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Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore - Family - Nairaland

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Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by ediko5(m): 8:59am On Mar 01, 2021
I realized that there's no much unity and friendship among extended family members anymore compare to when I was a little child like 20 years ago.

Personally I feel reluctant having extended family members as close friends compare to when I was growing up as a child.

What could've been the cause of this?

I think it may be due to the increase of evil in the world for instance;

family members give information about another family members to kidnappers.

Family members mastermind armed robbery of other of members.

Family members can even use a relative for ritual purpose.

What's your opinion on this?

2 Likes

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 9:04am On Mar 01, 2021
Witchcraft

Wizardry

Envy

Spite

Covetousness

Rivalry

Unhealthy Competition

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 9:28am On Mar 01, 2021
Mods FP

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MrKnowItAll

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Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by mutter(f): 12:35pm On Mar 01, 2021
Everyone is trying to be better than the other.

1 Like

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by ediko5(m): 12:37pm On Mar 01, 2021
mutter:
Everyone is trying to be better than the other.
Meaning envy and jealousy ?

3 Likes

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by pocohantas(f): 1:12pm On Mar 01, 2021
Forget juju and kidnappers, one thing I have noticed is destroying extended families is COMPETITION.

It is also noteworthy that the strife among our generation (i.e U40s) didn’t start from us, it was passed down from our fathers, mothers, uncles and aunties. We were consciously and unconsciously conditioned to inherit the beef- even the vegetarians amongst us.

Back to the issue of competition. Anyone from the SE would know that years ago, when one member of a family goes to any state or country, it is normal to see brothers migrating to that place. Once he gets there and sees it is fertile, everybody must land there, whether you like or not- they must teach you how to fish. That is why if you enter lots of South-Eastern families, you’ll notice their fathers and uncles all share youth experience from the same country/state.

However, this unity began to wear off with time. The financial gap between siblings began to widen. It was now common for your parents to tell you not to inform your cousins of your admission process, job interviews or marriage plans. It was now common for parents to compare, whereas in the past, when one child flourishes, everyone takes the glory. No one cared whose child it was or was bothered that their own child took 32nd out 33 pupils- the 33rd pupil didn’t even take the exam.

Everyone wants their kids to be the brightest, their family to come off as the most organized...etc. It is not going to get better o. With the way them dey hide hide things now, make person no go marry im cousin for Lagos.

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Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Richy4(m): 2:23pm On Mar 01, 2021
I have observed that this our generation desperately wants Nuclear Families... It's just a bit sad... Africans were known to be family( extended) oriented... This days, it's just my kid(s), my wife and I.. ..
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 3:07pm On Mar 01, 2021
Richy4:
I have observed that this our generation desperately wants Nuclear Families... It's just a bit sad... Africans were known to be family( extended) oriented... This days, it's just my kid(s), my wife and I.. ..

They assume that watching whites practice good family system as they see of TV, that those same whites don't maintain good relationship with their root family.


If The Kardashian family isn't clear enough to be a portrait for them.
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by YoungBlackRico(m): 4:22pm On Mar 01, 2021
In this generation, even nuclear family aren't any better. As mentioned up there, the race to outperform each other is real out here even among siblings. No joy.

1 Like

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by culf: 5:38pm On Mar 01, 2021
competition
envy

hatred

etc
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Ikjosh04: 7:47pm On Mar 01, 2021
Not everyone should have access to my life at the same level. It's a rule you must keep if you want to be great!!

Well, I'm not close(strong bond) to any member of my family(parents and siblings).

I don't know how to be close to someone, that my life will revolve around the person but, I know I'll definitely make an exception, when I meet that lucky girl(tranquillity in human form) who is my reflection in everything I do!

ediko5:


It seems you didn't grow up with your parent bro.

Nope!

Besides going to the uni, I've lived all my life with my parents.

Not having a strong bond with family doesn't mean I don't love them. It simply means I value my space and adore my peace to avoid unnecessary dramas or manipulation!
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by ediko5(m): 10:46pm On Mar 01, 2021
@ Aunty pocohantas, nice analysis.

But from your comments, it all points to fear of being hurt out of envy and jealousy. For instance parents telling their children not to tell their extended family members about their admission overseas or proposed business trip.

There's one saying that envy and jealousy from a blood relative is far deadly compare to that of an outsider.

1 Like

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by ediko5(m): 10:47pm On Mar 01, 2021
Ikjosh04:
Well, I'm not close(strong bond) to any member of my family(parents and siblings).

I don't know how to be close to someone, that my life will revolve around the person but, I know I'll definitely make an exception, when I meet that lucky girl(tranquillity in human form) who is my reflection in everything I do!

It seems you didn't grow up with your parent bro.
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by tobechi74: 10:54pm On Mar 01, 2021
Because a deliverance pastor day they are witches tying down your progress
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Mide3367: 11:56pm On Mar 01, 2021
Well, what I know about this is that many parents are at fault. They don't Foster love among children. Liking one child more than the others. Using one child's head to jam the other and then when they grow up, the children wont have any love amongst themselves.

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Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by pozehnani(f): 12:53am On Mar 02, 2021
Lack of trust and people are no longer trustworthy.

For me, I'll say my mum's experience with them gave me a good reason to never trust them.

During my childhood days, we had uncle's trooping to our house and my mum would cater for them like she's throwing a party. Then the going was good. Some will even use our house as lodge either when they come for service or for pension screenimg in lagos. So Dad went for a Course at some point and they observed that resources were limited and goodies were not flowing like before as mom was trying to manage the home front while Dad was away, they stopped coming. Then mom made us realize these people don't really care about us but are after what they'll get from us. So I grew up with that and decided to distance myself from them. Even after we all grew up and their children wanted to come and start forming friends, it didn't gel and it wasn't long before I parked them all in one corner.

For some, they feel they have arrived. Level things. Who no get levels na? ..

I remember when we traveled for dad's burial. Come and see those cousins and uncles ( they all travelled down cos dad was a very nice man to them) forming phoneh.. as in levels. O.. but no be that one dey do me cos I was in serious grief then.. So, levels is another reason.
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Richy4(m): 6:58am On Mar 02, 2021
Fixey:


They assume that watching whites practice good family system as they see of TV, that those same whites don't maintain good relationship with their root family.


If The Kardashian family isn't clear enough to be a portrait for them.

You are correct… even some of the Europeans that stick to the nuclear family, they usually get their A$$ covered so that they will never need anyone else in terms of emergencies…

For example

<<<<In death situations,… They have funeral policies that covers the family in case of death.. just one phone call, an agent working in that insurance company will be there to guide them through the whole process…..

<<<<Accident… They have medical insurance policies that covered them and their kid(s)…

<<<<Fire outbreak from Home/places of work/business, Theft, etc….Insurance were there to cover them…

But my people who were copying them will never go into details to understand what they were trying to copy....of course death is never in our agenda in Nigeria because it’s not our potion.. …. But when it happens, we remember our extended families that we were avoiding desperately.. you will hear something like … Have you called his family? What about his uncles?, his brothers ..You can’t do this by yourself, his family should be involved!! bla bla bla…

I am not against nuclear family.. but anyone who wants that should try and cover all the loopholes.. so that tomorrow U won’t brand the brothers and uncles wicked if they feel reluctant to help or assist…it’s not ok to do my “wife and I”… then in time of trouble, u remember the extended family..….People are no longer fools…

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by pocohantas(f): 7:56am On Mar 02, 2021
ediko5:
@ Aunty pocohantas, nice analysis.

But from your comments, it all points to fear of being hurt out of envy and jealousy. For instance parents telling their children not to tell their extended family members about their admission overseas or proposed business trip.

There's one saying that envy and jealousy from a blood relative is far deadly compare to that of an outsider.

Lol @ aunty. I was about asking who is your aunty cheesy. I don’t think it is all about jealousy, more of they don’t want you to see them coming. They don’t want to show you way, everybody wants all the goodness to be for them and their nuclear family alone.

Envy and jealousy is there too, but...
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Nobody: 8:37am On Mar 02, 2021
Family members change, evolve, and want different things during different phases of their lives

1 Like

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 9:15am On Mar 02, 2021
Richy4:


You are correct… even some of the Europeans that stick to the nuclear family, they usually get their A$$ covered so that they will never need anyone else in terms of emergencies…

For example

<<<<In death situations,… They have funeral policies that covers the family in case of death.. just one phone call, an agent working in that insurance company will be there to guide them through the whole process…..

<<<<Accident… They have medical insurance policies that covered them and their kid(s)…

<<<<Fire outbreak from Home/places of work/business, Theft, etc….Insurance were there to cover them…

But my people who were copying them will never go into details to understand what they were trying to copy....of course death is never in our agenda in Nigeria because it’s not our potion.. …. But when it happens, we remember our extended families that we were avoiding desperately.. you will hear something like … Have you called his family? What about his uncles?, his brothers ..You can’t do this by yourself, his family should be involved!! bla bla bla…

I am not against nuclear family.. but anyone who wants that should try and cover all the loopholes.. so that tomorrow U won’t brand the brothers and uncles wicked if they feel reluctant to help or assist…it’s not ok to do my “wife and I”… then in time of trouble, u remember the extended family..….People are no longer fools…




100% accurate especially the financial coverage you mentioned.
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Dtruthspeaker: 9:24am On Mar 02, 2021
ediko5:
I realized that there's no much unity and friendship among extended family members anymore compare to when I was a little child like 20 years ago...

What's your opinion on this?

We were told "Love shall wax cold" and daughters shall be against mothers, sons against the father".
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Oizee(f): 1:12pm On Mar 02, 2021
hmmmm, this post brings me so much memories, I remember how families built their houses near each other in my own village just to remain..... I don't know.
now, everything is in secrecy... bcuz of envy, hatred.

Envy on its own is pure evil.
personally I don't think I will build my house close to any family member at all,....my location must be far, they will think twice before they visit bcuz of the expensive transport from their place to mine...
those that usually give people problem are the dependent ones, small thing like dis, wahala don com, they will find complain in ur children, ur wife, her greeting, her cooking and how she responded when they were advising her, they will steal on top and still criticize u dat u didn't treat dem well..... the wealthy ones doesn't have time for nonsense, they visit with gifts along, they still dash u money when they are ready to go back...

extended family good if everyone is blessed with wealth..... at least envy go reduce

3 Likes

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 1:13pm On Mar 02, 2021
Oizee:
hmmmm, this post brings me so much memories, I remember how families built their houses near each other in my own village just to remain..... I don't know.
now, everything is in secrecy... bcuz of envy, hatred.

Envy on its own is pure evil.
personally I don't think I will build my house close to any family member at all,....my location must be far, they will think twice before they visit bcuz of the expensive transport from their place to mine...
those that usually give people problem are the dependent ones, small thing like dis, wahala don com, they will find complain in ur children, ur wife, her greeting, her cooking and how she responded when they were advising her, they will steal on top and still criticize u dat u didn't treat dem well..... the wealthy ones doesn't have time for nonsense, they visit with gifts along, they still dash u money when they are ready to go back...

extended family good if everyone is blessed with wealth..... at least envy go reduce



My sister, na so you vex reach?


Don't you have good cordial relationships with your brothers and sisters? If you do, would you maintain this your comment after you all get married?
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Oizee(f): 1:27pm On Mar 02, 2021
Fixey:




My sister, na so you vex reach?


Don't you have good cordial relationships with your brothers and sisters? If you do, would you maintain this your comment after you all get married?
there's cordial relationship with my siblings and I, I'm married but I have already started practicing...... don't blame me, I know what I'm saying
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 1:35pm On Mar 02, 2021
Oizee:
there's cordial relationship with my siblings and I, I'm married but I have already started practicing...... don't blame me, I know what I'm saying


You're right in a way. It is well sha. Na who we love we sabi after all. Because while sometimes prosperity and success are personal, when one tries to achieve these things, some people are ticked and irritated, to avoid issues that touch, it's better to be alone
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Nobody: 3:56pm On Mar 02, 2021
Billing. grin

1 Like

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by legacystore: 3:58pm On Mar 02, 2021
Everyone is feeling like Boss n therefore no one visits, calls or relates anymore.

We only meet at functions or occasions both attended.
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by sweetmelanin(f): 4:21pm On Mar 02, 2021
For me it's social media.

Social media has given us an illusion of closeness while we all drift apart in reality... e.g. you see your cousin's pictures on Instagram, their status updates on whatsapp, their career progression on LinkedIn and you feel you know everything there is to know about them.. no need for bonding again, no need for unnecessary chats.. you find that you've gone 2, 3, 4 years without seeing each other and you don't even realise it..

Even when you eventually see each other, there isn't much to discuss because you already know what each other's life is about (as portrayed on social media).. you realise that you aren't close anymore and the relationship is shallow, yet there is no motivation to work on it as we are now so self-centered and focused on our own individual lives.

2 Likes

Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Fixey: 6:07pm On Mar 02, 2021
sweetmelanin:
For me it's social media.

Social media has given us an illusion of closeness while we all drift apart in reality... e.g. you see your cousin's pictures on Instagram, their status updates on whatsapp, their career progression on LinkedIn and you feel you know everything there is to know about them.. no need for bonding again, no need for unnecessary chats.. you find that you've gone 2, 3, 4 years without seeing each other and you don't even realise it..

Even when you eventually see each other, there isn't much to discuss because you already know what each other's life is about (as portrayed on social media).. you realise that you aren't close anymore and the relationship is shallow, yet there is no motivation to work on it as we are now so self-centered and focused on our own individual lives.



Apt
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by Mineisgrace(f): 8:14am On Mar 03, 2021
Effects of social media
Re: Why Isn't There Much Friendship & Closeness Among Family Members Anymore by ABOVEDELAW: 11:11am On Mar 03, 2021
JEALOUSY, THROWING AWAY OUR CONSERVATIVE CULTURAL VALUES AND EMBRACING THE WHITE CULTURE.

1 Like

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