Domestic abuse is abuse of one person by another person with whom they are living, have lived, or with whom a significant relationship exists.

Violent people are violent! Domestic abuse is not in isolation from other violence. Violence is not gender specific anybody can do it.
If a gender neutral scenario of violence occur people always asume there is a male perpetrator and a female victim.

The bias
Domestic Violence or the broader term Gender based Violence are politically correct names for Violence against women.

I took my time to dig deep on Domestic Violence and the only thing i can see is related to women instead of being neutral.
Infact definitions of DV disregard violence against men and the term gender , as used in gender based violence , only refers to women.
Domestic Violence against women is defined by the UN as any act of 'gender-based' violence that results in, or is likely to result in physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life.
However, the United Nations, being a feminist organisation, does not have a definition for domestic violence against men.
In the United States, in 2005, 1181 women were killed by their intimate partners, compared to 329 men. In England and Wales about 100 women are killed by partners or former partners each year while 21 men were killed in 2010. In 2008, in France, 156 women were killed by their intimate partner, compared to 27 men.
The figures above shows men are the lower victims. Which may be due to
¶ Male are stronger, they die less from domestic violence.
¶ Under-reporting (male ego).

The truth
The overall picture is that, taken together, abuse is widespread and not confined to any sex, gender, or cultural group etc. The term 'gender-based violence' is misleading since very little domestic abuse occurs because of a dislike of the gender being attacked, indeed the attacker is often living with them because they have an affinity for that gender.

Parents who physically abuse their spouses are more likely than others to physically abuse their children.
People who drink or smoke are liable to abuse their partner, as well as people with anger issues.
Other research indicates that boys who have been abused in childhood by a family member are more prone to violent perpetration, while girls who have been abused in childhood by a family member are prone to lack empathy and self-efficacy.

Adult on children abuse
Children are major victims of Violence
More concentration should be done on children. They are the highest victims of sexual abuse, physical abuse and all other forms of abuse.
¶ There was a lady i once heard in the news who was caught sleeping with her underage brother, she was asked why did it and she said it's because he is handsome.
¶ A man had sex with a 5 year old child
¶ Sometimes a close relative or a maid will rape a child
https://www.nairaland.com/6336906/being-consistently-raped-housemaid-when
¶ There was a story i heard years ago where a woman press press iron on her child because he didn't do what she told him to do.
¶ Another woman on the day of salah slaughter her son like a ram.
¶ Women have been shown to be agressive to children they do not begat and can sometimes physically hurt them. https://www.nairaland.com/6141908/woman-chops-off-nieces-finger
¶ Women tend to be worst when it comes to punishing children. While Men tend to flock, slap, beat or punch the child. Women tend to use objects to punish the child. Many have stabbed their children, burn them with iron, injured them with a metal.
When talking about Domestic abuse i see too much concentration on the victim/perpetrator model which focuses on the two adults, however, Children are also victims of said abuse. There are negative ffects on their mental health of the child and in the process of trying to seperate their parents may get hurt.
Read this also : https://www.nairaland.com/6107308/parents-always-fight-abusing-children


Male on male Violence
It is not only women that are victims of male violence. Male are more violent to male than female.
Alot of stories where a brother stabbed his brother because of a woman. Father killed his son because money. Friend killed his friend because of debt. Son killed his father because of food.

Male on female violence
This is refered to as Gender-Based Violence.
Men are higher in number when it comes to domestic violence because men tend to react via physical retaliation. Men tend to use methods like punching, beating, strangulation, kicking, slapping, butchering, and beheading.
There are stories in which a man butchered his wife and throw her inside a well. Man beheaded his wife over paternity fraud. Man strangled his wife to dead for refusing him sex. Man kills his wife and kills himself.
This is the type of Violence the media takes seriously and are the hot subject of human rights activist.


Female on male Violence
Women use slapping, hitting, throwing of sharp objects or utensils(Plate, pots, knife), destruction of partner's properties(certificates, gadgets etc),
However being less stronger physically they tend to use more dangerous method such as stabbing with knife, acid throwing, hitting with wood/ iron/stone, burning using kerosine/petrol, poisoning, pouring boiling water, hiring of mobsters, and penectomy(cutting of man's penis while asleep).
As such direct homicides are usually higher of women killed by their male partners. Indirect deaths, such as those committing suicide because of the domesitc abuse they recieve, are mostly of men.
Women tend to use emotional torture that can lead her partner to depression and suicide. A woman made a major General to commit suicide, this is to show you the intense emotional turture a woman can cause.
Links
https://www.nairaland.com/6359973/akwa-ibom-corper-killed-him
https://www.nairaland.com/6207445/nigerian-woman-stabs-boyfriend-death
https://www.nairaland.com/6359805/photos-man-set-ablaze-18-year-old
Females are more likely to consider Intimate partner violence, a serious problem than are their male counterparts, who are more likely to disregard female-perpetrated Violence .
As such many women do not end up going for jail for their crimes they are either pardoned or given short jail terms.



Female on female violence
In 2011, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released the 2010 results of their National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey and report that 44% of lesbian women, 61% of bisexual women, and 35% of heterosexual women experienced domestic violence in their lifetime.
Violence against women in lesbian relationships is about as common as violence against women in heterosexual relationships. This shows women are also as violent as men.
¶ There are many stories of women who killed their cowife. I practically witness this with my two eye in my neighborhood.
https://www.nairaland.com/6371154/kaduna-wife-kills-17-year-old-girl
¶ Women are known to use hot water
https://www.nairaland.com/6332656/wife-bathes-benue-excommissioner-daughter

Bidirectional Violence
Domestic abuse is often presented as one victim and one perpetrator . However, little abuse is one-sided. Most abuse has a history of escalation and joint participation: it is bidirectional.
There are cases of domestic abuse where there are multiple perpetrators in the home against a single victim(wife and children can gang up and beat the father) , some cases where there are multiple victims to an overbearing perpetrator(father terrorizes wife and children) , and some cases where there are multiple perpetrators and multiple victims (particularly along race, age or sex divisions) .
Many studies have found evidence of high levels of bidirectionality in cases where women have reported Intimate partner Violence .
For example, social activist Erin Pizzey , who established the first women's shelter in the U.K. in 1971, found that 62 of the first 100 women admitted to the centre were "violence-prone," and just as violent as the men they were leaving.
When talking about domestic abuse people view it binarily as one victim and one perpetrator. In reality, domestic abuse is often multi-faceted and rarely does one category appear on its own.
Wife and husband on tenant : https://www.nairaland.com/6365988/landlord-wife-cut-tenants-face

Domestic Violence
But i see Human rights only focusing on gender based violence instead of stopping violence in all.
Domestic abuse laws are rarely gender-neutral, and where they are, they are rarely applied in a gender-neutral manner.

Solution
Just as men are reprimanded for hitting or attempting to hit women. Women should also be reprimanded.
Thesame thing applies to rape and other vices.
https://www.nairaland.com/6318314/rape-omah-lay-catch-him
.
If Domestic Abuse is to be taken vehemently then Emotional/Psychological abuse, Implied threats, Harassment and stalking, Verbal abuse, Online or digital abuse, and Financial abuse should also be taken seriously.

Sometimes, women are major instigators of domestic violence.

Good one, I believe the bias spans from the high rate of women being victims, nevertheless women have also been culprits.

However I don't think we should address this issue from the aftermath, what can be done to stop it in the first place?

Liposure:
Sometimes, women are major instigators of domestic violence.

Exactly. Domestic Violence is mostly bidirectional.

Dpsychologist:


Exactly. Domestic Violence is mostly bidirectional.

Your head dey there.

There are only few cases of clear cut victim/abuser.

To be very honest, I find it extremely difficult to sympathise with a man who gets beaten by his wife.

RisenPhoenix1:
To be very honest, I find it extremely difficult to sympathise with a man who gets beaten by his wife.

Abuse is not only physical.
Men suffer more from psychological than physical abuse.

mariahAngel:


Abuse is not only physical.
Men suffer more from psychological than physical abuse.

That is even worse. How can a man's psyche be so fragile that a woman's behaviour can affect it?

RisenPhoenix1:
To be very honest, I find it extremely difficult to sympathise with a man who gets beaten by his wife.

Don't say that

descarado:


Don't say that

Why?

RisenPhoenix1:
To be very honest, I find it extremely difficult to sympathise with a man who gets beaten by his wife.

what about husbands who's wives stabbed to death?

mysticwarrior:
what about husbands who's wives stabbed to death?

If you loosen your grip on the reins, the horse can throw you off and kick you in the head.

In any case the husband would have seen it coming and ignored the signs.

Domestic violence is not gender specific yes but the majority of the people on the receiving end are women. Take it or leave it.

RisenPhoenix1:


Why?

Cause cases abound so much where a man are killed, disfigured or greatly injured because men like you thought it's an abomination seeing men being beaten up and look the other way.

RisenPhoenix1:


That is even worse. How can a man's psyche be so fragile that a woman's behaviour can affect it?

Many a time, you do yarn trash, all in a bid to appear woke and tough. Refrain from such illusory acts. No sane human being is immune from the effect of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse provided that there's an existing or unneutralized bond or even closeness with the involvement of a toxic person; this is regardless of the gender of the perpetrator and victim.

Beautifully written piece here...

I particularly like the fact that you emphasized usage of the phrase 'domestic violence' instead of 'gender-based violence', which is what many of these gynocentric organizations love to call it.

It is purely a lame attempt when they use wordplay to try pushing the narrative that women are the only victims of domestic violence. They also always fail to mention that even when women were the victims, a good number among them were equally the instigators.

When you go to a gun fight armed with a knife, expect catastrophe.

Just being the physically weaker person does NOT automatically make one a victim, the ONLY exception to this is when it's children involved.

I don't think anyone ever said it was, but most of the time women are on the receiving end.

LordKO:



[s]Many a time, you do yarn trash, all in a bid to appear woke and tough. Refrain from such illusory acts. No sane human being is immune from the effect of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse provided that there's an existing or unneutralized bond or even closeness with the involvement of a toxic person; this is regardless of the gender of the perpetrator and victim[/s].

Still full of the ordure, I see.

Bumpkin, lol.

descarado:

Cause cases abound so much where a man are killed, disfigured or greatly injured because men like you thought it's an abomination seeing men being beaten up and look the other way.

I didn't say it was an abomination, just that men so outclass women strength wise, that I cannot see how a woman can physically overcome a man without his consent.

RisenPhoenix1:


That is even worse. How can a man's psyche be so fragile that a woman's behaviour can affect it?

And this is what i always say. As a man, the moment you let your guard down with women all in the name of love, you're prone to emotional manipulation. Women are naturally manipulative, all they need is a little chance.

okoIYAyin:


And this is what i always say. As a man, the moment you let your guard down with women all in the name of love, you're prone to emotional manipulation. Women are naturally manipulative, all they need is a little chance.

It's not about gender. You shouldn't let your guard down with anyone. No one should have any power over your emotions. But yes, romantic love is a strong leveller of men.

I might make a tentative exception for one's kids. It seems difficult to control being angry or disappointed at an adult kid's misbehaviour.

okoIYAyin:


And this is what i always say. As a man, the moment you let your guard down with women all in the name of love, you're prone to emotional manipulation. Women are naturally manipulative, all they need is a little chance.

Humans in general have manipulative tendencies.

RisenPhoenix1:


I didn't say it was an abomination, just that men so outclass women strength wise, that I cannot see how a woman can physically overcome a man without his consent.

What about those that were caught off guard probably because they ignored the signs and slept with their two eyes closed?

You think a woman who's on to you will challenge you strength for strength?

mariahAngel:


What about those that were caught off guard probably because they ignored the signs and slept with their two eyes closed?

You think a woman who's on to you will challenge you strength for strength?

They shouldn't ignore the signs, so it's still mostly their fault. Most women show their hatred openly and will usually ask for a divorce or start making moves to get away if they can no longer look up to their husbands. In most cases, because of the fear of living alone, the man will be pursuing her up and down from family house to boyfriends house trying to get her back by pleading. This only increases her hatred of him, but she may come back because of pressure from other family members or out of pity. This is the type of woman that will kill her husband. You can't force a women to stay with you safely. If she wants to go, set her free. Men won't listen.

mariahAngel:


Humans in general have manipulative tendencies.

Yeah that's true, both genders are manipulative but women are more successful at it. That's because men never think they're being manipulated. Women's manipulation can be so subtle, guys just don't pick up on it or they just ignore it's happening.

RisenPhoenix1:


That is even worse. How can a man's psyche be so fragile that a woman's behaviour can affect it?

A woman burn's all your school Certificate thats when you know your psyche is fragile.

okoIYAyin:


Yeah that's true, both genders are manipulative but women are more successful at it. That's because men never think they're being manipulated. Women's manipulation can be so subtle, guys just don't pick up on it or they just ignore it's happening.

another things is that men under rate women they see them as weak vessels and can do no harm thats how some men went grave early.

If a major general in Nigerian army that die due to hypertension and stress because of a woman just forget

RisenPhoenix1:


They shouldn't ignore the signs, so it's still mostly their fault. Most women show their hatred openly and will usually ask for a divorce or start making moves to get away if they can no longer look up to their husbands. In most cases, because of the fear of living alone, the man will be pursuing her up and down from family house to boyfriends house trying to get her back by pleading. This only increases her hatred of him, but she may come back because of pressure from other family members or out of pity. This is the type of woman that will kill her husband. You can't force a women to stay with you safely. If she wants to go, set her free. Men won't listen.

Yea i agree with you. But most times is not easy to leave a woman they have invested alot. Its the power of sunk cost.

Dpsychologist:

A woman burn's all your school Certificate thats when you know your psyche is fragile.

Lol. They never born am well. Why would I keep my certificates at home anyway?

Anyway, that is not an emotional issue. I may even understand her stance and forgive her. Of course, that does not mean I'll continue to harbour her presence in my home.

Dpsychologist:

Yea i agree with you. But most times is not easy to leave a woman they have invested alot. Its the power of sunk cost.

Well, I don't think that one should add his life to the other sunk costs.

Ardar:
Domestic violence is not gender specific yes but the majority of the people on the receiving end are women. Take it or leave it.

What about children?

Oh now you are quiet. Take it or leave it children are at the receiving end. Argue with your Keyboard.

https://www.nairaland.com/6409408/spousal-abuse-against-men-rising

Evidence that men don't say anything when they are abused.