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Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 10:38am On Apr 20, 2011
Uju, it doesn't matter who slaps who. The point is, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Assault is assault, regardless of gender. It is extremely disrespectful for a woman to slap her SIL. What messages is this getting across to wifey? Each time they have any sort of disagreement, she'll go running to mama. I feel matrimonial issues should be solved by the couple, without a meddling MIL. Is that how she slaps her husband, assuming he's still alive?

As for the man moderating his tones, just because the MIL is present, I disagree. A couple should be free to interact as normal, as they would if MIL wasn't present, and not "stifle" themselves. If they have to suppress themselves because MIL is present, then they're living a lie. Supposing MIL was there for six months, would they now alter their way of living, just to present a different image to MIL? Would you say putting on a front is healthy? If MIL has that effect, then her presence in her daughter's home could be damaging.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 10:44am On Apr 20, 2011
Siena:

As for the man moderating his tones, just because the MIL is present, I disagree. A couple should be free to interact as normal, as they would if MIL wasn't present, and not "stifle" themselves. If they have to suppress themselves because MIL is present, then they're living a lie. Supposing MIL was there for six months, would they now alter their way of living, just to present a different image to MIL? Would you say putting on a front is healthy? If MIL has that effect, then her presence in her daughter's home could be damaging,

So a couple should shout and yell at eachother in the presence of their kids everyday abi since they are trying to "be themselves"? so a couple is allowed to exchange harsh words in their kids presence and even in the presence of an outsider(not family related)are you kidding me? please no sane person would wanna expose their dirty linens outside in the presence of their visitor especially when the matter is this little,   undecided

If this man had issues he should have called his wife into the room and talked to her. You honestly cannot scream at me and use rubbush words in the presence of my mum without her telling you a word or two as she would tell her own sons

Please give me the shekpe wey you drink today siena ,I might be needing one myself.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 10:55am On Apr 20, 2011
jennykadry:

So a couple should shout and yell at eachother in the presence of their kids everyday abi since they are trying to "be themselves"? so a couple is allowed to exchange harsh words in their kids presence and even in the presence of an outsider(not family related)are you kidding me? please no sane person would wanna expose their dirty linens outside in the presence of their visitor especially when the matter is this little,   undecided

If this man had issues he should have called his wife into the room and talked to her. You honestly cannot scream at me and use rubbush words in the presence of my mum without her telling you a word or two as she would tell her own sons

Please give me the shekpe wey you drink today siena ,I might be needing one myself.

Jenny, you're exaggerating. I'm not saying he should scream at his wife in the presence of his kids. And who's saying that's what the OP did? How do you know he used rubbish words? He could have called his wife into another room, but MIL with her eavesdropping could still hear, and interfere. Unless you'd prefer they whispered? I'm saying a couple should be free to express themselves the way they usually do, regardless of MIL's presence in the house. They should not alter their usual way of expression or living to suit MIL. This is how MIL's end their children's marriages.

As for MIL telling her SIL a word or two, this went beyond that - she slapped the guy!

So MIL is now a visitor?
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 11:03am On Apr 20, 2011
i stormed in and enquire why my mrs had not changed over to nepa.obviously i was furious because this is happening while am trying to cut down on "our" diesel consumption.her responce not being too satisfactory,i gave her some piece of my mind,i was still undone when "grand ma"as we call my mum-in-law  landed a "bad" slap on my chic from behind claiming " i insulted her".i was dazed because my confrontation was with my wife.

He stormed in and should not come back here and tell us he took his wife to her room cos his posts is directly and indirectly saying otherwise. Siena you are a married man and I honestly do not see you yelling and screaming at your wife in your bedroom loud enough for your MIL to hear . I have asked him what words he used on his wife. This poster did not call his wife like a  man but acted like a baby instead. You cannot insult your wife because of petrol. It is wrong.

And no you should not express yourself too openly before anybody. Visitors be it related or not should be treated like your kids. Every info must be kept in the bedroom alone. A couple that fight like crazy or cuss eachother should not do this before anybody. Siena I disagree with you. No one needs to know how a man insults his wife and vice versa.

P.S Men please if you know you are a broke assed stingy ninny ,pls pls and pls do not get married. Men are busy accusing their wives of spending their allowance on 3000 dollar gucci and not 250 naira petrol. cool
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 11:10am On Apr 20, 2011
Everyone's opinions will differ. You have yours, I have mine. If my MIL slapped me, she would get slapped backed, and booted out into the street. Then she can go home, and slap her husband, if he'll tolerate it.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 11:12am On Apr 20, 2011
You opinion your choice, My opinion my choice. I definitely will not marry a "woman beater" and no husband of mine is touching my mother as well.


PS I do not support his MIL slapping the dude.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by jaybee3(m): 11:14am On Apr 20, 2011
Who slapped who?
MIL slapped her daughter so what's the fuss abt?
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 11:17am On Apr 20, 2011
jay bee:

Who slapped who?
MIL slapped her daughter so what's the fuss abt?

Nah, MIL slapped her son-in-law.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Kanou(f): 11:20am On Apr 20, 2011
Who slapped who?
MIL slapped her daughter so what's the fuss abt?

ROFL Thank you for the joke lool

Please go and read again; the MIL slapped her SIL lol
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by jaybee3(m): 11:21am On Apr 20, 2011
Siena:

Nah, MIL slapped her son-in-law.

Not according to this

legba1:

Election ahd come and gone but the incidence that took place right in my living room on that fatefull saturday will not leave me in a hurry.The extent of damage it might even cause i cannot realy place a prize on.
I went out as expected of every nigerian of voting ages to exercise my civic right,i left my mum-in-law at home with my wife and our lil baby with the generator running on diesel.while on the queue at the polling boot,just about five houses away from my flat,PHCN restored electricity.it was therefore a great suprice when i got home about one hour thirty munutes later to found the house still running on gen.i stormed in and enquire why my mrs had not changed over to nepa.obviously i was furious because this is happening while am trying to cut down on "our" diesel consumption.her responce not being too satisfactory,i gave her some piece of my mind,[b]i was still undone when "grand ma"as we call my mum-in-law  landed a "bad" slap on my chic [/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000]from behind claiming " i insulted her".[/b]i was dazed because my confrontation was with my wife.
she was really annoyed that i had to complain that much seing her watching the home video with her daughter in the living room.she insisted my actions amounted to afront because iam indirectly saying if my wife is not wise enogh to conserve diesel,what about her being older.this beats me hands down.before leaving for work this morning,i have told the daughter to inform her to take her leave else i wont return to the house.we have not said a word to each other since that saturday and i have packed a mini wardrobe that will last a whole week in my car.
Having done this,NAIRALANDER,what next step will you advise i take on this matter as am still furious and uncompose about it all.Please your good opinion will be appreciated
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Kanou(f): 11:22am On Apr 20, 2011
loool I guess "chic" was there for "cheek" wink
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 11:23am On Apr 20, 2011
Kanou:

loool I guess "chic" was there for "cheek" wink

I thought as much. A small typo, no doubt. wink
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by jaybee3(m): 11:24am On Apr 20, 2011
Oh i get it
duh, chic = cheek
Chei see how text English affects our vocabulary.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by jaybee3(m): 11:28am On Apr 20, 2011
Do these things actually happen like for real?
Are they feeding you by any chance cos I'm failing to see how a MIL,FIL or whatever will come slap a respectable man in his own house.

Best thing to do is ask her leave your abode. She is even lucky you didn't chase her out immediately.
I wouldn't go via the route of retaliation (slapping her back) cos i still believe in respecting elders
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 11:51am On Apr 20, 2011
Siena:

Uju, it doesn't matter who slaps who. The point is, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Assault is assault, regardless of gender. It is extremely disrespectful for a woman to slap her SIL. What messages is this getting across to wifey? Each time they have any sort of disagreement, she'll go running to mama. I feel matrimonial issues should be solved by the couple, without a meddling MIL. Is that how she slaps her husband, assuming he's still alive?

As for the man moderating his tones, just because the MIL is present, I disagree. A couple should be free to interact as normal, as they would if MIL wasn't present, and not "stifle" themselves. If they have to suppress themselves because MIL is present, then they're living a lie. Supposing MIL was there for six months, would they now alter their way of living, just to present a different image to MIL? Would you say putting on a front is healthy? If MIL has that effect, then her presence in her daughter's home could be damaging.


Like you said, this is your opinion. But no reasonable man will shout at his wife, over a change in power supply, in the presence of her mother! That is an indirect insult to the woman/
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 12:19pm On Apr 20, 2011
Ujujoan:

Like you said, this is your opinion. But no reasonable man will shout at his wife, over a change in power supply, in the presence of her mother! That is an indirect insult to the woman/

Uju, no one knows the sort of language the OP used in addressing his wife, or how much his voice was raised. I think you're also playing down what lead to the man and wife having words. Do we know what sort of language the wife responded with, or we just assume it was all one-sided?

What is not in dispute though, is that his mother-in-law slapped him. A slap is very different from a blow - a slap is the extreme in disrespect. No different from a "madam" physically abusing her houseboy. Madam's tend to slap their houseboys, because that's the greatest disrespect she can afford him. Like spitting in the face of a slave. A blow may be physically more damaging, but a slap is chosen for its effect. That's exactly what the MIL did to her SIL.

I asked in a previous post - if the roles were reversed, and a father-in-law slapped his daughter-in-law, because the daughter-in-law "disrespected him" by having an arguement / raising her voice to her husband in his presence, will your reaction (and that of the majority) be the same? Would she deserve it?
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 12:35pm On Apr 20, 2011
Siena:

Uju, no one knows the sort of language the OP used in addressing his wife, or how much his voice was raised. I think you're also playing down what lead to the man and wife having words. Do we know what sort of language the wife responded with, or we just assume it was all one-sided?

What is not in dispute though, is that his mother-in-law slapped him. A slap is very different from a blow - a slap is the extreme in disrespect. No different from a "madam" physically abusing her houseboy. Madam's tend to slap their houseboys, because that's the greatest disrespect she can afford him. Like spitting in the face of a slave. A blow may be physically more damaging, but a slap is chosen for its effect. That's exactly what the MIL did to her SIL.

I asked in a previous post - if the roles were reversed, and a father-in-law slapped his daughter-in-law, because the daughter-in-law "disrespected him" by having an arguement / raising her voice to her husband in his presence, will your reaction (and that of the majority) be the same? Would she deserve it?


What do you mean no one knows the sort of language the op used to address his wife . . . he stated it clearly . . maybe you should try reading his post again!

As for your sentiments against 'slap', I think it's a personal thing and the OP's MIL might not necessarily share in your preferences. Maybe a slap is less insulting than a blow as far as she's concerned. Remember he said it came from the back so it couldn't have been more than a hard pat on the cheek!

If the role were reversed, I'd still bear the same opinion. Nobody should disrespect his/her spouse in the presence of any outsides and this includes both parents. It's also the responsibility of the adult to put the defaulter in his/her place. That being said . . . a man has no business hitting a woman cos he can actually break her bones with just a push! undecided
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by maclatunji: 1:06pm On Apr 20, 2011
The truth is that they all have to apologise to each other. The wife to the husband, the MIL to the man and vice versa. In fact, the MIL has to apologize to her daughter as well. If this does not happen, it is only God that will save the marriage from hitting the rocks.

The least the man can do is to let his wife know that her mother's action is unacceptable and the wife too has to tactfully make this point known to her mother. Whatever the man decides to do should be based on common-sense and a clear definition of what is objective is regarding this matter and its effect on his marriage.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by ifyalways(f): 1:17pm On Apr 20, 2011
Where is the OP na?

Still nursing the after-effects of the slap?  cheesy

The husband acted like a boy and on impulse.why storm to the house to give your wife a piece of your mind when obviously,she had no idea that PHCN has restored power?

I can just picture him telling her how useless and careless she is towards their finance,ur mama no teach you how to manage money . . .blah blah,making noise . . .Mama rightly shut him up with a slap. grin

Well,he acted on impulse,SIL reacted on impulse too.1 bad turn deserves another. LOL

I still maintain that the OP has to apologize to the wife [/b]for his childish and unnecessary outburst and the [b]MIL has to leave . . .that is If she has not left already.

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Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 1:26pm On Apr 20, 2011
ifyalways:

Where is the OP na?

Still nursing the after-effects of the slap?  cheesy

The husband acted like a boy and on impulse.why storm to the house to give your wife a piece of your mind when obviously,she had no idea that PHCN has restored power?

I can just picture him telling her how useless and careless she is towards their finance,your mama no teach you how to manage money . . .blah blah,making noise . . .Mama rightly shut him up with a slap. grin

Well,he acted on impulse,SIL reacted on impulse too.1 bad turn deserves another. LOL

I still maintain that the OP has to apologize to the wife [/b]for his childish and unnecessary outburst and the [b]MIL has to leave . . .that is If she has not left already.

ROTFLMAO grin grin
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by dayokanu(m): 1:52pm On Apr 20, 2011
jennykadry:

What am I saying? If someone insults my generation (born and unborn) in my very before, there is a 99.9% probability of me breaking your head and leaving your house Thats the truth.

Let me ask if a wife or mother in Law insult the husbands generation is he allowed to slap them also?

ziddy:

@ Poster

Obviously your cup overflowed, for your MIL to actually slap you in your own house. You must have been throwing your weight around for so long the woman lost all respect for you. She done 'see you finish'

If you throw her out, you will be starting a war you can never win, and you may end up losing your marriage. Just apologize to the MIL, ensure you treat your wife better in future and maintain a dignified distance from the both of them. She will eventually get the message and leave your house.



Apologize to someone for slapping you in your own house? I hope something like this happens to you and lets see how you apologize.
Ujujoan:

Are you equating the physical strength of a man to that of a woman?

The slap from the MIL couldn't have been harmful to a full grown man like him but I bet a slap from a man will have the exact opposite effect.

The point here is that the man should have respected the MIL by using a gentler tone while scolding his wife. Like the MIL said, he was also indirectly screaming at her (the MIL) because she was there too!

Okay maybe she shouldn't have slapped him, but he would have thought of the consequences of his actions . . . before doing them!

Would it be ok if the man slapped the woman with the same intensity? WOuld it be ok for a man to use a "mild" slap on the woman also?


Isnt it ridiculous and hypocritical to excuse a woman slapping a man under certain circumstance but criminal for a man to do the same under ANY circumstance? I thought they were both human beings with equal right
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 2:06pm On Apr 20, 2011
dayokanu:

Let me ask if a wife or mother in Law insult the husbands generation is he allowed to slap them also?


I hold him hand? first off if his own mum insulted his immediate generation will he slap her? My mum will personally whoop her sons in the backside if they speak rudely to their wives. She is a mother and if she feels correcting an old agbaya is the in thing, who I'm I to say mba? undecided

dayokanu:

Isnt it ridiculous and hypocritical to excuse a woman slapping a man under certain circumstance but criminal for a man to do the same under ANY circumstance?  I thought they were both human beings with equal right


Tell that to the feminists now will you?
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 4:04pm On Apr 20, 2011
dayokanu:

Would it be ok if the man slapped the woman with the same intensity? WOuld it be ok for a man to use a "mild" slap on the woman also?

Isnt it ridiculous and hypocritical to excuse a woman slapping a man under certain circumstance but criminal for a man to do the same under ANY circumstance? I thought they were both human beings with equal right

Like I said . . . if the tables were turned, I'd still maintain my stand.

Remember the act of disrespect that led to the slap in the first place.

But, like I said, a man has no biz slapping a woman cos his 'mild' might end up being disastrous!
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by NAJALYN: 4:34pm On Apr 20, 2011
@poster, you are the head in your home, undisputable. However your wife is your partner, not your housemaid. Those words you used "stormed the house," "gave her a piece of my mind," "I was furious," clearly shows you were very angry, and in anger, you can cause a lot of harm. You approached your wife and was very angry, and must have really shouted at her, and all that show in the presence of your MIL. You are probably used to shouting on your wife, and she not reacting angrily, because you did not mention that she reacted. If you had addressed her gently, your MIL would not react the way she did. Or better still if you had called her to the room it would have been better. That is not to say I support a man shouting at his wife. It is very wrong and this is one of the reasons why couples quarrel. By shouting on your wife, right before your MIL cant you see that you indirectly shouted at your MIL, because she was watching a movie with your wife, when you stormed in? I do not approve your MILslapping you. Realise that we all are not the same; some people are cool and some hot. Your MIL is in the later category. Also realise that your MIL should be treated like your own mother. If your mother slapped you in your house, would you slap her, lets be frank? You can call your wife and your mother and apologise to them for talking rudely. It will not make you a lesser man. But if you go trying to prove "after all I am the head, mama move out" you may regret your actions and lose your wife and child. If you lose your wife and child, remarry and you have a MIL who is even hotter than the previous one, what happens? I bet you will decide not to get married again, and where does that lead you?

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Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by dayokanu(m): 4:40pm On Apr 20, 2011
^^ Let me ask,

If the wife or MIL had spoken rudely to him and he slapped them Would you have advised the wife or MIL to go and apologize to him cos they spoke rudely?

If a wife speaks harshly and rudely to her husband in the presence of her inlaws, I guess her Father-in law is also allowed to slap her.
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 4:54pm On Apr 20, 2011
///
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 4:58pm On Apr 20, 2011
^^Then he slaps her back, kini big deal? undecided
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 5:06pm On Apr 20, 2011
dayokanu:

^^ Let me ask,

If the wife or MIL had spoken rudely to him and he slapped them Would you have advised the wife or MIL to go and apologize to him cos they spoke rudely?

If a wife speaks harshly and rudely to her husband in the presence of her inlaws, I guess her Father-in law is also allowed to slap her.

Seriously Dayo, you are not allowed to hit a woman . . . let it go! tongue cheesy
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by dayokanu(m): 5:11pm On Apr 20, 2011
Ujujoan:

Seriously Dayo, you are not allowed to hit a woman . . . let it go! tongue cheesy

But a woman is allowed to hit a man?

I thought it was any human is not allowed to hit another human unless you are saying one huuman is lesser than the other
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Nobody: 5:17pm On Apr 20, 2011
dayokanu:

But a woman is allowed to hit a man?

I thought it was any human is not allowed to hit another human unless you are saying one huuman is lesser than the other

Lol grin grin grin

C'mon honey . . . let it go! cheesy cheesy
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Ndipe(m): 2:45am On Apr 21, 2011
Why is this topic springing up again on Nairaland?

Read this one:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=639608.msg8059773#msg8059773
Re: Husband Abused By Mum-in-law Right In His House by Bawss1(m): 11:28am On Apr 21, 2011
^Slapping of family members is a favorite on NL smiley

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