Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

U have the answer urself, therapy is the only way out. The worst people on earth to deal with are those with emotional problem. Ur husband seems to have some underlying emotional issue. I'm just surprised u didn't notice all these b4 marriage, he wud have shown u who he is. That's by the way now tho.

U don't need to convince him to trust u cos no matter how much you try, it won't work. It is as a result of his past or childhood. Just try and convince him to meet a therapist and mind u, don't meet marriage counselor cos it won't help, they cut trees on top leaving the root.

He needs a psychologist.

missjo:
Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

My dear sister,I can feel your pain. I can as well see what you are going through but then marriage is not a child's play. For my 14 years in marriage I have seen so many things as a man, but I decide not to involve third party to settle any issue I have with my wife. Just resently my beautiful wife told me that she doesn't love me anylonger and I ask her what I must I done wrong and she said nothing just that she doesn't know what is wrong with her. The next thing I did was to go to God and of a truth God answered my prayers today is like we just met yesterday as husband and wife. What am I saying,go to God in prayers and He will build the trust once again. Man can't bring solution to any marriage because it was oreginated by God. May you find peace, love and trust in your once again.

There's nothing u can do to make him trust u even if u start dressing like an SU...


Frm ur write up he has insecurity issues which may av spring up frm his past relationships nd also with d negativity d social media is portraying abt women dez days is alarming.It takes a mature mind to still av his family intact despite all dat.


I suggest u go to God in prayers and introduce him to a therapist as well

missjo:
Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

Hello Missjo:

Most times, experiences (others & ours) form our template to resolve or tackle issues.

Ideally, we should be whole before we marry however, it doesn't happen that way so people still being previous baggage into their new relationship.

You love your husband, do you know him?

Do you have an idea of his experiences from after secondary school till you met him? Was he jilted? Cheated on? Saw his mother or another woman he trusted cheat? Is he the 'fear women' crew because of what he has seen? Did his parents give more attention to his siblings? Was there any reason for him to feel inadequate to his mates? Does he feel you deserve better than him? Any idea how he was in school? What are his opinions on the DNA issues and women sleep around stories flying?

Therapy should be the last resort:

Ask him why he doesn't trust you or why he thinks you can cheat on him.

Na, he doesn't think you have cheated yet. Your husband is trying to prevent you from 'cheating' by giving you 'close marking'. The question is why? What is he afraid of?

Are you drop dead stunning that men actually want to sleep with you? It is also possible that men around you would want to sleep with you which he can sense. Do you also unconsciously sense their interest and flirt with them? Enjoy the attention?

Or in casual comments, are your type of men consistently opposite to features he possess? Of he is fair and lanky and you keep drooling over dark hunks in movies and real life, he might begin to assume he is not your original spec (you left an abusive relationship for him; hello rebound) and you taste your spec when opportuned. All the men he 'suspects', do they have common features?

Apart from his lack of trust, is he generally loving?

Also pray for wisdom to handle the issue.

Get to understand what his fears really are and tackle it from there.

Goodluck.

(1)The real solution is for the husband to pray for himself and the spirit of insecurities hovering around hiM.
(2) (am not sure)sometimes when someone is cheating he/she would also be avoiding same for his/her partner especially men.
(3) finally you have to pray very well against devil in your marriage.

Citing your honest submission, the journey that led to the union didn't start from a strong ethical position from your end, and he wittingly or unwittingly didn't make an effort to discover you beyond your extrinsic qualities. It takes a discerning person to get that done; that's where he effed. Unfortunately, in the absence of that, as it's in this case, mistrust is inevitable. It doesn't matter whether you've got a good soul bad soul. Had it been he achieved such feat and married you either for the good or bad quality of your soul, both of you wouldn't have been in this kind of ugly situation that drains both of you in different ways.

Well, the both of you've different roles to play to either succeed in achieving mutual trust and peace in the union or to perish in it - I wish it'll come to the former. You've to honestly become as vulnerable as possible to him while he has to detox himself and honestly start quantifying you from the place of rationality

Summarily, he didn't marry you for the quality of your soul wittingly or unwittingly, therefore, he doesn't know you well yet; thus his action. The problem will automatically get solved the very moment he has the ability to tell what you can do or can't do at any given time, whether in his presence or absence, subject to circumstances. A conscientious disposition from you mainly expressed through vulnerability will help him to make this possible, provided that he conquers himself rationally.

The guy is terrified, perhaps from his experience or what he had seen/read.

Only couple's therapy will help.

You two should go out together more often if possible.

missjo:
Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

LordKO:
Citing your honest submission, the journey that led to the union didn't start from a strong ethical position from your end, and he wittingly or unwittingly didn't make an effort to discover you beyond your extrinsic qualities. It takes a discerning person to get that done; that's where he effed. Unfortunately, in the absence of that, as it's in this case, mistrust is inevitable. It doesn't matter whether you've got a good soul bad soul. Had it been he achieved such feat and married you either for the good or bad quality of your soul, both of you wouldn't have been in this kind of ugly situation that drains both of you in different ways.

Well, the both of you've different roles to play to either succeed in achieving mutual trust and peace in the union or to perish in it - I wish it'll come to the former. You've to honestly become as vulnerable as possible to him while he has to detox himself and honestly start quantifying you from the place of rationality

Summarily, he didn't marry you for the quality of your soul wittingly or unwittingly, therefore, he doesn't know you well yet; thus his action. The problem will automatically get solved the very moment he has the ability to tell what you can do or can't do at any given time, whether in his presence or absence, subject to circumstances. A conscientious disposition from you mainly expressed through vulnerability will help him to make this possible, provided that he conquers himself rationally.

Oga..you too blow grammar

123huawei:

Oga..you too blow grammar

I'll get back to you as soon as I realize that I too blow grammar; if I eventually realized it. I hope it''s not a crime, though. In the meantime, do have a great weekend.

Wisdom would not kill you

bukatyne:


Hello Missjo:

Most times, experiences (others & ours) form our template to resolve or tackle issues.

Ideally, we should be whole before we marry however, it doesn't happen that way so people still being previous baggage into their new relationship.

You love your husband, do you know him?

Do you have an idea of his experiences from after secondary school till you met him? Was he jilted? Cheated on? Saw his mother or another woman he trusted cheat? Is he the 'fear women' crew because of what he has seen? Did his parents give more attention to his siblings? Was there any reason for him to feel inadequate to his mates? Does he feel you deserve better than him? Any idea how he was in school? What are his opinions on the DNA issues and women sleep around stories flying?

Therapy should be the last resort:

Ask him why he doesn't trust you or why he thinks you can cheat on him.

Na, he doesn't think you have cheated yet. Your husband is trying to prevent you from 'cheating' by giving you 'close marking'. The question is why? What is he afraid of?

Are you drop dead stunning that men actually want to sleep with you? It is also possible that men around you would want to sleep with you which he can sense. Do you also unconsciously sense their interest and flirt with them? Enjoy the attention?

Or in casual comments, are your type of men consistently opposite to features he possess? Of he is fair and lanky and you keep drooling over dark hunks in movies and real life, he might begin to assume he is not your original spec (you left an abusive relationship for him; hello rebound) and you taste your spec when opportuned. All the men he 'suspects', do they have common features?

Apart from his lack of trust, is he generally loving?

Also pray for wisdom to handle the issue.

Get to understand what his fears really are and tackle it from there.

Goodluck.

missjo:
Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

Have a talk with him about it. Be direct. Ask him if he thinks you could ever cheat on him. Ask why whether yes or no. Ask him if he's ever been cheated on and how often - could be the cause of his fears. With the info, find the cause of his fears and act accordingly.
Then go all out to prove your commitment to fidelity:
Ask him to record you(both audio and video) saying that "he should never forgive you if you're ever guilty of infidelity and should send you back to your parent's house without mercy immediately while also paying a greater percentage(80%) of your total savings/assets for emotional damages on him and your kids"
Tell him you also demand he does a paternity test on all your kids.
Commit to brief him on each day's outing schedule and if any changes come up, always be first to notify him.
Start with these first and watch his reaction. As for you, with these in place, even your favourite vilest demons will be afraid to tempt you to ever do anything stupid.

I am surprised this is coming from Op, cant say further

freetheking:
My dear sister,I can feel your pain. I can as well see what you are going through but then marriage is not a child's play. For my 14 years in marriage I have seen so many things as a man, but I decide not to involve third party to settle any issue I have with my wife. Just resently my beautiful wife told me that she doesn't love me anylonger and I ask her what I must I done wrong and she said nothing just that she doesn't know what is wrong with her. The next thing I did was to go to God and of a truth God answered my prayers today is like we just met yesterday as husband and wife. What am I saying,go to God in prayers and He will build the trust once again. Man can't bring solution to any marriage because it was oreginated by God. May you find peace, love and trust in your once again.

Thanks

sherylbaky:
U have the answer urself, therapy is the only way out. The worst people on earth to deal with are those with emotional problem. Ur husband seems to have some underlying emotional issue. I'm just surprised u didn't notice all these b4 marriage, he wud have shown u who he is. That's by the way now tho.

U don't need to convince him to trust u cos no matter how much you try, it won't work. It is as a result of his past or childhood. Just try and convince him to meet a therapist and mind u, don't meet marriage counselor cos it won't help, they cut trees on top leaving the root.

He needs a psychologist.

Hmmmm

bukatyne:


Hello Missjo:

Most times, experiences (others & ours) form our template to resolve or tackle issues.

Ideally, we should be whole before we marry however, it doesn't happen that way so people still being previous baggage into their new relationship.

You love your husband, do you know him?

Do you have an idea of his experiences from after secondary school till you met him? Was he jilted? Cheated on? Saw his mother or another woman he trusted cheat? Is he the 'fear women' crew because of what he has seen? Did his parents give more attention to his siblings? Was there any reason for him to feel inadequate to his mates? Does he feel you deserve better than him? Any idea how he was in school? What are his opinions on the DNA issues and women sleep around stories flying?

Therapy should be the last resort:

Ask him why he doesn't trust you or why he thinks you can cheat on him.

Na, he doesn't think you have cheated yet. Your husband is trying to prevent you from 'cheating' by giving you 'close marking'. The question is why? What is he afraid of?

Are you drop dead stunning that men actually want to sleep with you? It is also possible that men around you would want to sleep with you which he can sense. Do you also unconsciously sense their interest and flirt with them? Enjoy the attention?

Or in casual comments, are your type of men consistently opposite to features he possess? Of he is fair and lanky and you keep drooling over dark hunks in movies and real life, he might begin to assume he is not your original spec (you left an abusive relationship for him; hello rebound) and you taste your spec when opportuned. All the men he 'suspects', do they have common features?

Apart from his lack of trust, is he generally loving?

Also pray for wisdom to handle the issue.

Get to understand what his fears really are and tackle it from there.

Goodluck.

Wow there's a lot to respond to here

He is the kind of man you would call a ladies man, meaning he's the one who would have been cheating, not cheated on. I have joked about that a lot with him. Also has a big ego on him too, so I'm not sure if he feels inadequate

I have asked him why he suspects me, his answer is always the same. I don't suspect you, I'm only being protective.

He says he is afraid of losing me, that's why he constantly does what he does. Personally, I don't think he rates me at all, like why would I start having an affair with a coworker just like that?

I don't flirt at all, most people on first impression think I'm snobbish and unfriendly, especially men. I don't know about being stunning but I'm okay, lol.
Yes I enjoy the attention, doesn't mean I show that I do. Single word answers are what I'm known for, my friends are tired of me cos of it.

He is my spec, real life spec. Movie spec is different, very few men actually look like those hunkies in the movies.

He wasn't really a rebound, I was still in that relationship when we first started chilling and doing stuff. You could say I cheated on my ex with him, hard to admit but it's what it is.

He is extremely loving, he is also nuts but he's that kind of nuts that pisses me off then has me loving up afterwards.

Thanks a whole lot for your response. My only worry is that one of these days, he gonna use his suspicions as an excuse to get some.
I might finally consider talking therapy to him, see what he says.

SpeciMental:

Have a talk with him about it. Be direct. Ask him if he thinks you could ever cheat on him. Ask why whether yes or no. Ask him if he's ever been cheated on and how often - could be the cause of his fears. With the info, find the cause of his fears and act accordingly.
Then go all out to prove your commitment to fidelity:
Ask him to record you(both audio and video) saying that "he should never forgive you if you're ever guilty of infidelity and should send you back to your parent's house without mercy immediately while also paying a greater percentage(80%) of your total savings/assets for emotional damages on him and your kids"
Tell him you also demand he does a paternity test on all your kids.
Commit to brief him on each day's outing schedule and if any changes come up, always be first to notify him.
Start with these first and watch his reaction. As for you, with these in place, even your favourite vilest demons will be afraid to tempt you to ever do anything stupid.

Lmfao. Thanks, but this was funny.

I already brief him about my daily activities, I've been doing that now more than before just to see if he chills. Some days, it works, but other days he's back to the usual suspicions.

missjo:

Wow there's a lot to respond to here

He is the kind of man you would call a ladies man, meaning he's the one who would have been cheating, not cheated on. I have joked about that a lot with him. Also has a big ego on him too, so I'm not sure if he feels inadequate

I have asked him why he suspects me, his answer is always the same. I don't suspect you, I'm only being protective.

He says he is afraid of losing me, that's why he constantly does what he does. Personally, I don't think he rates me at all, like I would just start having an affair with a coworker just like that.

I don't flirt at all, most people on first impression think I'm snobbish and unfriendly, especially men. I don't know about being stunning but I'm okay, lol.
Yes I enjoy the attention, doesn't mean I show that I do. Single word answers are what I'm known for, my own friends are tired of me

He is my spec, real life spec. Movie spec is different, very few men actually look like those hunkies in the movies.

He wasn't really a rebound, I was still in that relationship when we first started chilling and doing stuff. You could say I cheated on my ex with him, hard to admit but it's what it is.

He is extremely loving, he is also nuts but he's that kind of nuts that pisses me off then has me loving up afterwards.

Thanks a whole lot for your response. My only worry is that one of these days, he gonna use his suspicions as an excuse to get some.
I might finally consider talking therapy to him, see what he says.

That is why he can never trust you...even if he tries to. It's his burden.

That is the consequence/punishment for you for being disloyal to someone you were in a relationship with, and your husband's distrust of you is his burden for being a party to it.
In any relationship, loyalty is everything!

You should've first ended the previous relationship before going into a new relationship with your eventual husband.

mariahAngel:

That is why he can never trust you...even if he tries to.
That is the consequence/punishment for you for being disloyal to someone you were in a relationship with, and your husband's distrust of you is his burden for being a party to it.
In any relationship, loyalty is everything!

You should've ended the previous relationship before going into a new relationship with your eventual husband.

Hmmm, what's done is done ma'am and I don't believe in nevers.
Yes I acknowledge the part which our indiscretions together may have played in how mistrustful he is of me presently, but my husband isn't exactly a saint either. He's definitely cheated on one or two people before.

Now that I think of it, I should probably have that conversation with him

Thanks

@OP. I wont say much, but what i know for sure is that your husband is cheating on you. Take my advise to the bank. He is cheating, and he is scared of being cheated on.
Find a means to get into his phone, and you will understand beta

Chummynoni:
@OP. I wont say much, but what i know for sure is that your husband is cheating on you. Take my advise to the bank. He is cheating, and he is scared of being cheated on.
Find a means to get into his phone, and you will understand beta

No, you shouldn't conclude that he's cheating. That's very wrong

missjo:
Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

Don't go and over stretch your self trying to prove to him that you are innocent of his lack of trust

He is the one having trust issues not you

Just be faithful if you want to be

frozen70:


Don't go and over stretch your self trying to prove to him that you are innocent of his lack of trust

He is the one having trust issues not you

Just be faithful if you want to be

Wait! hold on...

I thought faithfulness in marriage is an obligation and not a choice...

O di egwu!

mariahAngel:




Wait! hold on...

I thought faithfulness in marriage is an obligation and not a choice...

O di egwu!

So you want her to shed blood from her eyes to make the husband believe and trust her

Odiegwu

frozen70:


So you want her to shed blood from her eyes to make the husband believe and trust her

Odiegwu

So, what you're saying is faithfulness equals blood shed? 'Cause I am not understanding...

Stay focus on your home front and let your responsibilities be at home first and foremost.
Don't go taking calls from the toilet or bathroom - haha.
If he is making you swear, stop swear - ask him to be specific what he is suspicious about.

it's not all about insecure. he will also do it to your children. he is only playing his role and overly protective. the major problem is that you are giving him reasons to think that way and doubt you and you might not really knows it.

example is you never told him you will go out of town but when he called you told him you are out of town. that only can put him on is toe and panic of your suden behavior. any more can easily lost trust even without seeing you in the act red handed when you are unpredictable.

@missjo,

How far?

missjo:
Hello all, as shown in the topic, what I need most in my marriage is trust.
My husband does not not trust me, he's extremely suspicious of me. At first, it was flattering seeing him show his insecurities by being protective and wanting to know where I am and who I'm with all the time. But I can take it no more cos of the way he keeps mentioning specific names of men he thinks I'm having something with.

To give you a bit of context, this is a summary of our marriage.

By the time I and my husband met, I was in a relationship with someone else. He didn't mind and we clicked mostly because we were classmates from way back. I instantly fell for him and it was easy for me to fall in love probably because the relationship I was in at the time was on shaky ground, we were always fighting.
I found peace with my current husband when he showed genuine interest and we developed our friendship, and that led us to where we are now as a married couple.

Now I'm not stupid, my mind tells me that perhaps at the back of his mind, he feels that if I was able to leave my previous relationship to be with him, then I can do the same to him. This is what I'm thinking, but I also believe there's more to what may be going on in his own mind.
Missing his calls always becomes an issue, he has this attitude of calling me on video immediately after I tell him where I am and then he would insist I pan out the camera angle to show him around.
He has gone as far as mentioning the name of two coworkers of mine, and makes jokes that insinuate I'm having a secret affair.

I love this man, and I would not cheat on him. He makes me swear and make promises to him all the time and frankly, I'm tired of swearing for someone who just won't get that he's got me and won't lose me. It's gotten to the point that his continuous suspicions of my coworkers have made me start noticing them in ways I shouldn't have. I honestly started watching them more just to understand why my husband would ever assume I can be interested in them.

I want him to trust me, I need his trust, but I have run out of things to do on my own. I was going to suggest couple's therapy to him, but I'm so not ready for one of his long speeches.
I just want to do all I can to build the trust and if it don't work, then I can be bold enough to suggest therapy as a last resort.

Tell him all you wrote here "firmly
and lovingly"... otherwise divorce
is imminent if he doesn't learn to embrace the situation like a
REAL man!

Ciao.

mariahAngel:


So, what you're saying is faithfulness equals blood shed? 'Cause I am not understanding...

she's pretty faithful and the hubby don't trust her, she can't compel him to earn her trust


I think the man needs a therapist