becareful. dey go call POLICE on you one of these days
take them to AFRICA why you still can. put them in boarding school

BadRadio:
Truth is that I am African but I dispise the standards in Africa. Africa seems too primitive, naive and backwards in terms of everything... and I've usually thought of raising my kids the British or American style.

of what importance is an African parents culture and tradition in raising their children the African way rather that the British or American way?

Would it be sensible if a child is a genius in English language than mother tongue.

Are there disadvantages.

These sorts of discussions are substantively meaningless as they tend to devolve into over generalizations and shallow stereotypes. The reality is that raising a kid is a peculiarly personal and individual undertaking, each substantively different, even within the same family.

Nonetheless, I will briefly share my own experience. Born in the New York City, and spent the early formative years of my life between the US and the UK, until my parents brought myself and my twin back to Nigeria for secondary - and I FINALLY FOUND MYSELF! The difference it makes when you stop being a color and simply become another human being (even though you still get called ‘Oyibo’ ), and being surrounded by doctors, lawyers, engineers, judges, bankers, teachers and so many other professional and other high achievers who not only look like but share similar cultural roots is indescribable to anyone who has not personally shared that experience (and I don’t mean latter-day Nigerian immigrants).

Eternally grateful for BOTH of my countries (the US and Nigeria - the Best of Both Worlds! ), and all of my life’s experiences in various countries and among diverse cultures, but when I see some (not all) of my US cousins and friends I grew up with, and with whom I shared pretty much the same early life experiences and outlook, stumble seemingly rudderless through life, I remain forever grateful for finding my roots among my people here in Nigeria and the FOUNDATIONAL ANCHOR it provided for me. It is NOT a coincidence that Nigerians and Nigerian-Americans on the average are better educated (and often achieve more) than the indigenous US population. While some of our Nigerian/African values are presently in flux, the core underlying values (hospitality, warmth, community, care, respect, thirst for knowledge, etc.) should be bottled and sold.

Again, this is just my own peculiar and individual personal experience. It is not universal, nor should it be (although I have met many other people who have shared broadly similar experiences). Accordingly, this is NOT advice. Just an experience to bear in mind as you ponder.

______________

PS: As for languages, the MORE the better. If I could be a polyglot I would!
>

gypsey:
Total crap! There are thousands of Gays in nigeria, they are just living in fear and underground because of homophobes like you.


I was born and raised in east london England by IGBO parents and i am not gay.

Homosexuality is one. Vulgar language is another. And from you conversation, I can tell you are quite a vulgar chap.

I believe moderation is the key, you can thrive in such toxic society, by more understanding and less expectations, many here are also victims or perpetrators of abuse. I believe same people with limited understanding have accepted toxicity as a necessary condition for society, and as a result, they also teach their children how to be toxic, its a self replicating cycle to fit in a toxic eco-system, but, Sometimes with time, just like evolution, undesirable traits are discarded with time, through random introductions, or the new realities.

Eviana:


I've had a painfully tough time on this site since I joined 4 years and some months ago.
I may be a little sensitive, but most of the behavior was not what I expected from Nigerian youth, young adults or adults.
It disappointed me because it was so uncouth. It's not normal to spew the things that constantly come out of many members' mouths on a consistent basis.

Yes, I am a survivor of verbal, psychological and emotional abuse here.
After several deactivations, I finally decided to stay. There is some good on Nairaland (10 percent or so) and in Nigeria....that I choose to believe....

SeriouslySense:
I believe moderation is the key, you can thrive in such toxic society, by more understanding and less expectations, many here are also victims or perpetrators of abuse. I believe same people with limited understanding have accepted toxicity as a necessary condition for society, and as a result, they also teach their children how to be toxic, its a self replicating cycle to fit in a toxic eco-system, but, Sometimes with time, just like evolution, undesirable traits are discarded with time, through random introductions, or the new realities.

I absolutely agree with you.
Most of the behavior is cyclically passed down through rearing....either consciously or sub-consciously.
Appreciate your kindness in a civil discussion....very refreshing.. ..you are among the 10 percent...which gives me hope.

BadRadio:
Exposure, practical learning... and more

we are talking of culture not education here

This is why we need our roots too, discarding it totally is very dangerous, in the sense that it could lead to a generation of individuals, who have no place of acceptance or who have no motivation, or a rich variation of self. ,

9jaRealist:


These sorts of discussions are substantively meaningless as they tend to devolve into over generalizations and shallow stereotypes. The reality is that raising a kid is a peculiarly personal and individual undertaking, each substantively different, even within the same family.

Nonetheless, I will briefly share my own experience. Born in the New York City, and spent the early formative years of my life between the US and the UK, until my parents brought myself and my twin back to Nigeria for secondary - and I FINALLY FOUND MYSELF! The difference it makes when you stop being a color and simply become another human being (even though you still get called ‘Oyibo’ ), and being surrounded by doctors, lawyers, engineers, judges, bankers, teachers and so many other professional and other high achievers who not only look like but share similar cultural roots is indescribable to anyone who has not personally shared that experience (and I don’t mean latter-day Nigerian immigrants).

Eternally grateful for BOTH of my countries (the US and Nigeria - the Best of Both Worlds! ), and all of my life’s experiences in various countries and among diverse cultures, but when I see some (not all) of my US cousins and friends I grew up with, and with whom I shared pretty much the same early life experiences and outlook, stumble seemingly rudderless through life, I remain forever grateful for finding my roots among my people here in Nigeria and the FOUNDATIONAL ANCHOR it provided for me. It is NOT a coincidence that Nigerians and Nigerian-Americans on the average are better educated (and often achieve more) than the indigenous US population. While some of our Nigerian/African values are presently in flux, the core underlying values (hospitality, warmth, community, care, respect, thirst for knowledge, etc.) should be bottled and sold.

Again, this is just my own peculiar and individual personal experience. It is not universal, nor should it be (although I have met many other people who have shared broadly similar experiences). Accordingly, this is NOT advice. Just an experience to bear in mind as you ponder.

______________

PS: As for languages, the MORE the better. If I could be a polyglot I would!
>

Rightly so, we need to be very thoughtful and reflect on both sides of the equation. You are welcome

Eviana:

I absolutely agree with you.
Most of the behavior is cyclically passed down through rearing....either consciously or sub-consciously.
Appreciate your kindness....very refreshing.. ..you are among the 10 percent...which gives me hope.

Wittyduchess:
Moral values?

The same country that ranks high on the corruption table, scam, fraud, ritual killing, terrorism, terrible justice system,hypocrisy etc.

Which morality are you talking about? Oh because you know how to greet in the morning and evening?

You know there are some who were "well brought up" but later deviated.
And there are others like you and myself who haven't given in to the pressure.... Know why?

Eviana:


You can't be serious at the bolded

Honestly, I have been called more "vulgar" names (ashawo, olosho, jezebellic-demon, evening newspaper, fool, mad woman, idiot, stupid, dumb etc.) and seen more homosexual "joints/hook-ups/hang-outs" on this here Nairaland than in my entire life in the U.S.! I've had more scams (identity theft, false accusations, lies etc.) played on me on Nairaland than ever in my life. I have had lovely "alleged curses" called on me for no reason other than the kid disagreed with my viewpoint.
Never seen such cruelty, bullying and filth in my life.
I have been shocked to say the least.

I'm not gonna call my country "superior" to any one else's, however, there are a million more opportunities here than in developing countries (including Nigeria)...and that is simply and plainly a "fact".

So, I'm wondering what the "African way" in raising children revolves around, cause if the majority of Nairaland (youth and young adults) is any indication/evidence of that, I thank the Lord for my "western rearing".

So in the US where you dwell , you have not been abused by anyone, right? Or what about the language and vulgarity being used over there...is that something you would want to pass on to your children? Please answer me

Eviana:
I've had a painfully tough time on this site since I joined 4 years and some months ago.
I may be a little sensitive, but most of the behavior was not what I expected from Nigerian youth, young adults or adults.
It disappointed me because it was so uncouth. It's not normal to spew the things that constantly come out of many members' mouths on a consistent basis.

Yes, I am a survivor of verbal, psychological and emotional abuse here.
After several deactivations & re-activations, I finally decided to stay. There is some good on Nairaland (10 percent or so) and in Nigeria....that I choose to believe....

Sadly, it’s pretty much the SAME everywhere and in every country (trust me you don’t want venture near most US Reddit forums). Unfortunately, the ANONYMITY of Internet discussion forums embolden so many a-holes. Personally, I don’t mind it (but then I have a thick skin) as I much prefer to know what the person that I am discussing with REALLY thinks, rather than those who smile at your face but hate your guts.

My counsel: stick around. You would be surprised by what you learn (and how much you grow) from negative encounters and experiences. However, for you own sanity, I would also advice that you do what I regularly do - refuse to sink to their level, refuse to engage and/or respond in kind, or simply scroll on and/or walk away. Their anger and bile is entirely a reflection and commentary on themselves, not you.
>

Go and ask Camara Laye

The thread is about parenting. Family is the basic unit of a society. What goes on in family reflects on our society. I don't care about whatever else you want to drag in.

doxijaw:


The big difference between Africans and europoids is not morality, parenting, culture.


It's ethics!

iamjavadem:
Funny how the moral values are not showing or moving us forward, we need to stop telling ourselves lies.

The "standard" of immorality in this country is superior while Morality is inferior, hence the present situation "we" find ourselves.

I'm not a parent but I'll say that there is no such thing like training your child in the "British or American or Asian way". There is good parenting and bad parenting. It's all about raising your child with good and ethical values, giving him/her good formal and informal education, being close to them emotionally, maximizing their strengths and helping them to minimize their weaknesses. But unfortunately parents always tend to display some of the biggest forms of hypocrisy I have ever seen.
African parenting isn't even the most ideal. Families are the core of societies, everyone comes from one family or the other, and family system and culture are one the oldest determinants of how the society is run. We tend to uphold "African parenting" on our head like gala and lacasera , but go out to the Nigerian society you will see a lot of bad values and ethics with people, especially amongst the poor and middle class. Again, i found out that the reason why people here are always afraid to voice out their opinions, fight for their rights, and stand against a bad system has something to do with our parenting system. Parents and schools tend to be autocratic, where order is only gotten through rigid force and beatings, thus we are mostly taught "fear" and never "respect". Over the years the government, the military, the police and different people in power have always utilized that " subconscious fear" in Nigerians to get away with oppressing people and stay in power.
Many of we millenials and gen-Z have embraced counterculture because we've seen that upon all the "african way", it doesn't reflect in the society, there is still so much corruption and poverty.

As society is advancing, cultures are spreading globally and the media is becoming more influential, the coming generation will be more intelligent, more independent, and more complicated than the last.We have to advance our cultures and change our strategies of raising children, because if they cannot come to trust you, the media will be their parent.

Sterope:

The thread is about parenting. Family is the basic unit of a society. What goes on in family reflects on our society. I don't care about whatever else you want to drag in.

You a doctor?

Odoogu:



You know there are some who were "well brought up" but later deviated.
And there are others like you and myself who haven't given in to the pressure.... Know why?

Individuals make a society. If it was just a few individuals deviating I am sure things will not be as bad as it is now.

I am not. Please download our app. Our rates are relatively affordable

Odoogu:


You a doctor?

Jashub:
So in the US where you dwell , you have not been abused by anyone, right? Or what about the language and vulgarity being used over there...is that something you would want to pass on to your children? Please answer me

I would be lying if I said that NO ONE has ever spoken towards me in a vulgar manner...
What I said was never the amount of angry and un-provoked name-calling abuse had I ever experienced till I came to Nairaland.
Vulgarity is rampant in the U.S....along with many other vices.
My heart sinks for the children of this century.
I would NEVER want a child of mine to ever be exposed...which is why it would be my responsibility as a parent to do as best as possible to shield them and provide alternatives to what the culture is offering.

See beating up or burning kids physically is not the answer either.
Nigeria seems to also have an equal amount of vulgarity and perverse language.
Are you shielding your kids from this site?
Tons of vulgarity, nudity, abusive language here...

Thanks for telling them,africans have Low self esteem.God created you africans and you remain africans why shud people try to be Fake ,madam ngozi is african and u can never See her Dress Like a White.its good to Take some Things Out of the Way of Life of the White people ,but does Not mean one Must forget His or her identity as black.no Matter how a black man tries to be Like a White ,a White man will never Accept you as White .even If you speak Like them.let people be proud of WHO they are ,emulate good Things but dont and never forget your identity.

Amiteye:
So my kid can walk out on me while am still speaking, make stupid decisions and ask me to mind my business under my own roof, wouldn't feel obliged to say MIGWO when they see elders and absolutely become spoilt brats without them knowing. All that while shielding them from the reallity of the Nigerian way of life, making them smart gullible dumbasses as soon as the step out my door and most importantly from under my wings........

No thank you, africa way it is. Afterall I did not turn out too bad

Yoruba people are on this table. The time I have spent shutting 'proud Yoruba people up'

Wittyduchess:
Moral values?

The same country that ranks high on the corruption table, scam, fraud, ritual killing, terrorism, terrible justice system,hypocrisy etc.

Which morality are you talking about? Oh because you know how to greet in the morning and evening?

Wittyduchess:
Individuals make a society. If it was just a few individuals deviating I am sure things will not be as bad as it is now.

Enough have compromised.
And the state of the country is just a "good" incentive.

You have thoroughly explained a lot, and very descriptive.

MisterRuk:
I'm not a parent but I'll say that there is no such thing like training your child in the "British or American or Asian way". There is good parenting and bad parenting. It's all about raising your child with good and ethical values, giving him/her good formal and informal education, being close to them emotionally, maximizing their strengths and helping them to minimize their weaknesses. But unfortunately parents always tend to display some of the biggest forms of hypocrisy I have ever seen.
African parenting isn't even the most ideal. Families are the core of societies, everyone comes from one family or the other, and family system and culture are one the oldest determinants of how the society is run. We tend to uphold "African parenting" on our head like gala and lacasera , but go out to the Nigerian society you will see a lot of bad values and ethics with people, especially amongst the poor and middle class. Again, i found out that the reason why people here are always afraid to voice out their opinions, fight for their rights, and stand against a bad system has something to do with our parenting system. Parents and schools tend to be autocratic, where order is only gotten through rigid force and beatings, thus we are mostly taught "fear" and never "respect". Over the years the government, the military, the police and different people in power have always utilized that " subconscious fear" in Nigerians to get away with oppressing people and stay in power.
Many of we millenials and gen-Z have embraced counterculture because we've seen that upon all the "african way", it doesn't reflect in the society, there is still so much corruption and poverty.

As society is advancing, cultures are spreading globally and the media is becoming more influential, the coming generation will be more intelligent, more independent, and more complicated than the last.We have to advance our cultures and change our strategies of raising children, because if they cannot come to trust you, the media will be their parent.

Sterope:
I am not. Please download our app. Our rate are relatively affordable

Okay.

Sterope:

The thread is about parening. Family is the basic unit of a society. What goes on in family reflects on our society. I don't care about whatever else you want to drag in.

The big picture matters!

We on the same side though!

BadRadio:
Truth is that I am African but I dispise the standards in Africa. Africa seems too primitive, naive and backwards in terms of everything... and I've usually thought of raising my kids the British or American style.


of what importance is an African parents culture and tradition in raising their children the African way rather that the British or American way?


Would it be sensible if a child is a genius in English language than mother tongue.

Are there disadvantages.

Op there isn’t a British, American or African way of raising a child, the terms you’re employing are too broad. And although it is stated that Africans say, 'it takes a village to raise a child' - implying that European communities have become too atomised resulting in the various dysfunctions associated with youths in the West such as homicidal knife and gun crimes - young people in the West are actually raised by the community. This is crucial to understand in order that you may be convinced that it is better to raise your child in a so-called “African way” if you are African or black, that is.

Odoogu:


Enough have compromised.
And the state of the country is just a "good" incentive.

Tell me one bad thing the west has that Nigeria doesn't have, from homosexuality ( even though not legalized), to abortion ( even though not legalized as well), to mass murder, serial killing, Pedophilia ( legalized in some parts of the country), fraud, etc.


But I can tell you the good things the west have that Nigeria will never dream of in the next century. So tell me what benefits has priding yourselves as custodians of morality brought?.

9jaRealist:


Sadly, it’s pretty much the SAME everywhere and in every country (trust me you don’t want venture near most US Reddit forums). Unfortunately, the ANONYMITY of Internet discussion forums embolden so many a-holes. Personally, I don’t mind it (but then I have a thick skin) as I much prefer to know what the person that I am discussing with REALLY thinks, rather than those who smile at your face but hate your guts.

My counsel: stick around. You would be surprised by what you learn (and how much you grow) from negative encounters and experiences. However, for you own sanity, I would also advice that you do what I regularly do - refuse to sink to their level, refuse to engage and/or respond in kind, or simply scroll on and/or walk away. Their anger and bile is entirely a reflection and commentary on themselves, not you.
>

Sir, again the Lord is showing me that there are good people EVERYWHERE....thank you.
I absolutely agree with you on this post.
"Perceived Anonymity allows true feelings to be expressed and unchecked....people let loose cause of no accountability.

Trust me, I don't go to Reddit....nor any other social media. I made it a rule not to expose myself to toxicity, temptation or constant negative vibes...
Only one is Nairaland....which lol...has all of the above mentioned.
I stumbled upon this site thtough a search on "Nigeria".
Got hooked ever since.
I have learned a ton of things being here..very helpful and fascinating things.

Everytime I think I'm done with the site permanently, I always end up coming back.

Appreciate the encouragement.

I am in the Diaspora and cant forget the fact that am Nigerian,only a foolish Person will do that .Even when you stay Several years abroad,they will still refer to your Origin .They will ASK you your country of Origin even when you have their Passport .I have a child born abroad and i make Sure i teach him culture,make him come to Nigeria to Know what Life is about,to Experience all Sides of Life .its good Not to forget your root.pick the few good Things from Western culture and combined IT with the rich african culture.

Jashub:
Bros do not be deceived. The Nigerians in the diaspora that making us proud are not even aware that they are Nigerians; it is our dumb newspapers that keep saying they are Nigerians .


Infact, if you were to ask them personally, they would tell you they are citizens of their host country. So let us get that straight.


Lastly, the Nigerians that you mentioned are only doing the rubbish that they are doing because of foreign influence through social media. And you cannot use that as a yardstick to speak bad of Nigerian youths.

Wittyduchess:
Tell me one bad thing the west has that Nigeria doesn't have, from homosexuality ( even though not legalized), to aborto( even though not legalized as well), to mass murder, serial killing, Pedophilia ( legalized in some parts of the country), fruad, etc.


But I can tell you the good things the west have that Nigeria will never dream of in the next century. So tell me what benefits has priding yourselves as custodians of morality brought?.

Are you insinuating that morality has limited us as a country? Or that immorality will give us what we need?

Although neither born nor raised in Africa (Nigeria to be exact), this explanation is one of the best I've read so far.
Well said..

MisterRuk:
I'm not a parent but I'll say that there is no such thing like training your child in the "British or American or Asian way". There is good parenting and bad parenting. It's all about raising your child with good and ethical values, giving him/her good formal and informal education, being close to them emotionally, maximizing their strengths and helping them to minimize their weaknesses. But unfortunately parents always tend to display some of the biggest forms of hypocrisy I have ever seen.
African parenting isn't even the most ideal. Families are the core of societies, everyone comes from one family or the other, and family system and culture are one the oldest determinants of how the society is run. We tend to uphold "African parenting" on our head like gala and lacasera , but go out to the Nigerian society you will see a lot of bad values and ethics with people, especially amongst the poor and middle class. Again, i found out that the reason why people here are always afraid to voice out their opinions, fight for their rights, and stand against a bad system has something to do with our parenting system. Parents and schools tend to be autocratic, where order is only gotten through rigid force and beatings, thus we are mostly taught "fear" and never "respect". Over the years the government, the military, the police and different people in power have always utilized that " subconscious fear" in Nigerians to get away with oppressing people and stay in power.
Many of we millenials and gen-Z have embraced counterculture because we've seen that upon all the "african way", it doesn't reflect in the society, there is still so much corruption and poverty.

As society is advancing, cultures are spreading globally and the media is becoming more influential, the coming generation will be more intelligent, more independent, and more complicated than the last.We have to advance our cultures and change our strategies of raising children, because if they cannot come to trust you, the media will be their parent.

Odoogu:


Are you insinuating that morality has limited us as a country? Or that immorality will give us what we need?

I am only pointing out the fact that the morality you pride yourselves in is just a facade. There is nothing moral about a corrupt population.