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The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa - Family - Nairaland

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The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa by JeffDWalter: 11:30am On Apr 04
For some time now, there have been a growing worry from people who are doing well in their various endeavours about the over dependence of their family members and the flagrant entitlement of such relatives.

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With the way families in Africa are raised, people are taught the act of total dedication to their families, irrespective of the situation on ground. In Africa, family is everything and one's loyalty to family should be unquestionable, or should I say MUST be unquestionable, regardless of the situations at hand.

It is everybody's hope to be messiah of their family and blessed is he who assumes that position. It does mean that your prayers have been answered, and hey, those of your family members too. It is really a thing of joy, knowing that you have been elevated to a vantage position, where you could do a lot of good.

From my experience, more than 70% of people who assume that position of saviour of the family have lived upto these expectations.

...but, there is a cork in the wheel of the supposed messiah.

Owing to the training that one must never forsake the cries for help from his family, this has become a huge burden. At first, you do it with pride and the feeling is priceless, knowing that you are the "sole benefactor" of your family.
Soon after, the joy begins to fade and the excitement begins to give way for frustration as the list of family members' demands become longer and longer.

If you happen to have both parents alive and siblings, then your list would be really long. If you were one who had a number of friends before you made it, then your list would even be longer. It is even more frustrating with friends than families. You give alms to one friend and he goes out boosting to your other mutual friends how you are only good to he in particular, thus, pushing more friends into your plate.

From my personal experience, when a family member becomes "rich" the rest sometimes become lazy. They would not want to work, rather, expect cash gifts to be handed down on regular basis. They want to drive in flashy rides and use the latest iPhones, expensive gadgets without working.
Each time I go home, I end up buying a small phone to insert my SIM because my siblings, cousins or friends would take my phone, no matter what I say and trust me, I go prepared, with not less than five phones, thinking, "anyhow the matter be, I go give out four and bring back my own phone. This time, I go tight my mind" but it has never worked. You statements like, "bros, when you go, you go buy another one. Phones cheap for that side". Same goes to those fine sneakers, T-shirts, jeans, you understand the point now, right?

Let me share my personal story.
My mom has seven children. That means I have six siblings. Hold your breathe! The seven of us have four different fathers, you heard me right! My mother has married four men and has seven children. None of them is working and I am the first child and, well, I am doing well, relatively. I am out of Nigeria, so it is assumed I am "rich", funny right?

Now, let's cross over to my dad's angle. Obviously, both he and mom are in a stiff competition. My dad has four children in total, I inclusive. The shocker? None of our mothers bore more than one child for my dad. All four of us have four different mothers.

Now picture my family; I stand at the top of the list of children from both sides and only I has "crossed" the threshold of poverty. But I still feel very poor. I have to constantly service the ever growing list of my family 's needs. I couldn't do for one without doing for the others, else, there would be division. I am constantly bombarded with an array of requests, some funny requests. Take for instance, my younger sister who was 21 at the time requested for money to terminate pregnancy, saying "remember you asked me not to embarrass you and the family, so I don't want to have a child when I am not yet married ". I won't go into details of how that story ended. That is just a tip of the absurd requests.

In Africa, we are raised to put our extended family needs above our nuclear family. No one cares if your children's school fees have not been paid, if there is a funeral and you have been levied 500k. No one cares if your rent is due if there is a land dispute at home and you must send money to bribe the chiefs or go to court. Family members have this authority over your belongings and in some families, siblings can authoritatively send a wife out of her late husband's home and so many other atrocities in the name of my brother. Sisters in-laws disrespect their brother's wife and brother-inlaws are gods.

This has been on for too long and any attempt to even discuss it, would be met with insults from people who do not know the weight this carries and who obviouslyhave no clue the extentof the negative impact this has on you. But the help never ends.
Sometimes it is as though you are trying to fill a basket with water.

This mentality needs to change. People need to start speaking up against this obvious evil against "rich" family members.
People have personal needs and should not be forced to carry the weight of others who have vowed never to be useful, even just to themselves only.

P.S: This is my personal opinion.

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Re: The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa by Tony142: 8:22pm On Apr 04
Trash trash trash
Re: The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa by JeffDWalter: 10:30pm On Apr 04
Tony142:
Trash trash trash

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Re: The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa by ImaIma1(f): 12:24am On Apr 05
Parents will keep giving birth to children that they know they cannot cater for, and later burden one child with all the responsibilities.

Only bother yourself with important requests. All those iPhones or lavish stuff should not be encouraged. Let them make their own money for those frivolous items. If not, you will make them lazy and forever dependent on you.

And if you dare get married, that wife will be their greatest enemy because to them, she is an intuder that came from nowhere to reap where she did not sow, and reduce their ration.

Parents please give birth to the number you can handle

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Re: The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa by Mindlog: 3:43am On Apr 05
The craving to continually be the "Messiah" of the extended family, has brought many to end up broke and disillusioned with life, with nothing tangible left for their own children to depend on or start life with.

Such family system has continually sustained sense of entitlement, some relatives seeing no need to stretch themselves to become independent in life, feel whatever their brother owns is theirs, see their brother's wife as an enemy who is redirecting their brother's financial attention from them and that hatred for the wife is extended to the children.

Saying NO is seen as a "sin" by such relatives as they believed their "Messiah" should say YES to their requests, no matter how irrational they may be because the "Messiah" is obligated to fund their life choices.

Anyone who lacks the assertiveness to be convinced that his/her personal development and provision for his/her nuclear family and plan for a secured future for them is very important, then he/she should shoulder the responsibilities of other adults in his/her family of birth.
Re: The Challenges Of Relatives' Entitlement Mindset In Africa by nowhere: 4:54am On Apr 05
Some people are in this hole.
Mindlog:
The craving to continually be the "Messiah" of the extended family, has brought many to end up broke and disillusioned with life, with nothing tangible left for their own children to depend or start life with.

Such family system has continually sustained sense of entitlement, some relatives seeing no need to stretch themselves to become independent in life, feel whatever their brother owns is theirs, see their brother's wife as an enemy who is redirecting their brother's financial attention from them and that hatred for the wife is extended to the children.

Saying NO is seen as a "sin" by such relatives as they believed their "Messiah" should say YES to their requests, no matter how irrational they may be because the "Messiah" is obligated to fund their life choices.

Anyone who lacks the assertiveness to be convinced that his/her personal development and provision for his/her nuclear family and plan for a secured future for them is very important, then he/she should shoulder the responsibilities of other adults in his/her family of birth.

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