these things are giving advise. Pls call your mother now (before you even marry) to ask who goes for omugwo...NOW! Even the man's mother won't be angry that she isn't going because omugwo is WORK. I mean, serious WORK. You will cook, clean , bath baby etc . Serious work. Only the girls mother can do it because the lady cannot start sending her mother in law to wash plates the way she would have sent her mother to wash plates. The man was angry for something else which coincidentally started after that omugwo discussion. So because they live abroad now, the mans mother should go for omugwo...Tueh!
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 12:16pm On Jan 21, 2021
egobetatoday:


Pls don't get wrong ideas from this discussion ooo. It is the lady's mother who goes for omugwo. It is well established among mothers/women. I don't understand why people like you who don't understand these things are giving advise. Pls call your mother now (before you even marry) to ask who goes for omugwo...NOW! Even the man's mother won't be angry that she isn't going because omugwo is WORK. I mean, serious WORK. You will cook, clean , bath baby etc . Serious work. Only the girls mother can do it because the lady cannot start sending her mother in law to wash plates the way she would have sent her mother to wash plates. The man was angry for something else which coincidentally started after that omugwo discussion. So because they live abroad now, the mans mother should go for omugwo...Tueh!

This is not about omugwo. Omugwo is after childbirth. The post is talking about who should stand in as nanny. If the husband is an Igbo man he should understand what you are saying but if he is a Yoruba man he needs to be angry because things doesn’t work the way you are saying.

I’m married with two kids if you care to know. And as a Yoruba man I stand by my post.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by egobetatoday: 12:37pm On Jan 21, 2021
emerged01:


This is not about omugwo. Omugwo is after childbirth. The post is talking about who should stand in as nanny. If the husband is an Igbo man he should understand what you are saying but if he is a Yoruba man he needs to be angry because things doesn’t work the way you are saying.

I’m married with two kids if you care to know. And as a Yoruba man I stand by my post.

Yes, omugwo is after child birth. But like I said, the person is going to work, not enjoy as you men like to think. She will be more comfortable to tell her mum to wash plates, cook egusi soup and make pounded yam before she returns from work. Telling her mother in law will result to problems later but you men will not care until you start seeing the result of inviting your mum for nannying. You mum should go for her daughters omugwo and leave her sons out of omugwo.

I am married too with children and my mother in law did the omugwo and nannied my children. That's because we live in the same town and we have close relationship. I never even wanted my mum to do the omugwo, and never could point out why. My mother in law and I still have good relationship up till now, in fact she is like my mum. But I don't like unnecessary trouble so I advice mothers to go for only their daughters omugwo and leave their sons omugwo/nannying to the lady's mother shikena.

I have only sons so I don't hope to go for any omugwo unfortunately, except if I have a similar sweet relationship with my daughters in law.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 12:48pm On Jan 21, 2021
egobetatoday:


Yes, omugwo is after child birth. But like I said, the person is going to work, not enjoy as you men like to think. She will be more comfortable to tell her mum to wash plates, cook egusi soup and make pounded yam before she returns from work. Telling her mother in law will result to problems later but you men will not care until you start seeing the result of inviting your mum for nannying. You mum should go for her daughters omugwo and leave her sons out of omugwo.

I am married too with children and my mother in law did the omugwo and nannied my children. That's because we live in the same town and we have close relationship. I never even wanted my mum to do the omugwo, and never could point out why. My mother in law and I still have good relationship up till now, in fact she is like my mum. But I don't like unnecessary trouble so I advice mothers to go for only their daughters omugwo and leave their sons omugwo/nannying to the lady's mother shikena.

I have only sons so I don't hope to go for any omugwo unfortunately, except if I have a similar sweet relationship with my daughters in law.

The reason I said the way it is,is because of traditional. I must tell you the truth,What you wrote up there is what I did. And I thank God for the understanding of my mum. Mind you,not all mother will understand in Yoruba land.
The mother in law has been a helping hand and we have a good relationship.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DMerciful(m): 1:11pm On Jan 21, 2021
How regular is your sex, upto 7 times per month? Frequent love making helps couples to bond and improves harmony. Also, do you initiate sex or wait all the time for him to initiate, which will make him see you as not sexually on top of your game? Do you have normal sex or only because of looking for a child? Do you give mind blowing sex or boring ones? Some men may feel shortchanged if they cannot cheat yet sexually starved in the marriage. Up your sexual game!


Another point is that its possible you partially ignored him after the first child's birth and now you want another child so you ignore him 100% and concentrate on the kids. He may not be happy how you changed after the first child....you have to reprioritise him
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Emeraldgreene(f): 8:03pm On Jan 21, 2021
[Dont mind some of the responses u got here,many are young unmarried,they lack experience,and they are here blaming u.

Wat ur feeling perfectly normal.I would feel and do worse if married to a man like ur husband.ur husband seems like he's of choleric temperament.hes a stubborn, cold, hardhearted,unemotional,man.


.I doubted if he truly loves u, well,I would say pray first,it's starts with prayer first,ask God to Change him,to give him a soft heart,and ears that listens to his wife..then talk to people he respects,they should help advice him .Try to see a marriage counselor quickly because ur husband needs to learn the art of compromise.very essential in marriage... finally show him love, keep being loving,patient, sweet and kind to him,when u're in bed together while he's trying to touch you,u can speak to him gently about how his attitude and actions hurt u..this coupled with prayers will help you.Its only six years and ure sad, unhappy,.what's gonna happen when it 10-15 years down the lane?

I wish u the best of luck maam.ledyersunseling...wuotevejoye forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please[/quote]

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Emeraldgreene(f): 8:10pm On Jan 21, 2021
[SHES NOT SELF ABSORBED!quote author=LordKO post=98243974]You're in a loveless marriage. It doesn't matter whether you're the reason why your husband doesn't love you, or he didn't achieve self-realization before marrying you; however, his actions and inaction show that he regrets getting married to you, citing your submission. So, the problem in your marriage didn't start from the point you made your choice to have your biological mother to visit - which under normal circumstances shouldn't have caused a problem, even if he's unfavorably disposed to the idea - the problem only reared up its ugly head from that point.

He's a man who hasn't conquered himself ethically and mentally, thus the reason why he's a slave to native doctors - the native doctors aren't the problem, but him. He isn't fit enough to lead himself, least of leading another grown-up in particular and a family in general. It doesn't matter whether he's of good financial and academic standing. By the way, your shortcomings are glaring; strive to be less self-absorbing.[/quote]
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by KoolBigk(m): 1:49am On Jan 22, 2021
From the lengthy write up, you sure talks too much. This is a turn off for any man.
When having a discussion with your hubby or anyone, be concise!

Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Victorious12: 6:54am On Jan 22, 2021
egobetatoday:


Pls stop this kind of replies. If you are married, you should have known you can't know your fiancée totally before marriage, not even when you court for 15 yrs.
Except you are blinded by some benefits
You'll see at least 40%
This is very bad
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Hassanmaye(m): 11:02am On Jan 22, 2021
Ecbatana:
First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby and may the forces be in her favor.

In order to understand the problem and proffer a tenable solution, let me break down your post as follows;

(i ) You've been married for six years and you live abroad,

(ii) You struggled all those years for the fruit of the womb up till 2019 when your baby girl was born,

(iii) the both of you discussed the prospect of bringing either of your moms to come and assist with the child care. When he asked to know which of the moms you preferred, you opted for yours and also backed it up.

(iv) now your marriage is threatened, he acts coldly towards you and all you now do is nag and complain,

(v) and finally, you mentioned that he visits witch doctors and takes their counsel.


I'd like to pose a few questions where in lies my advice.

1. Where did you meet him; here in Africa or abroad? This is because many ladies here in Africa quickly rush to marry someone they hardly know for the prospect of living abroad. Most of the time it's a thing of ego.

2. Did you court before marriage and for how long? I ask this question because courtship would have given the privilege to know things about him and make a stand. Or, you knew how he behaves and visits native doctors but got carried away by something else.

3. How close is he to his mother? Most men are attached to their mothers. When he asked you which of the moms you preferred, you should have weighed this in your heart before replying him. Choosing your mom over his will give him the impression that you are selfish and want only your family members to benefit.

4. Could you please stop the nagging and complaining? No man wants a nagging woman for a wife. Though his attitude towards you is highly annoying, do not play to the gallery. Since he is not complaining about paying for day care, let him continue to pay in peace. On your own part, be positive, have confidence in yourself, worry less, face your work and in your leisure find something to keep you positively engaged. Most men like to be in control, when he sees you no longer worry and regaining control over yourself, he'll try to re-establish control. Your charms will draw him close to you again.

Let me conclude in order not to bore you, if he has people that he listens to; talk to them. Also, a lot of people need assurances, prayers and fortifications to keep them going. Some find theirs in the church, others in the mosque and your husband the shrine. Do not joke with a man's religion. If you don't like it and can't compel him to change then divorce should be your last resort. After all, you stay abroad and the law favors women in issues like this. Except your abroad is an African country. Goodluck and may the cosmic guide you.


Chai professor, I remove cap for you
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by egobetatoday: 12:21pm On Jan 22, 2021
Victorious12:

Except you are blinded by some benefits
You'll see at least 40%
This is very bad

And if his love for visiting native doctors is in the 60% (according to you) that she doesn't know, why should you scold the OP the way you did?

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Victorious12: 1:30am On Jan 23, 2021
egobetatoday:


And if his love for visiting native doctors is in the 60% (according to you) that she doesn't know, why should you scold the OP the way you did?
the picture is very clear
will she say she didn't see at least one sign
pls help me answer
you think marriage issa joke ba

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